blabla

My essence,

engraved in my soul,

imprinted in my heart.

my personality,

ingrained in my mind,

nature to my body.

yet its been covered,

by layers upon layers,

of moist, brown, slimy dirt,

stones and pebbles,

sharp rocks,

filth.

and now I must clean it.

Therapy,

removing it layer by layer.

reexperiencing pain,

entering confusion,

getting dirty again,

falling back,

plunging forward,

and every step with effort.

changing thought patterns,

changing habits,

second nature,

becoming last,

first nature

becoming a new person.

revealing the engraved lettering upon my hidden soul.

soul,

what soul?

I have a soul?

what kind of soul?

who’s soul?

how can that be-me?!

Middlepath-these days I don’t know how much I believe in that stuff…I try though. Its just so so hard sometimes!

Astonished,

amazed,

bewildered,

at what these girls are all about.

shocked,

at how shallow they are,

confused,

how they can be so immature.

Girls,

my age,

my school,

my class,

yet they’re so different.

when will they serious out?

do they even know what life is?!

Just as I thought I was drowning,

a life boat came to the rescue.

just as I thought I’d fall off the cliff,

a thick, heavy rope was thrust around me.

just as I thought I’d fail,

an extra zero was added to the end of the number.

Just as I thought I’d crash,

my car suddenly died.

Just as I thought I’d dream a sweet dream,

I was awoken.

Just as I thought I’d finally ace,

I failed my test.

Just as I thought I’d loose some weight,

I binged.

Just as I thought I’d be getting better,

I turned around.

Good, bad, I don’t know this world is so confusing.

I just wanted to mention middlepath that you inspired me to tell my therapist an essential part of my past which helped my healing. If not to you and one other poster here’s credit, I would not be half as far as I am.

I’ll only help you if you don’t give me a ticket 😉

And the child is…

Rabbi’s child off the derech,

psychologists kid depressed,

teacher’s daughter can’t study,

she’s failing every test.

nutritionist’s daughter anorexic,

personal trainer’s kid so fat,

accountant’s going bankrupt,

vet can’t save his rat.

Chinuch experts kid,

seems to be rebelling,

was abused emotionally and physically,

her marks are sadly telling.

Writer’s son’s a “d” in English,

in a subject so “genetic”,

each loosing in their expertise,

this world is so pathetic.

Who can we still trust?

there’s nobody who’s through,

practice what they preach,

live their life all true.

I’m burring myself,

digging my grave,

throwing myself,

into deep trenches,

beneath the earth’s surface,

engulfing myself in flames,

licking my surface,

scorching my soul,

blazing, raging fire.

in the battlefront,

of a war,

with guns,

grenades,

bombs,

under my tender feet,

in the softest sand,

ready to explode,

sweep me into its smoke,

kill me.

the tsunami is raging,

its fierce waters,

rushing,

dashing,

streaming,

pouring in over me,

engrossing me in its salt.

the knife,

slicing,

piercing through me,

etching marks in my heart,

engraving the word “depression”.

Puppy-How are you doing? That’s an awesome poem!!! 😉

I’m torn and tattered,

I’m lost and battered,

I’m broken and shattered,

if only it hadn’t mattered.

Outta control, my bounds are torn,

I’m obese and so fat, my cloths outworn,

I’m sad and lonely, I sit and moarn,

Why am I weird? looked at with scorn?

In pain, I feel the ache,

I’m burning, I seem to bake,

I’m trembling, in anxiety shake,

I wish it was all a fake.

I feel I’ve just recieved a kick,

the wound lasts, I keeps to stick,

I wish I could avoid that lick,

I wish I can lift of that brick.

In terror I scream for assistance,

I just wish to cease my existence,

I can’t understand my extreme resistance,

If only I had just some persistance.

Thanks ICOT! Glad someone can relate observanteen!

Saysme-I guess I’m grammarless 🙂 c’mmon!!!!

And think first, always a compliment to boost confidence 🙂

trapped behind bars,

it yearns to come out,

my pain is exploding,

I want to just shout.

To ball it away,

to let the tears just flow,

to release all the agony,

I’ve been given a harsh blow.

I can’t seem to handle,

all these things on my plate,

too much at once,

why is this my fate?

Shouldn’t I be,

an innocent teen?

with friends and family,

a life so scerene.

I want to burst the bubble,

that encircles me around,

I want to escape the chains,

I want to be unbound.

I want to escape the flames,

dancing all around me,

threatening to engulf me,

WHY WAS I THIS DESIGNEE?!?!

I’ve had enough,

it all seems so hopeless,

I don’t even know how to continue,

I’m climbing a mountain that’s ropeless.

HELP! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 I really can’t. I want to commit suicide so badly now. I’m balling my head off!

OMG that was an AWESOME one! That really blew me away!!!!!!!!

Thanx to all of you! I get it kapusta…sorry about that.

Sometimes I feel,

I am just lazy,

Sometimes I think,

this world is just crazy,

sometimes I realize,

my life’s gone insane,

sometimes it appears,

my cries are in vane.

sometimes I see,

these carefree happy people,

sometimes I feel,

I’m peaking out of a peephole.

sometimes it seems,

my world is so despairing,

sometimes i think,

nobody is caring.

I try to challenge my thoughts…

Each and every day,

I gaze at the white and gray screen,

the time underneath,

the new hypes,

the adds on the side.

I click on coffee room,

each day,

just to see,

the latest on poems,

reactions,

uplift,

raise my spirits,

enhance my soul.

