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No, not change MY name to not Lois Lane!!!! I was suggesting that for Blinky!
And No, I don’t want “not clark kent” either!
I have said this in jest, but in a way, I’m totally serious, and I”l explain why:
Does she / did she rollerblade? This would tell me her general health and the kind of home she grew up in. Was it a home that encouraged outdoor play? That’s a good indicator of overall health.
What does her potato kugel taste like? This would mean that she has been a help to her mother, and not a whiny JAP.
What’s on her Ipod? – A sure fire method to know what make a person tick. Not that your taste needs to be the same as mine, but I’d still like to know (of course, extra points are scored for Carlebach and Matisyahu, but that’s just me talking)
Is it possible to see a family album? That more than anything will tell you how the family spends its time (vacations, family get togethers, friend, ect)
I spoke to the husband of a “prominent” boro park shadchan, and by prominent, I mean that she has been quoted before in articles, mentioned on blogs, ect. (I’ll not mention her name).
I asked him how to go about getting a friends daughter “listed” with her, or to see if she’s already on the list.
His reponse: Call on Monday; that’s when the SECRATARY is in. Mind you, in previous conversations with the husband (when wife was slammed for being price driven, and he was defending her) he said she work “l’shem shomayim” (his words).
So I ask, why the secratary? His response: with over 4000 names, she needs one.
4000 names? Gevald, no wonder we have a crisis. AZ is right, you need to find a quality shadchan, not quantity. Forget the lists, and ask your married friends / family members to put you in touch with the people that worked magic for them.
And do yourself a favor. Be proactive. Find the shidduch YOU want, do the homework, and then have someone do the actual shidduch call. That way, the incentive is already in place (at least 1 side is ready to roll).
“change mine too”
How about, “NOT Lois Lane”
Funny how you know what Yoish thinks. How do you know he doesn’t already work, he never said he was learning? You don’t even know his age, maybe he is 24 or 25 and been working a few years? Maybe he makes $500 a day?
WIY –
How indeed do I know? Ans: I don’t, but if he were what YOU think he might be, would he be asking for shidduch advice from the CR?
No, I think he’s a fresh off the plane, back from EY, BMG best bocher. But lets wait till Yoish weighs in himself.
And if past posts are any indication, so far no one has responded to my inquiry (and I’ve made several posts to that effect) as to wether or not working (or a plan to) is on the table, open for discussion. Not one.
So you tell me, do you think I’m off base by my guess?
No, $600 per day is what Yoish THINKS his future shver makes each day (and that’s interest and dividends alone.. forget about what his take is on the business end of things 🙂
Reality will set in once he hits the job market. No or little experience, and $600 is being optimistic. But its a start
The other time I know that happened (not the peyos per se) was during the Yossel Schumacher affair. The Mossad tried to pick up leads in Mea Shearim, but made some glaring errors which outed them like a “yovon in em sikkah” (read: a greek in the sukkah)
I have an English name, stopped using it many years ago.
Let me guess.. Steven?
Princess –
Did you eat breakfast today? And what is on the menu for lunch?
If you are really serious about this 20 lbs, you can have it off (and keep it off!) by Pesach. But start now!
Like most successful things in life, it takes planning. (and syata d’shmaya of course, but only if you give it your hishtadlus).
McCarran Park, outside of Willamsberg had a game going for a while for the 18-22 age set. Not sure if its still in play, but it seemed like you just needed to show up, and got chosen in. There are always players that drop out at the last minute, or need to leave early, so even if you can’t find a definite connection, I would still take the chance and go.
but would be open to a boy whose Hashkofos are more to the yeshivish side
Not sure how that differs from “boys who are learning for the most part”, so please clarify.
And as far as working, that is not even something you ask about?
Not any more. My kids do, but if I were going to do it all over, I would list their hebrew names only.
My office has several ethnic people with names much harder to spell / pronounce than the 2 examples you noted.
If they can do it, we should to.
Yoish –
For just 2 minutes, think about what you want out of YOURSELF. Marraige is all about what you can give, not get.
