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Welcome to the dog-eat-dog world. Kids are constantly being used as leverage (divorce, parent struggles, tuition).
But I really can’t blame the schools. I was a few thousand in the red, and the school but the screws to me Regents time. So I coughed up a hefty payment. And you know what? I would have done the same thing to the administrator, if the roles were reversed.
And we wonder why teens are so cynical
SmartTeen –
What a wonderful, refreshing post! No wonder chazal said, ” klal yisroel will only be redeemed in the merit of the tinokos shel bais rabbon.
As someone who was a teen not too long ago, I know what you mean. Its very tough to produce the firepower that adults have, and you may be too honest with yourself to go thru the motions (fist pumps, eyes screwed shut, like you’re being pinched, ect). True emotion during davening, is something adults are sometimes better at, because we simply have more at stake, so we put our heart and soul into it. ( I don’t want to talk about young people who have tzaros r”l, becuase they are in a category of their own, and I should not comment on that level of davening.)
But for the average teen, don’t think you are not accomplishing as much right now. Think of it as physical training. Not evey day, do you need to run a 25 mile marathon, or sprint like you’re being chased by lions and tigers. But its nice to know, if you NEEDED to, you could do it.
Building “davenening stamina” will come in handy when you need to start praying like your (your family’s) life depends on it. But like all training regimens, starting when you’re young makes it a whole lot easier.
I encouraged my sons to go on road trips, but put my foot down on one point; they needed to daven with minyan every day (over shabbos was not an issue, so we did not discuss guidlines for that)
I needed to be realistic. By the time a bocher is 20+, he needs to be getting some wings.
And yes, I think a bocher that learns hard and puts in the hours 10-11 months a year, is entitled to “chill” every now and then. I do, and so should he.
No, Superficial I did not. But you are free to pursue the lifestyle of your choice, so don’t let me talk you out of it. Just be sure your wife / inlaws / parents agree to your plan,and its a go!
By the way, how was Roosevelt Island? (or was that another thread?)
No, and the story I know of happened years (as in 20+) ago. The person to whom it happened (he was Mr. A, unfortunatly) is now in his 60’s so unless that’s who you know, it happened twice (which would not surprise me at all)
Sac – if the scale says you weigh 110 lbs (even though you’re as wide as a house) the scale wins. Don’t question the scale.
No, in fact us chassidim will drink all brands of bourbon, a our American mesorah is, bourbon does not need a hechscher (as opposed to scotch, which does) (unless I misunderstood what you meant by rein)
On tap this week is Wolford Reserve, if you’re in the neighborhood!
Truly funny story, and as much as I know you hate the bungalow scene, I have a return story for you (not on shidduchim, but still funny)
Person A makes arraingments to have a goyta clean her bungalow prior to A’s arrival (no sense in wasting time cleaning when there’s so much fun to be had)
Arrival day comes, and A is horrified (horrified!) to see her unit a total wreck (squirrel droppings, leaves, dust, ect)
Person B on the other hand (the person inthe attached unit), is thrilled to see that her unit has been cleaned to perfection.
The goyta cleaned the wrong unit!
Squeak, you left off “move to the moon” or for those that dont need to lose quite that much “move to the bottom of a pool”
Oh, you just caught me in a good mood. I’m normally the kind of person that would tie little kids to trees, and leave them for the bears and wolves (gosh, I loved that thread!)
Be sure to bring the mashkeh on your way back!
Squeak sounds like a neighbor worth having!
And I’ll have you know, Doc P, our colony is one of the top 10 in the catskills. Not a lux place, or summer homes, but a good, fun, quirky place, all the same. And chance are, if you were to come for a summer, you’d love it! (Just don’t “out” me when you figure out who I am 🙂
Something is horribly wrong, because that person does not understand the value of life. Let me give you 2 examples:
Story 1 – A famous rov (can’t recall who) was once very ill, and the doctor suggested painful procedure, but made it sound like it almost did’nt pay to do it, beause “the paitent would not make a full recovery anyways”.
To which the rebbitzin said, How much time would it add? Doctor says, 6 months, at best. She says, 6 months! I’d do it if it would only add 6 days! (Because she understood the value of another day of learing, another day of davening)
Story 2 – My grandmother lived to see 100+, and the last 6 months, she was totally out of touch with her surroundings. In the last few days, she was so weak, she could not even lift the food or drink off her plate, so we had to spoon feed her. During one of my turns, I thought to myself, she made it trhu 2 world wars, built, lost and rebuilt a family and home, made it with general good health till way into her 90’s. What’s the purpose of these last few months, when she is totally dependent on others and cannot function at all?
