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Hodu Lashem –
You are so right, and not only in the way you think.
Once your phone number is out there, all sorts of stuff get sent to you from people you don’t even know. While a bochur may exercise good judgment at 2:00pm its a whole other story at 2:00 am… and that goes for us adults as well. That’s why we don’t have internet access at home(and your point of the supper table is well taken)
From what I see with my wife and son (he is 20) texting is 99% narishkeit. Jokes, text me when your’re downstainsrs and I’ll come down, ect, is what comprises the bulk of the texts.
A cell phone is necessary, but texting is highly addictive and mostly a waste of time. A simple phone call covers all the bases
Git morgen Chevrah (un Chevra-tas) –
Ich hub ah poor minit tzirik gezein a comment in einer fin de topics in der kavah shteeb, legaby vus m’zul reden derfin of ah shidduch date.
Der yeneh hut geshribin a teefer gedank, ober er hut es zegut oif English, in es hut nisht g’hat der zelbeh taam.
Derfar, halt eeich az es iz a flicht ibber tzu shraaben dem g’dank of yeedish:
Ah bucher halt in shidduchim, ober er vaist nisht vus m’ret ven m’treft zich. Fregt er zain tatteh. Zugt der tatteh, “red fin 1)mishpucha 2)leebshaft and 3) philizofiya.
No problem, denk der bucher. Er kimt arain tzu maidle’s hois, m’zetzt zich avek, in er fraigt:
1) Hust a breeder? Zugt zee, nein.
2) Hust leeb lokshen? Zugt zee, yoh.
3) Ven du volst gehat a breeder, volt er leeb gehat lokshen?
Ah zah kleegshaft!
bein hasdorim –
That story is no longer pending. They are either engaged by now, or have moved on to newer pastures (too bad we don’t know which, but either way the story is cold)
Too bad, it was a doozy!
My son (at the time 10) would “guess” at what words say, instead of reading them.
One Sunday upstate, we were bike riding on the backroads, and in an attempt to get in some practice reading, I asked him to read the sign at the intersection, so I could find it on the map and figure out which way to turn.
He tells me, “we’re at Copper Cove” (the sign said Coopers Corner). So I said, no, try again and this time read it. (so he pieces it out and says Coopers Corner).
A while later, we needed to cross the 17B. In order to stress that we are dealing with a “real highway”, I asked him to read the speed sign (it said 55 mph).
He says, 60 mph. Up to this point, numbers had never been an issue. So I ask him, now numbers are a problem too?
He says, “I see it says 55, but everyone knows that you can go 60 in a 55 zone!”
(gee, I wonder who he heard that from!)
I have T-Mobile. Phone is about $50. Start with a $100 card (so you get locked in to a 360 day expration date) and then you can refill in the increment you need ($25, $50, ect)
At the $100 level,its about .10 cents a minute ($25 refills work out ot about .17 cents)
Its perfect if you only need the phone for emergency use.
Efshar –
This is just the tip of the iceberg; there are so many variables you need to establish:
Is it chuck tuna or solid white?
Is it a real bagel (boiled and then baked)or the “bread” kind?
Is lettuce and tomato included, or a .50 cent option?
Ettie is right; the shidduch crisis is our own doing. Talk about labels.. this one takes the cake!
Ah git morgen, chevrah! (vee zoi zugt men dus in loshon n’kayvah…. Chevrah-tas?)
Noch a gitteh vert’l vus men zugt of yiddish, in me’ken nisht zugen of english iz:
“M’lot nisht leben, in m’lot nisht shtarben!” (Gaay zug dus of english.. es hut nisht der zelba taam!
What’s cooking and Salad Time are great resources. Most of the recipies call for things that a normal household has, and the quantites are geared for 5-6 portions.
On the topic of healthy eating, a good rule of thumb I read (when dealing with commercially made food):
Avoid anything with more than 5 ingredience (5 types of spices count as 1, as does 5 vegtables)
Avoid anything hydrogenated.
Homemade food usually elimanates the hydro part, esp. if you use oil instead of margarine.
