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Strivingfortruth
do what your father did for you.
ASF
if you didn’t like my previous advice.
i would recommend you speak to a rav before you do anything, maybe you’re not as right as you think.
da
did someone say glasses are not tzedaka?
WolfishMusings
first i agree with Trying my best and believe have stated before in different words, if they can discuss and come to an agreement, of course that’s the way to go, no one said a guy should tell his wife, tonight you’re making me a steak, end of story!!
my point as others have made if there is no agreement, or compromise possible, one has to be able to pull rank, this isn’t something anyone can argue with otherwise a lot of disagreements would never be finalized.
the only argument you can make is let the woman pull rank.
then we go to the holy sefarim and see if that’s the correct approach
as far as your other question if i would make my wife move?
i think the true story i mentioned, answers what halacha says is the right thing to do. who cares what i think? i like to stick with halacha.
yitayningwut
that’s what i said they forced her to take the get
WolfishMusings
“Let me get this straight. If you live in Brooklyn and you want to move to Eretz Yisroel (or Lakewood, or Seattle, or even Vanuatu) and your wife absolutely refuses, are you going to move without her?”
i couldn’t have asked a better question! this was a real question a few years back, someone lived in israel and wanted to move to lakewood, his wife said no way, i don’t want to leave eretz yisroel.
he went to a rav, they said divorce her, she said, i won’t accept it, they got 100 rabbanim to force it on her.
what do you think now? let me guess, this is a made up story….
actually the husband was one of the gedolim.
EDITED
Trying my best
the rabbanim and seforim have a solution, all house decisions (what color the wall should be) is up to the wife.
all decisions outside the house (which car to get) and religious decisions, which school to send the kids too belongs to the husband.
WolfishMusings
you’re watching too many movies, in real life there are times either side will stick to their opinion, if my wife and i disagree on which school to send to, and none of us move from our position, do you keep discussing it? at some point someone has to pull rank and make a call.
oomis1105
i think you’re more hurt at not being invited to the whole wedding, than the 2 times.
you can always go to kabllas ponim OR dancing.
either way give your “friend”, that did remember you, the benefit of the doubt, maybe she can’t afford to invite you to the meal (that’s when ppl have to pay)
WolfishMusings
you’re good at twisting words, why the need to always win?
i said in my post (which you didn’t copy) that you’ll find some that work, but their the exception to the rule.
every rav and business person i spoke to always said never do 50%-50% and yes most end up in court or fighting.
it’s not normal, or human nature to have 2 ppl agree all the time, or one always saying OK we’ll do it your way this time. there has to be one boss!
find a furniture repair guy, have him fix it.
go back to the store tell him you spent xyz to fix it and you would like the money from him, if he pays you’re a real winner, if not let it go you have your furniture and it’s all fixed up!
oomis1105
don’t you pay only if a main course was served? unless there is a minimum and the baal simcha invited exactly that amount.
on a side note, i understand ppl want to cut back and save the money, my issue is getting dressed up, if i could go in work clothing (colored shirt, dress pants, hat, jacket, no tie) i would go more often and wish a mazel tov, but for me to go home, change and go back out, lack of interest.
“There are plenty of businesses run with two equal partners to prove you wrong.”
yes wolf, go to court and you can see how they all turned out.
even partnerships are usually 51%-49%. why not 50-50? for the same reason.
and don’t say i know a company that’s 50-50 partners and it works, there is always the exception!
let’s forget the torah for one second (i heard those gasps)
no industry, organization, house, corporation, politics, etc..
can run with 2 bosses. that’s why there is always a president and vice president.
i won’t get into male is better than female, even if you feel the female should be the boss, that’s OK! but it can’t and won’t work when 2 ppl think they’re equal.
hence the high divorce rate.
oomis1105
voice of the marriage doesn’t mean being equal!
a boss listens to his employees, they’re never equal
AvodasChesedOutofTwn
what your missing is….
1) support teaching music to children, or help them purchase instruments to pursue learning music, or provide music therapy.
it’s a nice thing but not tzedakka, food is tzeddaka
estherh
“When reading your post I thought of Haman. He wanted Vashti killed because otherwise wives will learn from her to disobey their husbands. “
what’s wrong with that?
