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” It’s tough! “
Nu, so don’t just stand there, take the steps towards making your reality something you are happy about.
No matter what your “brand” you can do your homework and find the person that is right for you. Once you know what you want, setting the ball in motion is easy. Don’t be held hostage by the “system”. If your parents / friends / realtives are stalled, talk to the Rov / Rebbetizn in your life and tell them what you seek. You’d be surprised at what comes across their desk.
And if that does not yield results, talk to another Rov / Rebbetizn that is from a similar shul / background. Networking is the key to success.
Oh, and lest you think I forgot professional shadchanim, I did not. The omission was intentional.
You’ve got more going for you than they can appreicate. Don’t settle for less.
A, but for a different reason. The size is not the issue. The “larger” knit sets a person apart from the tiny ones, (made by a girlfriend in my teen days).
Not to say the tiny ones are worn by people less frum, but the larger one sets the tone for who you are (or aspire to be)
Known kofer? Nah.
As someone who has been married for quite some time, I can say with total sincerity, that despite a few minor annoyances that we need to make peace with (seat up / seat down, roll under / roll over, ect) there is nothing better than being married to a good spouse.
I could not imagine what life would be like were I alone.
If marriage is about tax benefits and companionship, then I see the argument.
If the goal of marriage is to build the next gen, I see no other alternative to cross gender matching.
I often ask myself: How did I manage to get (and stay) married?
When I think back to the incredible odds that I overcame (and the dumb mistakes I was forgiven) its a wonder I made it this far.
Still, statistics seem to indicate, the frum oilom gets, and stays married, so its not a question of why not.. more a question of why not yet?
Its hidden because the victim(s) wrongfully blame themselves for letting it happen. If only I’d have been more careful, or if only I’d seen the warning signs, ect.
And the community “blames” or judges the victim, so the easiest way out is to cover up.
Sad but true. Same goes for illness that is contracted. Get into a car accident, and the world is your friend. Have a nervous breakdowm, and you are the subject of the rumor mill.
Seen both senarios up close, so I speak from experience.
I have an idea: Stick a funny post-it note in the shorts (y’know, like smiley face, or LOL or Boxers Roc!)
The Mrs will see to it that you are not folding his stuff anymore.
(ps – I think chesed has its limitations, and this is beyond the limit)
” i think u might need to re-lax! “
I think you might want to see this the way a school principal would see it. But don’t take my for it; ask someone who’s in a school staff position of a school similar to yours and see if they think this is no biggie.
” Aren’t you proud of your school?”
Sure I am! And they are proud of me. Know why? Because I don’t do things that make them look bad in a very public way. I keep it discrete (as opposed to the shout-outs we have had been seeing here)
” there is nothing negative on it “
Uh, call me crazy, but if I were in the principals position, and knew my students were on-line and bragging about being my students, I’d have a problem with that.
Actually, I’d be having a staff meeting to see how to find the posters.
Negative is putting it mildly.
I would notify the couple. Its their shidduch you did, and if they are happy with the result, they should pay you. As is the case in many marraiges, they think mom and dad have taken care of everything, but indeed may have ignored one or two (vital) responsibilites. As far as the couple not calling you since engagement, chalk that up to today’s youth. But point it out to them, so they can learn from the mistake.
The parents are rats, but that’s a different story
if he knew so many of his students were discussing his school on the INTERNET!! :O
I’m willing to bet someone will make a printout of this post to see if they can “out” the posters true identity. It will make the rounds (in camp / bungalows), and before long, someone will say something in front of a parent / counslor, the parent / counslor will see if they can “out” the culprits, and then its a hop, skip and a jump till MBY’s management catches wind of MBY’s web fame.
Has happened before, will prob happen again.
Yes, its true. But relax, becuase the mothers who have “top boys” rarely do. So they are chasing an illusion to match up to their own illusion.
You, on the other hand, sound real, so your chances (regardles of your $, yichus or looks) are as good as the next girl.
Look at it this way: are you as qualified as your parents when they were dating? Chance are, (if you’re like my kids), your more qualified than your parents were. Yet despite their “hadicaps” they got married. What makes you think your chnaces are any worse?
Can someone please tell me what exactly we will lose if this law passes? Lets face facts; no one is hiding their orientation if thats the way they lean. One afternoon on the streets of NYC will tell you that. What’s the big deal if they can get a document to prove it.
I know its a toevah, but why is this our pollitical concern? Where’s the money, power and/or liability angle (bec, when politicans are involved, its usually one or all of the above.
(p.s – Bulleted list are easiest for me to digest, so if you can format your answer that way, I’d be mucho grateful)
Didn’t you just post last week that you had turned the corner on your mood and that things were on the upswing?
So? what happened? All you need to do is retrace your steps till the last time you felt accomplished and move forward from there.
All of us have setbacks. And all of us hit roadblocks. And all of us (includig yourself) have it within us to overcome those moments.
Believe in yourself! (For real!)
” too old for that!) “
Oh, I did’nt mean as a camper. I meant as a staff memeber.
Hmm.. lets see. What are some other places that do not have internet? Even the summit of Mt Everest has sat lines, so you could still reach us from there, or anywhere in between.
