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boo hoo! pesach is over. sigh.. back to reality. 😉
mazal tov shticky – that’s quite an accomplishment!
i use this thread a lot of times – thanks!
wife and mother (which i am)
next psychologist (which i’m not)
alte bachur is not the same as old maid or spinster. it just means older single of male persuasion, but is still planning to marry, and people still think he’ll get married. people apply old maid or spinster to women who they think will never get married, usually when they’re past their childbearing years. not a very nice term.
i’ll give my chatzi shekel – but i don’t know what no. we’re up to, nor which thread to give my half shekel to. Help! 🙂
no. of course not. i totally agree with your comment, as i usually do. i always enjoy reading your posts – usually the voice of reason and experience.
i think you’re 100% right; thanks for explaining the “child” bit – just thought it might turn off some of the young adults around here. 😉
girls (young ladies?) going out – ignore those guys who are only interested in a size 2 or 4; there are many other guys out there who truly don’t care (i’m not saying, not to put on makeup and dressing nicely, etc.), but the weight thing is really not for everyone such a big deal. a lot of guys truly don’t care, and you’ll marry one of those.
and no, pba, my brothers did not care – though i think all of my sisters-in-law are cute and/or attractive.
but, i think that me and my sisters are too much into caring about our weights. Boruch Hashem, my husband tells me all the time that he truly doesn’t care how much i gain (i won’t become obese) – i’m the one that it bothers. i’m the one so affected by our secular “education”.
i have a friend who was always over-weight. she divorced a guy who was abusive to her, but she said – her weight never bothered him nor her current husband. and she also was dieting her whole life, trying to lose weight.
so, no, pba, not everyone agrees with you.
observanteen – that was a great answer about happiest’s anxiety.
haven’t seen your name around here for a bit – hope all is well. 🙂
happiest – good luck – you’ve been given great advice, just relax and know that most people get stressed out being around their families for a whole week. you’re normal!
Boy, I hope her chassan is not reading this thread.
lol!
pba: do you really believe this, or does this belong to your other thread?
ever hear of the story of the boy who cried wolf? 😉 now, i don’t know when you’re serious or not.
i agree with you sac about the shadchanim!
maybe real brisker is right.
really depends what she’s terrified of to say if it’s normal or not. it could be totally normal – it is a totally new stage, and new things can be quite scary. (and hormones can be quite wacky when one is engaged).
or like s2021 says: it could be she is having serious doubts for very good reasons.
so she should talk to someone who has lots of experience with shidduchim and is WISE!
s2021 – just read in detail what you wrote (before i skimmed) – that is scary and so sad. 🙁
how did Joseph know this stuff about you?
blabla: are you really anorexic because some people are crazy? wouldn’t you like to marry a guy who cares about who you are and not how skinny you are. besides which, being anorexic is very not good for your health and it can affect your ability to have children in the future. if you truly are anorexic, please get help.
shlishi – i didn’t read the definitions; i’m just using the word, the way many people mean it nowadays.
if they mean other things, then, what i said does not apply.
mw13: yes, when deciding who to marry – see who person is, if similar hashkafos, you’re comfotable with person, and not un-attracted to person.
but, once you’re married…definitely how he treats you is most important, but what helps marriage is when feel appreciated and loved, and somehow chocolate and flowers speak very eloquently.
are you married? if you are a girl, i think you would understand without me explaining. and if you’re a guy, your wife would probably very much appreciate you giving her these things at times.
and by the way, neither is very expensive. one’s wife is definitely worth it.
also, according to rav Dessler – ahavah increases through giving, so by husband giving to wife, it increases his love for her.
lol!
lol for pba’s new subtitle.
Sac: he wasn’t saying that he believes that – he was just saying that it’s a stupid argument to tell people, which i agree.
i really think that the people who are making the biggest deal are not the guy’s, but rather their mothers.
the original Joseph? what does that mean? are the other Josephs not really Joseph?
ICOT: 🙂
you have a lot of favorite potato kugels?
now, if you would have said cookies or cake, i’d understand, but potato kugel?!? 😉
um, aries… do you think they’d like being called a child?
amen!
My rabbi also gave me the advice that when a man looks for a wife, he should find a girl with a personality that makes him feel like she is a close sister. But that when he looks at her, he doesn’t feel that she looks like his sister….it’s all relative (excuse the pun), but the idea is that the guy finds a wife that he gets along with, but also is attractive to him (not what is attractive to society).
i like that a lot – that’s a great description.
though, i hope the guy likes his sister. 😉
oomis- that was very nice – i liked that. 🙂
my daughter has it and one of my sons – but when it’s in his eyes, it usually meams he’s about to get into trouble.
i hope their twinkle always stays.
maybe the mods removed it because of the loshon hora in it.
not Flatbush – lived in flatbush once in my life for 5 months. (though did meet my husband during that time).
at least they have their priorities straight – 3 pizza places and no yeshiva day school yet. 😉
the one where he admits that he does not always tell the truth, the whole truth, and/or anything like the truth. 🙂
cshapiro: i think you have forgotten pba’s other thread.
being romantic on first few dates when getting to know the person, may not be a Jewish idea – that may be the fluff that just confuses issues and don’t allow the people to see if they are right for each other or not.
by romance, i think people mean – make it romantic – showing the girl that you care about her, etc. – which means buying her chocolate, flowers, etc.
for people who only date a few times before getting engaged – this should be done in marriage and maybe, while engaged.
for others, should be done, while dating (once it’s going somewhere), engaged, and while married.
