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Common…. Does anybody here not understand the theory of relativity?!?
Slow is not the word,
and to quote DA “DEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEADEAD!”
why was the the 4th or fifth of the latest threads posted 7 hours ago?
Where did all the loyal CR bloggers disappear to?
Mod 80- can we change the name of the thread to somthing that got do do with it?
here’s one idea: “Single Working Guys Crises”
Popa-bar-abba: since this is your thread – i hereby give you permission to veto my title…
Can we get this thread back on topic?
“How many guys do you know who leave yeshiva shortly after getting married. I am in yeshiva and have seen many. It is well known that it is extremely difficult to get a shidduch of the same level of religiosity once one leaves yeshiva. This is very detrimental to those guys who should be leaving yeshiva, as they are pressured to stay and often waste their time instead of moving on in life.”
IMHO: the workplace today is not a very good enviroment for a single guy to be in. Its sad to say, but for so many guys, once they make the move and go out to work its a downhill battle. Even if someone is not learning the whole day in yeshiva at least he is surrounded by good people.
Once a guy gets married, he is usually more settled in life (i.e. Pas Besalo) and will have an easier time battling such temptations as inappropriate office relationships and internet useage.
Deal is a wealthy, Sefardi enclave near Lakewood NJ
And I was sure BP Totty was a Boro Park Dad!
Mod 80, how many Fogel’s do you know in Deal? I have alot more Farhi and Mizrahi friends living there 😉
Another thing, sometimes when a girl (19-24) says she’s very happy being single, doesn’t want to get married etc. she is simply trying to protect herself from getting hurt when she gets dumped after dates or is not getting too many shidduchim redd to her. This way, if she gets a “no” she can say, “who cares, I don’t want to get married yet anyway.” It’s sad, but if you think about it, its quite true.
Azoi.is – when someone says they are happy being single– it does not necessarily mean they are not looking and trying to get married.
They are just accepting their situation for what it is and trying to live their lives as best as they can…in other words “Chayim Birtzono.”
Oomis, I was talking to my friend the other day – she said she’s really enjoying life being single and all, no major pressures or responsibilities… but she is almost made to feel guilty for saying this…
I think people have to calm down a bit, and realize that life is not a race. The main thing is not how soon one gets enagaged and married, but what kind of happiness they will have once they reach this milestone.
A bit of maturity always helps.
Sounds like you are looking for a yeshivish type of tour! There are lots of organized tours, but i am not aware of any on lag baomer for your type – most of them are in the summer (like the yavne tour and neve program).
I went to Israel with my friend around this time of year and had a really great time.
We joined some Hoffman/Pesach Levy tours and did alot of touring ourselves (which was in a way more enjoyable).
It’s a beautiful time of year to visit Israel.
Enjoy 😉
FYI: ROFL/ROTFL = Rolling on the floor with laughter!
Good Heart: if you really thought it was the right thing to do, you would not have posted this question.
A couple of girls I know, once asked a certain Rabbi if it would be appropriate to hand out reflectors to boys/men they passed while driving at night. (If you ever drove down a dark street on a dark winter night and almost knocked over someone that was dressed totally in black, you’ll understand the need for this…) The Rabbi said they were right that the men should wear reflectors, but it would not be tznius for the girls to give them out.
Jewish grl: check out http://www.google.com/buzz
I think its somthing like twitter
Hey! who is gonna be the lucky #36?
36 is a really auspicious number: its Chai-18 X 2 and even more noteworthy if your 36 you might just be a “lamid vavnik”
36 Come out of your hiding place!!!
This Co-worker of mine is from a ultra, ultra orthodox – read- chassidish community.
she said she started laughing quietly when the boy (now her husband) started with the vort – she thought it was funny that he was following all the “rules.” It was not much of a conversation starter, but it definitely broke the ice.
I agree that this would not work for most people… just FYI…
Yes, lets get back this thread back on topic before the mods close it…
Haifagirl: I guess it’s time for a discussion of laws, and what they really are.
