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okthen
you shouldn’t do much without guidance.
but in my humble opinion, if you keep saying that’s wrong, they will never talk to you again and you’ll lose any chance of helping them.
either say ah hum, i see etc. or tell them please don’t tell me about all the avouris you do, lets talk about something else.
on a side note they’re telling it to you for a reaction, if you ignore it they will usually stop talking about it, and if you’re very close like father and son or brothers, and there is no reaction they will stop doing it all together.
health and oomis1105 you need a cigarette lol
first I never said rabbonim can’t or won’t try to stop something legal, i said it would never work, like concerts and Internet, did it work? NO I’m on the internet and I’ve been to many concerts since the whole debacle.
as far as stopping it in yeshivas if you read my previous posts i agree 100% my initial comment on smoking was, as long as it’s legal, and not done in a building that I’m in etc… we shouldn’t be knocking what other ppl do.
it’s not that unhealthy for me to walk the streets even though someone was smoking there yesterday.
like i said the smog from cars worries me much much more.
i wouldn’t go to a guy eating 5 slices for lunch and tell him how much of my taxes goes to his health care, or he looks disgusting, it’s his problem, same with smoking as long as they don’t blow smoke in my face, i feel bad that they have that addiction.
if you really think about it, you’ll see we’re on the same page.
i do use it, but for what i do on line i can’t tell the difference between dsl and fios.
i know my fios has never been down but my cablevision has benn down every few months
still very slow and all other web pages are super fast, so it’s not the computer or Internet speed
supposedly fios is the fastest and best you can get now
while plaid is technology right, i don’t think explaining how it works will help her at this point in her life.
she most probably is hurting and blames g-d (she believes in him or she wouldn’t worry about gehenom)
just be there for her and explain that what ever bad happened doesn’t mean g-d doesn’t love her, and all is for the best etc…
of course this should be in addition to asking a professional for advice not just here (as good as the advice is)
Just be there for them, you don’t need to and shouldn’t talk too much about yidishkeit, it’s not what they need now.
if they know you’re really there for them and care for them, they will come back, slowly but surely.
good luck
There is nothing wrong with positive reinforcement.
they could use stickers, but they can use nosh as well.
i don’t think all this junk food is good either, but i do think shabbos party nosh is a good thing.
everything in moderation.
you will never be able to stop something that’s legal. especially as I’ve stated before there are many things worse than smoking!
because eating your steak doesn’t smell or make your teeth yellow doesn’t make it healthier, do you want the community to put pressure on ppl eating steaks?
the alcohol consumption in shuls (for some) is extremely dangerous and stupid, should we ban alcohol in shul??
not helping your wife at home in the long run is dangerous, stupid, and will have huge consequences, should we make a takkana about it? (woman can’t answer that one lol)
enough with the takkanas and pressure for things that are not a lav (and smoking is not a lav, say what you want rav moshe says clearly it’s not) and don’t really affect other ppl!!!
(hmmmm i wonder, with all these posts and editing done by the moderators, how do they go through the day without smoking and drinking????)
the bottom line, camp like everything else is supply and demand.
as long as ppl will work for a few dollars, and there is a long list of ppl waiting for that job, the wages will never go up.
if someone doesn’t like it, get a real job for the summer.
i remember when i was 16 or 17 i took a 2 month job organizing a companies warehouse, i was paid normal wage (i think it was 500 a week) for the 8 weeks, walked out with 4,000.00 but i worked hard, it was 9-5 and it didn’t include swimming with my bunk, etc..
