cleverjewishpun

@MDG – The “normal lunch” theory might be correct but at the same time, I know how my body and mind function in this respect

(I had been married for 18 months along with some indiscretions during the courting phase)

@MDD – you are right that some things might “technically” be allowed, but it would still seen as “not normal” to even ask. I dont need to put myself into a situation with someone who wouldnt be comftorable with the physical aspect of a relationship

@EzratHashem your assumption is incorrect.

Thank you for everyones response

I’ve read and re-read all of the posts and yes I do realize that I am letting other people define my relationship with Hashem. It’s something that might take a while but I will try and start building my own connections that might help me block out all of the “bad behaviour” I see our brethern taking part in.

I know that there is never a case that is a lost cause but there is something I am wondering. During my journey I’ve committed some sins and have developed a taste for them. It seems like certain preferences have been hardwired into my brain and I dont see myself having a good relationship with whatever woman I end up with due to them. I’m not talking about anything like ‘toeiva’ just behavior that no “aidel maidel” would ever consider engaging in or admitting to liking. I’m wondering if there is a shadchan or someone that deals with cases like mine.

If I knew there was hope I could somehow return to a “mainstream religious” community, it would help strengthen my resolve to return