blabla

Mods, I don’t know how this got posted here but it was meant to be in the poetry section. Can you please move it?

Staring helplessly

paralyzed by the unknown,

I can’t understand myself,

I feel so alone.

I know I am sinning,

I know I’m doing wrong,

So why can’t I change

my bad ways from so long?

I know where I should be,

I know what I should do,

Yet I can’t get myself up

and mistakes try to undue.

Feeling guilty, scared,

horrible and ungrateful,

Hashem is showing mercy,

He’s not acting hateful.

When will I change?

mend my awful ways,

fix my wrongdoings,

I did for so many days…

A tear rolls down my cheek,

softly climbing down my face,

the pain’s built up inside of me,

over Leiby Kletzky’s case.

The horror of this murder,

the atrocious, nasty crime,

has brought all jews together,

in such a terrible time.

We cannot be consoled,

the loss is just too great,

the merciless, awful man,

to reality can’t relate.

We stand by wordlessly,

not knowing what to say,

how can we comfort the family

of the pain we can’t repay.

The sobs are heard around us,

the tears are shed so real,

the agony of our community,

the anguish of this ordeal.

Please Kletzkys know we’re with you,

though words we cannot find,

to ease the hurting in your hearts,

with our pain it does bind.

Depression is like

being thrown

into a giant sea

where you can’t swim,

Depression is like

being thrust

into a never ending pit

with scorpions and snakes all around

Depression is like

being pushed

into a lion’s den

with no way out.

Depression is like

being enclosed in a cage

that’s locked from the outside.

Depression is like

being in a deep nightmare

that’s never ending

Really? This can help others? I feel like I just need to sometimes release it and when I get into the “mood” of writing it really helps. I never thought I can write and definitely not poems but its very helpful to release the pain.

If feels good to know that someone’s on my side-one person cares! Thanks a ton for the encouragement!

Lost and confused,

my life’s out of control,

Nobody understands me

I’m a lonely soul.

I want to punish myself

starve myself till I’m dead,

the thoughts are overwhelming

I want to chop off my head.

I wish i can stop

all the voices inside me,

relax and calm down,

a chance to just be.

I’m confused and lonely,

lost and so scared,

to kill myself right now,

I think I’m prepared.

Can anyone identify?

Anyone can relate?

The intense feelings

of anger, pain, and hate

Isolated, segragated,

secluded and disconnected,

I’ve been thrown away,

abandoned and neglected.

wooaaa Your talent is way and beyond!!! Thanks for the encouragement. Now it’s just been really, really hard. I almost lost it and killed myself…barely escaped.

The giant waves crash,

the blue water glistens,

the tide moves along,

everyone’s relaxed and listens.

The sun is shining down,

upon us are its rays,

it gives a feeling of peace,

positive messages it relays.

The calm winds fly by,

the cool air rushes,

my hair blows along with it,

against my face it brushes.

The eagles flap their wings,

up high in flight they soar,

they seem so free and blissful,

their beauty I adore.

The doubled footprints down below,

show someone else is on this sand,

who is it truely I think I know,

it’s hashem who’s holding my hand.

Despite the pain I’ve lived through,

the torture I’ve endured,

one day I’ll look back and see

that my illness Hashem cured.

UMM…MODS CAN YOU PLEASE GET ME IN TOUCH WITH MINYAN GAL?!

KKKK… i won’t “dare” be sorry LOL. I just feel like everything is negative and I’m making this thread really depressing…:( I’ll try to do more positive ones-they’re a bit harder for me.

Thanks for the encouragement. It gives me a sense of relief that I can let the pain out a little. I never thought I can write-I still don’t know if they’re that good. Yes, I know Hashem’s in control yet I’m still struggling with my emunah. working at it!

Alone in the dark,

with no one at my side,

no place to seek shelter,

i’ve got no place to hide.

nobody understands

not a soul can comprehend

that’s why on the surface

to be happy i pretend.

my plate remains empty,

I’m just too scared to eat,

food is now my enemy,

which every day i meet.

PTSD, depression,

anorexia, anxiety

why is it a stigma

in this corrupt society?

We’re crying and suffering,

yet we must remain under cover,

we’re afraid someone will see through,

and the truth they’ll discover.

Scared and frightened,

unsure of what to do

rooted to my hiding place,

stay out of everyone’s view.

To act normal and to go on

of us is expected,

otherwise there won’t be shidduchim

we’ll be considered defected.

HELP I cry in pain,

I wish someone would hear,

if so would they come rescue?

do they even care?

Can somebody listen?

w/ someone my pain to share?

or I’m not allowed to talk,

if I even dare…

Smile E. Face-I’m anorexic too lol. Yeah, they can have their challenges but for some its harder to conceal them which makes high school a living nightmare.

observanteen-yeah, I try but since I’m really antisocial I don’t like leaving my house and every time I go out I compare myself to others and get more depressed. I’m waiting for summer vacation….counting down. Then, there’ll be no more poison called STRESS! lol

brokenhearted, lost

in a world of insanity

I’m craving a break,

some peace and serenity.