Come to think of it, I’ve dated someone I’ve already dated and it worked out just fine. In fact, I’ve probaby gone out with her close to 800 times, and so far so good! (If you have’nt already guessed, I’m talking about my wife)
OOmis – My rebbitzin could feed me cardboard, and I would ask for seconds. (well, maybe not seconds, but you get the idea)
Fact is, we (like all successful couples) learn to grow with one another. ANd work hard to overcome the inevitable roadbumps. This “handwriting bit” is just another example of “I want a guarantee that things will be OK”.
Sorry, mom, does’nt work that way. Best Bocher and Miss will need to take their knocks just like us oldies did (and sometimes still do!)
And Jphone – your comment was THE FUNNIEST! (sad, but very funny!)
Picking a HS is like shidduchim; references are a good starting point, but to really know if you have a good match, you need a face-to-face. Then, its Syata Dishmaya till graduation day, because HS is make it or break it, and do-overs are real costly ($ lost time and eaten kishkes)
When we were in the deciding stage, once we had the list down to 3 choices we did the following:
1) Went to see the school at lunch and dismissal (to see the boys in their natural environment and
2) Went to the school melaveh malka (to see the parent body)
Again, nothing is a guarrantee, but where hishtadlus ends, syata d’shmaya (hopefully!) picks up.
And like a shidduch, all look promising, all have their pro and cons, but you can only pick one. Pick the one you feel is the best fit, and commit youself to working till you drop to make it work. Them, pray like your pants are on fire. That usually helps, even if you somehow missed something.
B’hatzlocho!
Squeak –
Eich hub takeh azoi gezugt far # 80, az Yiddish darf nish a shoimer. Ober es iz git as ehr (un der andereh mods) zol’n zich mitch’en zich a bissle, azio velen zey lernen Yeedish (ok, Yiddish, far alleh Litvaks, un chabad’skehs!)
Ven eeich been gevain in kittah 4, hut mayin Tatteh mir getoisht tzu a cheder vus lernt in Yeedish. (Eeech hob demoltz nisht geret a vort). Hut der rebbe mir tzu’geshtelt einer zul zein mein “translator” in alleh andere kinder hut men gezugt as m’zul nor redden yiddish mit ner naa’yeh kind, er zul konnen lernen.
In zeyh vus iz gevorin!
I agree with Oomis, but as a parting shot, I would give the mom a note that says “I’m not interestet, but best of luck in finding someone who is” (written of course, in the finest script, so when mom DOES analyze it, she would see what kinf of gem just slipped away.
Besides, anyone can tell you, a much better measure of a kallah’s true potential is how her potato kugel measures up to her future M-I-L’s kugel! (so I guess my future D-I-L’s have the odds stacked against them.. oh well, with time and practice, I guess she’ll learn the ropes!)
But all kidding aside, asking for a handwriting sample? Why stop at that? Lets get the girl in front of a new-age pseudo kabbalist who (for a hefty fee) can do his (or her) imitation of the chochmas ha’partzuf (reading of the face, which is mentioned in chumash, but has long since been hidden from us as a usable tool).
Gee, is this lady nuts. Makes you wonder what possibble issues her boys may need to overcome, once out of the house
Zaa’tz moichel, YWN, vaiyl ich vel balt zugen vos iz (in mein germainug), der vich’tigster zach, vus me’ken zugen of yeedish, chotch es dermant der kompetion:
Vus iz neis!
Meoras Ha’kemach (flour caves) is a real must. Its on the way down to Masada, and when i was there last (in 1990) I went with Gershon Kaufman (if he’s still in the business).
If not, SPNI (its the Israeli Nature Conservancy)can put you in touch with a reputable, safe guide
As with 99% of these types of seeming “contradictions”, when THE DAY finaly does arrive, we’ll see that the 3-day warning was probably something that was “heard” every day, but ignored.
Either that, or it will be some math mis-calculation like the way the “400 years in Mitzrayim” was really only 210 in the land itself, 69 of them slavery. So when Moshe came around and said, its geulah time, there were no doubt skeptics that said, “can’t be… its not 400 years yet”.
