bpt

Grada. My kids use it as frequently as I ask “vusi n’eis?”

Scare you? No, not at all.

Think of marriage as my sending off the boys to EY – serious business, lots to worry about, but really no alternative if you’re in the arena that plays by those rules.

And like EY, it can be trouble, but if it good, its heaven on earth!

So stop straddling the line WIY and take the plunge!

Arc (and WIY)

No, I’m not changing the EY track for my kids based on the above. But I am worried. True, its a remote chance, but its still a chance none-the-less.

So off they go, and I “mach nass a tehilim’l” as the Satmer Rebbe said

I’ll say this much Homeowner; If I ever get into legal trouble, you are the esq I want leading my dream team (assuming you handle criminal law).

But as a neighbor or mechutin? Uh, maybe not.

“They” only say that to bolster your self esteem. What they really mean is, you ain’t scratched the surface, pal.

Not to worry; I thought I had it all under wraps at 20.. until I got married.

Then I learnt the hard way.

As a “modern yeshivish” person, the definition I feel that first me is someone who is learned enough to push the outer limits of halacha, without going over the edge

Myfriend nailed it.

What do you say when invited to wedding, held in a swanky country club, on a Sunday, and they order you a sealed, airline style meal (so kashrus is assured)to the invitation? I can’t make it because….. ?

Sure, you could make an excuse once, twice, a second time, But after a while, they see thru it and you look anti-social.

Think that’s a sticky situation? Hows this: You get invited to a mixed marriage. Do you go, and in effect, give this union your seal of approval? OK, this may not women in such a bind. But I(to the goyish velt) look very much like a Rabbi. In fact, more so than the “Brooks Brothers” rabbi who just performed the ceremony.

How do I get out of that one? Best bet: leave work at work.

Nah, from the post you just penned on the “bochurim” thread, I see you and I have a LOT in common, despite our age gap.

I will say this, WIY. You do know your facts from the ground level. And the senario you paint, is very, very true. When it comes to using sechel in um, shall we call them, “crucial moments”, men (and drunk bochurim) often leave their sechel at the door.

Is it a miyut? For sure. Is it a concern for parents? FOR SURE!

Like most hot-button issues, no one likes to face them head on, but folks like yourself do a service if only one bochur (or Sem girl)is saved.

I have had my non-jew co-workers attend my affairs, without a hitch.

Be aware though, that YOU may get invited to their affairs in return, so think about how you would handle that. (I did, and it was not an easy spot to get out of)

Are you kidding? I just saved you from a barrage of mean posts slamming you for being anti sefardi.

But I don’t see a denial of being chassidish either, so what exactly are y…. uh oh. I better stop before we start the “label” thread all over again!

OK, everyone. the tribe leader is Moses (google it for alternative spellings, pronounciations and titles)

WIY –

All you say is true and, boy you hit it right on the head, I am DREADING the 12 months my boys will be overseas. And the idea of a kollel guy to play policeman is nice, but not happening. What am I supposed to do if I get negative reports, reel them back? I either trust them or I dont (after all, they are mini-adults).

That said, the odds of them going off the deep end are small, when you compare them to the number of really really good boys that are there and really learning.

And yes, I sure do know what goes on, as I have several Shomrim and Hatzoloh friends who tell me stories that would make a screen play for CSI.

But its a miut, sh’bimiut. Overall, the boys are good and while no one likes poking fun at the system as much as I do, I cannot deny that it does (for 99% of the population) work.

Look at yourself as an example; you went, you knew, but you came out alive. Why? I’ll attribute it to any or all of the following:

zuchus avos

a system that works

dumb luck

(ok, maybe that last one is a stretch)

Bottom line; trouble can be found anywhere, and you can be righteous anywhere. I’m living proof of this. (Unlike many parents and mechanchim will tell you, I was a “kid at risk” before the term was minted. So I know. Oh boy, do I know)

whatrutalkingabt

no one here suggested that the answer be “we’ll think about it, and get back to you”

The answer was, “not right now, and if things change, we’ll get back to you”

That way, no one is hurt, and it leave the door open for nachas’s senario

Oh, sorry Squeak. You know him under a differnt name:

“Moisheh Raabaynie”

(that’s how I refer to him too, but after all this IS CR, not the Kaavah Shteeb)

WIY –

You’re either nuts, or only know 5-15 really bad dudes.

C’mon WIY – You may be able to point out a few trouble makers, but surely you know 20-30x the number of real righteous guys.

And if you don’t, you need to get new friends

I agree with Wolf.

True, there are a number of boys and girls who party in EY. And there are a number of them who take extended weekend trips to Cypress or Milan.

But there are THOUSANDS more who are working real hard during those 12 months. True, thousands don’t make the juicy headlines that the jet set nabs, but they are still there. One peek into the Bais (take your pick of which one to look at) will confirm that.

Easy way out is to say, “right now, I’ve got something else pending and is very imminent, and don’t tie myself up. And thanks for keeping me in mind! Should this not pan out, I’ll be back in touch.”

The “redder” knows they are being thrown a red herring, but at least it was thrown with manners

I don’t mind cooking, but really hate cleanup, so whatever I make, I try to do with as few utensils as possible (rice and chicken in the same pan, roast and carrots / potatoes in the same pan, ect)

I also tend to favor oven baked things, as it requires less babysitting.

I know a number of these folks. The word I like to use when desribing them is intense. They are in many ways just like the rest of the population, but they have a certain something about them that just emanates from them when the talk the talk.

Then again, I suupose the same could be said for me when I talk about the rebbe, so who am I to throw rocks?

Ah, welcome to parenting 101. (or 1.0, as they call it in the digital age).

Knowing when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em is what makes us grey and wrinkled. Its a constant judgement call, one which I / Mrs make every day. Most times, its a no brainer; sometimes we stay up at night, wondering if we made the right call.

Things like kashrus yes/no would not be up for debate. But if one of the rank-and-file decided that white shirts 24/7 is too much to handle, yes, that I’d compromise on (and in fact, I did compromise on a similar area).

Texting is a bit harder to eradicate. Its like a phone today, just more addictive. (But I am glad to see my impression of you is accuarate, Blink 🙂

“some of us here are likely to engage in “high risk ” behavior”

Blinky, say it ain’t so.. You have a TV? I don’t belive it. And if so, (which I still don’t beleive) I’m willing to bet after the kids arrive, you’ll trash it. Its just who you are (or will someday become).

But the whole conversation is silly, becuase I don’t believe it. The “risky-ist” behavoir you engage in is revealing personal data in the CR

“New Username, same dumb comments.”

I actually welcome it. A few days ago, there was a post from someone else that got me to see the whole EY / extended yeshiva years from a different perspective, so I for one, am glad that I get asked the same questions again, so I get to rethink my opinion.

Onion rings, without a doubt.

“in a group of other Carlebach lovers”

So true, SRP! I was once at a Shabbaton and Noah Solomon (of the Moshav band) davened from the amud. Ponytail, sandals and plaid shirt… but when he opened his mouth, pure gold came out.