Being romantic when married is a very Jewish concept.
question only is when dating and/or engaged – and that depends on who people are and where they are coming from – when in doubt, ask a rav. may be extremely surprised at his answer.
she’s a teenager and she’s acting like one – aren’t you all being a bit extreme with her – seems to me like she’s acting like a cute, bubbly, silly teen and you guys are acting like adults to her and taking her every statement so seriously. teens exaggerate – i have no reason to believe that she is not telling the truth as she sees it nor that she is paranoid and/or crazy. Nor, am i so worried about her – unless she flirts with those managers. She’s a teen with a lot of energy and imagination and fun.
and fact is, once guy is on a date – if he likes the girl, other stuff don’t bother him. on paper, they may say they want the skinny girl. but if the girl listens to him, respects him, etc. most guys would find that girl attractive.
one rebetzin, i know, said that she never talks about looks, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. once, a guy who said he wants only a gorgeous girl asked this rebetzin about a particular girl. now, the rebetzin felt like she couldn’t lie, and said that she is not particularly beautiful.
well, the guy, went out with this girl, and forever cannot forgive the rebetzin for having thought that his now WIFE is not stunning.
relax! i have heard so many stupidities – smart people get married late, guys only want size 2, etc. etc. Hashem has a shidduch for each and every person!
Mazal Tov! May you be zoche to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisroel. 🙂
yes, i know, which makes my point even more.
1. yes, and drive others crazy
2. no
3. i’d buy something from the $1.00 store
cofefan – about what to do during this time? make new friends. go on trips to israel, go to shiurim, etc. and you’ll meet other amazing people and make new friends!
most of the people who are telling people to lose weight or who think guys want the size 2 girl are women.
i know many men who do NOT prefer the skinny, anorexic look.
if someone is not just padded, but is obese – that is a health issue, and they should try to get help.
cshapiro- it’s not about worth it or not – but maybe i’m coming from a different place than you. where i come from, there are people who really do not have a lot of money. if a guy spends only $10.00 on every date (which counting parking, drinks, etc. is much less than usual) and goes out with lots of girls several times each (as many, many do) – he can easily be spending thousands of dollars – if he’s learning, and his family isn’t wealthy, where is that money coming from? and wouldn’t if he had any money, rather use it to live on or for necessities?
he can’t be cheap and take a subway instead of borrowing or renting a car and he shouldn’t skimp on some drink, but to spend thousands of dollars that he doesn’t have on people he will never see again, seems to me to be pretty unfair.
chicken soup, kneidelach, lokshin, chicken for shabbos chol hamoed, 2 types of brownies, yummiest chocolate cookies ever, hamburger for chol hamoed, tzimmis, sponge cake 🙂
….but now my house is a mess again and i have hundreds of loads of laundry to do. 🙁
kgh – you’re the winner! 🙂
i was getting nervous that i sung too off-key and no one could tell the tune or i was too old, and no one had watched the great musicals anymore. 😉
i have seen all different size girls get married right away and all different sized girls as older singles – i have never seen a correlation between one’s figure and age they got married.
it’s easy to tell who the males are – they’re the ones who make fun of how the females write. 🙂
and if you would have read the nailpolish thread, you would have known that cshapiro is a girl 😉
though i’m not recommending you read it 🙂
somewhere between 10 and 90 (i was gonna say between 0 and 100, but i thought that might be too vague 😉
and i’m a person – though i do belong to the 50% of the population that has extra binah. 🙂
apushetayid: well said. i actually miss the closeness i had with Hashem at that time. (but, no, i don’t want to go back to that stage. 😉 )
If I were the guy I would have made up some stuff about yichud issues with tunnels 🙂
lol!
The guy is a dunce. What he should have done, is keep the $10, ansd toss the date!
double lol!!
going to a clean movie is worse than internet?
i don’t go to movies and i don’t download movies from the internet.
the whole issue of movies came out way before internet even existed. in olden days, they were very clean (still not kodesh by any means) and many, not all, people watched. then, started to get worse and worse, VCR came out, and more yeshivish people did not go to movie theater nor own a VCR.
then, internet came along. definitely problematic to have internet. my belief (and i definitely understand other side) is that internet is here to stay and need it for many things (for jobs, banks, etc. etc.) – so trick is to use it properly.
whether the yeshiva cr brings people up or down in kedushah is for each person to decide.
along with all issues of kedushah, people have to ask themselves – does it bring them closer to Hashem or further away.
going to movie theater – may be issue of going to places where goyim go (see torah temimah on megilas rus, where rus says – “i will go where you go”.
other problem of movie theater is the environment itself is not exactly wholesome nor place of kedusha, so downloading a clean video seems to me to be the better option.
others, will not download any movie for the kedusha factor (very important, but very individual – where person is coming from)