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It makes sense to marry someone taller than you so your kids won’t be short. But really, everyone has more genes than just those from their parents. As a result, short couples can have average sized or even tall kids.
And yeh, girls marry boys shorter than them. I have a neighbor whos tall and her husband is short and they have a whole bunch of kids and a very happy marriage
Pretty much the same thing they just have different outer appearances.
You mentioned that this is besides for alot of other issues. So allow me to say this-could it be that theres something in your life thats bothering you alot but you cant express it so you project that onto your height which is an easy target?
Im not trying to put down the fact that youre upset about your height. I just think that theres something deeper.
Theres someone whos going to marry you… I can promise you that! If someone says no because of your height then they dont deserve you. It doesnt mean though that there’s something wrong with you. Theyre just too shallow.
I agree with thechoiceismine. You don’t need to post it here if you don’t want to but I think its a good thing to carry around with you.
Its good to know what were bad at so we know what to correct but its even more important to know our talents and virtues so that were aware of what were capable of. Your life doesn’t end with your height. Really not! It might seem that way but stay strong and one day youll see how it shaped you.
Hey! Didn’t hear from you in ages… hows everything?
Im sure youre parents love you and your children as much as the others. But for whatever reason, they choose to spend more time with the other family.
Unless theres no communication between the two of you, I suggest that you try talking to them. Its possible that they arent aware of how you and your children are feeling.
If your son really feels the need to express himself, he could write them a letter. This accomplishes two things. First of all, you could proofread it and make sure its good enough that youll still get your financial support and your parents wont be so insulted. Secondly, being that it will be in writing the anger wont be so apparent and theres no danger of him losing himself as he might if it would be a face to face confrontation.
@thethinkingjew, thank you!
Yeh, im looking foward to it
@thethinkingjew, rebyidd23 is right. I know all this thanks to learning and experiences. Actually, I am going into pyschology. I find it fascinating!
@thethinkingjew, why do you think so?
Can I ask you how many years of schooling is needed to get a masters in psychology? How about to get a phD?
Exercise is a great stress reliever. Good luck with all the work.
Good for you!!! Im so happy to hear that!
Sorry to hear that youre feeling that way. Its so depressing when you feel like one day just blends into another and theres no purpose in your existence.
Very often when I feel that way I make a countdown to something im looking foward to or I create something to look foward to.
Its important to fake it till you make it. Sometimes by acting happier then you really feel, you actually begin to feel better. Another thing I recommend is exercise. A morning run or lifting weights… anything! Especially now when the air is heaven! It automatically boosts your energy.
Getting to bed on time is essential!!!!!!
I have a few suggestions of things to do when you get bullied. Please try them even if you’re afraid to. Remember that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Meaning, if it doesn’t work out the first time, look at it as a learning experience and then try again!
1) ever heard of the expression “kill them with kindness?” I know they hurt you when they bully you but make believe they can’t get to you. Go further than that. Give them a compliment or do something nice for them and after that theyll back off pretty quickly!
2) if they start taunting you, just tell them that you feel bad for them that they need to pick on someone smaller than themselves in order to feel good.
3) keep a list of all your virtues with you to look back on when you need to.
I dont know where youre learning but if you aren’t enjoying it then maybe its better to switch to a yeshiva which is part time learning and part time studying towards a BA or something like that.
Good luck! Keep me posted!!!! Thinking of you. ..
Omg, I have so much to say on this topic but I don’t have time now…. maybe later. Put it this way: some parents have alot to learn before hiring babysitters (im talking about hiring teenage girls)
Im so happy that thongs have gotten better!! I hope it continues that way!
Remember that if you have a hard day, were still here for you. Dont get discouraged if that happens. Its part of the process.
Thinking of you. Have a great night…
@ shopping613, that was beautifully written. Irs obvious that whatever you went through helped you to become a person with a mature outlook. Good for you that you turned obstacles into triumphs.
@keep climbing, I seriously felt your raw pain when i read your post. Youre very upset. I agree with you about what you said about doing jewish things when youre depressed. You feel like you were cheated in life by hashem because you seem to struggle more than anyone else.
However, im sure that there are some mitzvos that you feel more of a connection to. Try excelling in those and thatll hopefully extend to you being able to do other mitzvos that you find harder.
Being a guy and crying arent mutually exclusive. Good for you that you cry. Thats the healthiest way to release all your anger and sadness. Dont feel sorry that you cry.
Nobody is given a life that they cant handle. Im not just preaching. Im telling you that based on my own experience. At the time it seems impossible but once its over, hashem makes it up to you.
I once saw a quote that says: whats impossible? Its really saying im possible.” Youre not a failure or anything of that sort. Youre getting stronger with each challenge that you face.
