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So I guess there’s more to your “123” suffix than we originaly thought!
“why another thread about the same thing?”
For the same reason we have umpteen threads about makeup, dates gone bad, shopping, ect.
Drinking is a topic we never tire of.
In this case, it really was a new topic. But to some of the CR membership, its “just another thread about beer”
No, you have it all wrong. The “date” they are talking about is the “best by” date, which is indicative of a true beer maven!
“how” she/he drank the beer”
Good point!
Was it chugged from the bottle? Tells you something.
Was is sipped thru a straw? Tells you something else!
” I would be intrigued… “
Now that you mention it, details DO matter.
Did she also order a beer chaser? Maybe there’s some redeeming factor in this after all!
(At the risk of sounding like a defender), There are those who would argue that creating conditions that will produce kids who will not be able to abide by the rules that the society in which they are expected to live in, is indeed genocide. Sort of like the way intermarraige is viewed as a threat to our existence. No one is getting shot, but it does pose a real threat to who we are.
Its not to say that all families with an absentee parent produce problem kids, but it should make one stop and think about the consequences that bad parenting choices (the willful ones)usually bring as a result
I’m with Deizooger –
I think the “rainbow as a harbinger for disater” is only when its out of the natural circumstances (I think I read it in Meam Loez).
Still a great opportunity to make a brocha, and the time for teshuva is always ripe, but I don’t think its cause for panic.
“WADR, there is a BIG difference “
Like I said in a different thread, the CR, and certain CR members in particular, have taught me how to state things so the point gets across clearly without stomping on anyones toes. Can’t know for sure what Fetter meant, but most likely, it was just a figure of speech
Observantteen –
You, and the kids like like you(both back from the brink and those still fighting their way back) are the reason I take such a stand against labeling.
Its not fair, and it undermines the hard work that people have put in to get to the point they’re at now.
Keep it up!
Same thing I would say about a boy who drinks alchohol in a non-mitzvah setting. (Mitzva setting being a Shabbos kiddush, a vort, ect)
It speaks volumes about the person, and would be (for me at least) a serious bellwether.
To be fair, the poor kids might just not be bright enough to know what they just did was wrong, so I would reveal the reason you are dropping the date (if you choose to do so).
It might be a wake-up call for the offender.
I can’t know what was on Fetter Shmelka’s mind, but what I hope he meant (and I would agree, but not phrased the same way) is women who, by choice, turn their back on the needs of their children (so they can shop, go to tzedoko parties, pursue a carrear, even though $ is not the issue), they (and their partner husbands) have done their kids a huge dis-service.
Same applied to families who jet off to vacations all the time and leave the kids in the care of the nanny.
The single parent (regardless of gender) who is trying their best? We need to support and applaude them.
The parent (either half) who are “too busy” to tend to their kids? We need to condemn and ostracize them.
And before anyone jumps down my throat, yes, I know sets of both kind of parents.
And the kids are living proof of you get what you give.
APY –
I made me post before reading all the others.
I repeated what you said. Sorry for the re-write. (but glad to see I’m not alone).
And Adore –
The gedolim have spoken about it. This (like many other issues we find ourselves confronting) are not “new”. The faces / places may have changed, but inspiring a bren for yiddishkeit has been job # 1 from day 1.
We are working on it (and doing a fine job, BTW). And we need to do more.
That’s the full time job of a parent (and to a degree, the job of a mechanich)
Funny, how this seems to crop up each Spring / Summer.
Wearing gangsta clothing does not mean you are looking at someone who is off the derech. Perhaps, it means they are not yeshiva bochurim, but to paint them with such a damaging brush is wrong and hurtful.
5 teens (all in yeshiva, but out for lag Baomer) are standing on 16th Ave at 2:00am, with their (white) shirts untucked.
An ex-classmate and 2 friends (all wearing hooded sweatshiirts) stops to say hello and catch up on news.
All of a sudden, you have 10 AT RISK TEENS!!