Either way, let the geulah shelaymah begin, and we’ll worry about the details later!
Sorry – I clicked “send” before addressing the initial question. My 14 and 17 year old do not have a phone, my 19 y/o does, even though its against “school policy”. But he knows that if he gets nailed, I will not bail him out.
As young as 3rd grade, they were told, Mommy and Totty will stick by your side if your grades fall, or if you get swept up in some classroom antic to the extent possible. But if you knowingly break a rule, or talk with chutzpa, you’re on your own.
Entering school is like boarding an airplane. Some things pose a threat to the well being of others, and cannot be allowed. Have a pressing need? Discuss it with the authorites. Try and sneak it on, and the penalty cound be real stiff.
Ok, a cellphone is not the same as a bomb… or is it?
Bottom line, its the school’s rule, and you agree to abide by the rules when you enter the school. The search has to be done within the legal guidlines, but they are withing their rights to do so. But I do agree with Artchill; it should be enforced with the bigwigs kid as well. Sadly, it rarely is, but that’s another thread.
The most recent one I heard of (and I’m surprised that no one else posted it) is from R’ M. Solomon.
He was contemplating retirement, and he says that his Rebbi Muvak (not sure which name was used) said, if you stay with BGM, “est du derleben Moshiach (you’ll live to see Moshiach)
He then said to the audience, “raboisai…. I’m not a yougster anymore….Moshiach’s arrival is imminent!
Great story, but. The problem is, we have in our posession countless haftochos (assurances) from the Neviyim themselves that Moshiach arrival is in our hands, and all we need to do is play our hand right and he will be here in an instant. Yet we just roll thru our daily routine, business as usual.
Not to worry, though. One of the mamorim is “ain Ben Dovid boh, eleh b’hesech ha’daas” (loosly translated as: Moshiach will come when least expected)
NU? Ad Mosai! (I was gonna say Moshiach now, but I did’nt want to start a riot)
My nieces school (BY flatbush type of HS)has the girls hand in their phones as they enter the bldg, and they collect them for the way home. That way they have the safety factor, but not the text-mania during the school day.
Oh, and did anyone notice, that this story got zero comments on the YWN news page? Go CR!
Telegrok –
Does this mean you HAVE an update? C’mon.. we’re not “everone”.. we’re practcaly the shadchanim here!
When I was dating, I asked someone who was going to Amuka to say tehilim for me to find my zivug. When I told him a few months later that I got engaged, he said, “you know, I played a part in this!”
We of the CR have been (well, most of us have been) highly supportive of this shidduch, and the least you could do is show the couple the comments and ask them if they want the news (which we hope is forthcoming?) shared with the CR.
We’ll never know who they are (unless they tell) and at least we’ll be able to close this thread and move on to more pressing issues!
Sorry, Azoi iz – I was not clear:
What I meant to say is the intro gets done by a shadchan (a co-worker, a neigbor or a pro) the next day, party A and party B both get back to the shadchan with thier version of how things went. If both are a go for a 2nd date, at that point, if either one feels things are not heading in the right direction, they should be mature enough to say so directly to the other person. Often, it may just be a case of a misunderstood comment, and at this age and stage of the dating process, both should be capable of relaying what’s on thier mind without the need of a negotiator.
Its a skill they’ll both need in life, and if they don’t have it at 25, when will they?
But will Matzav’s readership have the CR’s insights? (doubtful!)
And will someone please get us an update? a month later, we should know something, one way or another!
I’m almost on the same page as Jewish and Working 22. The only role I see a shadchan having for a 25+ year old is to pass on the contact and then field the 1st phone call from either side if its to be called a pass. But if it goes to a 2nd date, the shadchan should back out, inless specificaly asked to intervene.
At 25, they shoud be able to fend for themselves. Problem is, today’s average 25 y/o boy has the people skills of a teen, so he’s cooked on his own
In the old days, they used to say, “tzu Go-t un tzu leit” (which means, that which makes a favorable impression in the eyes of Hashem and humanity.
