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Find a girl with a rich father to marry…
I am fascinated by these types of comments.
Why are you amazed? Does it bother you that people are doing (what you judge to be) something wrong?
There are hundreds of thousands of assimilated jews. What bothers you more the latecomers or these people intermarrying and not keeping torah?
My speculation is that the latter doesnt bother you so much bec u dont feel that they should be doing better. However you have concluded (perhaps erroneously) that these latecomers should know better.
Just my two cents – feel free to disasgree
Sparkly – do you have a Mentor or someone who knows you who you can talk to ?
Wow, it makes me feel overwhelmingly hopeless that we have no choice but to leave the chinuch of our children in the hands of people like the ones mentioned above….
whats the story – i am not familiar
MA – 80 G in NY is not even close – you need double that.
Its much easier to get money by cheating the government 🙂
In the US it isnt any different , if frum people would move to Rochester, Michigan or Scranton housing would be cheaper.
Are there good, professional jobs in these places?
By “Sefira Game” I thought you meant the following.
For some reason still being able to count with a beracha is a badge of honor in the frum velt.
We judge ourselves and others based on whether we successfully made it through to shavuous still saying the betrachah.
Are you going to shave?
Some Chareidim even pretend that they are modern orthodox in order to criticize other chareidim….
yup most ppl dont enjoy getting honked at.
Also who said being impatient is not an aveirah.
I would think that impatience is a form of ka’as (anger).
When you have feelings of impatience you are annoyed, you are angry.
Chazal have very disparaging things to say about ppl who become angry.
Even if you disagree with my above speculation, most of the time the guy doing the honking is pretty angry at the person in front of him.
Dont cause someone else pain.
Therefore dont
Steal their parking spot
cut them off
park in their driveway
double park and cause congestion
lean on your horn as soon as the light turns green
You get my idea….
Some frum ppl keep this mitzva
while unfortunately a lot lack this perspective
Out of curiosity how much do you have in your budget to help pay tuition?
When schools ask you how much you would pay what was your response?
Also try and picture where the schools are coming from. Your child has never been in school, they have no way of knowing his level of education, or how he will behave. Coupled with no tuition I can see why they are hesitant.
Also, did your Rav really say that?
Sounds like a really suspect thing for someone with genuine torah values to say.
“You can work as an actuary (see DaMoshe) without passing the exams.”
I do not think this is true.
Josephs type of tochocha is abuse!
I dont think we need to argue against it.
Anyone who has any experience in being mechanach ppl, their own kids or any one else would know that you must tread carefully in the area of tochocha.
Syag – I like your tochocha! 🙂
LF
1. Why would you or anyone have told him anything?
Are you usually receptive to mussar from complete strangers.
2. I am not chassidish, but I do not see why it is relevant to your story what sect of judaism this guy was from?
3. Why is it relevant to your story to mention your personal holy behavior while on the plane, averting your eyes, reading a tehilim?
Someone might get the impression that there might have been some self righteous feelings going on here
@ The Queen
what school you go to can greatly influence the value of the BA.
Also do you work professionally?
Most professional jobs are only available to those with degrees.
Who said coffee is bad for you?
“In any event, on the second date, you aren’t supposed to go to a lounge. You are supposed to take the tram to Roosevelt Island and go to the starbucks there, and then walk along the east river if the weather isn’t too bad.
Everybody knows this.”
No wonder most girls dumped me after the second date, I didnt know this.
I did know first date protocol is Bklyn MArriot, that way even if the date goes bad at least each person will be able to see their friends…
My wife serves it to me every night for dinner….
On occasion she packs up the leftovers for me to have by lunch
“The nimshal is that I don’t agree with the math.”
If a few well meeaning ppl did a medical study we wouldn’t trust their competency unless their expertise was in medicine.
I am not sure why we are willing to trust novices when it comes to the analysis of population growth as well as various other variables that affect the shidduch crisis.
Has anyone with an advanced degree in analytics studied the issue?
Do the ppl doing the research even know how scientific studies work?
To the OP
While I am sympathetic to the fact that you do not want to work hours that you are not paid for, most ppl working in corporate America would wish for a job that at most they need to stay 5 – 9 min late on several occasions.
Also, could be this happens to other cashiers as well, it is probably the type of thing that is much easier to notice when it happens to you and not others.
Best of luck whichever way you decide!!
I sense there are alot of backround details that we are not aware of….
“I said some Yeshivos (or many “Frum” Yeshivos), not all. “
I dont think you will find ant Rosh Yeshiva who would say he runs his yeshiva based on that haskgafah.