What are you bringing to the table? Once you know who you are and what your goals are, you can find a partner who shares that vision. The other things (looks, yichus, parents wealth, ect) are fringe details. Nice perks,but details all the same.
By the way, have you given any thought as to what YOU will do to earn the $ it takes to run a home and family? You need not necessarily be working now, but you should have a plan to give you $500-600 per week within the next 2 years.
Don’t wait till you’re tapped out and in debt. Plan now!
Cello music – I got the joke! (Who else in the CR got it?)
Mom 12 –
Are any of the girls you are dealing with (and simchafan,if you’re a girl, which it seems to be you are) considering boys that are working? And if so, could you note a general age range of these girls? (a 5 year window, or under x ceiling would be sufficent)
LA Guy –
Much in the way some CR members have their pet project/ threads they always try to hijack, I think I’m going to make this mine:
Does your son work, or is he in school on the path to a carear? Not that you / he can’t choose to follow a different path, its just that I feel its important to raise the topic. You / mechutan are about to spend anywhere between $15-20m and I just wonder what sort (if any) expectation you are placing in your son (And yes, I’m in a posittion to talk, as I have only boys, black-hatters at that)
Nu? Where do you stand?
LOL, Blink but its yeneh g’lechter (means: no joke, for the english speaking crowd.)
We do have a way of keeping our hands on the pulse / a sixth sense that defies the outside world. I remember a few years back there was a group under federal investigation in BP and one Friday, in walks a person to the mikvah which normally a chatterbox. Somehow, we all sensed that this newcomer is not a tribe member, and you could hear a pin drop it was so quiet. Not so much in what he said, but the way he said it, and the way he carried himself.
We just felt something off (and never saw him again after that)
Shmooze? In our circle, we say “whats the hock?” or my favorite, vus-i-neiyez? (not 3 separate words, and surely not VOS.. nothing stamps you an out-of-towner faster than THAT).
Nee? Vusineiyez?
Don’t get hung up on a number (20 lbs) unless your doctor said so. Find out your BMI (goolgle it) and aim for that.
This diet plan has kept me on target:
* Breakfast should either be a bowl of cereal or oatmeal, plus a banana. Never skip breakfast (unless its shabbos or a taanis)
* Make milkshakes with yogurt instead of ice cream
* Soup has no limit, (homemade only)
* No take out food, no store bought food. Eating salad with dressing you buy at a store can easily top 200 calories. The calories and fat for deep fried chicken is off the charts. Making the same thing at home (and baking the chicken) will give you a fighting chance. And things you bake at home are much less fattening than store bought stuff, plus you can control the serving size (the size of your fist is the size to aim for)
* Avoid anything that has hydrogenated anything in it
* No food past 8:00pm
All in all, the 1st step to weight loss / control is deciding that you want to do it. You have made that 1st step. Congradulations!
Truth is, all I (and most people) learnt was lessons I (we) had heard from rebbeim / rabbonim / articles read, ect.
There is a story of a poor man who needed firewood. So he went to the Rov, who took him to the town gevir. The Rov shouts out to the gevir from the courtyard, “Reb Yankle, I need to talk to you for a minute.”
Yankle opens the window and asks the Rov to come upstairs. No, says the Rov, you need to come downstairs. So down Yankle comes, and the Rov explains the poor man’s situation.
Sure enough, Yankle takes the poor man to the woodshed and gives his a huge load of wood. Shivering to the bone, Yankle says to the Rov “Now, can we go upstairs?”
Once upstairs, Yankle asks why it was necessary for him to come down. He could have directed the poor man to the shed from the window.
Answers the Rov, “from your warm livingroom, you understand its cold. From the courtyard, you KNOW its cold (and will be more understanding)
Till I really touched bottom, I really did not KNOW how lonely you feel when the chips are down. When all else failed, Hashem was (and is) still with me. Too bad we need to learn it the hard way, but I guess that’s part of bechira.
I know that words are an empty consolation, but poerhaps what you went thru may enable you to help someone else in a similar situation, and that’s a real nechoma for the neshoma of your child A’H.
May we only hear besuros tovos!
Be sure you pick one that your friends (or kids friends) are part of. Otherwise, its unlikely the ball will ever get passed to you.