Striking a balance between these two daunting tasks is what I try to do every step of the day, wether I’m standing on the train or standing shemoneh esreh.
I think theres a mishna in pirke avos that says the same thing. So the role is pretty clear.. lets just do it!
This gem of a girl is better off without Mr. Best Bochur. The problem is, he (or his folks)THINKS he’s the best bochur.
Let him enjoy his moment in the sun; it fades real fast.
And to the people who use the “chazal” stick, that determintion is best left to Best Bochur’s rov / Rosh Yeshiva. I wonder if they were consulted, or was Yiddish blit spilt on a hunch?
Not to worry, she will surely get the spouse that is best suited for her, as will Mr. Best Bochur. (But I only envy her)
my kids tell me the true measure of good music, is if you never think its too loud. Alternatly, they also say, “if its too loud, you’re too old.” (and I’m only in my 40s!)
I would like to see a CR thread “best comments” in the YWN news today. Some are very helpful, many are truly hilarious (my faves of last week were in the Dibbuk story). Since we CR addicts are too busy to read the news, we might miss something CR-worthy!
Lets be honest. Each of us have a particular shortcoming that we wrestle with that is against halacha.(kaas, loshon horoh, things like that, and even things that can’t be mentioned out loud).
The difference is, we KNOW its wrong and eventualy do teshuva, and hopefuly overcome (to the extent humanly possible) our personal no-nos.
Toeva advocates are seeking acceptance and that is wrong. We all have a dark side (business, personal) but we fight it tooth and nail. Thats how we earn schar… not by saying “accept me as I am”.
Hashem demands more from us!
I’ll take kapitlach 11-20.
Please post an update with the baby’s condition when known
Moshe Rose is right, many of the blogs do specalize in loshon hora. YWN Coffee room’s mods do a good job of filtering that out.
However, I do believe that a side benefit to blogs that are not monitored is the fact that people who are victims can see that they are not alone, and even if they do not seek help, there is some solace in knowing that you’re not alone.
If you’ve never been a victim (doesnt matter what kind of abuse, they all hurt) then you cannot really know what it feels like to think that you’re the only one who’s been thru the problem. Being able to talk (or listen) to the story of others helps somewhat.
Another plus is that would be (or active) agressors think twice before acting on their impulse. No, it does not solve the problem, but if it cutails it by 10 or 20%, that’s 10 or 20% less pain. Again, nothing condones loshon horah, but try telling that to a victim.
And if you think I’m making this up, think again. (v’hamaven, yovin)
If you’re a Mom in NY, there’s a 60-70% chance that your’re a jewish one
A while ago, there was a thread (see below) asking how each of us chose our screen names. Very telling and very interesting, in my opinion.
And on the topic of names, I remember hearing a great vort RE: Yaakov vs.the Sar Shel Aisov, where Yaakov asks him, “what’s your name?” and the Sar refuses to answer.
Why? Because Yaackov knew, if he can learn the essence of who his opponenet is, he can learn how to defeat him. A person’s name is his (or her) essence.
The vort continued to say, that the Sar’s answer “I don’t have a permanent name” IS THE KEY to defeating the power of Aisov, which is all smoke and mirrors, an illusion. Once we understand that, we got him nailed!
But back to the inital question, what does your screen name say about you? Jothar could be anything from an abreviation to a conjuntion of two names / people. Any hints?
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/screen-names
Tzippi –
I’m with you. Your friend is better off 30 lbs heariver, than a size 2 and a smoker.
Bike riding can be harmful to men in their older years (if the rides are 50+ miles a day) but the health benefits outway the risk by far.
Plus, with the proper fitting, cycling will bring little harm, while the lack of excercise will bring lots of harm.
AJ – 85% will stop smoking once they get married? Even if your numbers are right (which I doubt) the relapse rate of the 85% is probaly 99%, once those bochurim start feeling the heat of life’s stress (Job, kids, mortgage, ect).
I will agree with you on one point; If the bocher has a smoker in is immediate family (like his father, for example) is pretty much a sure thing he will smoke too.