Then it dawned on me. The purpose was to give US the opportunity to have the zechus of taking care of her. And by giving us that chance, she enabled us the chance to be givers, not takers.
So, you are right. Just because a person makes it to x age, does not mean they are expendable. (Sorry you had to hear the poor comment, but at least you know you’re on the right mind-set)
Well, Mesechtas Gittin does come before Mesechtas Kedushin….
“wonderful neighbor to have”
Nah, in real life, I’m as exciting as a house plant. Ask my neighbors if they know BP totty, and they say, “Who? Oh, you must mean the guy we hardly ever see, the one who spends all day and night blogging on some on-line chatroom, Charedi World Tea Time, or something like that.”
Besides, if we ever do wind up being neighbors in a $3000 Manhattan studio hi-rise, we’ll never see / speak to each other anyways.. we’ll be too busy jogging or walking the dog
But be honest with us Mischief – When you get your license (if you don’t already have one) are you going to be one of those super-cool, A++ JAPy types, that cruise around in a late model Maxima (or mini-Lexus SUV, if the budget allows) or will you be driving carpool in a 15 passenger van?
Or will you aim for the sky and get a tricked out, lights / sirens, tinted window Suburban, and roar down the block at 80mph? (all the while, loving the stares snd dropped jaws you get from jeolous Oddessy divers like me)
(Is it obvoius how bad I wish I had a car like that?)
As a bungalow dweller, I can tell you that the Prof has it pretty much down pat (and the cynics are most likley city folks, so I really can’t expect them to see the beauty of 10 weeks away from the crowds, but that’s another story)
The bigger issue we run into is the trading of kulos that each family has gotten over the year. So when I come back after the week in the city and get told, “XYZ’s rov said,… or ABC (who is frummer than us in certain ways) buys this product / eats at this place, even though it does not a does have a hechscher we know / accept…
You get the idea. To make matters worse, the kulos discussed more often than not tread on ground that really should not be fodder for an open forum. But that’s bungalow life mid week.
So back to the opening post, I’m still sticking with my first volley; the minghag hamokom is decided by the place / group you want to identify / align with.
considering that an average city in the metro area has multiple shuls and kehillas (BP for example has in excess of 100) the minhag hamokom would be the place you call your primary shul.
We run into a huge problem summertime when multiple kehillas all come together for 10 weeks in one “city” (a colony, as a standalone entity, so I guess you could consider it a city). And boy, do we run into conflicts.
Minyan Gal, we are on the same page.
My phone does not do any tricks, but my son’s / wife’s phone do everything except fry eggs.
But my watch (battery, BTW)is way cooler than either of theirs!
Not that I know of. The last time I saw it was before the Yom Tovim, and at that point there were still scaffolds attached to it.
The Times article did not mention anything about construction delays or mis-haps, so my guess is, it was another bldg.
So, barring any falling debris, are you saying you’re interested in a wavy walled, $3000 apt? (Not sure if that includes a parking spot, so you might want to check the fine print 😉
The walls are not straight. Most buildings have flat sides, except for maybe an alcove, or some rounding on the fancy brick ones.
This one is completly wavy, like the way a skirt might drape (not the straight skirts, the billowy ones).
If you ever walk the Brooklyn Bridge, you can see it to the left, as you head towards manhattan (or you can check the article on the NY Times website (its called the Gehry Towers)
Interesting quote. I think he means to say if he can understand all there is to know about an entity, it cannot be that complex and therefore cannot be the source of creation,or anything worth worshipping.
If I remember correctly, his general approach was quite harsh and unforgiving. He placed high demands on his followers (and himself, of course)
battery operated watch –
Minyan Gal.. talk about going back to the shtetl.
Which self respecting woman wears a watch today? What are cell phones / blacberrys are for?
Gosh Gal.. get with the times!
(I agree, some of the posts are ridiculous)
If I could swing an $18,000 per kid tuition, I’ll bet I’d be welcome anywhere on the planet.
And if you paid that kind of $ in NYC (with 2 or 3 exceptional schools) you would be carried around on the principal’s shoulders.
