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I don’t find the distinction to be fuzzy at all. It’s very easy to express your opinions about things without rebuking another. Simply keep the message about you and ONLY you. People may infer from it as they please.
For instance, if someone here were to state that they see nothing wrong about attending baseball games and you were to disagree, there are two ways to indicate your difference of opinion.
1. “I dunno…I tend to steer clear of baseball games because I’m just not fond of the whole atmosphere. I know a lot of people go, but I guess everybody has their likes and dislikes.”
or
2. “OY! SHMIRAS EINAYIM! NEBACH! Don’t you know that Rabbi Zelig Ferdshmecker once gouged out his own eyes rather than LOOK at a store where they were selling baseball EQUIPMENT!!!!?? OY LANU!!!”
All I’m saying is that it is really quite possible to express one’s opinions without denouncing other people’s differing opinions. It’s the difference between expressing YOU ARE WRONG and HERE’S MY TAKE ON THINGS.
Toi:
I apologize if I came on too strong, but I do tend to get very sore when I feel that people are making blanket statements along the popular assur-until-proven-muttar line.
Obviously, there is a CHANCE–however insignificant and infinitesimal–that any woman other than one’s wife may end up being the catalyst for infidelity, but that is why God gave us brains and a yetzer tov. One needs to be intelligent about things.
Yes, I don’t deny that a woman who has spent years of her life involved with couples is bound to have encountered horrible situations that may have begun at a Shabbas meal, but that’s just my point: this isn’t the sort of thing we have the right to judge based on a perceived “majority” or “percentage.” Every case is different, and every Shabbas guest is different. Again: God gave us brains for a purpose, and He also assigned us the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim.
I sometimes fear: how far will we forbid every action outside of learning for fear of encountering the opposite sex? Maybe we should never visit our rebbeim or roshei yeshiva because their wives or daughters might be home. Maybe we shouldn’t shop for Shabbas because women might be there. Maybe we shouldn’t let our daughters invite their friends over or, chas v’shalom, host B’nos in our houses because, you know, girls.
There is nothing wrong with a personal geder or two–we are all entitled and encouraged to make them. I only bristle when people attempt to impose their personal gedarim upon world Jewry.
Because I believe in an open exchange of opinions. Obviously, my word is not law. Why, do you only post here to tell people what they’re doing wrong, or also to voice your view on things?
Toi:
And I have a personal relationship with many fine couples who have shared a Shabbas/Yom Tov table with my wife and I. You know what happened at those meals?
We had double the laughter, double the food, double the divrei Torah and double the zemiros. It’s called hachnosas orchim, and it’s been the Jewish practice since the very first Jew. If having your wife/husband at the table isn’t a profound enough deterrent to keep one from flirting with another’s spouse, then one needs to thoroughly examine the mettle of one’s marriage.
As with any social event–including ones that are just men or just women–there is a degree of common sense that must go into who is invited. Nobody wants that one man who’s going to drink too much and do/say inappropriate things, and no-one wants the married woman who shamelessly flirts with other men at the table. If people are known to behave in such a manner, don’t invite them.
The implicit trust that exists in the frum community is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it’s nice to visit a neighborhood for the first time, as I did one Shabbos, and be invited into a random Jew’s home while walking home from davening on the basis that I “looked hot and uncomfortable” and could probably use kiddush and some quick refreshment. On the other hand, this same trust opens the doors to all sorts of very non-frum scams that only work on the basis of disbelief that a fellow Jew could scheme to take your money.
Unfortunately, recent exposure of various cases of frum child molestation, abuse and of course– most recently–murder have opened our eyes to the fact that the Jewish People have sickened and bloated in their Galus, focusing sharply, almost insanely, on superficial nonsense instead of on the root of problems.
Perhaps, if we all focus on repairing ourselves, not others, we can arrive at a time when we can completely trust each other again.
I’m going to just go ahead and assume that the original poster was either joking, or fishing for that one guy in the Coffee Room who is bound to write OF COURSE U SHOULDENT HAVE A A/C U THINK OUR GEDOYLIM NEEDID A A/C NO!!!!! THEY KEPT COOL IN THE SHADE OF TOYRUH HAKIDOYSHUH!!!!!!!!11
There, have I satisfied your needs, FIU? 🙂
It probably wouldn’t have been all over the news if they hadn’t held the guy hostage and threatened to bury him alive. Kidnapping is a very attention-grabbing act. Well…ANY kind of crime is an attention-grabbing act when performed by the frum community.
Just wondering: on what grounds do you classify her behavior as “addiction”?