I cant answer why your life is the way it is. I wish I had the power to make it better. I actually have some amazing rabbis in seminary this year and I plan on asking them some of your questions. Ill write their answers as soon as I get them.
In the meantime, try to focus on your good qualities. Take one day at a time and make the most of each day.
I still say that you should tell your parents. Writing a letter might be a good idea because sometimes we can express ourselves in writing in a way that we can’t when we speak.
Wishing you luck. Im thinking of you all the time. Please keep me posted
Firstly, I want to commend you on you post. I think its the longest youve ever written and you really captured exactly how bad you feel.
Its probably horrible to sit in school surrounded by people who you think are so much better than you when all you want to do is lock yourslef in a room.
From what I know of whats going on, it doesnt really sound like youre bipolar so dont worry about that. I want to add something. These days everyone has a lable. ADD, ADHD, bipolar, you name it. Im not trying to minimize what anyones going through but I honestly think that if people wouldn’t identity themselves by these harmful titles, everything would be easier. The minute you call yourself by one of these names, you automatically feel inferior.
I understand that you dont want to tell your parents whats going on because they think youre happy. But the truth is that they want you to be happy so they want to know when you’re having a hard time.
Imagine you would tell them whatever you wrote here. True it would be difficult while youre saying it but wouldnt you feel so much lighter once its over?
Please keep me posted because I think about you all the time.
How are you?
Wow, beautiful message. Im so happy I could be there for you.
It must be very hard to keep everything in because then you feel so alone. When you confide in somebody you automatically feel better. If its the right person youre talking to, they make you feel validated, it gives you a chance to blow off some steam, and maybe they can help you with tangible problems.
A good idea is to get a number of a rav who you can text anonymously. I know such a thing exists though unfortunately I dont know of any numbers.
Im sure youll agree with me that carrying everything around and not confiding in anyone makes life so much harder.
Im not qualified to answer your question but ill attempt it. Very often we pay attention to the details of our actual trip on this world instead of paying attention to the destination. We get caught up in so many problems that weigh us down until we feel like well never get out of it.
The point in all those problems is not to live in the moment, but to learn how to grow from them. Life is full, full of obstacles but when were over them, everyone’s waiting on the other side cheering us on.
We need to struggle so that we can end up in the best place possible. As the saying goes “keep your eye on the prize.” Look at where you want to end up and do everything in your power to get there.
Remember that the fact that youre in existence is proof of the fact that theres a mission that only you can fulfill.
Dont ever give up!! Youre much stronger than you can ever imagine! Please keep me posted. Thinking of you all the time…
@letakein girl, youre 100% right. I couldnt agree with you more.
@keep climbing, so basically whats going on is that youre trying all the time to act the way others want you to be that you dont have time to look and learn about yourself and appreciate yourself for who YOU are. No doubt thats exhausting!
Its not a sign of bravery when somebody makes believe that they dont have any problems because everybody does. Life is hard and even though thats diffucult to accept, it makes you into the person youre supposed to become. Life throws you obstacles and you work and struggle to overcome them. And then you become so much better and stronger. Thats called bravery.
Youre not the only one putting on a show; everybody does to some extent. I wish the world woulndt be that way.
And please open up to somebody that you can trust. Youll only be helping yourself. Please keep me posted. Thinking of you…
Hi! What are you feeling fake about?
As for bad moods, we all have them occasionally and sometimes more often than that. Maybe do something for yourself today that you enjoy to put you into a better mood.
Hi keep climbing. I’m in Israel and I barely have internet connection so I can’t really write on. I saw your last message 2 weeks ago and I have a lot to say but that will have to be in a week when I come home. In the meantime I wanted to say that I saw what you wrote about girls being taller on the morning that I went to Amuka. I davened for you and I’ve had you in mind by all the kvarim I visited. I plan on writing to you the day I come home but on the meantime please stay strong. Thinking of you and davening for you.
Keep climbing,
Hows it going?
Beautifully written!
C.I. boy,
Im not going to disagree with you completely. However I dont think that that kind of attitude applies so much on an anonymous place like the coffee room.
But youre obviously saying that based on experience. People definitely need to learn to be more accepting of all types. Disability doesnt always mean a lack of intelligence and personality.
Have a great shabbos!
C.I. boy,
Youre not in the least bit stupid! Look at your subtitle: clearly intelligent. I dont know if and why your topics were deleted but most topics are saved. Its just a matter of finding which category its saved under.
Please dont think that your opinions dont count.
Im sorry that you feel that way. I read what you have to say all the time. Youre a deep thinker and you always express yourself well. (In all threads)
Yes, you should definitely work on your problems no matter how many there are. Deal with one at a time. Set small goals for yourself and youll feel so happy when you accomplish them!