The $1mil house would be a yawner in NYC, though, so maybe LA is not such a bad venue after all.
I wonder if the screen name LA Totty is already taken….?
Doubtful, as the girls sems are room and board. Not to worry, though; the boys learn how to cook, because they live in diras, so as long as she can earn and he can run the house, all will be well 🙂
For all those who think the rental market in our community is high (which it is), the NY Times has an article about a bldg just south of the Bklyn Bridge that is built out of wavy aluminum walls (the inside walls are wavy too).
The expected rental rate? $3000 / for a 450 sqft studio (that’s roughly a 22 x 20 room).
This, for an apt that has wavy walls. Go figure.
I stand corrected. I was talking about commercial bakery vs home made goods in general.
But you are right; dougnuts are deepfried.. my bad. But the mixers / shortening / coco points probably still apply.
But that’s no reason not to try (funny, how on this thread, I’m talking about fatty foods, and on the “need to lose weight” thread, I’m demonizing it.. ironic, no?)
Sorry to tell you, but its quite likely you’ll never be able to duplicate the bakery product for several reasons:
The mixers they use are 10x as strong as a home version. Same goes for the oven heat
The shortening they use (as opposed to margarine or oil) make a huge difference. Same goes for the coco; what you buy retail is a different blend than what the pros use.
That said, the famous Levanah cc cookie recepie done at home is pretty close (if not identical) to the commercial version, so perhaps with enough test runs, you’ll hit paydirt.. so keep trying!
The
pascha –
Your line was a riot!
As a kid, my mother attended “weight watchers meetings” and “n’shei meetings” yet never lost a pound and exactly what was discussed at the nshei meetings was also never known.
Ah, the cluelessness of children! It was’nt until I was married that it dawned on me (duh!)
My son stayed in Hancock Park for a few days, and he said its a nice community. So if that’s where you’re headed, you should be very happy (and the weather is nicer than NYC.. unless you have an aversion to heat)
I know.. but the chossid in me always tries to read between the lines (Like the R’ Nachman stories)
“you make it sound so easy”.
Believe me, Blinky, I know its tough. I’ve been on a diet for 15 years, and only keep the lbs off because I watch my intake. I could balloon by 40 lbs in a flash at my age.
Diet and excercise, diet and excercise… but once you have the lifestyle, it becomes 2nd nature.
believe me, I know your pain (I live in BP, remember?)
But still, its quite thrilling (and they do a huge service on the whole, so I guess its a fair price to pay).
C’mon.. myfriend…be a 12 year old for a few minutes!
I’m going out on a limb here, but I thought the Kotzker might be refering to the “donkey” as in Yissoschor, who can only tread the path of Torah. The “people” are the Zevulins of the world, but need to choose a side, meaning are they going to defer to the Yissoschors, or are they going to manipulate them?
Or, choosing a side might mean, as a Zevulin, you need to choose a profession, but make sure you choose wisely.
Thoughts?
(I was also mulling over the donkey of Pinchas Ben Yair, but could not delevop a trail, so I’ll go with the Yisoschor track)
BP Totty do u have lights and sirens in your Oddessy?
No, CB, but a friend of mine is a hatzoloh driver, and once I was in the car with him when a call came thru.
Let me tell you, the adrenalin rush I got from flying down the aveune, lights and sirens blairing, watching the kids (and adults) stop what they’re doing to see us rip down the street like we’re chasing a bank robber, whoa, talk about thrilling! Better than the rides in Astroland! (ok, it was a non-emergency call, but he took it to the max, and I loved every minute of it!)
But were I to get a tricked up, fully loaded, set of wheels, needless to say, I’d not do it to the Oddessy.. I’d spring for the Lotus!
This is really not a domain I should be commenting on, but I did just read a great thought from the Vilna Gaon. He said that tznius to a woman is the same challenge as learing with hasmodoh is to men.
And let me tell you, learning with hasmodoh is a REAL challenge, beacuse the distractions are always right on the edge of your field of vision. So if women feel the tznius challenge, its with good reason (so says the Vilna Gaon).
The CR is (IMHO) a virtual bais medrash! The “other” chat rooms are bitul torah, and in many cases, mevazeh torah.
Unless you’re CR’ing while in the real Bais Medrash or during your seder. There’s a quote (not sure who): The true masmid is not one that learns 22 hours a day; its the one who learns 60 minutes in ah hour.