See how its important to know your facts?
Remebmer, they (or a family member) may read the CR, and seeing this sort of sensationalist reporting does no one any good.
Also, please bear in mind, while we have many boys who are slipping (and even 1 is 1 too many) we do not have an epidemic! We have 1000s of good boys, and 100s who may not want to fit the mold we have made for them.
But to say the yeshiva / parenting system is a failure, is plain wrong. We need to do whatever we can to help each and every person find the niche that’s right for them, but in the meantime, lets give credit where its due.
Yeah, I’ll say. Mod-42 also did his (her?) fair share of training.
” but couldnt figure out how to make it sound clean. Kudos! “
So far, so good!
edited
Big whoop, indeed, because of who was in which role.
Had the roles been reversed, I’m not so sure the “dying of mortification” reaction would have been as unexpected.
(Still not a warranted reaction, mind you; but I could at least see why it would be uncomfortable.)
“im not from ny”
But you’re probably from Lakewood (or Baltimore?), which is close enough.
Best place (IMHO) is 16th ave / 50th street, in front of Nicholsberg. Crowd is great(chilled, but not too tzelos’t)and its starts about an hour after the zman
Mechuel Shnitzler was there last year, and he gets the place hopping!
And for all you litvaks: As soon as you’re within a 50ft radius of anything chassidish (BP, CH, Willy, ect), its on our dime, so relax and join the fun!
Agreed. See you in 20 years.
Canine is right. It will follow you FOREVER! (ha ha!)
Its much safer to say what you “are” looking for, as opposed to saying what this suggestion lacks. That way, its not you doing the rejection, its just a mis-understanding
Besides, if you tell people what you are really looking for, they might know someone like that. Could be the mis-match was due to a lack of a clear message (from either end)
“its about where you started…. and where you are now.”
That’s what this is about? Join the club! Let me share a secret with you:
You are NEVER done climbing that ladder. Not you, not me, not anyone. We can (and should) always strive to reach beyond what we achieved last time.
(Sorry, from your OP, I did not see this as where you were coming from)
As far as finishing the sentence….
“i am insulted”
Don’t be. The fact that we are giving you the answers we are giving you (serious ones and funny ones) should tell you that we are taking this very seriously.
Denim skirts, on the other hand….
I’ve seen it. I also saw people handing out flyers in the train station, and they look like J for J people.
Not too worried though. The 21st is Shabbos, so I’m feeling pretty secure.
Here’s a 411:
Ask your parents / mentors / Rov. They are already at the end of the tunnel.
They have gone thru, in some way / shape / form what you are now going trhu.
True, today’s society can do things quicker, cleaner, quieter than a generation ago, but its not a new situation. Young people do dumb things, and think the world is coming to an end.
Good behavior rinses away bad behavior. Stay on the righteous path and leave the old baggage in the corner. Don’t dwell on it, and don’t let it drag you down.
Now, can we get back to the important things in life?
Denim skirts, anyone?)
” do you think there is light at the end of this tunnel? “
100%. In about 10/12years, you’ll see the light at the end.
It will take you 20 (or so) years to get to the end of the tunnel.
When you do, be sure to look for the inscriptions on the wall:
<name> was here / 2011
YWN Coffeeroom rocks! (no, its not spelled rox)
They’re not, if they’re going for the wrong reasons. Check the lines at most BP mikvahs on Erev Yom Kippur, and you’ll see a long line of singles. When its kedusha driven, all ages / status are welcome.
But once a year may not do the trick in your case. Seeing as how, in your sullied state, a “daily Yom kippur” might be called for, contact your local mikvah to see if you can work out a scedule (and price break!)
See? I may not “understand the situation” (at my age, these things are out of my league), but I can still see the humor in them!
All together now: LOL!
” um im a girl…. “
And your point is? True, daily dips could run into a major expense, but hey, can you put a price tag on kedusha?
(Sorry, the $2/day rate is only for the menfolk)
Heels?