A submarine? Or are you just taking a wireless vacation? Hey, that might be a good idea!
Truth is, I take one each weekend, so if that’s your plan, it will do you a world of good.
When you get back, be sure to update us on any new developments!
Depends on what your playing.
Yeah, that too, but since that’s a little subjective, I left it off. Still, some cuts NEED to be played loud, so in some cases, no matter what you’re driving, the volumes gotta go to the stop.
is anyone ..a little dismayed that..kids are surfing the web”
Me, sort of, but not so much because they’re on-line. More becuase they are talking like 8 year olds
Since there is internet access in most of planet, a good guess is, you’re going to camp.
Not to worry, if there is anything you needed to know that happened over July and Aug, we’ll be sure and repost it after labor day.
They are bluffing. Think about it: If they say you were a bowl of trouble, that’s admitting that school xyz houses trouble girls So, even if you were Lizzie Borden, they would cover for you.
Besides, any parent worth becoming your in-laws knows to take whatever the school says with a huge tablespoon of salt. If you made it thru the term without getting bounced, you were as good as the next 50 girls.
What matters (to some degree) is what your neighbors and family friends will say. What really matters is how you present yourself in the arena. If you go to work / shul / simchas / the park looking like a bas yisroel, thats the label you earn.
This is totally dependant on one thing:
If you’re driving a 16 passenger van (or somthing like that), keep it down (the kids make enough racket, as it is).
If you are driving, say a BWM 6 series , crank it up!
“I know for a fact!! “
” .. not one of the teachers or staff post here “
Wow, gumball, you really are am 8th grader!
Be sure to drop us a line when you graduate HS. Can’t wait to hear what other discoveries you have made by then 🙂
No one knows this one? OK, here goes:
Yoiley (or Josh, depending on your area) spent his days and nights scouring the planet for each and every kula there was. Name a loophole, he knew it. He lived as close to being chazzer traif, mechalel shabbos, living life like a shagetz, as you can get without ever stepping over the line.
And so, his gluttonous life rolled along until one day, his oisgepashete soul ascended to heaven.
Once there, the bes din shel maaleh pulled his records and stared reviewing what he had done. For each charge, he was ready with a heter or yesh omrim (desenting opinions, opimion held by the minority, ect) to defend each and every deed. As his defense, he said, ” I know there are a majority of poskim that disagreed, but I had a heter or deieh (opinion) that ruled the other way, so I went with that opinion”
After an exhausting trial, the bes din went to deliberate. It took all of 2 minutes, and they came back with a verdict: You are going to Gehenom.
Whaat??? I had a heter for each and every move I made! How could you arrive at this conclusion?
Answered the rosh bes din, “Yeah, we know. And 99 of of said you should go to Gan Eden. But ONE deieh said to send you to Gehenom, so we went with that one.
See ya, Yoiley!
“but I was eating a home baked health raisin bran muffin low in sugar!”
What??? In your condition? You should be eating things that are good for you. Like a danish (chocolate will calm your nerves and is good for your heart) followed by a milkshake ( can’t skimp on calcium and potassium).
After delivery, you can go power walking with your kids in tow and put the bugaboo (or whatever you push) to the test.
Gosh, no wonder some expectant mothers are so tired!
“Even if we do eat like animals sometimes in the kitchen at home”
C’mon… Really?
As in gnawing from a drumstick like a rotweiller?
Or trying to catch the salmon in your jaws, as its tried to leap from the sink to the counertop?
Gee, tough crowd.
” a fresh mouth “
Pisk = Thanks for the definition. While chutzpah is never an adiel trait, what I meant by sassy is brash, loud, snarky talk.
Endemic to teens today, mostly from what is said on TV, YouTube and movies
“my principal wouldnt be on the internet”
Oh really? Know that for sure? And not his wife or daugher either?
Trust me, at some point, you’ll say something in the real world and several eyes will pop open wide. And as luck would have it (as it ususaly does) the discovery will be by someone you least expected it from.
The troubling example I know of with this, is when goyish kitchen workers ( in halls, schools, hotels) tell the new “mashgiach / kitchen manager” oh, don’t worry about this or, its ok if I do that…the other rabbi paskined its ok”, or “its only d’rabannon, you don’t have to throw it out”.
And he say it with such conviction, the new hire believes it!
They lump them all together, and just to be on the safe side, make them all yeharog v’al yaavor”
This is very true, and what got Odom and Chava into hot water. If you enforce a chumrah like its law, when the person finds out that its negotiable, often times they will retreat to a point beyond where your real deadline is.
Still, there are some practical “chumras” that steer you clear of halacha problems. Here’s one:
We were told, “Never drink from the (64 oz) bottle in the fridge. use a cup”
But if the rule is not in place, and my wife drinks from it in the frozen zone (v’hamaven, yovin), that means I cannot drink from it.
Same thing goes for using placemats / chargers. Not a halacha, but it keeps you on the right side of the law, and avoids drawing attention when it could easily be avoided.
