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“DY: Why does everyone think it’s so black and white? There are differences between people, and some marriages have different dynamics than others, even successful ones.
+1
But no toothbrushes.”
I have shared a toothbrush with my husband. We were away for shabbos, and I accidentally left mine at home. We couldn’t buy a new one because it was shabbos. Not ideal, but…I washed it thoroughly before and after I used it, and the world didn’t explode. We’re spouses, we share germs anyway.
The difference between a plumber/caterer/musician and a shadchan is that the other services state up front what they charge. Imagine telling your caterer that you’d like a steak dinner, and at the end of the event being presented with a bill for $300/person. It wouldn’t fly.
So, I agree with the poster above. The shadchan should either state his/her rate up front, or should not expect any sort of payment, and graciously accept whatever (if anything) is given.