Learning time is learning time, down time is down time. Chill out, people!
perhaps the most unhealthy thing besides being beaten by your parents.
Or being tied to a tree and left for the bears! (running joke, previous thread)
Seriously, the mayo based dressings are ok, but the oil / vinegar ones are better, and you tend not to over-use them (as you most likely will with a creamy mayo based one)
And how goes the 50% / 25% / 25% guideline? Supper (which tends to be eaten at home) is a real danger spot, so be careful!
Keep thinking to yourself; by Pesach, I’ll be x weight, by Pesach, I’ll be x weight… all you need to do now is follow thru!
I guess the “purpose” of marriage is to generate the next generation, but it makes the process a whole lot more tolerable if the two partner actualy like each other and get along with one another.
Knowing the persons middos (and picking someone with middos that match yours) should in theory make for a good marraige.
Besides, the Bobover Rebbe was quoted as saying, “people look for 6 things in a shidduch. 3 are irrelevant, 3 are indespensible.
The 3 that are irrelevant are money,looks and yichus; the 3 that are indespensable are middos, middos and middos”.
So I guess middos are up there on the checklist.
In BP? The best you can hope for is 40 mph. But oh, what a sight to see.. and the joy in brings to the little BPers, when Volvie or Chaim Meir or Heshy (Yoily is on a call in Willy, so it cant be him) goes flying down the block, in his shiny new Lotus! (And yes, I am deadly jealous, me in my ho-hum Oddessy)
chicken feet in the prada heels.
Moq – I think you meant calfs hooves in Prada, but I still love your writing style!
Yoish –
2 more points came to mind that were a huge help in my dating days (I was working at the time)
1 – daven in a primary shul consistantly. Its ok to catch an occasional mincha / maariv in a miyan factory, but shacris should be in a place that you can use as a reference. Ditto for Shabbos. Pick a place and put down roots. Need not be the place you davened at as a child, but pick one that works for your persona as you are now and see yourself (and want to be seen as) for the next few years. And make sure the rov / gabboim know you by name, not just “the guy who sits in the 3rd row near the seforim shank”
2 – have a daily shiur, either with a chavrusa or at a public shiur, but make sure its visible. For the next few years, you need to be seen as someone very stable, because your critics (the ones that question your choice to go to work) will be easily silenced when they see you are making a name for yourself.
3 – dress code. That’s your call, just make sure you stay consistant with the image you want to be percieved as. In my kids case, that would mean a white shirt / black pants, wether they are going to college at night or seder in the morning. Whatever you do, don’t have a dual image. Nothing sinks a person faster than that.
lots of JAPs rollerblade
Of course, don’t be absurd. A true JAP will spend her time off when not shopping, of course) tooling around aimlessly in her Maxima or Lexus with her 2 best best friends!
The NY times had a review of the new Lotus.. its only $80,000, but turns heads like a Mas or Ferrarri. Hows that for Neis!
Imagine being the 1st BP hocker to tear down the avenue (lights and sirens, of course) in one of those!
Lunch sounded ideal, but did you have a dressing for it? That helps the digestion and gives you the max of nutrients out of the vegetables.
The cookbook Salad Time has tons of recipies for dressings (like I said, avoid the store bought stuff).
Aim for dressings that are oil / vinegar based. Those carry the fewest calories and fat per spoonful
there are JAPs who can make great kugel –
Maybe, but can they rollerblade? or do they think a rollerblade is an attachemnt to the foodprocessor to MAKE potato kugel?
Yoish –
Thank you for clarifing that. If all goes as planned, in 2-5 years from now, bochurim will not need to make excuses for choosing to work (nor will girls need to make excuses for choosing them)
And to all those who are making fun of the Yoish rallying call … THATS SOP in 11219, so please back off!
Now, Yoish, tell me.. are you looking for tzve mohl tze’gedect or is a shtern tichel what you had in mind? 🙂
I think it stands for Bachelors in Talmudic Law, and New to the Scene, I am THRILLED to see your post.
and “not lois” was a suggestion for Blinky.. not me!! And no, O don’t want “not Clark Kent” either.
I’m open to something new, or I’d settle for my old tag, if nothing funny comes to mind
“Eats dots”
I get the joke, Squeak! (It helps that I grew up in the 80’s)