bpt

I would love to see a Chol Hamoed trip gemach. Many of the trips that I have gone on (and are no longer of interest to my kids) would still be a real treat to someone else.

Often, you have a family trip that is suitable for 4 out of 6 kids, and the other 2 would have lots of fun on one of our trips. It would also allow me to send 2 of my kids on another trip, where they’ve not gone to yet (and for whatever reason, I cannot go on).

Truth is, it will never fly in a big way beause working out the details (gender, hashkofoh, ect) would be too challenging. But its still a thought. Maybe to limit it to a shul by shul basis, so at least the hashkofoh part is settled.

Wow, 5-digit price tags? Ours went for a “measly” $520.

Ok, super. If you’re in college, we’re on the same page. As far as yeshiva giving you a clear picture of what lies ahead, speaking as both the product of the yeshiva world (no pun intended YNW) and having kids in yeshiva now, obvoiusly I agree with you to a limited degree. yeshiva is boot camp, the working world is the combat zone. True, you can be a soldier if you don’t go thru basic training, but nothing prepares you for the jungle than the jungle. Take it from a veteran, I’ve got the scars to prove it.

I’m gobbling down lunch as I type, and need to head home, so have (had?) an easy fast and we’ll talk more next week. –

Oh, this changes EVERYTHING, Super. I also thought you were a girl, from the screen name… which is not to say all girls are superficial, but for a boy to use a label like that?)

#1 – Do you have any work experience? (And I don’t mean counslor in camp, or selling arrovos as a 15 year old). When I say work experience, I mean working in the outside world, on the road to making a living?

#2 – If you’re not working, are you at least in school (and I don’t mean BMG) where you are training for a careear that can enable you to earn a living that is going to support the family you will have sooner than you (or most boys) imagine?

If your answer to the above is not yet, I’m going to take a pass on this one. I’ts not the path I’m on (or promoting) so I’m not the one to be advising in this case.

And the reason I’m guessing that the answer is going to be no, not yet to both questions is beacuase if you had the exposure to the outside world that either work or school would give you, you’d know a whole lot more about what you need to be looking for in a spouse. Know why? Beacuse you’d know who YOU are, and that is 80% of the challenge. Once you know what your goal is, you can start planning on a travel partner.

Again, I could be wrong and you might be in your mid-20’s and working as a CPA. But the opening post and screen name are giving off mixed signals, so if I’m wrong, please say so and I’ll retract / rewrite the whole post

(but even if I’m wrong, my post still stands for any other bocher who reads this thread.. wanna play in the big sandbox? come prepared!)

BP13 –

Can you narrow it down a bit? Age range of your kids? Budget? Day trip or an overnight? And how far is “not too far”?

It would also help if you list where you been already, so we don’t flood you with “been there-done that” suggestions.

“Ki Hashem Elokeinu, Shomeir al hakol.”

OK, Oomis, now we have you cornered! This is so original, that when any of the CR folks come across this, we’ll be hot on the trail of Oomis’s true identity!

I’m with Eclipse, but not kidding. The CR will give you loads of advise (some sound, all conversation worthy).

Um, just a suggestion… you might want to keep your member name a secret. Superficial is NOT how you want to present youself in shidduchland. If your true self is not substance, now would be a good time to start developing some!

So do you suggest joining the Army to achieve this purpose?

Hmm, lets see. Join the army and be able to do 50 pushups, but that might mean living 8000 miles aways from my family and living on MRE food for a year or more.

Nah, better stay with the 10-20 that you can acheive with normal routine excercise.

Besides, who wants to wear green for a whole year?

And is motty the nutty husband in the series? If so, I have a better idea…

Blinky –

I suppose women can do push ups. Its just they tend not to reside in 11219!

Seriously, I did not include women in my comment, because women have different physical structures, so I’m not sure if excercises that I’ve been advised to do applies across the board.

As far as pushups being bad for you? Nothing I saw on MayoCinic.org or anywhere else on the web would indicate that.

But I could be wrong. If so, I’d love to see the study. My brother-in-law (who is 50+lbs overweight) told me the “bike riding is unhealthy for men”. I checked with Mayo, and they said riding 100 or more miles a day, every day, may do some harm, but with the proper seat and bike fit, it will do more good than bad, so by all means, if you can do the miles, by all means, do them.

And 20+ miles a day can ONLY do good (unless you crash, which is obviously very bad).

Back to pushups, 10-15 a day? I cannot imagine any doctor telling you that is bad. But I could be wrong, so please direct me to the site where this was stated.

As far as I’ve read (and belived me, I’ve read plenty on the subject) core strength can only improve a persons overall health and balance

I can only speak for men. What worked for me and my boys was push ups and chin ups. It built the chest, which threw the shoulders back, which lessend the slouch. (that, and Mrs. BP constantly reminding us to stand straight!)

It will also increase your stamina, as the slouch constricts the lungs from expanding to the fullest extent, which hampers breathing, which hampers stamina.

Ok Art, now we’re finding a common ground. So:

what a good husband Mr. XYZ is because, ect… = My answer: become a good husband! If someone else is doing something worth copying, copy it!

This ax swings both ways, so the Mrs are also under the microscope. Know what I find after spending 10 weeks seeing a glimpse into other peoples lives?

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, theres…

Of course I see how “good” the other people have it, but I look a little deeper and see:

A) I’ve got it pretty good, and

B) the other folks have their struggles too!

By and large, it boils down to one thing; be a giver and you’ll get lots back in return.