Health
Yes i can see that being a problem, maybe if you have a son in HS or bais medrash and you know of a child that smokes, speak to the rosh yeshiva and make a big deal about it. once the other kids hear the rosh yeshiva didn’t just look away they’ll know it’s not acceptable
estherh
My heart goes out to you, i can tell you one thing i heard that left a strong impression on me, a rosh yeshiva was speaking about ppl that have kids with severe irreversible medical conditions, and he said when someone has a child like that it’s like g-d gave him a slap on the back and said i have faith in you, you can pass this test. in other words it’s the greatest compliment from the greatest person (or thing) around.
i think we can apply it to you as well, hashem as faith in your believe and knows you have the strength to get through this!
health that is the million dollar question! if parents wouldn’t send to the yeshivas that aren’t strict about it, this whole issue would go away.
oomis1105
i would like to hear your thoughts on cars, and please don’t say we need them! if it’s polluting the air and dangerous which it definitely is, why not make a fuss about that?
oomis1105
you didn’t address cars, shouldn’t they be illegal? they produce tremendous amounts of pollution?
425-6071
oomis1105 as much as i respect you, i would have to strongly disagree.
The fact that smoking is legal, gives everyone that right!
If smoking was legal in a restaurant, and you were there, you would have the right to leave, or ask him/her to put it out. but everyone has a right to smoke. that’s the law like it or not.
Yes it’s a dirty habit and expensive etc… but these problems are not ours, it’s the smokers alone.
As far as second hand smoke, being the only place you’re allowed to smoke is out doors it doesn’t pollute the air nearly as much as vehicles, manufacturing facilities or many other things do.
i personally think tattoos are a waste of money and disgusting i would never say anything to a person that had one. i think chewing gum is a disgusting habit i wouldn’t make a face or comment to them. the list goes on and on.
ronrsr well said
people don’t realize, it is an addiction and instead of looking down at ppl that smoke, or coughing when they walk by etc..
feel bad for them and keep your thoughts to your self.
when i talk to someone with bad breath do i say something? NO I don’t!
smoking is no different.
moshes wife, when she realized g-d was upset her kids didn’t have milah she did it right away
mod-80 i don’t know what the guy wrote, but this question is begging for lipa bashing, take the whole thing down. thanks
ps if we don’t speak again have a good yom tov!!
Mrs. Doubtfire
so you’re saying you were rofl? lol 🙂
you’re welcome!
thanks for the kind words, it’s nice to know what ppl think of the things we write.
In my humble opinion, mirroring will only work with difference of opinion or fights, not when someone is going through a rough time. I mean just picture the conversation
Person#1 My father is very sick, and is in the hospital
Person#2 so if i understand your father is sick and in the hospital
Person#1 yes why are you so cold about it?
Person#2 so you’re asking why I’m cold about it
Person#1 are you normal?
Person#2 you’re asking if I’m normal
Person#1 PUNCH
Person#2 PUNCH (he has to punch back, his mirroring)
I think you get the point
not giving a guy money to buy food for his kids, because the father smokes is rishus too.
he also writes if a guy owns an apartment he gets less then a renter, the halacha says clearly the opposite, we have to give so they can maintain their lifestyles.
also the idea someone else should give it for us. is middos sodom.
although I’m sure the writer did mean well.
They tried this it didn’t work, if i recall correctly it was in the times of Sodom, and Lot. They even had a system to make sure guest were comfortable at night if the feet were too long, they cut them to size, and if too short, they were just stretched a little. Now that i think of it that’s where takanos came from, they were all equal then lol
to: shtusim
none of what you wrote makes sense.
you wrote “Pesach is about memories and family” no it’s about discussing our redemption from Egypt, not about nice memories, that’s what a Sunday afternoon is for
you wrote “Unless circumstances dictate that you must go, it is really a crime.” why is it a crime? because some ppl enjoy the hotel experience? some woman can’t handle all the cooking and cleaning?
you wrote “Going into Golus to celebrate cheirus really doesn’t make sense.” how is going to a hotel; and being served going into golus?? and staying home and starting to clean the table at 2:00am until 3 or 3:30am is cheirus by you?
Like almost everything in life, don’t knock it till you tried it! i haven’t tried it, but i feel it’s one of those things there is no right or wrong, what’s good for one might not be good for another, and we shouldn’t knock ppl that do go to hotels.
on a side note (i know no one was doing it here) i once saw in a sefer that a lot of times the avaroh of losh hara is worse then the avera done by the guy we’re knocking, something to think about.
