blabla

yeah I did that a long time ago and now I’m mad at him if he even exhists. I can’t believe he did this to me. I’m just having a really rough day today. But it helps to hear it again from you :] dunno what to say anymore. 🙁 k now for hashem HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!

My broken soul,

my heart is aching,

I’m visibly torn,

my body is shaking.

I’m damaged, I’m rotten,

I’m downright dumb,

they tear me, they rip me,

until I’m finally numb.

There’s nothing to say,

my world has been shattered,

my being is hurting,

bleeding, bruised and battered.

I yearn for some hope,

for a future that’s lost,

nobody seems to realize,

how much their words cost.

I beg, I plea,

I need Hashem’s mercy,

how can He be so cruel?

just no sympathy!

I’m seriously loosing it…I’m just going to overdose any second. I’m totally shattered! HELP HELP HELP!

don’t even ask what happened…disaster world war 3 i dunno….s/t crazy’s going on now. I’m struggling to stay alive seriously! I won’t say publicly cuz anyone will be able to figure out who I am then.

I was never confident to just “write” poems cuz I never really knew what a poem was so i rymed but now i didn’t. That’s what a poem is after all?! okay so now more are gonna come…:) I probably don’t make any sense cuz I’m going crazy right now.

Shocked, horrified,

astounded,

I can’t believe,

what I’ve heard,

my heart’s bleeding,

my soul’s tearing,

my body’s shaking,

paralyzed,

I can’t move,

I sit here alone,

nobody at my side,

digesting this shock,

shaking,

burning,

so unsure,

surprised and utterly in SHOCK.

I sit alone,

scared,

unsure,

nobody understands,

nobody cares.

I talk,

I scream,

shout in pain,

my cries,

fruitless,

no point.

Confused,

lost,

so uncertain,

hands tied,

trapped,

in a little tiny corner.

And NOBODY cares.

Nobody understands,

nobody wants to understand,

nobody wants to know,

to them,

I’m nothing.

I am nothing,

I’m dust,

I’m a string of grass,

I’m a piece of invisibility.

My eyes are shut,

my shoulders at ease,

grass tickling my face,

hair flowing with the breeze.

The mood’s tranquil,

I’m calm and at peace,

I now can think deeply,

my tension release.

My eyes softly flutter,

they open up wide,

I gaze at the water,

the waves, the tide.

Sparkling, glistening,

flowing in the sun,

I’m ignoring my critic,

I know I have won.

I look upward,

stare into the sky,

watching the birds,

soaring up high.

I see Hashem’s world,

what He’s created,

I appreciate his work,

the things I once hated.

I see Hashem’s here,

He’s hold my hand,

He’s helping me crawl,

making me stand.

HOLD ON TIGHT!! I’m also struggling a lot with davening lately-you make 100% sense! You’ll get through this! Hashem knows why you can’t daven and what you’re feeling and he judges accordingly. Yes, he knows how much pain you’re in right now too!

A bang, a crash,

my world has shattered,

one nasty comment,

my remainings are scattered.

The deep wounds,

hurting and bleeding,

for mercy I pray,

I’m begging, pleading.

Stop your words,

so painful, malicious,

terminate your actions,

so violent, so vicious.

You lack sensitivity,

you’re ruthless, stinging,

I’m lost, I’m falling,

to the thin thread I’m clinging.

Can’t you see?

the pain you’ve caused me?

the agony, distress,

to such a harsh degree?

I wish I can restart,

begin a new, fresh slate,

Change my wrong actions,

have a good fate.

I wish I can turn around,

undo what i’ve done,

trade negative and positive,

switch darkness to sun.

Reborn again,

build a life once more,

learn from mistakes,

happiness restore.

Choose my parents,

siblings and cousins,

have money from the tree,

loose weight by the dozens.

Be skinny and pretty,

look clean and shine,

sparkle and glitter,

look tip top and fine.

Marry the right guy,

raise your children to be great,

maintain your own joy,

to others try to relate.

I wish I could switch,

mend my old ways,

what have I got in this life?

to die, it pays? 🙁

NOBODY is perfect no matter how much it seems like it! She has something in her family the same way you do!

Lonely, tired, hungry,

yet I still can’t seem to eat,

I can’t hold on any longer,

soon my end I’ll meet.

it’s making everything else worse,

this cycle is so vicious,

its overtaking my life,

its powerful and malicious.

I am NOT OCD!