Gosh, Sac… there is more Kensington in you than I thought!
” your past! “
You’re kidding, right? You cannot have a “past”, not in the terms that the street normally thinks of.
OK, we’re going in circles. Try this:
Take a look at some of the mussar seforim. They will help you turn your “past” (however dreadful) into something positive, and give you a fresh start.
If that doesn’t do the trick, Yom Kippur is only a few months away. Who knows? You might even be going to shul with your new, white leather set of machzorim. Talk about a fresh start!
Relax. We old folks have been down this trail before.
Think I’m a guy, or think its different?
Trust me, its not much different. The only advantage I have over you is mileage.
“my secret is that I get all my inspiration and chizuk that I need here”
Wow, what a turnaround! I hope some of my “chocmas” were part of this quick recovery!
Do you mean yichus as in doros are pure? Yes, that’s important.
Do you mean which odom godol they desend from? Nice bonus, but not that important (at least, not to me)
I’m marrying the person, not the relative.
“I can see right away which posters are speaking from personal experience and which aren’t”
Uh huh. I guess I went straight from my Upsherin to being a 38+ year old (and somehow skipped the teen years).
Trust me. Been there, done that. Not proud of all things, but few have escaped my experience. Except for drugs. That one I missed.
But the other vices? Yeah, I sure do know from where you speak.
” you are so naive “
“things we do, see and ppl we talk to”
ROLF LMHO.
Naive? If only!
“wake up. Fast.”
<eyeroll>
Yes. I know that. And speaking as someone who has seen many things that he should not have, I know that you can’t bleach away every memory. And I know that those things can be very troubling. And are very wrong.
But I also know that to a 20 year old, it seems like the only option is to take a serial killer as a spouse, (or in some cases, do something worse) because they don’t “deserve” a ben torah because of “what they did”.
Like I said, guilt and regret is a good thing, in small doses. No one benefits from getting into a state of depression. That’s one of the Soton’s favorite tools, because it looks and feels like mussar at work.
Like I said, Adorable. Look forward, not back. Your future is ahead of you. And from what you’ve written so far, it look very bright and promising!
Sac –
I’m fairly savvy, but in this case, I have a difficult time imagining what in the world a 20-something good bas yisroel could have done that makes her think she is sullied.
C’mon, folks. Guilt is good to a point. It helps you grow and keeps you humble. But don’t let it drag you down.
“they charge every family like 500$ extra to fund the security”
Ok, so picture this scene:
Letter comes home from school, “due to increase security concerns, please remit $500 to pay for armed guards. Oh, and while you’re at it, please send in the $4000 balance due on your outstanding tuition”
And what about the staff with whom the yeshiva is 4-6 months behind on payroll? Do they get paid ahead of the guards?
Like I said, maybe in the private sector sub-set of Bklyn, but area wide?
Forget it. I mean, many people don’t even have adequate life insurance to protect their family in the event of an unexpected uh oh. You expect them to shell out $500 for something like security?
I cannot see where the word “settle” comes into play (unless its the neighbors / friends that you need to satisfy).
Do you have a 10 point check list? Not a problem; we all do.
Do you measure up to every 10 point check list out there? Impossible; none of us do.
So what’s the soliution? See if the majority of your list is satisfied, and the remainder can be worked on over the course of your marraige.
True, you will not be able to work on getting a 6’2 spouse if you take someone who is 5’7. But is the height really that crucial?
Are the middos in order? The work ethic what you want?
Sounds like you have a winner!
What I find funny, is the “unpure” state in which you think you (and 98% of post-Sem girls) now is your peckle, is for the most part, pure as pure can be.
Here’s a shocker: Contrary to what they taught you in Sem, considering a WORKING boy is not the same as considering a catholic. And while wanting the nice things in life (clothing, a home, vacations) can lead to excess, its not from the 248 donts, or is it from the big 3.