As someone who is young enough to remeber my yeshiva days, coolness is what gets most boys (and girls) started. And once your in Bais Medrash, you can come out in the open.
Bottom line, smoking is a vile habit. It stinks in the short term. And yes, I know there are a number of people that smoke into their 80’s, but not being able to walk 2 flights of steps without wheezing, or not being able to keep up with your grandchildren in the park.. is that called living?
Thats called existing. Not living.
My kids favorite:
Is water wet before you touch it? (Maybe the contact with skin is what activates the wetness? How would you know if not?)
Yeowch, AKB, That’s a heavy load. Much like my father’s and mother’s family stories. Fortunatly for them, the next generation (me and my sisters) are producing lots of yiddish nachas.
So will you!
Seeing as how 90% of the frum crowd lives in a metro area, its really kind of selfish to have a dog, if you’re going to keep it locked up indoors most of the day. Add to that, by the time the child in question is old enough to take care of said dog, they are likely coming home after 6:00, so when would they walk it? Then its off to camp for 2 months, so that would mean its suddenly MY dog. Then there’s dog related issues on Shabbos that is very problematic, so that’s out too.
As for learning things like responsibility, loyalty, healthy fun, ect; that’s what siblings and friends (and ultimately spouses) are for.
1st timer – Since you’ll be on 18th ave, stop in at the Right Place (corner 56th st)
They have a sign that has segulah for all ills:
1)Stand on one foot
2)Take a deep breath
3)and say Cockadoodle-Doo! as loud as you can, 3 times in a row
(the sign is in Ivrit, but it works in english too)
From the size of the neighbors kids, the food at that home was hardly the issue.
Was the dog a gilgul? Did my mother use less garlic than the Irish cook? The dog never said one way or another.
In cases like this, I like to fall back on the quip said in the name of the Satmar Rebbe (R’ Yoel):
Anyone who belives every “rebbisheh maaseh” (Chassidic story) is a tipish (a simpleton)
Anyone who says NO “rebbisheh maaseh” ever happened is an apikoires (a heteric)
So I guess this one falls somewhere in between
Go Figure.
Glad to see Ms. Cheerful is on the path to shidduch-land, but lets not forget about Mr. Tire-Changer and Ms. Stranded.
UNless… Ms. Cheerful REALLY IS Ms. Stranded, and she just wants to be sure the CR members are really rooting her (which we do).
Either way, Mr. Tire changer is waiting for an answer (as are all of us!)
Shloima Carelbach’s Shvartze Volf. I listen to that song /story, and I can picture the darkness falling, like a personal ne’eilah. And at the last minute, salvation!
I don’t know where to begin writing about a topic like this, as there is so much to write. But it hurt to see a tag line like this thread only get 3 posts… cmon folks.. we should be at 100 posts by tomorow!
Oddly enough, there are two people I want to see:
my father’s father (whom I’m named after) He came to America in the 1930s when yiddishkeit was a real struggle.
Pincha ben Elazar – I always admired his courage to stand up and take a stand when no one esle did.
So, what is everyone else looking forward to?
Shloima Carelbach’s Shvartze Volf. Makes even a tough BPer like me sniffle
Cheerful –
90% of us married folks wrestled with doubts as to wether or not the person we were going to marry was “the right one”. And most of us turned to a parent or mentor for advise, but in the end, the descision needs to be yours, beacuse after the confetti stops falling its just you and Mr. Cheerful. If its a decision you are both enthusiastic about, you will both give it 110% effort, and make it work.
As for your parents (forget your friends / neighbors), speaking as a parent, as long as we are still talking 100% frum (color / kind of hat is irelevant), your parents WILL understand. Tell them what you really feel, and let Hashem do the rest.
PS – your real friends will come to terms with the decision that’s best for you, and the ones that don’t were not your friends to begin with (sorry, that’s the parent in me talking.. its hard to suppress all the time.)
See, its no joke, as you can see from the girls vs boys form (yes, I know its hypothetical, but it is grounded in truth). It takes 100 times more work for a girl to be someone outstanding, while a boy just has to be able to fog a mirror. (That is, until he applies for a job in the real world)