Not allowing college in no way means you ascribe to that idea.
While we are on the topic
I happen to not understand how yeshivos dont allow college.
Is that basically saying that the long term plan is to rely on a wealthy father in law.
Or sometimes unfortunately, on a not so wealthy one.
It is much more difficult to find parnassah without a degree.
“The idea of a Yeshiva (Al Pi Rav Dessler, and what many of the “Frum” Yeshivos hold L’maase) is that the 999 should fail out so that the one who is pushed can become a Gadol.”
If this is really what our yeshivos hold then boy is klal yisroel in trouble.
Rechnitz should have said alot more in his speech !!
Because women wake up to babies at night.
OUCH! Good answer (and totally true).
Totally true that women get up with babies while men roll over and fall back asleep.
However how many years are women doing that for, 15-20?
Waking up for krias shema is 13 till end of life.
I thought women were patur because they needed the time in the morning to put on their sheitels 😉
Just be careful not to make too much small talk with either 😉
“I want a guy that does learn when he can. …-I want a guy that looks at himself realisticly and sees he cannot learn 8 hours a day but he can fit in 3 or 4.
I have trouble concentrating for too long. 10 hours days of school are hard for me. But just because 10 hours is hard and I dont enjoy it doesn’t mean I can’t love 2 hours and hold on 2 hours of learning if I had every day. See my point?”
I dont disagree with your post, however..
Not enjoying learning or being able to learn 10 houes a day is not the only reason to not to be in kollel. PPL look down (wrongfully so) on someone who is not in kollel because they cant sit for 10 hours.
Being able to help support your family is a very good reason to leave kollel. This day in age, to live a frum lifestyle a family needs 1.5 or 2 incomes. Maybe not right away, but down the road a family needs that.
I think most girls underestimate the mesiras nefesh it takes to be responsible for raising kids as well as being the breadwinner.
Golfer – sorry, whats the diff?
“Seminary is a scam.”
Much much worse!!
Seminary is extortion.
The high schools convince the girls that they must go to seminary.
The girls really want to go bec of what the school tell them as well as for the fact that it is a once in a lifetime experience/good time.
Do parents really have a choice not to go into debt to pay for seminary,
Plus alot of things they learn/advice are not in sync with reality.
Do the rebbetzins who teach in these seminaries identify with the current modern day life of a kollel wife?
Girls come back very imbalanced. They are inspired to be moser nefesh but they have no idea what sacrifice that actually entails.
They dont know what its like to be six months pregnant up half the night with the baby for the third night in a row, and need to leave the next day to work in a car that might not start and doesnt have proper heat or ac…
Joseph let me clarify – How is small talk yarog val yaavor?
I assume bec “lo sikrivu…” acc to the poiskim includes any conduct that is of the nature of behavior that leads towards an actual aveirah. That conduct itself is included in the lav and thus is part of gilu arayos and yarog val yaavor.
If someone, through making neccesary conversation with someone of the opposite gender, did so in the fashion and tone of someone who was trying to engage in more than just business, that too could be yarog val yavor.
Small talk done in a strictly professional manner i assume would not be yarog val yaaavor.
You can argue that it makes more sense to suggest that ppl refrain from small talk because it is more likely to lead to questionable behavior than business talk.
However both could be yarog val yaavor and both could not be.
Even business talk is a potential slippery slope, yet it is mutar for parnassah. It is leicah darchah acharinah.
So too small talk as well may be neccessary.
To Joseph – I assume that when R Elyashiv paskened on a sheila/case, he tried to the best of his ability to be aware of all relevant details in addition to his remarkable knowledge of torah and halachah. He would not foolishly pasken based on a wrong assumption of how things worked in the world, especially if it could be severly detrimental to ppl following his pasek.
To issue a psak on tznius that could cause ppl to lose their jobs seems pretty high stakes to me. I hope that such consequences were taken into consideration when the psak was issued.
If we asked r neiman straight up, if you had a choice, either engage in small talk with a women or lose your job. Would he say lose your job?
I think he might have just misjudged the dynamics of the workplace
I assume that HaRav Neiman would say even necessary conversation soley pertaining to work related issues, with a woman is bdieved. However for parnassah its very often not possible to do the lchatchila, especially when it comes to dealing with women. Since R Neiman views it as a necessity to at least talk about work related issues, he is matir it.
I was merely suggesting/wondering that his heter should extend. I am saying that in order to keep a job in a standard office environment one must make small talk with women as well.
I wonder if HaRav Neiman had the personal experience of working in a mixed gender environment, especially with goyim.
