bpt

Since I’m married, my opinion may not count, but given the fact that my spouse and kids are all that makes my life (work, struggles, ect) worth living, I would say that if I could not find the “women of my dreams” after a while (say, 5-6 years of consistant looking) I would give my ideas of what I need to be looking for a serious re-think.

I don’t say, you need to “settle”; you just need to be realistic of what a person can be and what you really NEED in a spouse.

But to stay alone? No, life is too tough to face it alone.

Threads that deal with health (diets, fitness).

My theory? Good health leads to feeling good about yourself, and when you do, most of the other things we agonize about (jobs, shidduchim, sholom bayis, dealing with kids, ect) all fall into place.

“I doubt the average yeshiva guy knows Coach flats from a Coach bus.”

Can’t speak for all boys, but the crowd I see knows their stuff. When I was in HS, I was told this: your shirt needs to cost more than your pants.

With decent pants costing $30-$50, a Brooks Brother shirt is the bare minimum

Ok.. So far, one of you surfaced (in another thread) but one of you is still missing or laying low.

Well??

A pound or 2 over.. looks like a million bucks…

Sorry, Sac. I was giving the view thru middle age eyes, and one that has seen the downside to “marrying for money / looks”

Not to say us middle-agers are content walking around in a bathrobe, picking high-calorie food out of dumpsters. We still like nice things, and like to look presentable. Its just that we value real, tangible, inner-self things more.

Our job now is to set a good example so that hopefully we can get some sanity back in the relationship process

I thought you meant “kulah for powdered cholov stam”

I can see where the heter is, because (if I remember correctly) food coloring can be made from the blood of worms, after they are dried and crushed into powder.

Truth? The whole inyan today (IMHO) in regards to cholov stam / cholov yisroel is NOT about kashrus.

Its about following your mesorah, or choosing a path thats right for you.

So its not about a “kulah” its about doing what you feel right about.

Ok, sorry this was just bait to smoke out 2 of the usual suspects that have not been posting lately.

General Shmooze posts can get their attention most of the time.

You 2 out there?

“I think this thread is self explanatory”

Hmm.. well this IS the YWN CR, and we do have several female members who will no doubt be checking to see what we write, so lets be civil.

Really, men are not that complex, and as a result can have 99% of their needs met in a few short steps:

Is her health something she values?

Is her appearance something she attends to?

Is her and your yiddishkeit / middos on the same page?

Is her appetite a healthy one?

Is her self confidence intact?

Say yes to all the above, and you have found a person that is going to make a terrific spouse. All the other things (money, moviestar looks, what sem she did / did not go to) are all details, and not the basis of who she will be 20, 30, 40, 50 years from now.

Oh, and one more thing. Moochie Goochie nail polish is a real plus (but no points deducted if all she wears is pink or french tips)

” the boy’s mother come “scout me out” by a wedding “

I said almost the same thing to my wife, about how we should go about dealing with suggestions for our boys.

If she sounds promising on the initial info, its worth our effort to go see her. Not stalk her 24/7.. not hire a PI. But a simple visual at a wedding or other public venue is certainly in order.

I love the fact that its preceeded by fall and followed by Spring (really, folks.. all winter means is a fashion show? )

Tomorrow, I’m saying “sheloi usani isha” with extra kavohna

Its not “required”, and IMHO, quite demeaning. If the shadchan will not take the time to meet you (and the boy) face to face, I’d look for a different shadchan.

And if all they can do is rattle off info from a resume, how are they any better than a web search engine?

Its time to start demanding a touch of humanity in the process.

No telling what the cause was, but if she went off, she can be brought back. Is she a CR member? If not, have her join. She’ll see the happier side of yiddishkeit, and may have a change of heart.

I saw that, but did not see it as something I needed to comment on. Nor did it change what I would say, even if there were no meds involved. Are there some things that need medication? Sure. Can medication alone do everything? No, I don’t think so.

Besides, if Blah (wow, I really don’t feel comfortable calling someone Blah) was getting all the necessary help from the meds alone, there would be no need to reach out for encouragement, would there?

And no, I did not say, chuck the meds; the CR is all you need. All I said is, look beyond the here and now (which may or may not be so rosy) and see a world that is waiting for you, one that you can have a fair share of, as long as you beleive that YOU CAN BE HAPPY.

