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I see you’re trying very hard…(read: but the results are somewhat lame)
a parachute!
Funny you should pick this topic, because I just heard this morning on the radio a survey about how much TV most Americans watch each day (on average, its 5 hours)
The radio host asked essentialy the same question you just did:
How do you know when you’ve had too much?
The best answers were:
When you know more on-line people than you do real people
When you tell your real world friends stories about your on-line friends (yet talk about them like they are also real world friends)
When you fall asleep at the screen… and wake up when someone shuts the monitor!
(the other one was about the buttons on the remote, so it does not apply to the CR)
Thanks, Yaff! I was going to say just that (but did not know who said it)
For real? Which doctor would not advise getting some exercise? (either mental or physical). Flexing your limbs and mind every so often keeps you in shape for when you really need to claw it out (and believe me, there will be days in your future that you will need to fight back).
Don’t wait for the fire alarm bell to ring; practice now!
in a local Starbucks…. they didn’t order anything!
Of course not.
Which Sem girl / Bais boy drinks cholov stam?
the guys just become crazy.
This is true. Without my wife, I’d most likely still be living at home, and to be 30+ and still living with my mother, I’d be certifiable. (no offense, Ma)
Well, the beis din shel maalo asks it, and you can’t answer “eventually”.
You’re right. But even upstairs, a single bocher’s answer had better be “not yet”
“for some reason the guys wanna go out with girls who have been to ‘Bnos Chava’ “
Perhaps. But in just as many cases, the boys want to go out with girls whose daddy’s have the $$$ to send their kids to BC.
Just as well. They’ll soon find out that the BC grad and Daddy are tough cookies and not one to mess with.
You’re right about me checking the GS thread; I almost treat it like a message board.
Think my Bnos Chava posts were funny? Have her read the “funny answers trick questions” post. THAT was funny (at least, I thought so)
And don’t think I don’t spot you from time to time on other threads; I know you favor the riddle threads, but you really ought to jump into the pit every so often. A little dirt under your fingernails / grime on your face is healthy. It builds your immune system, and makes for a much more fun CR visit!
Poppa –
6 questions:
4 = only acceptable answer should be “yes”
1 = possible answer can be “yes” or “eventualy”
1 = answer had better be “eventualy”
If not, um, er, well, (perhaps this boy is not the best choice, regardless what the references say!)
Aries is right; advertising is the source of revenue with any blog. (True, us members are pricless, but we don’t pay the bills)
We are noeg to drink a l’chaim after the fish. Hoiecha inyunim, naturally.
“perhaps the shadchan should pay for the 1st date?”
BRILLIANT!
I normally don’t do all caps, but this was so funny and so chochmadik, it needed to be shouted out loud.
Nisht azoi pushit, PushitaYid.. nisht azoi pushit!
Did I miss something? I googled AMI and got a Montessori link, a medical term for a heart attack, the meat institiute’s web page and where to buy semiconductors for the Automobile, Medical and industrial market.
Oddly enough, no menton of the magazine
Mazel tov to 1030 and Oomis. (care to share how many this brings the tally to?)
As far as when to tell, the sooner the better, as the hurt they will feel by finding out after someone else is pretty painful
And someone else always finds out before you’re showing. I had several passengers in my car one Monday AM (heading back to the city from the Catskills,) and out of the blue, one of them starts throwing up.
Skipped a dramamine? No, guess again. Its also pretty impossible to get to your doctor without being spotted.
Play it safe. Once your spouse knows, tell your parents.
We are still a few months away from the parsha, but if given the choice between following up on a lead from a pro, or one from someone who knows at least one of the sides personaly, the personal one will get our attention first.
Reason? The shadchad who has a personal stake in the match really wants it to work out, and the shadchanus is a nice bonus.
The pro? Well, lets not discuss the pro’s motive
No, this should be the boy’s responsibility 100%. After the wedding, the money and expenses are all in one pool, but prior to that, the boy should take the iniiative
$16k? All the more reason to stop being treated like a rag. Were I to put out the word that I’m ready to hand out a $16k donation to a yeshiva, I’d get my picture in the paper, be asked to join the board of various orginaizations, my Mrs would be hostess of the next 10 tea parties in the BP area, ect.
And here, you have bright girls who are paying top $, and get the run-around during an interview?
Gosh, does this system need an overhaul.
I got the 3rd issue. The living section cover has a falafel ball on it
Depends who it is you see. Is it some A++, super-cool person that enhances your image? Then yes, by all means. Where applicable, shake hands / fist bump / do the gangsta-shoulder mash, to show your date you are connected.
