I understand but look at it from my perspective

We live in a day and age when teens are bombarded with confusion spanning from parents who may be caring but aren’t as open minded as their children to rebbaim who may not understand to the unnatural pulls of the outside world, us as millennials have fought and gnawed our way through these confusing years and yes you probably wont agree but we are not understood by the older generation (I think any honest mechanech will agree) and we literally cant catch a break. I am not some kid who hates authority im really not, but sometimes I do wish people will open their minds and think maybe we aren’t just immature rebels, maybe we do want to do good, and maybe just maybe it is hard and we are not just making excuses, yes we smoked cigarettes, yes we left yeshiva, does that make us outcasts?

lb nicotine is a drug addiction and many ppl who are in control including top business men and roshie yeshiva still have trouble kicking it,

Joseph as I mentioned it came up in conversation as they walked by a smoker

Joseph maybe not specifically but it is something people want to know and when they do research they will find out from family friends and rebbaim

rs I understand 100% that if the views are diff or that could need an “open minded” girl but a guy who grew up in a regular frum family and went to a good mesivta will still have those outlooks when he comes back on (again maybe even more so), no one in my yeshiva in Israel besides the rosh even knows that I went “otd” and probably wouldn’t believe me if I told them.

Future thanks but it would take more then a few coffee room comments to ‘ruin it” 🙂

Joseph in essence I would not have a problem, but a girl who did not grow up frum usually just wouldn’t fit with a guy like me who grew in town in a yeshiva community

Health do you think that’s the way it should be? That a girl should have to lower her standards because of something she did in 10th grade? Even though now as she is would be deserving of the best. Besides everyone does stupid things, the unlucky ones have people find out.

Rt555 I apologize if I did not explain, I will but ,could be by chance, I have not been redt to a girl who has been around the block and is now holding were I feel I am. I think this can be explained simply that girls naturally will not make the statement of “going otd” unless they are really holding far from yiddishkiet, this does not mean regular good girls don’t rebel like guys but its quieter and usually by the time they are in shidduchim their story is long forgotten and they are looking for a guy who hasn’t been around and if the girl is she’s usually not holding by lookin for a full time learner but again if the opportunity arises I would definitely say yes

Syag lchochma I appreciate you taking your time to respond but I do feel that you don’t really grasp the situation today and how it differs from when you were dating. Though no father will admit it, it is more important that his son in law was a top boy in a top yeshiva from a top family, many rabbonim who I have a a connection with try to reassure me that I will find someone who understands that regardless of my past I am “chosheva ben torah” but I wonder how fast that would change should I be redt to one of their daughters.