I’ve gained confidence on HERE!!!

I’ve had enough,

of pain,

anguish,

binging,

food,

calories, weighing and counting.

enough of being fat,

enough of exercise,

enough of lieing,

of faking,

arguing,

begging,

controlling,

faking.

I’ve had enough of this miserable life. Help me get skinny NOW!

This is sorta really random and meaningless (don’t go too deep into it!) but i was in the mood so i did it.

He’s lively and fun,

vavacious and alive,

enthusiastic w/ his stuff,

invites friends to contrive,

so says the man w/ the red hat.

Skin silky and smooth,

hair shined and so neat,

pretty nails and makeup,

she’s beautiful and complete,

so says the man w/ the pink hat.

order, organization,

responsibility and files,

everything’s in compartments,

all neatly in piles.

so says the man w/ the brown hat.

check out this one,

you’ll be drooling forever,

you’ll want to binge and just eat,

you can’t beat it, never!

so says the man w/ the orange hat.

Quick and smart,

keen and so rich,

always on the ball,

will never want to switch.

so says the man w/ the gold hat.

happy and enthusiastic,

laughing with joy,

energetic and fun,

nothing can annoy.

so says the man w/ the yellow hat.

lush green grash,

gardens of eden,

heaven scented flowers,

not quite like sweden.

so says the man w/ the green hat.

peace and serenity,

contemptness, completion,

sincerity and calmness,

generosity, accretion.

so says the man w/ the blue hat.

a magical mystery,

much royalty and wealth,

your highness, honored,

bless us w/ health.

so says the man w/ the purple hat.

deep contemplation,

thoughtfulness, meditation,

pondering some questions,

depressed, hesitation.

so says the man w/ the indigo hat.

cleanliness, purity,

sparkling and new,

fresh and so ready,

a crystal clear view.

so says the man w/ the white hat.

Formal and hidden,

death and unknown,

courteous yet foreboding,

it changes in tone.

so says the man w/ the black hat.

no emotion and warmth,

no confidence,no maturity,

but a sense of stability,

mostly security.

so says the man w/ the grey hat.

BTW I don’t want random people using my poems. Do I copywrite them?

Little does she know…

how that stung me,

sliced my heart,

pierced my essence,

tore my being,

shattered my existence,

Little does she know

of my sensitive soul,

the intricacies of my life,

trauma of my childhood,

bullying,

verbal abuse,

has this been done to her?

why’s she oblivious

to the pain she’s inflicted on me,

to the tars she’s brought down my cheek,

my life’s already upside down,

feelings crushed,

to the depth of my soul

my once achieved confidence,

thrust down bellow her dirty feet,

trampled on,

that hurt so badly,

that was my teacher.

a very short one from a long time ago:

lost and uncertain,

isolated, I moan,

friendless and scraped,

I’m feeling so alone.

My cries pierce the air,

my bellows oh so loud,

I feel like I’m stuck

in a giant gloomy cloud.

GUYS! You totally make my day! Don’t ever think I’m not reading your replies to my poems! I read them every single time just sometimes I don’t know what to say or I’m super busy so don’t log in alltogether! But for observanteen-the way you responded shows you sorta understand it and sorta don’t. Life’s not easy but when it comes to escaping your problems after dealing with them all day, all that appeals to you is the internet and the junk. Yes, I know it wears out your concentration which is why I’m currently struggling in school as well. Last night when I had to go off the internet I became suicidal cuz I had to face my problems. Its very very tricky and tough but thanks for your reply! Thanks to saysme as well as all responses to all my poems! After a horrible day, all I want is to come to the cr and see this thread!

Observanteen-agree 100%! That’s why I barely post on other threads. I’ve gotten bashed too many times, and honestly, I find many of the posters to be very shallow.

My secret life,

that nobody knows of,

how I spend my time,

what I love.

They think I’m a BY girl,

so naive and sweet,

but my doulbe life unknown,

I keep it discreet.

Of my addiction to the web,

of my surfing of these pages,

sucking me up more,

advancing in some stages.

My obsession with celebrities,

the hollywood the stars,

I wish the computer was locked away,

far away behind bars.

I’m naucious and sickened by how much of these stars I’ve seen. I’ve spent barely any time studying. I’m addicted to the stupid internet and the addiction’s getting worse by the day. Every day a new celebrity. HELP! I can’t take it! I wish I can stop.

Thanks princess and observanteen-that poem was INCREDIBLE! Hit the nail on the head EXACTLY!!! Thanks so much!

I don’t want to say the problems cuz I’m scared someone will blow my identity. If not for the fact that I’ve written my lifestory in this thread, I’d totally say. I tried to get free tutoring online, etc. untill I decided tonight that if a boy doesn’t marry me cuz I failed math in school, I don’t want him! And yes, I only excell in school so that I can find a shidduch. That’s what today’s corrupt society along with much else says!

Sometimes I feel…

That the heaviest load’s been placed upon me.

the burden of an old man,

who’s been through wars and famines,

who’s frail and delicate,

his pain and suffering,

piled on me,

at once,

short and sharp,

long and forever,

the piercing cries are those of deep anguish,

of longing for freedom,

yet the old man is closer,

closer to what I dream of,

he’s closer to death,

what I long for,

what i’ve tried,

What hasn’t worked for me.

Nothing works for me,

yet I continue in this world.

I feel I have the pain,

of someone so old,

more pain than that of my teachers,

more pain that that of those much older than me.