I never did
I think the baal tefillah is embarrassed that ppl will say he’s slow, and can’t read hebrew properly, so he skips a small or large part of daveing.
i hear them say shmonei esrai, and know there is no way they said the rest so fast.
Snowback
what’s your point?
that you’re saying gut shabbos to strange woman in bp?
do you work in a grocery store?
Trying my best
“b) Do NOT shop there anymore until that person is fired.”
if a rav did say that, he meant don’t go back, unless the person happens to leave or get fired, i’m sure he didn’t advocate having him fired.
and to top it all off, we have the torah 🙂
yes we’re very lucky!!
I would a) be dan lchaf zechus
b) go with #3 in a very nice way, based on the tone of the letter, i hope you can be “nice” to him.
what does it say?
chofetzchaim
if you could be so kind, where did you find rav hoffmans rebuttal?
mixing up the hebrew and secular studies, would never work, for many reasons, that’s not the solution.
the solution is 1) cut cost (which i have to believe they do try)
2) get rid of these expensive buildings, unless you have more money than you need and someone comes to pay for the whole thing.
3) if you support your son/son-n-law in kollel pay his tuition, if not you can’t afford to support him, let him go work
rescue37
it’s a reflection of their mother.
the teacher can say whatever they want, if the mom buys them the clothes, that’s what they’ll wear.
the biggest problem with tzinus is just that, it’s one thing to speak loshon hara, but tell the kids to stop, A the kids are taught right from wrong, B the parent doesn’t become immune to it.
when it comes to tzinus, and the mother buys the kids what they want, it teaches them the wrong lesson (tzinus is a minhag) and worse off the mom becomes immune to that mitzvah/chiuv.
just look at what woman are writing, it’s a minhag,
i saw a picture from 1000 years ago and the knee was showing,
we all have our faults, (imagine if i was mehalel shabbos and when my wife screamed at me i said we all have our faults,
maybe just maybe if we respected our rabbanim more, they wouldn’t allow these woman into shul, they would be more careful, but if a rav tried that we would hang him.
Do woman realize that they don’t even look good with short skirts? it’s like a cry of, i’m insecure please look at me!
i for one think woman that wear tzinusdik clothing, no 18 inch heals, no clown makeup, look secure, attractive, and making some father/husband really proud.
so if you want to look “GOOD” dress the right way, there is nothing more attractive.
the rebbeim get paid enough, is it enough to live on? maybe not but the workers at b&h don’t make enough to live on either!
the fact is rebbeim, work till 2:00pm, have off for yom tov, summers. they get tuition breaks from ALL schools, presents before yom tov from parents,they usually have a part time job from 2 or 3pm. and they also have summer jobs, all in all they make more than 100k a year!! (still not a lot with the cost of everything, but a lot more they would make anywhere else)
as far as working longer hours to speak to parents, wake me up when they return a phone call, the only thing they did at night was bar mitzvas, but with takanas, that’s over.
the real issue with tuition is simple, many parents are in kollel (if their parents support them, maybe support should include tuition? not just a house and car, and leave the tuition for the rest of us)
many others are rebbeim, unemployed, making low wages or cash, we end up picking up the tab for all the above mentioned ppl, that’s what’s killing the system!
question if a person can’t afford tuition, do they have a right to have more kids? we might be mechuev to support someone that falls on hard times, but if you know you’re broke, do we have to support the new editions? when does it stop?
mdd
rav moshe z”tl disagrees
he says once they accept something upon themselves, they have to keep it.
but once they decide to do teshuva and become frum, they don’t have to do everything at one time.
a ger on the other hand it’s all or nothing
notrichenough
this should answer your question as well.
ps where were you when we discussed masser?
anonymrs
the statement i quoted is in regard to every thing the torah tells us not to do.
tzinus is one of them it’s not a minhag, and yes the yeter horah will do everything to fight woman with it, because it’s really the only mitzvah you have that’s 24/7
it’s worded
“if a person knows something is an avera, and habitually does it anyway, s/he is a rasha”
ps unless they’re a baal teshuva
anonymrs
“so what you are saying is that the “holy books” say that one who is struggling with something and has not yet gotten to the level of keeping it properly, is a rasha. im sorry, but i just dont buy that. ive never heard such a concept.
would you mind please listing some of the “holy books” which state such a thing, and how it is stated. “
It’s stated exactly as i put it, unless the person is baal teshuva, but if you grow up frum, this is the religion, we have to take the whole thing as is.
trust me there are a few things i can do without, can i throw those mitzvas away?
dear oomis1105
the holy books are clear, any time we “slip” we can do teshuva, and the great and compassionate one will forgive us, but if there is any halacha that we (man or woman) completely ignore, while knowing it’s wrong. that person has the title of a rasha.