Unless you (your kid) is a superstar. (In which case, you’d probably already know of the leauges)
One son played after the “leauges” left with his classmates, so that was ok. The other son tried to join, and had a rotten time, for the reason noted above.
As a general rule, everything a jew makes a brocha on and eats, gets elevated. PLus you now have the strenght to do the job you are here for.
The saying we have in our circle is “eat to live, don’t live to eat”.
Snapplegrl, eat Cheerios.
Plus a handfull of crasins and a sliced bananna, so you don’t fall asleep in your bowl of cheeroios.
(That’s my brekfast 4-5 days a week, until the winter hits. Then I switch to oatmeal, a spoon of peanut butter and a bannana)
Segulah for a girl? Mrs BP bit, and only produced boys. But they are beautiful, and one is extremely senesitite and caring, so maybe it worked afterall!
Many words are used to describe the creation of the world; asiyah (made), breiyah (creation) yetzira (formed). Only 3 things use the term barah:
So when someone questions their self esteem, consider the potential the torah thinks you have!
I think children need to hear their fathers tell their mothers that they are beautiful
Good point Aries (and thanks for making it)
While I do express my apprication in deeds, time / money spent and helping around the house, I do not say so verbaly and perhaps I should start. Striking a balance between too much (which would be embarressing) and too little (the current state of affairs) will be tricky, but worth the effort.
Again, thanks.
If I understood the “writing” issue clearly, its becuase in the old days, writing was a skill / craft (like tanning, ironwork, ect) and not something that was done by everyone and all the time. So like many other melochos that are not needed for immediate use, writing was put on the no list.
That said, I make every effort not to write with a pen on chol hamoed.
I don’t think computers even enter the equation. (unless you’re balancing your checkbook, just to get a head start on the end of the month).
Besides, CR chatting is not work, its a trip!
While I have not B’H suffered the type of loss you mentioned, I had 2 huge work related setbacks (the type that get you fired). One this year, and the other a few years back, They were of different sorts so I could not learn from the 1st to avoid the 2nd.
But each one changed me in a very profound way. I’ll not discuss the 1st in detail, but the lesson I learnt is a ben torah needs to behave like a ben torah, even when everyone else around you does not.
The 2nd mistake was a business error, and it taught me that when all is said and done, I still have the Rebono Shel Oilam, even when my status quo no longer exists. Fortunatly, I learnt my lessons well, so hashgacha got me back on my feet.
But boy, nothing changes a person like tzaros.
See what’s doing in the CR. (Oh wait, you’re already doing that..hmm, time to consider plan b)
Mall? Museum? Bais Medrash? Visit a homebound relative? (either elderly or child anchored).
I’m at work, so I’m as busy as a bee. But, no, you can;t come over and keep me company 🙂
I think its along the same lines as the “lack of respect” thread. It starts with ones self
People lie to themselves (meaning they kid themselves about their true ability and suppress their true goals / ambitions) so by extension, they feel that its ok to lie.
Very funny, SJS!
rails-to-trails are abandoned railroad tracks that have had the rails ripped up, and the remaining roadbed is now open to use for biking, cross-country skiing or walking. The easiest one to access in Sullivan County runs from Woodridge to Mountaindale. There is also a stretch from Libery to South Fallsburg, but that is much more rugged.
There’s also one near Monroe (Goshen, I think) but I’ve never been there.
Is the farm in upstate NY?
Where were the shots of the country road taken? From the roadbed, I’m inclined to say its a rails-to-trails path. Am I close?
While spoiled kids are a factor (the phrase I just read recently is rich spoiled kids suffer from affluenza) in my zip code this is THE NORM.
When mom announces that she is expecting (again) big sis rolls her eyes, because she know that what it really means is that SHE has a child on the way.
And what of my 2nd example?
Hah Mod, you’ve been outed too! Now I know that:
Either you’re in my age range (not a bad thing)or
you were exposed to TV / Movies at some point(and here I thought mods were Best BMG material).