Calm down; if you are asking a question like this, you have’nt scratched the surface of evil.
Talis / tefillin, and things I got as a gift or inheritance. And a handful of photos.
Everything bought (clothing, furnature, pot/pans) can be gotten there for less than it costs to ship
OK, I stand corrected. Sort of.
You are no doubt right. That school (most likely Magen David) does have top notch security. And the private patrol cars.
But I was talking about Brooklyn as in the public part, not the private community that happens to be situated in those 10 sq blocks.
There is no way the rest of us can afford that level of security.
Y’know, Oomis, this might really work. Think about it:
With the faces / clothing / acessories / car taken out of the equation, shidduchim might actually be done based on human compatibility, as opposed to the superficial decisors that (in too many cases) are used now.
Then when the curtain comes up, you can see who your true match is.
The life and demise of a thread is totally unpredictable. I’ve seen threads grow to 200+ posts and ones that I thouht had real promise fall off the table.
And just when you think you’ve got it clocked, a dud gets a fluury of posts, while a literary gem gets used to line the hamster cage.
Eshter –
Armed guards, real tough ones? Patrolling a school? Then you are NOT talking about Brooklyn. (Maybe, Yeshiva of Flatbush or Magen David, but even then, I doubt it)
Ain Oid –
Gun owners? That pracitce at a range? This, I believe. But to bring it to shul / school, on a regular basis? In the USA? No, this I don’t believe.
Think about it: I’m at a wedding in Ateres XYZ, and all of a sudden, 5 AK-47’s are drawn and we are told we are being held hostage.
What do the 15 licenced pistol carriers do.. engage in a firefight?
Forget it. We in Bklyn are just to vunerable, because we refuse to comply with timelines and guidelines. And open society means vunerable.
There are no such thing as silly threads. Some just need to be nurtured until the true potential is realized.
Same goes for kids, spouses, shidduch suggestions, ect. They may look lame, but with a little bit of prodding, they can shine like a 2011 penny!
(That is, until the gloomy weather passes. Then the duds look like, well, duds.)
For reasons I have yet to comprehend, women love to eat in a resturant. Not sure if its the linen tablecloths, the getting dressed, the being seen, but that is always a favorite.
And yes, it seems silly that for $250 you can get something lasting, whereas for $250, you can only eat out once (maybe twice, depending on the place) but for whartever the reason, that will probably get you the best mileage for your $
A close 2nd is a day spa; $250 in one pop, but a real crowd pleaser. (Yeah, baffles me too)
No doubt, the best part of being a Mod / Editor is being able to see the members for who they REALLY are, and laughing at the “persona” we present when visiting the CR.
That, and sitting next to us in shul / the bus and seeing us pretend that we’ve never heard of the CR.
I can’t speak for the others who have cracked wise on this thread, but the reason I’m treating it like a joke is because the idea of an armed guard in a yeshiva is silly and not practial.
Do you really think a terror squad will be discouraged by a semi-retired, bored out of his box, rent-a-cop?
Or should we hire crack staff? (ala Blackwater USA) and who will pay for this?
Or perhaps arm the staff / students, like they do in EY? (yeah, I can just see that taking off here in the USA)
I work in a very “secure” bldg, in NYC and believe me, anyone with a teaspoon of determination could walk trhu the door and wreak havok.
So, when you talk about a school / shul that has a porous border, and people coming and going, we cannot secure the place.
Unless you want to institute an airport like environment (ID, no one admited past a certain point / time) its impossible.
But it is a real danger, so the most commonly used mechanisim to combat an impossible situation kicks in: humor
Forget it YC, you’re hardwired to shop, especially for things you cannot possibly buy.
You’re 20
Your’e a female.
You’re flush with disposable income.
Don’t fight it; embrace it. Down the road, your husband can hang out with us in the parking lot.
Never mind the graduation. Are there armed guards to repel an attack by “shorter that 4″ hems”, should they decide to take the school by force?
Talk about an epic battle!