Again if you have an urge for a cheeseburger, and control it on most days, but slip here and there, you can do teshuva.
That’s better than taking something from the torah and just throwing it out the window.
everything became a cholont here.
#1 which rav says that the skirt doesn’t have to cover the knees??
#2 there is a difference between a person that’s not frum period, IE doesn’t cover her hair or a balas teshuva that doesn’t cover her knees, versus a completely “ultra frum” person who doesn’t cover here knees, so to say it’s a challenge for us woman or other excuses doesn’t cut it. we expect more as we should, from the “ultra frum” and “bais yaakov” girls.
#3 if you look away at the length of the skirt, in short order they will be mini skirts, and from there everything else goes out the window. it’s one of the few mitzvas a woman has, and the yeter harah will attack 24/7, but that’s your fight.
#4 to all the woman that say this is their problem and it doesn’t hurt anyone, besides that it does hurt others. would you like your husband doing things he shouldn’t in the office, and say it’s my problem? your hurting your kids, your husband, and all guys that see you!!!
lakewoodwife
try paying your tuition late, and you’ll see how fast they react!
a woman’s tzinus or lack of it, affect everyone including men.
how do i explain to my wife/daughter, that she has to dress tzinusdik, when everyone else is walking around the way they do?
So it does affect us, and after 120 that’s part of what a person will have to answer for.
that’s not an excuse, it’s justifying a breach in halacha.
i struggle with murdering ppl, i can overcome the urge 90% of the time, would that make it ok?
a woman’s test is tzinus, and although it might be a hard test, it’s just as important as shabbos and everything else out there.
on a side note, many woman simply look better when the skirt goes past the knees, nothing to do with halacha, i wonder if they realized that.
the woman that struggle with weight look ok with a long skirt, but when you wear short and you sit down, the overweight issues are there for all to see.
think about it!
reminds me of the polisha goyta, the employer realized on her last day that lots of jewelry, silver, and valuables were missing.
she called the police at the airport and they detained the fleeing employee, opened her suitcase to the surprise of no one all the missing valuables were there, including a gemarah.
the heimish vabal asked, “the valuables i understand, but why take a gemarah”???
the polisha answered “my husband back home has a hard time falling asleep, i see when your husband opens this magic book, he falls asleep right away”!! lol
he would not be atsa (however it’s spelled)
6×6 isn’t a number, hence no problem in saying it.
as a matter of fact if someone asked you what’s tonight’s number and you just say 36, many poskum say you can still say the bracha as all you said was a number.
imagine someone owes you 36.00 and he asks you how much do i owe you. you’ll respond with 36, ooops i can’t count sefira tonight.
so in order to do it right you have to say “tonight” is number 36
YW Moderator-42
i have no doubt that some are not doing the mitzvah properly, and therefore the bracha doesn’t apply to them.
if it was simply a segula from some rebba, even from moshe rabbanu himself, we can say maybe you have to daven for money while you do it, or it won’t work for all etc,..
but when the all mighty himself (yes, g-d is not a female lol)PROMISES, and even flaunts it by saying TEST me, then it should work 100% of the time not even 99%.
it becomes like a real partnership one gives 10% and the other comes through with wealth, there shouldn’t be excuses by so many of us.
also if 80% of klal yisroel were wealthy, i would agree there must be a good reason for the other 20% but in reality less than 20% of us don’t think and worry about bills, i don’t think we can say it’s a guaranteed thing, and it didn’t work for 99% because of some other factor, that’s not what test me is all about.
Can this site run any slower??
HaLeiVi
You mention Moshe, he did receive an answer, but his question and answer has nothing to do with masser.
Rabbi Akiva, same thing, no shachas.
Gemarah in shabbos, yes they asked what zechus did they have, the answer was masser, which shows giving masser makes you rich. And giving masser is the zechus you need to get the wealth/bracha