Depends on how good a talker / listener you are. Can you carry off a 4 hour walk in the park and hold up your end of a conversation? Then outdoors is fine, but it needs to be daytime. Bear in mind you are coming up against Chol Hamoed, and the streets will be crawling with people you and she most likely know.
If a nighttime date is more practical, then a lounge / hotel lobby is fine, and can be kept to a 2-3 hour date (another hour or so will be eaten up by driving to and from).
Uh, one question. From you opening post, I took the conclusion that you are from out of town and are just looking for NYC destinations. From this last post, I get the feeling you are just starting the dating process. If so, let me ask the folloing: are you working or at least in college to put you on the path to a job that will help you meet the obligations you will agree to when you hand over the kesubah?
Sad fact is, its supply and demand. The boys can bide their time (to a point, and then they are “old” and unmarketable), but the girls have a shorter runway.
So with a gun to thier collective heads, the girl’s side will promise anything to get a boy to say yes.
Not to worry, though. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around. If you were held up at gunpoint by the boys side, not too far down the road, best bocher will find himself at the mercy of a not so smiling mother and father in law when it comes to making choices that affect the future of how the house runs (where to vacation, schools to choose, clothes to buy for yom tov). Yet with zero ability to make any of these descisions on your own (as they cost $$$$) best bocher will have to swallow hard and say “thanks” (and silenly berate himself for not having the means to fend for himself)
But hindsight is usually 20/20
Blinky, you’ve got to be kidding. But the fact that you don’t know who Lois Lane is only indicates how frum / temimusdik you really are (which is a good thing!) as opposed to us older folks who grew up on television and movies in our early days (but have since repented!)
In a nutshell, Lois knew (suspected?) the true indentity of Clark Kent / Superman (but you probably don’t know them either.. just as well I suppose!)
Sorry Grow Up. I thought the question was how can we get along “we” as in we the CR oilam.
You mean the outside world? No clue, but step one is get them to become CR members. Nothing teaches how to get along with others better than that a scathing retort from members, or worse the dreaded EDITED from a mod.
(and believe me, I’m a model student!)
The root is today’s kids are as savvy, if not more so (at least they think / are let to believe so) than their parents. I’ll pick 2 examples:
Kids are being asked to shoulder the responsibilites that really belong to the parent. For example, if mom is full time employed, then it falls on 14 y/o sis to wake, dress, feed and send off 8 and 6 year olds to school. Then, when she gets home, she needs to jumpstart supper, possibly a laundry, and then get 8 and 6 ready and into bed. And who can blame mom? After an 8 hour day, she still needs to deal with shidduchim for 18 and 19 year old, plus little 2 year old (who is beyond the capacity of 14 year old).
15 year old hs boy sees many of his older male role models (father, Rebbie, ect) put in grueling 10 hour days for little monetary reward, yet see their 23-24 year old brothers / brothers in law get showered with gifts and cars and apartments and a NEW WIFE, and did little to earn any of those on his own merits.
So, why should today’s kids be respectful?
Though there are few things I enjoy more than re-hashing old threads, Prof has this one pretty mouch nailed down. By the time prospective chosson and kallah sit down, the financials have pretty much been agreed upon. Maybe not to the nickel, but suffice to say, at that point, there will be few (if any)surprises.
Yeah, but they’ll be looking for someone who is “never caustic” and in my non-CR life, I’m as caustic as Easy Off!
Besides, there are no forrests in BP, so the authorities will never find me! (oh and by the way, if you really want to know who I am…. ask Lois Lane!
No differnt than asprin and caffine suppositories, would be my guess
(and can you please revert to “never caustic” for my member tag? No need to get the memebers I riled up last time, every time they see me post 🙁
Doc Pepper is mostly right about Roosevelt Island, though the tram is out of service till Oct.
by car, its only accessible from Queens, about 5 blocks north of the 59th st brigde. The bridge you are looking for is right off the corner of Veron Blvd and 36th ave.
As soon as you cross over the bridge to Roosevelt Island, there is a public parking garage at the end of the ramp on your right (forget street parking, its almost impossible).
Once you exit the garage, head west to the side of the island that faces Mantahhan. From there, if you turn right (heading north) you’re about a 20-30 minute walk to the tip of the island where there’s an old lighthouse. You can continue clockwise around the island (its a complete loop) but the queens side is not as interesting.