OTOH, if you see some shleppy nudnik headed your way, freeze, and say “Woah, I think I left the car door unlocked, do a 180, and get some distance between you and your obstacle (and hope your date did not catch on.. which they probably did, but will still give you credit for quick thinking)
One more thing. If the on coming problem is a kid brother or cousin, watch for a set up, as there may be someone directly behind you when you do the about face.
(Gee, guys, you really need to lighten up here. Its a date, for heaven’s sake. Relax a little!)
“Oh, we met on our own”
I would have posted in bold / italics. Possibly dropped the “Oh”, as it makes it sound somewhat less important than the rest of the post (and thread)
This is a huge admission on your part, and you should be very proud of it (for what its worth, I am)
Seeing as I must have said the word “ah’havah” at least 10 times this morning by shacris, love must be something we Jews believe in, so yes, I would say love is a Jewish concept.
Falling? No, that’s something we try to avoid.
Ditto. It costs a bundle, but (IMHO) worth every penny. My kids have been to several camps, and Agudah has a a very good program for today’s yeshiva boys
QT101 (and all other applicants)
Keep in mind, the bocher you will eventualy date, when thru NONE of this grief to get into bais medrash (not in the USA or in EY).
Nor did his parents shell out $10,000-$12,000 for the year.
I would not know bnos chavah from bnos on shabbos for 8 year olds, but to put someone with your credentials trhu this? They are messing with your head. If you fudge this sem, there are 10 more to pick from, and in the final analysis, you still come back to the states to face an uphill battle in the job / shidduch market.
Don’t play into the fear factor. Remember, you’re grades thru HS prove you’re a winner. Don’t be treated like a shmatteh.
Since the purpose of dating is to get married, the ammt spent should be the same as you would spend on a “date” with your wife. Some dates are $100 trips to the city plus dinner, other dates are walks in the park with nothing more than a light lunch or snack.
It cracks me up to hear bocherim say, “dates cost me a fortune”.
Gee, if you’re balking at $100, how do you expect to cover rent? Diapers? Food?
Wake up, kids. Running a house costs loads of money. Think dating is costly? You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.
About doing good shidduchim? I talk to Him about this (and lots of other things)every day
Are geirim not frum?
While “frum” is an elusive title, I see where you’re coming from.
My guess is, anyone who comes into the fold, must at some point or another had a “jewish element” in their past, in one form or another. I can’t name specific cases (cause I’m not G-D) but from the reading I’ve done, it could be an 18th generation child from someone who got swallowed up in a mixed marraige, or something like that.
So, despite having a title to wear on his (or her) lapel, they do come from a gadol of sorts. Maybe not the kind that bios are written about, but a gadol in their own way (again, not G-D, so I really can’t say for sure)
What I meant to say is, its a good thing to be decisive, but not at the expense of being reckless.
Take your time choosing, and when you find what you’re looking for, be prepared to go for it (which I’m certain you are).
While NFGO3 makes a good point (that all communities should be accepting of BTs) fact is, the NYC metro area is just too big to get noticed if you don’t have roots put down. Growing roots take time, and time is the one thing a 25 y/o woman can not afford to waste.
Still, you go where the jobs are, so if NYC is the place you’re headed, get an apt anywhere you can afford and make the Upper West Side of Mantahhan your home away from home. If a single BT stands a chance of getting noticed, that would be the most logical choice.
OK, Artchill, since you broke the ice, I do have one more question that the parents should ask the boy:
If you were an animal, which one would you be?
(only answer I would accept: a vilda chaya!
That’t why I added “moving at pretty much the standard pace”.
For us, this is normal.
And yes, Toto, you are no longer in Kansas.
That’s why I said, “Sac is a big girl”.
Still, “just do it” might work for Nike.
For us, its “don’t just do it…do it right!”
” she don’t need that shpiel! “
Sorry, Tomim Tihye – I just remebered that I did not address your comment.
True, Sac may be a big girl, but consider this:
1) I have yet to meet the person who does not appreicate an encouraging “shpiel”
2) Sac may not be the only person who reads the post and finds it relevant to a situation they are in (or may someday face).
I considered posting “just make up your mind and get it over with” as a reply, but the post I made filled up more space, so I went with that instead.
If anyone doubts the claim that Mom of a Few just made, please read the article in last week’s Ami, about the young girl who turned in her parents.
Yichus only takes you so far.
And dunno – try to do a shidduch or two with some “regular” ballei batim. We may not have the pedegree, but we sure spice thing up!