I just wish I can burst

my bubble full of tears

and release all the tension

the pain and the fears.

I’m stuck in my own world,

so detached from the rest,

I’m detached from Hashem

although I know its just a test.

I didnt daven properly

and I feel just so disgusting,

I didnt acknowledge him at all,

my tiny heart is busting.

My emotions are pent up

my shoulders and back are aching

the pain is building up again

but to everyone around I’m faking.

I feel like I can’t carry on

I really can’t take it

I’ve been strangled from all sides

I don’t think I will make it.

I’m holding on to a thin thin strand

a string to attach me to a base

its slipping out, out of my grip

as I race after it in a chase.

Its slipping, I’m holding,

clinging for dear life,

I almost lost it from my grasp

I can’t land in pain and strife.

When will Hashem send me help,

give me a break from all this pain,

I have no more strength to daven every day,

I feel like its all in vain.

Help, I cry out to him in my bed,

I can take absolutely no more,

I’m all worn out, I’m done forever,

Every muscle on me is sore.

I’ve crumbled slowly piece by piece

until I cease to exhist

The urge to kill myself is taking me over

I just can’t seem to resist.

I’m tugged and tugged,

I see the weapon in which i can kill silly me,

and then i think everyone will able

to finally giggle with glee.

no more me to be a burden

no more me to cost the money

then their life will be blissful and great

it will be so bright and sunny.

I dunno I’m so depressed right now

I don’t know what to do,

I’m so stressed out yet I can’t stop,

the teacher’s have no sympathy for you!

Don’t they also have a life,

something besides stupid school?

do they have any challenges to have sensitivity?

why on earth do think we’re just objects

and torturing us is cool?!

Just my vent 🙁 I know its not as good as the others…too bad.

You’re so sweet! It really means a lot to me to hear that. Sometimes poetry is the easiest way to release the pain but I have to be in the mood of it so when I’m not, I go nuts.

and as for you… (I don’t read the cr that much that I know you)

caring

thoughtful

supportive

attentive

encouraging

I’m not really good at it but here’s a few…

My eyes tearing,

My mouth whispering

My nose running

Tears are dripping.

My heart erupting,

My being disrupting.

What am I worth?

Shall I live or shall I die?

Does it really pay to stay

All my life to cry?

When it will stop?

When will it end?

I am so alone,

Nobody to defend.

I look up to you Hashem,

I daven every day

Oh how much longer can I stay?!

I cannot handle anymore,

I am totally numb

Everyone thinks im a freak

And totally dumb

I am normal like You

I was once born too

I have a neshama

That Hashem blew.

So why do you snob me?

Tear me apart,

Do you realize the impact

Of your words on my heart?

My day is tearful,

I wake up fearful

Is the school also mine?

G.O. president,

Miss popular and all

Your pretty and skinny

And just a bit tall

Shadchanim and parents

Are all so shallow

When will they realize

That their view is so narrow?

Girls are suffering

Because of you

Do you want it on your chesbon

That too?

My world is falling apart

With nobody here to stand by me,

My hopeless broken heart,

When will someone set me free?

I stand here all alone

Isolated and enclosed

To others I am a stone

Standing still and posed

Suffering so intensely

Would appreciate so immensely,

With no escape route in sight

As I stand paralyzed with freight.

…and I never finished it…

The world has turned against me,

my face is unknown

forgotten in the hussle,

I’m all alone.

drowning in misery,

I daven every day,

seemingly unanswered,

causes my emunah to sway.

I want to hide so badly,

bury myself under covers,

even then I can’t escape,

around me sadness hovers.

The pain is so intense,

the wounds are oh so deep,

I can’t even recover,

that mountain’s way too steep.

When I’m finally noticed,

I’m treated like dust,

everyone betrays me,

I have nobody to trust.

I sit here at my desk,

no friends at my side,

this part is the most painful,

I have no friends though I’ve tried.

So the next time you walk by me,

and act just like a snob,

I’m not stupid in the least bit,

though of my dignity you rob.

I’m suffering so greatly,

its called clinical depression,

everyone else’s lives are blissful,

the complain when there’s slight tension.

with flames all engulfing me,

my only escape to die,

I know that at my funeral,

there won’t be a teary eye.

each and every day,

is just such a struggle,

choosing between death

or being thrown into trouble.

why is there a stigma,

on those who are in pain?

Hashem please don’t allow,

our tears and tfillos be in vain.

I’ve got no talent for writing,

i just want you all to know,

I’m 100% normal,

although I’m everybody’s foe.

so ywn please allow me

to express some of my sorrow,

I may get treated differently,

I’ll find out tomorrow.