A law, simply stated, is a way for one group to regulate the behavior of another. This regulation can be carried out at gunpoint, if necessary.
Which behavior do you really feel is so important that it requires that kind of action?
Bodek: Any behavior that can negatively affect the quality of life of other people.
So long as a bad action doesn’t cause (physical/spiritual) damage to others, I feel there is no need for a law to be out there restricting people.
Wolfishmusings: That’s pretty restrictive. Based on that broad logic, you can ban cars because they cause noxious emmissions that negatively affect me.
Wolfishmusings: I didn’t think your idea was wrong, Bodek — it just needs to be refined further. Using your logic, cars can be banned outright. Your idea was good, but needs further elaboration or restriction.
I agree that my explanation for having laws can use some help.
Anyone out there in cyberspace have a better definition?
Or is Wolfishmusings the only other person besides me in this CR?
Last time i checked, the word mussings was not found in the dictionary.
My sincerest apologies about the unintended insult.
I give up! I’m getting back to work now… good luck finding someone else to argue with…;)
In more heimish circles it is the accepted thing for the boy to start the conversation. For the girl to start would be pretty disrespectful.
I have a very chassidishe co-worker that said in her circles the boy usually starts off with a small “vort” or somthing to break the ice.
Yes, i know this is quite extreme, but it just proves my point…
“Oh and it IS the guys job to keep the conversation going.
And where did you get that from? It’s not anyone’s “job.”
The guy should be the one to start the conversation, and have some interesting topics to discuss.
But you can not have a one sided conversation.
Of course the girl has to do all she can to keep the date going smoothly, and bring up her own topics for discussion as well.
LOL 😉 Did wolfishmusings put in a complaint about this?
not yet
Wolfish Mussings: since you do not agree to my reason for having laws, you must have some really Philosophical explanation for having them. I’m all ears…
About your specific question, I wouldn’t go so far as to ban cars, but i would agree to having laws (which thankfully we do) such as speed limits, DWI, etc.
minimally edited, in blue
Any behavior that can negatively affect the quality of life of other people.
So long as a bad action doesn’t cause (physical/spiritual) damage to others, I feel there is no need for a law to be out there restricting people.
I’m gonna be brave now and disagree with most of the posters on this thread.
When I was in school, I took all the regents.
They were a great incentive to keep focused in class…They forced the teachers to finish the curiculum – and teach a lot more than they would have otherwise.
I did not find them too hard, so it wasn’t much of a pressure…
in fact the regents were usually easier than the regular tests i took throughout the year.
However, I do agree that in many boys schools regents is a big waste of time…
there are some great tips for taking pictures and looking great in pictures on simchavision’s blog – simchavision.wordpress.com
WolfishMusings: Thanks for ideas…
Mod #?: “Wolf, there’s nothing wrong with talking about the CR on dates, especially if there are interesting topics that can be discussed. What better way to spend a date then to discuss the shidduch crisis, age gap, etc. “
there are alot of great topics here in the CR – as long as one doesn’t mention where they got their opinions from – it should be fine 😉
AZ: I’m getting pretty annoyed with your replies to all questions
“how badly do you want an answer to your question”
if we didn’t want answers and we didn’t want them badly, we wouldn’t post the questions in the first place.
Since you profess to be such an expert on the shidduch crisis, we posed our questions to you.
If you do not have answers, it might be a good idea to just admit it – not all questions have answers you know…
OK, OK, i got the message…
so where can i find such a book?
Wolfishmusings: It is the boys the job to keep the conversation flowing, so you did the right thing.
yeah – now that ur reminding me, but no one posted specific questions. they were more general…. it would be interesting to find a whole book filled with questions to ask on a date.
Chassidish pple definitly have less expectations… ask rochelle about it – she seems to know alot about how they work.
For one, the girls do not expect their husbands to learn forever – 2-3 years is considered beautiful by many.
support is also not such an issue – since the husband goes to work sooner and can support the family.
degree’s are not in the picture (could be its more accepted now – i’m not sure)
looks are not a factor- since the chassidish boys haven’t been looking at girls since they are 13 (or earlier) so as long as a girl is not ugly – she has a big chance since she is not being compared to a rock star…
anyone have anything else to add?
feel free to add to my list 🙂
I suggest that Volvie, AZ and Rachelle team up to start implementing the chassidishe model in more litvish circle.