Its in the hall on Coney Island Ave / Ave I. Most likely, its still on, as Bklyn is mostly back to normal. Buses, trucks, cars…all are moving at pretty much the standard pace.
By Moztoi Shabbos, you’ll barely notice the snow.
Every time I write an seroius post, if just one person reads it and walks away somewhat encouraged or with a renewed resolve to try again, then I think I’ve made a worthy contribution, and put my time to good use.
Even if that one person who is helped is me.
(of course, my witty / sarcastic posts accomplish a whole lot more, but that’s debatable)
How about:
* Did you have an easy time finding a parking spot?
* Was traffic heavy coming in from <insert relevant locale>?
* Where are you planning to go toninte? (and look pleased / impressed, regardless of the answer)
The answers to the serious questions (future plans, family demographics, ect) should all be known before the boy walks thru the door.
Ami magazine ran an article as follows:
A young girl of rebbishe yichus was separated from her family during the war. She made it to a DP camp in Italy, the rest of her surviving family made it to DP camps elsewhere (but neither knew of each other).
Thinking that she was the only survivor, she married a “fine, simple, erlich man, but no yichus” (I forgot her exact words, but this was the jist of it).
Fast forward to her arrival in the USA, and lo and behold!; much of her family survived!
So, what to do about Mr. Simple, Erlich (but no yichus) Husband? Being the mentch that she was, she stayed with him, despite the uncomfortable circumstances.
She then proceeds to live for the next 60+ years, never really being happy about her lot, all because of the “yichus” she allowed to slip away from her.
Its not until her husband is dying, that she realizes how silly she was, and how good a person he was, despite not having numerous titles before and after his name. Talk about a sad story
I have no yichus to brag about. But there are things in my family’s past I am VERY proud about. Things that they accomplished on their own, despite the challenges they faced.
And looking back (when I hit the elter zeidi years) the things I will be most proud of, will be the things my family has yet to achieve.
Walking them on Shabbos is a bit of a problem. And if I remember correctly, you need to wash your hands after touching them, before you make a bracha.
I love dogs too…. from a distance
Maybe in financial / logistical things.
Not in the topic we’re discussing here.
I meant, saying “yes” to the skating suggestion, but I like your way of thinking, TMB!
” Learn to enjoy each others company. “
And learn how to swallow defeat with dignity, when your date nails strike after strike, and while you can barely break 100.
(!@$%& – I knew I shoulda spent more time in the bowling alley, and less time in the parking lot!)
Not in this case, TMB.. not in this case! Here, they are right on target. Perhaps not the choice of words I feel comfortable with, but they surely nailed it with brutal accuracy.
“but i can’t remember the last time i touched either of those”
Still, should a date suggest Rockefeller Center or Chelsa Piers, its nice to know you can say yes!
Oh, so THATS who nailed me on Monday 🙁
Just the opposite? Not in my world. If you don’t love the outdoors, its gonna be a real tough adjustment joining our family.
Let me guess, you roller-blade /ice skate too, right?
I have 3 constructive suggestions:
1) be sure that each family member (infants and the infirm excluded) have full snow gear (boots, hip lenght coats, hats that cover your ears, long undergarments, wool socks) so that if you do need to go out, you can.
2)once the weather gets more managable, get your weight in check and start a routine of walking, so if you need to walk 2-3 miles, you can do so without getting a heart attack
3) plan ahead. If the forcast says snow to hit by 6:00pm, try to be at your destination before the snow hits. Nothing is a rotten as getting stuck on the road in a blizzard.
With these small steps, you can manage (to some degree) until the snow is under control.
You raise a good point, Aries. A generation ago, there was much less emphasis on “always feeling good, whatever the cost”, so people were somewhat more likley to accept the lot that was theirs.
Contrast that with today’s message; “you can do and be whatever you want”, at the smallest provocation, an unhappy camper is apt to go looking for “fun”
And the tech / communication revoloution only made it easier.
And my all time favorite quote about on-line trouble: “a person’s judgement at 2:00 am is not the same as it would probably be at 2:00pm”
When it comes to these sort of things, its more likley a women can excercise good judgement, than can a man in the same situation.
“I shoveled and had snowball fights in the morning….and later went for a nice walk”
Your “shidduch market value” just went up 500%, Blinky. All we need now, is a sample of your potato kugel, and we can check off all the boxes!
I went to my parents for lunch on Monday. I dressed for the weather, took my time getting there, and really enjoyed the snow before it turned to a grey, slusshy mess.
Tuesday was back to work (waah!)