I DON’T have anxiety!

yet i still have some symptoms

these illnesses in variety.

i am anorexic,

i am depressed,

i’m just so weak

my appetite’s suppressed.

every night it hits me,

i cry myself to sleep,

i can sit there for hours,

i can’t stop to weep.

i’m so so lost,

i feel so alone,

paralyzed with fright,

i’m scared of the unknown.

the world’s dark and cold,

no one seems to care,

yet i sit out in the freezing,

to ask for help i don’t dare.

I’m stuck and confused,

pained and alone,

physically and mentally,

sick to the bone.

Don’t know who I am,

don’t know what I fear,

I’m a total failure,

i can’t even care.

Suicide’s my answer

Death is on my team,

The world’s against me,

what else can I scream?

Who even cares about me?

who’s not my foe?

who really knows

all my worries and woes?

in a cloud of darkness,

grief, pain, anguish,

death is my answer

my only wish.

Life seems hopeless,

It can’t get any worse,

yet every time it does,

its just like a curse.

my pillow’s soaked,

each tear is dripping,

one notch lower,

I keep on dipping.

I’m trying to save myself,

of sorrow I dodge,

can’t detach from pain,

i just can’t dislodge.

A long-awaiteed day,

of peace and much rest,

Shabbos for all,

we must pass this test.

We can’t work or strain,

We’re forced to resign,

to stop what we’re doing,

promised it’ll be fine.

To throw our hands up,

give all to the one above,

release our control,

and He’ll shower us with love.

The day we’re so spoiled,

we try to stay happy,

no mourning, no crying,

you just can’t be snappy.

Sometimes annoying,

so difficult to maintain,

our schedules are flodded,

Hashem promised to sustain.

The yetzer hara so strong,

desires consuming,

to just brush my hair,

a tiny bit more grooming.

Re-apply my makeup,

turn on my light,

I resist letting loose,

I hold on so tight.

Every time I slip,

I tumble and fall,

flick on that switch,

just make one call.

I arise just again,

try it once more,

ignore that strong pull,

on high levels I now sour.

its worth it, its true,

to battle that yearning,

you can start once again,

the tide you are turning.

Wow! A very powerful message!

Surrounded by bars,

its dark and so cold,

locked in a jail,

so rustic and old.

the stench in the room,

the mice scurrying around,

isolated from the world,

I cannot hear a sound.

Down on my knees,

groping in the dark,

I’m feeling for something,

a source of hope, a spark.

I grab hold of something,

its smooth and so thin,

a paper to write on,

a chance to begin.

I hold my precious pen,

the only other thing with me,

the combination is perfect,

I can write-that’s the key.

The tears flow

my pen flies in motion,

I’m telling my story,

its filled with emotion.

I weep as I write,

express all my pain,

i just hope this letter

will not be in vain.

As I finally conclude,

I fold it so neatly,

slip it out in the crack,

I can now rest completely.

I drift off to sleep,

dreaming on and on,

of the day I’ll be free,

the day it’ll be dawn.

I awake with a jolt,

I shake with such fright,

a light streams in,

I gasp at the sight.

My mother runs towards me,

embraces me with love,

she’s come to my rescue,

a messenger from above.

I am now a free bird,

I’m released, unbound,

I’ve restarted my life,

happiness I’ve found.

In reality I’m not there,

I’m still in this prison,

but now I’ve got a dream

I can hope for a reason.

Don’t know if this makes any sense, just what came out.

I really started writing poetry more since I got depressed and I’m very emotional. I don’t think I can go into the English Literature career. I really don’t know though-I’m still young 🙂 And btw were you the one who said the mods can connect us? What ever happened? They never said anything…MODS?!

And all the rest of you are REALLY good! Those poems are awesome! Amazing and inspiring-MG

A stab in my heart,

a painful word,

tears flow like a river,

my cries unheard.

I try to ignore,

I try to forget,

yet i can’t get over it,

I still remain upset.

I try to embark,

on the journey to forgive,

yet I can’t shake it off,

with the wound I still live.

I’m falling apart,

my heart is bleeding,

I’m broken right through,

my soul is weeping.

Alone in the dark,

the tunnel seems endless,

struggling to hang on,

I remain friendless.

I’m drowning in anguish,

a sea of distress,

bitten by remarks,

they continue to oppress.

When will I be rescued?

will I survive?

can I hang on to the string?

will I come out alive?

SLEEP! Nothing better!

I just want to mention that challenges are what brings you maturity many times. I also have a hard time relating to other girls my age. I feel like they don’t know what life really is. They don’t know what pain is or what crisis is. I try to remind myself that they’re the ones who will have the harder time when life brings its difficulties to them because they don’t have the experiences.