And me not being up on all the gossip? How you think I know how lucky I am?

Art – your message is quite clear, but I’m not buying. We survive quite nicely 15 of of 30 days, so I still stand with my claim; if trouble erupts over the time away, the time together was most likely the culprit.

This is a re-post from a previous thread (which for whatever reason, did not get a lot of activity.. Maybe this thread will get it more mileage)

Comes morning, they see each other, and die of grief. Sad to say the least.

Asks Rav Soloveitchik, why is the kinnah, as heartbreaking as it is, placed where it it? Its in between a kinnah that talks about the crusades massacre and the Asoreh Harigey Malchus. Why is the story of two unnamed children placed among the stories of national impact?

Answers the Rav, because yiddishkeit IS ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL. And to illustrate this point, the kinnah of these two children are placed in such a prominent spot, so we never underestimate the value of each member.

Lots of people go to Kohls on the Belt Pkwy at the Bay Parkway exit. There is loads of parking, and its only 15 minutes from BP / Flatbush. The other option is Prospect Park, but parking is a bit harder. Ikea in Red Hook is another choice, but somewhat tricky to find, if you’re not familiar with the area. (I’ll coach you thru it, if you’re not keen on choice 1 and 2)

I see your point. Its just that lately there seems to be a flood of this concept that nothing is your fault, because you were traumatized and you can’t be blamed because its not your fault.

It minimizes the hurt of people who have really been hurt to see this prsented as fiction. Of course there is traumatic damage to surviors. But to bandy it around like its seaonal allergies?

I agree with eclipse. If you both enter the partnership with the mindset, “what can I do to make this work”, it will. If your motive is, “what can I get” once there is nothing left to take, both players lose interest and move on.

Like other middos and the life cycles that are impacted by them, if you’re trained to be a giver, you get a lot more than you give.

I read chapter 7 and 8. I like the way she has the personalities of each family member so vivid (in fact, I can see some of each in my own family). Its a story about the drama of frum living, busy with work, school, errands, working spouses, ect.

But what I do not like, is the way the writer links every issue to some dark secret in the persons past which is the true cause for the way they are reacting to a given challenge. Can’t sit down to a meal if the salad fork is on the wrong side? Its because you were traumatized as a child. Afraid to develope a relationship with your sister-in-laws? Its because you were not picked for the lead role in the school play.

I’m not saying the salad fork and school play was not important. But to suggest that the frum audience (presumably the one this series is bening written for) is that fragile? C’mon.

All in all, a nice series, with real characters. But ease off on the phsyco-babble

Last year, my rov spoke about this at length. It seems that someone published a pamplet that basically said taking a shower (done right) poses no problem.

He said that while everything in the pamplet was essentially correct, the idea that bathing, a huge machlokes ha’poskim, one that was been for the most part avoided (or at best, done under extreme need conditions)for centuries, is now a slam-dunk (my words, not his, but that was his jist).

Is it ok to bathe? It should at least be the subject of a question. His bigger concern is, once heterim get made, there is no telling how / where it will be applied (or mis-applied) down the road.

Think about it. We as frum jews invest so much time, money and effort into being frum. Why gamble on a sofek d’oraisa? At least ask your own personal rov.

OK, I didn’t let them swing from the chandelier. But nor did I keep them home till they were 10 and able to sit still and quiet. To be fair, the shul I daven at is 70% under 50, so our idea of acceptable noise may be somewhat more than the norm.

Oh well, I guess I can’t win you over each time. And for the record, I feel your pain re: the food on Yom kippur, as I was the one who was making cold cut sandwitches for the kids during the break… talk about challenging situations!

Chasiva v’Chasima Toivah to you too.

By all means, kids (noisy and not so noisy) should be brought. My father (who is no youngster himself) tells his senior cronies, “in the old age home, and in the bais ha’chayim, its quiet.. shul is for kids, and noise is a sign of life”.

My kids have been coming since they are able to walk. Not for the whole davening, and loads of nosh to keep them quiet, but I would not have done a thing differently. Now, they sit nicely, sans nosh. So all in all, kids in shul is a good thing.

Thanks, Mod. Its still a few years off on the horizon, but I’ll file the brocha away for future reference!

Tikvuchka –

I case you missed it, there was a thread last week called musical chairs and shidduchim. I would love to hear your take on this thread. Much of what was posted was from married people, and I think it would be a real eye-opener if we could hear how you see things from the insiders perspective.

I’m a big advocate of taking the initiative in dating after a certain point, as apparently you are too. It would be interesting to see how close we are to putting a new spin on a situation that has gotten too big to ignore, and in some ways, out of control.

Your point is well taken, Doc. In fact, in rethinking my “let them sell the bldg” idea, it would probably violate halacha, as chances are the big donors made a specific condition that the money they donate go directly to the blgd and NOT into the general operating bugdet.

My take on this is very similar. The tution money that parents shell out should go to tuition (meaning the cost of educating their children). Of course, you need overhead to run a school, but the vast majority of what comes in from tuition should go towards teachers salaries. Long term projects (new bulidings, ect) should not be from the day-to-day income.

We don’t live our financial life that way; schools shouldn’t either.

yes, please tell us a bit more of what the questioner had in mind as far as being a moredes. This promise to be a good thread. In 20+ years, I cannot think of a single instance that I would have called my wife “insubordinate”. Argumentative, difficult, ect. perhaps. But insubordinate? To use a phrase like that, I’d skip the rov and go right to the sofer.