P.S. Google Roosevelt Island, as there is some historic stuff that you can impress you date with.. just don’t tell her you got it from google! (or CR).
If you meant directions to Battery Park, please say so.
Tell them that if they don’t stop bothering you, you’ll tie them to a tree in the forrest and let the bears eat them (I used this on two other posts, so I think I’m going to make this my mission statement 🙂
SJS –
If you start the organization, I can send you a terrific spreadsheet that will help project amd plan for the 95% of predictable expenses that most households experience in a 12 month cycle.
In fact, if anyone wants it before SJS launches the organization, I can send it thru YNW right now. I’ve used it for 4 years and its helped me stay underdrawn and above water.
Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva to tell us that its OK for a 24 year old boy to work. Not everyone can be the next godol hador, and for those who want out of the 4 walls, it should be with the support of the yeshiva
I was just on Roosevelt Island. Its a perfect place for a daytime date if the weather is nice, and its really cool to see Manahttan from that angle. Similar to the path along the West side or Belt Parkway but much quieter. If you must stay in the city, the waterfront in lower manhattan (battery park) is also pretty quiet.
If you need directions to either location listed, let me know.
Meals prep should take at least an hour, if you don’t live on take-out (or pick-ups from mom / mom-in-law).
Did you get the Salad Time cookbook as a gift? If not, that’s a must. From checking the lettuce to making the dressing (from scratch, not from a bottle) should take up a good portion of your evening.
Another good way to spend from 8-9 is visiting an aunt or uncle or mother’s cousin and letting them see your album.
Also, be sure you don’t lose touch with your single friends! They may be reluctant to call you for fear of “bothering” you and spouse, and will be thrilled to spend an evening with you.
Spouse is of course # 1, but you still need time to be yourself. Not every waking moment needs to be spent in lockstep. You need some occasional space, as does hubby. Believe me, he’ll be more than happy to give you a night away with your friends, so he can spend some time on his own as well.
And like SJS said, enjoy it while it lasts.. the mess and fingerprints on the wall is going to be here before you know it!
OK Super, before posting my thougts on the dating process, I want to clarify what I meant regarding the pursuit of a careear.
No one would sugesst that a 15 year old be expected to earn their room and board by working part time. The job of a 15 year old to be a student.
But once you are ready to run a household of youy own, you should be prepared to meet the expenses a family will entail. It may be several years before you have to start paying tution, but its very much on the horizion, and for a bocher to enter the family market without being able to meet is responsibilites is irresponsible. Which is not to say that the job overrides torah values. On the contrary, meeting your financial obligations is very much a torah concept. That said, here’s what I can share with you about the next phase of your search:
Much of what has already been posted is the fundamentals, so let me just repeat a thought from Rav Pam ztl:
When asked, “what should I look for in a spouse?” he replied, “thats like asking me what bus should I take.. if I know your destination, I can advise you which bus will get you where you want to go.”
What to look for in a shidduch is largly dependent on the goals you set for yourself in life. If your dream is to have a house that is always open to guests, and routinly bring home 2-3 people right from shul, its a good idea to be sure you discuss this ahead of time so neither of you are disapointed.
If you expect to have a television-free house, it would wise to mention this as well. And don’t count on the shadchan for having cleared all these hurdles. Your idea of a “chesed filled house” may not be the same as what was relayed in the information gathering / sharing process.
And for what its worth, I started the dating process right after sukkos, and was engaged during Channukah, so hopefully, your search will be as smooth.
Also, if you’ll be dating in the NYC ares, I have a great lead for you; Roosevelt Island. Its an easy drive, there is a parking lot as soon as you enter the island, (and is subway accessable, if you prefer that) and is way less crowded than the standard dating venues.
While the 1st, 2nd and even 3rd date should be by car (your own or rented) its a good idea to see how she reacts to a minor setback. Not what you want to try on every occasion, but a small test to see if she is really committed to making things work, even when its somewhat of a hassle. Life is going to throw you an occasional curve ball, see how good your teammate plays under pressure.