The situation you described is so normal. many people feel like they need to act a certain way in order to be liked. But thats such a shame because then nobody gets to know you for who you really are. And that could be why you begin to feel uncomfortable; its hard to keep up such a charade.
I dont know why you dont have friends. You seem so likeable.
As for having insecurities preventing friendships, they’re not unfounded. Theres a reason for that. Yeh friends hurt each other… betray a trust… but that shouldnt keep you back. The important thing is to be yourself, to be genuine. People appreciate that.
I have so many awesome quotes about this that could really cheer you up on a bad day. I wish I had your number or email address or something that I could send them to you. Oh well.
On the ad that I wrote about in my last post it says that its a group of mechanchim backed by roshei yeshiva who take your calls. It says that everything is confidential and they don’t ask you for any personal information. The number is (718) 298-2400. Please try it! I believe it can help.
And please keep me posted… I hope it works for you. Thinking of you… good night
Keep climbing,
Its great that youre so honest with yourself. You know exactly where youre standing and what you want.
You say that even if nothing is wrong at the moment, you arent happy. So let me ask you this: what do you think would make you happy? A certain person? A place? Try to think of something.
I understand your fear of telling people. They might not take you seriously and they might betray your trust.
If its too hard for you at the moment to speak to someone face to face there are always other options like a confidential hotline and of course the coffee room 🙂 actually, I always see a hotline advertised in the hamodia for boys. As soon as I have a chance, ill go find the ad and let you know details.
Whichever way you choose to do it, speaking to people about what’s bothering you is so healthy. It releases tension, gives you a broader perspective of the problem, and together you can find solutions.
Honestly, I totally get why you feel so unhappy. When you don’t have who to talk to, you feel terrible.When im really upset (usually at night) I want to talk to my friends but then I rationalize and say that they wont understand me, they wont know what to say… and then the frustration of having to keep everything in is often more painful than the problem itself. (But there’s someone that I email sometimes as a last resort and if not for her I would explode.)
I had a thought. Could it be that youre scared to be more extroverted because of what you think extroverts are like? If you perceive them as bullies and nasty people then of course you wouldn’t want to emulate them!
Please keep me posted cuz im thinking about you all the time and hoping youre ok
Lol! I dont think I know you but you never know…
Its normal to be nervous before camp. Everybody hopes that theyll have a good bunk, good counselors, and that theyll make a good impression and be accepted by everybody. But It sounds like there’s something more going on thats making you additionally nervous.
I dont know you and I dont know your situation. But I would tell you the following: dont be haunted by past mistakes. Forget about what you think people think of you. This year is a chance for a new start. Go with your gut and do what you feel is right. Dont try to act like a different person in order to be accepted. Act genuine and youll see that itll all turn out ok.
Loads of luck and have a great time in camp!
Youre right that its a warped system. Good for you that you caught yourself in time.
When there is such a thing going on in a school, instead of teachers forbidding one girl from associating with another, the teacher should make sure that the right people get involved to help all the girls involved.
I personally find that the way schools work these days is that the teachers are too focused on teaching their lessons as opposed to their students. Its wrong.
In addition, not everybody cares about those around them and they concentrate on the exterior instead of trying to find out what’s really causing that behavior.
I daven that these girls find their way…
Sorry, I had some trouble understanding what you said about clothing. Did you mean to say that all that counts is that you dress the part of a chassidish girl and thats all that matters?
That nobody cares what youre really all about if you dont dress that way?
Hi!
Its understandable that you dont feel like you could do well this year if youre going to feel like a third wheel.
However, YOU aren’t defined by your family background. You have your own strengths and weaknesses.
That said, the school rejecting you has nothing against you personally. So go show them what youre capable of! Prove to them that you belong there on your own merit. Keep getting those top marks.
Work for yourself. Youre the only one who will gain or lose from the amount of effort that you put in. Why not do it for yourself?
Its good to hear from you again although I feel bad about the way youre feeling.
Youre right that life seems unfair. Having 4 disorders definitely doesnt make anything better or easier.
Sometimes our expectations clash with reality. We have a vision of what we wish our lives to be like and when it doesnt turn out that way, we feel upset and disappointed.
However, once one accepts their situation, hes able to take action that will lead him to where he wants to be.
Have a great shabbos and try to stay strong!
Its on the home page of yeshiva world.
Im so, so happy for you!!
I think that this friend was extremely immature for convincing others to stay away from you. I know it wont make you get over it but such a person isnt worth your time or energy.
Its horrible that you were used. Its such a bad feeling to invest so much in a friendship and to go out of your way for others only to be abandoned when you need those friends most.