Not making minimal small talk is almost impossible and would at the very least be viewed as anti social if not downright rude and antagonistic.
Minimal small talk is social normalicy.
Ice cream
Can’t imagine any customer walking happily away from this scenario.
You don’t need an mba to understand this is foolish business practice
Yeru613 – “we are not sacrificing them they are sacrificing themselves”
This logic presupposes that it is right to make selective standards based on the current criteria being used, that exclude certain clientele. Then one can suggest they are sacrificing themselves by “choosing” to be outside those standards.
However there is a judgement call that needs to be made. Keeping kids sheltered is an important value, not causing kids pain is an important value.
Everyone would agree that if a child had murderous psychotic episodes you can shelter your kids from him regardless of the pain it would cause that child.
If a child curses and speaks divrei nevalah there is a strong argument (not necessarily conclusive) to shelter your kids at that kids expense.
If he has a tv and internet perhaps there is an argument that the mitzvah of chinuch habonim requires you to exclude this child from your childs school. (not sure)
Because his father chooses to work….
Therefore that kid and his family are “sacrificing themselves” and subjecting themselves to suffering.
I would have trouble understanding that when weighing chinuch habonim against inflicting pain that that would dictate creating a standard that excludes a child because his father is no longer learning
yeru613 – Being mechanech your kids is a personal mitzva that you have.
You are saying that for you to personally fulfill this mitzva you feel you need to keep your kids safe from other children that are exposed to secular media.
You are willing to sacrifice these “bad kids” to shelter your kids.
How do YOU know that this is Torah hashgafah?
“….who’s mother and father are moiser nefesh in 2016 to bring their kids up in the most sheltered way they could imagine “
Sounds like they also want to be moiser the nefesh of the kids they don’t want accepted into the schools.
yeru613, I think a major point of contention is that you are assuming its justified to reject a child and afflict suffering on him and his family to protect your children from another child who is less sheltered.
Alot of ppl flat out think that position is wrong.
That is assuming that the parents are sincerely concerned about the ruchnius of their children.
A more cynical person would question whether the parents are sincere or they just feel its pos nisht for their kids to be in school with a certain type of kid.
I read the letter he wrote today.
I still don’t understand the dynamics of the school admissions process.
What leverage do these “elitists” have to pressure an administrator not to accept a kid?
Please someone enlighten me,thanks.
Yitzyk, why does the administration listen to these demands?
Why would parents be outraged by sephardim in the school?
I am not so familiar with the admission process in Lakewood.
Do people really pressure principals not to accept specific kids by name into schools.
What is the justification to these demands?
Are they afraid these kids will be a bad influence on their kids? If the principal is otherwise ready to accept them how bad could they be?
” I think his next speech should be “don’t only listen to the rich kid.”
I doubt anyone is going to listen to the “rich kid”. Its just only the rich kid who got to voice his opinion in a public forum.
Many donors and honorees speak about ideas and hashkafahs at dinners etc that the hosting institution don’t necessarily agree with.
They usually smile, nod, accept the check, and continue with life as normal.
I would assume most school leaders view Mr Rechnitz as a means to get funding, not as a moral guide on how to run their school. (Which acc to his speech they dont view anyone as an authority on daas torah).
They will applaud his speech, but it is false applause…
“No time in history have women been expected to earn a living so their husbands can learn. It is scandalous! Women have to bare children, raise them, and run a household, which is a full time and exhausting project on its own. Adding to it the responsibility of parnossah is simply not fair to women.”
These days the women have both k’lallos from the eitz hadaas!!
(Although supporting your husband in kollel should not be viewed as a curse, if you you do view it that way obviously it is not for you)
“The Queen- Are we so sure those things will end when Mashiach comes?”
Well said, maybe if we were better educated about what Moshiach is then we would have a better appreciation of the Mitzva to want/yearn for Moshiach.
I would speculate that alot of ppl who want Moshiach really want an end to their problems (which they are justified in wanting as many ppl have challenging nisyonos) more so than actually wanting Moshiach.
“They also say a mishebairach for the Israeli army every Shabbos.”
What is controversial with a misheberach for the Israeli army?
“Boys and their mothers want pretty girls because a pretty girl equals a healthy girl, which means good genes to pass on to their offspring.”
Interesting theory, could be thats how evolutionists would explain why men developed attraction for pretty females.
However I really doubt thats why the boys mother would want a pretty girl.
Also most boys want skinny girls, skinniness is not a sign of healthiness.
If anything being a little plump is a sign of healthiness.