So, some things are put in place to protect you (and your OJ)
Not sure if this belongs here, but I was sitting in a midtown succah, and heard two teens bentch, but stopped after the bracha of Uvnei and got up to leave. They caught my glance (and puzzled look on my face) and said, “This is d’Oraisa. The rest is d”Rabannan”.
Psak, slam dunk!
Last I checked, there were no bars on the windows or padlocks on the doors. We are here ’cause we want to be here.
I’ve had my share of rejected posts, so I know what it feels like. Sometimes I move on, other times I restate the idea a little softer to see if that flies.
The key to enjoying the CR experience is to remember: Its not reality. We’re here to hear and be heard. Don’t take it personal.
Is that because of hand/eye coordination or speed?
No, its probably because you can’t splay out on the floor like us Bklyn, Chassidisheh yeshiva kids can.
Watch it, Gumball. One of us could be your principle (or down the line, your parent-in-law)
I think the OPs question is, if a boy is say, 25 and still not in a meaningful job (or married) is there a concern that he should not be among young campers?
I’d say, yeah.
(No idea about girls camps, so no comment about that.)
I would say, its the fear of having broccoli stuck beween your teeth, when the shadchan walks past you, scouting for new talent. Plus, its hard to hide stains with your necktie, when you’re not wearing one.
(Men have no such worries. All we need to do is have a pulse to be a contender)
I agree with the pro-logo crowd. A well behaved girl will not draw attention, no matter where the school patch / logo is.
If attention is being drawn, its not because of the logo. I live in a uniform-heavy area, and I can easily spot the girls who are aiming for a grown up life of tznius on the cutting edge. They’re the one’s with the sassy pisk, the messy, in your eyes ‘do, the untucked blouse.
Believe me, the uniform patch is the least of the trouble. (hint: check mommy and/or sis-in-law. That might be the role model)
The same way I celebrate other legal holidays (that Mrs BP does not have off)
With GRATITUDE!
Under 5
chumrah queen .
Care to share? I’m always on the lookout for 1-upsmanship (or in this case 1-upspersonship)
No comment, but I do have a terrific joke about this (if no one else posts it)
Your courage is astonishing and admirable. Taking control of your situation will I’H enable you to be a terrific spouse (b’korov mamish)
” It certainly would be a conversation starter wouldn’t it? “
Sure would. And when that fizzles out, he could always challenge her to a game of kugel’ach. (little does she know, he’s made it as far as 4th chelek!)
Not sure about the world at large, but in the little corner that I live in, I think its a good idea for 2 reasons:
1) Considering that his education / worldview experience is a fraction of what her’s is, if he’s allowed to talk for a few hours straight, there’s a chance he might say something intelligent.
2) Once married, he won’t be able to voice his opinion on anything (unless santioned by wife and / or shver – shvigger) so let him enjoy it while it lasts 🙂
“your comments on a variety of threads”
I was also going to make a comment about Red nails vs pink nails, but I think this was sufficent.
” yes, a guy can totally pick me up in a mustang!! “
But then, don’t act surprised when he takes you to a hookah bar.
With 90+ posts, I really can’t say something that has already been said, but I will add this.
The hemline competition is just that. Very competitive. If I were a woman of semi decent looks, and pitted against 100s of other women in my age / demographic area, I’d look for every advantage I could find to put me in the top 10%. A hemline that pushes the outer limit of tznius would be just such an edge.
Can’t blame the women who do push the hemline to the limit, but kol ha’kovod to the women who don’t. At a recent family gathering, it was quite a shocker to see how a few of the younger girls were dressed. So what alternative does that leave for the folks in their 30s and 40s?
Either retreat and admit defeat or fight back. Either way, its a tough call to make.
Glad I’m not in this battle.
“BP isnt in the the mountains of Kandahar”
True. But CIA has a few spots in the Ave N, O and P area that would pass for a close tie.
And yes, I know there are boys (and girls) that go there. But on a date? They should have gotten this out of their system by the time they are considering tachlis.
I’d be less freaked out if he suggested a movie, and would not plaster his mistake all over the place. Hookah bar is over the top.
Someone who is prone to violence or other forms of abuse should never get married.
Oddly enough, someone with a genetic illness might make a great spouse for someone that kids are not in the picture. As long as the partner knows the type of illness and what the long term (or CV the short term) outcome is, there is no reason for these people to be kept apart.
A few years of happiness is better that no years of happiness. (And it might, just might turn into many years of happiness, with medical magic being what it is today.)
“Note: this was filmed 2 blocks from Yeshiva Torah V’das. “
True, but 2 blocks in the wrong direction. Kensington is a very hard to define nabe. Some blocks see nothing, others see everything.
Had this happened on E. 4th and Ave F, you’d have had more calls to Shomrim than the ax man could deliver chops to the tree.
Hookah bar? I know you would’nt make this up, but I really can’t believe how far today’s boys have fallen.
What I would do, is call the shadchan and the boy’s refernces and tell them where he took you.
Getting lost or getting caught in the rain is not a crime. Taking a frum girl to a place like that is.
(That is, unless you’re a thugged out, moto-chick with mutiple nose rings. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt)
Hookah bar. Just when you thought you heard it all.