Heres a piece of advice. No matter how much they curse your personality, dont ever change yourself thinking that youll win them back or that others will like you if you alter your personality.
Try to pay attention to your virtues and all that youve accomplished. Feel confident in who you are!
Yes, im in your age range; im 18. Its interesting that you mention that you keep making the same mistakes.
After I finally got over those friends and worked through some of my trust issues, I became better friends with another group. After a while I learned to trust them. It turned out to be a big mistake because they ended up sharing certain information with other people, claiming it was for my good.
They may have been right but I was devastated. I think the reason I began trusting them was because its so hard to do everything alone. Sometimes you just want to talk things over with someone.
So know that its normal to keep making such mistakes. Life is all about trial and error.
By you saying that hashem has decreed you live a hard life, I see helpless you feel. Dont give up hope because although its hard now, you still have so much ahead of you.
I understand completely when you say that due to certain events you cant really trust.
3 of my “good” friends dropped me this year. In my case as well, I slid a little in terms of yiddishkeit. I felt like if this is how frum people act, whats there to be proud of.
I spent an entire year hating them with every fiber of my being. I hated them for what they did to me and how they made me feel. But you know something? My year was miserable because of it. I missed so many things because I wouldnt go if they were there.
But the minute I began to let go and tried to move on, I became happier. I still have other problems but this was a big one and im so happy its on its way out.
People can be impossible! But you shouldn’t let a certain person hold you back from anything. Believe in your true value and what youre capable of!!
Life has a way of working out, I promise you! You can do it! You arent alone at all! Hopefully everything will work out for you quickly. …
It sounds like youre having a really hard time and good for you that youre reaching out.
Friendships can be really complicated. Its so hard to know who is a true friend and who isnt. Unfortunately, one friend dropping another does happen and its so painful when it does. You have memories together and you may have shared personal things with each other and now it feels like you wasted your energy on nothingness.
I have a few questions on your post.
1. Why do you identify yourself as a cochlear implant boy? Forget about what others say about you for a minute. Do you or do you not believe that youre more than that? True it was a challenge you were given but that doesnt encompasse who you are! Theres so much more to you!
2. You wrote that you were bullied for an eating disorder. Can I ask which one?
3. Does not being as frum as you used to be because of the friendships come from a lack of trust?
Looking forward to hearing from you…
How are you?
Was today any better?
So many questions and so few answers, right? I wonder all the time why Hashem does certain things and ive never gotten any answers. I guess that its part of life.
You sound so upset and sad. I dont know what to say to make you feel better so im sending a virtual hug through cyberspace.
Why do you say its impossible to get to the point where you could have healthy relationships and self esteem? Is it because you tried everything to achieve it and you didnt get the results you were hoping for? If so, thats so frustrating! But you need to keep on going and to keep trying. I know it seems as if youll never get there but hopefully one day you will. I know its hard but youre strong enough to do it, I promise.
Have a great night! Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. Remember: here youre always safe. Were all here for you and cheering you on.
I dont know why things are the way they are. If only there wouldn’t be any suffering on this world. Unfortunately, there is.
Nobody goes through life without challenges. You never know what can happen in a person’s life. It may look easy now but it might not stay that way.
Why do you think you dont have a great personality? I dont know you but if I did I bet I would be able to find a minimum of five great things about you. A great personality isnt only the type where the person is always a ball of energy. Theres nothing wrong with someone whos on the quieter side. That could also be a great personality.
Dont give up!! Keep hoping and working at it. Thinking of you all the time. ..
I hope youre feeling better. Have a great shabbos!
Im so happy that you wrote in again! It sounds like youre really frusterated. On one hand you want to just move on and be in a good mood but at the sane time you feel pushed against a wall, like you cant help it.
I totally understand why youre scared to tell someone! Of course you dont want them to judge you! But realize that whatever feelings you have or whatever issues there are, doesn’t make you a loser or a bad person. Every single feeling is valid. Every. Single. One.
Youre a human being and therefore you have things that upset you. Thats normal. Whoever you would talk to has their own issues so they can’t look down on you but I do get why you think they would judge you.
Do you have anything in particular that youre looking foward to like going somewhere or doing something you really enjoy? Sometimes when you have such a thing it can give you the energy to get through the days.
As a side point, its important now when youre feeling down to eat energy rich food like whole grains and protein. Any kind of movement is great too. It doesnt have to be running an hour on the treadmill; it can be a walk or playing a sport.
Is it too painful for you to think about whatever issues youre referring to? If so, that could also be a reason why youre hesitating to tell someone.
Please keep me posted. I think about you all the time, seriously.
Being a dentist is a great profession for someone who doesnt mind doing such type of work. Its also a very well paying job. If you want to do it, go for it! Lots of luck