I wish you all lots of luck 😉
BTDATER: where can i find such a book?
volvie: chassidish pple “date” when they are 17-18 and trust their parents fully to make the decisions for them. By the time the girl and boy meet, a wedding hall is practically booked, it is usually just a formality to see if the chemistry is right…
Litvish pple date at an older age when they can think and make decissions for themself…thus to make a litvish person do things the chaddish way would be a bit rediculous.
“Bodek and Volvie let me know when you want to know what is the ONE thing (ACTION) girls can do to alleviate the COMMUNAL situation “
“ON the communal there is NOTHING they can do to directly alleviate their situation as tehy are already doing EVERYTHING right and still have no HOPE
but they do have a secret power.”
REALLY? what secret powers do we posses?
Thanks for the additional pointers… and lets say i’m doing those as well…
what shall i do?
When my brother got engaged one of my great aunts said “Emuna hub ich, uber patience?!?”
AZ: “but you can do something”
can you give me some examples
i’ve already done everything on your list ++++
AZ: I was replying to Volvie and Tzippi’s question – I meant that comment a bit cynically, in case you didn’t notice.
i don’t either believe in blaming and pointing fingers, since it doesn’t accomplish anything…
Lets head back to the thread “blame the boys”
Even if it is halachically correct to refer to older single girls as Akaros and Agunos, doesn’t mean you must refer to them by that name. I wonder if it would go under the category of onaas devorim.
AZ: i have a question for you, when you see a single girl, is your first reaction – oh what a pity and sorry sight this agunah and akarah is? if it is, you can be sure that single girl will get your vibes of pity, and i’m not so sure she’ll appriciate it…
As an aside thing, It’s funny because i sometimes wonder, what’s worse? To be married without children, or not to be married at all?
Any opinion of this CR members?
I’m curious if this thought crossed the mind of any other single girls out there.
Keep Smiling 🙂
Hi Everyone! i think we are done with the good nights for now…
Enjoy ur day!
13… Ronsr you’re next!
Volvie:
“Bodek – My question to you was how it benefits you on a personal level (as opposed to the klal) by dating boys your age versus boys 3 years older than you.”
I personally wouldn’t mind dating boys a year or so older than me -because of the maturity issue- if they were 3-5 years older i think they’d be jaded with dating and learning already.
But there are not that many boys 1-3 years older than me, left in my circles.
So dating boys in my age group is definitely the solution.
I am very greatful that this new trend of “closingtheagegap” is causing many boys to rethink their priorities and be willing to consider someone that is not 19 anymore…
Volvie: AZ answered your question for me-
“See Bodek’s comment. What she meant was is that she is getting yesses she never would have gotten 5 years ago. Get with the program there aren’t to many 27 year old boys around (in yeshiva circles for sure.) “
“but there is a still a very very LONG way to go to”
Yes, AZ – you didn’t pick an ez job! But who says working for the Klal is ever easy? I would imagine, that it is usually thankless… the real reward -Keren Kayemes is in Olam Habah… we can all be jealous of what your place in olam habah will look like!
“What the shadchanim can’t accept is how they are totally not appreciated for all time and energy invested when the shiddcuh goes to 3/4/5 dates and then falls apart.”
Really now? do you want people that do not feel they are suitable for each other to get engaged just so that they should not hurt the shaddchans feelings?!?!?
Boredjewishguy – you explained the $20 concept really well – thank you!
AZ- i am very greatful for your involvement in the “closetheagegap” issue – these days many shidduchim are being redd for me of boys my age.
five years ago (i was not in shidduchim then thank goodness!) this would have been unheard of…
I’m sorry AZ – demand was the wrong word to use, shadchanim EXPECT more is probably be more accurate…
BTW AZ are you a shadchan? do you get over 100 calls a day?