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I understand your concern, Avram, and I know that the Torah is inspired. Most people say “Christian writings”, “Buddhist writings” and so on to refer to the foundational writings of a religion.
Yes, it is both men and women. The outlook I described applies to both genders, and sometimes it is men who pressure women to have an abortion or not to have more children. Another point I’d like to add is that there are many women who would prefer not to work, and to stay home with their kids, but because of financial pressures don’t feel like that is an option. (My cousin who wrote the article for Ms. magazine is one of them. They recently renovated and expanded their house and her income is needed to fund that. However she was able to get a new job where she can work from home and not travel overseas.) Part of that is the changed economic situation, where it is hard now to make a living from one income, but also expectations are higher in general and people feel deprived if they can’t have a roomy house or take nice and regular vacations. Not to mention all the gadgets one has to buy to keep up with the modern lifestyle.
I’ve gotten the impression that in Orthodox communities, people are more willing to sacrifice travel, living space, and so on to raise a large family. Is that right?
ujm, I’ve only met one Orthodox Jewish woman, but I’m familiar with the early Jewish writings (the Torah?). I studied anthropology in college and learned some basics about Orthodox Judaism in one of my religion classes. I’ve also spent a fair amount of time in South Asia and the Middle East, traditional cultures that share a lot of values with Orthodox Judaism. I told someone once that if I were Jewish I would most likely be Orthodox, because I wouldn’t belong to a religion if I didn’t believe in the teachings and want to follow them. (And, I also watched Shtisel!)
The thing is that fewer children and working outside the home coincide, but I would not necessarily say that one is to blame for the other. It might seem that way; but if you consider that women can just as easily stay at home and still decide to have no children, it becomes clearer that the root of the change is more about self-determination and individualism. In my opinion people don’t want to be “open to life”, as we say in Catholic circles, because they want to control their lifestyle, how their money is spent, and their time. Many women do have children and still work outside of the home, partly because costs have risen so much. I don’t have an issue with women getting higher education and working, but I think family and community need to be prioritized more. Women should be able to care for children or parents and not feel like they are “wasting their talents”.
This came up in a conversation I had about abortion. I said that abortion was selfish, taking the life of another person because it’s not convenient for us that they are alive. I got many enlightening responses, such as “I’m not going to sacrifice my lifestyle for a child,” or “Fetuses are parasites. They ruin women’s health. It’s not a child until it’s born.” — and that one was from a mother with two kids. You are right, Avram, many people now see their own offspring as a curse instead of a blessing. 😢
I haven’t needed to make decisions about family size because I’m single; at this point it’s not very likely that I’ll have children of my own. I would like to provide foster care in the future if possible. I live a chaste life and would never use birth control to prevent having children. Catholic teaching permits Natural Family Planning if necessary (no artificial contraception).Apologies for breaking in on the “frum” party, as I am not even Jewish. However I’m a devout Catholic in favor of large families and don’t believe in using birth control. These societal issues are fascinating to me and I think maybe an outside perspective would be useful here. Although I’m devout, I live in the mainstream and know many people who have totally different views.
I would say that women working outside the home is not the major factor, especially since a lot of families can afford to have childcare and even nannies. And, it’s not those who can’t afford it who don’t have children. Birth control is probably the top factor, followed by later marriage and a different focus.
First, birth control. Most people do indeed prefer small families or even no children at all. The idea that having a big family is doing a good deed or a mitzvah of some kind is totally foreign to most Americans. Catholic mothers with a lot of children get scoldings from strangers in the grocery store. Couples try to do the “right thing” have a maximum of two children to “replace them” without increasing the population. One of my cousins wrote an article for Ms. magazine about how the way to solve climate change is “family planning”. Quite a few couples get married planning in advance to have *no children*. Birth control is seen as a huge blessing that gives women more freedom to decide when and how many children they will have.
Then, there are the societal changes that come from different expectations for women. We are now expected to be independent and be able to make a living. It’s very difficult to make a living without higher education, so most women go to college now. It is possible to go to college, equip oneself to make a living, and then focus on family. But going to college delays marriage because it’s not well looked on to get married before or during college, and there is societal pressure to use one’s education for work, not just as a backup, so women put off children longer and longer.
Ultimately, most Americans see increasing the population or even sustaining it at the same level as a problem, and reduced fertility and birth control as the solution. I hope you find this helpful!