Are meds necessary? Not sure; I’m not a doctor.

Is a positive attitude necessary? ABSOULUTELY! (ask any doctor)

I’m an 80 year old grandmother, and live in Ashdod

Depressed? As a teen? How can that be, when you have your whole life ahead of you? Do you realize that as a teen, you can avoid many of the mistakes us adults have made?

Still, I was a teen at one point, so I know life seems daunting. But take it from someone who’s been there and back; Life is GREAT (98% of the time) and loads of fun, most of the time. School is tough, authority can be a pain, but hang in there and you’ll hit adulthood before you know it.

Don’t believe me? Use this as a measuring stick; in no time flat, you’re going to ask the MODs to change your name from BlahBlahBlah to Whoopie!

In the meantime, if you need something specific, please ask. As a starting point, you might consider reading the “how to build my self esteem” thread. There is lots of upbeat info there.

I can’t really weigh in on this thread, but when someone starts a “boys thoughts on girls” thread, please let me know

I still think the best strategy is to get yourself out in the public eye, and let people see you for what you really are. Make sure you stay in an envoirnment (shul, tehillim group, ect) that will allow people to follow up on you, and you should see results within 3 months.

As many times this topic gets started, thats how many times I love to respond (its that encouraging and that important)

The diet that works for us is really quite simple:

1) try to only eat food you make at home. And never skip breakfast!

2) if you must eat store bought food, try to avoid things with more than 5 ingredients

3) avoid hydrogenated anything!

4) portion size: divide your plate as follows: 50% salad, 25% main course, 25% side dish. desert should be the same size as your main course

5) Excercise. No, not the NYC marathon, and not the Ironman triathalon. Walking 2-3 miles (within 30-45 minutes)a day should do the trick for 90% of us

6) Remember, its the only body you have.. take care of it!

Dieting / maintaining your health is not a punishment….its a gift you give yourself.

Commit a felony. Nothing grabs headlines and gets you respect like a perp walk.

That, or hire a press secretary. Your name / photo will be in the community pages like you’re a seasoned askan or gevir (gevir-ette).

OK, enough jokes. The way I would do it is by getting your self out in the public eye. Go to shul on Shabbos (not just Shabbos mevorchim / Tomtov), take a niece / nephew / neighbor’s kid to the park, dr. office, pick up from school (and not by doubleparking and honking… get there 10 minutes early and make small talk with the other people on foot)

If you’re a bochur, daven in ONE SHUL, and with your family if possible. Let people see you and they will ask about you.

Anything you make from scratch gives you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, its a whole lot healthier than things you buy in a store. One thing, though; call them muffins. Its sounds my adult-oriented, and more heathful.

(no offense to yummy cupcake!)

Home made Vodka? I just saw a reciepe for homemade alchohol in this week’s Ami. It said to add a teaspoon of yeast (the baking kind) to a 1/2 gallon of water, a nice ammt of sugar (it did not say how much, so I’d guess a cup)and “flavoring” (they suggested coffee, cocoa, or lemon).

Let stand for 2 weeks, and it should be drinkable. But what would I add to give it scotch or bourbon flavor? Any ideas?

Koisel

Really? I just Googled it, and you’re right; G-d is back in it. Maybe its optional, so you can use the text you’re comfortable with?

I cannot imagine a religious day school having their kids say g-d in the pledge.

Any Torah U’mesora folks out there?

You did right for leaving, as who would want to daven in a place where there is no middos?

The only thing I would have done, was tell people the REAL reason you left. Its not loshon horoh, its fact.

No one stood up, because no one cared. And if no one points it out to them, they will keep making the same mistake.

“Just out of curiosity, however, what made you think the person was me?”

See, that’s just my point. I took someone at random, who I don’t know at all, and came to the conclusion, that he is a “normal” person. What makes you think people come to a different conclusion about you?

As for the specifics, this person was close to 6ft, clean shaven, full head of hair and carrying an overstuffed shoulderbag (or laptop, but either way, it was stuffed with what I would presume to be paper or reading material).

Resgardless, 90% of the population thinks favorably about 90% of the population. Odds are, you’re in the 90% (both percieved and conclusion drawers)