Tums, i don’t get it, please explain.
The solution to our divorce rate is simple, realistic choson/kalla classes. after one year we should be going back for more advice now that we understand what they’re talking about. we all get engaged expecting one thing and getting something else!!
Talk to your parents about how the date is going at the end of the day they really do know you best, and no one wants the best for you like parents!!!!
if you’re a gal look at his father, chances are very good that your date will look like that when he’s older, same goes if you’re a guy look at your dad, for all the confused ppl of course you’re looking at her mother.
any sign of a temper on a date even “for good reason” run you have to realize he’s on his best behavior if he can’t hold back for that hour or 2, marriage will be no picnic.
realize this IS your basheret so once your married you see him losing his temper or anything like that don’t say oh i was warned about this, no at that point enjoy your new husband.
last but not least there is a famous and wonderful story of a girl that calls her father a few weeks after marriage and says dad i think i made a mistake, I’m coming home, the father says you are home and hangs up the phone!!!!!! luv it
There is a custom to fast upon having a bad dream, this would be one of those cases, tooth or teeth falling out is not a good dream.
You don’t have to discuss laws that might pass, what about forcing us to wear seatbelts? and if you think they shouldn’t have the right to force us into wearing one, do they have the right to force us to have the kids wear one?
you could debate pot, cell phones while driving, spanking, etc….
on a side note out of all the laws i still don’t understand why they never passed one tha twould stop gas stations from selling beer, what a bad concept!!
The million dollar question, is he learning, looking for work, working but doesn’t make enough, or to lazy to do either??
If he’s learning then mod 880 is right as long as she’s happy it’s no ones business.
If he’s looking for work the only help you can provide is money or find him a job.
If he’s working but doesn’t make enough than again all you can do is find him a better job or send money.
if he’s not learning or working or looking to work, they have many problems besides money!
Bottom line chances are you should but out, unless he’s a bum or abusing her.
You can cause major shalom bais issues if you say the wrong thing, while only trying to help!! Think before you do anything and even then ask a rav before anything is said or done!!
if it’s a lashon haroh question there is a special number for that, but i didn’t have a great experience when i used them. try your local rav they know u best
apply to a few as the one YOU want might not want YOU.
the halacha is clear, even someone collecting has to give masser. (you can give it to shimon and shimon gives you his masser from what he collected)
this is a question for your local orthodox rabbi.
good luck
do you work? have a family you take care of? if so you’re a winner in my eyes 🙂
thanks YW Moderator-80 for putting this under a new topic
ps i included the organizations name so they should know about it, although I understand why you took it out. if you have contact with them it would be beneficial to show them the post.
how do u copy from you tupe i’ve tried with other things not concerts, couldn’t figure out how to do it
i have fond memories of the ohel concert, singing was mbd and avraham fried (shwekey wasn’t around those days)
i would like to see shwekey and fried, shwekeys brother would be interesting as he’s new
the winner would be somone we don’t know.
in my eyes the jew of the decade is the simple yid who davens 3 times a day without talking in shul, makes an honest living, has no need to out do his neighbor, gives his 10% without awards, is home for his family at night and with all that manages to learn an hour or 2.
I know someone that this happened to and they got married!!
but before you dump the first shaddchan remember they would have to get paid either way if it works out.
To answer the first question, you can’t convince your wife of anything, (you should know that if you’re married 🙂
you can tell her why you want it and if she agrees fine, if not give it up.
If she lets you get one, you need an electric safe, so you have easy access, no lock on trigger, that would defeat the purpose, the gun should be loaded but no round in the chamber, and you must practice every so often!!
if you live in NYC you will go to jail if you don’t follow the rules 100%.
Don’t even think of getting one unless you’re ready to shoot and kill someone, otherwise the bad guy will use it on you, don’t give the wife the combo unless she takes some lessons.
This advice comes from experience I own a few of them (started after 9-11)
ps those that talk of bitachon, you’re all nuts in Germany the ones that died were armed with bitachon, but that doesn’t mean everyone should run and get a gun.