hanib

can i have a different one? mine is so similar to someone else’s. Thanks. 🙂

i don’t like that article at all – it makes eating disorders out to be uniquely orthodox problem due to our pressures based on our religion. anorexia and bulemia has been around in the secular world for many years and they feel no pressure to get married at 20. issue is too complex to blame on any one thing (because we help our younger siblings? give me a break!), but we orthodox Jews are affected by the culture around us. and both guys and girls are affected by the media and think that the anorexic look is what makes people attractive. but, still the issue is much more complicated.

i also think clairvoyant and grandmaster is one and the same, but clairvoyant is a lot nicer.

i don’t see a tznius problem with that (if go through 3rd party), but just need to be careful, that truly think it’s a good idea, cuz can get plenty awkward if it doesn’t work out.

pba: the example of eisav and the pig, is that they purposely try to deceive others. presumably, someone who dresses yeshivish is not trying to pretend they are more frum than they are, but rather they are striving to be like that or culturally, they were born into such a society, and like the chassidish – this is what people in that society dress and talk like.

a person who wants to grow

no clue, depends on many factors – probably wouldn’t say anything, as i’d like to keep my anonymity. (is that a real word?)

also, you really explained very well what the person who is mentally ill is going through and how it affects all those around him. thank you.

IMHO, there are two different parts to yeshivish. The first one is halachic yeshish; spending excessive time learning, keeping many chumros, etc. Not only don’t I see anything wrong with this, but it think it’s a very good an praiseworthy thing.

Then there’s the culutral yeshivish; a certain mode of speech, dress, etc. While I do not see anything wrong with this, I can understand why some people might not like it in excess.

mw- i agree with what you wrote. i also believe that some people don’t like the 2nd, but the 2nd is like you said, cultural, like the Amish. it’s not a statement as to how much yiras shamayim they have or how much they learn, but it does serve a function. it keeps these guys – some of whom may not be able to learn 12 hours a day, under the realm of good peer pressure. meaning, because of cultural and/or peer pressure, these guys do not watch movies, talk to girls, see things they shouldn’t be seeing, etc.

and as for both groups, people tend to think that both groups should have perfect middos. that is, if they dress and talk yeshivish and/or if they learn a lot, they should already be perfect. that would be nice. but shouldn’t people who don’t have the best of middos also learn. maybe through their learning (and from my understanding, this is so), their middos improves. so, they may be far from perfect; but, could be, that that same person if he became a lawyer instead of learning, would have even worse middos.

just keep in the mods comments – i love how they come down appearingly from outer space. 😉

shticky – i was wondering why there’s nothing to read – didn’t notice that they were all the same topic.

hi yoyo! glad to see you’re back.

chayav, you’re getting bored again? 😉

i wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if you offered to help – i’d feel grateful. (even if i wasn’t pregnant; if someone offered to help, wonderful).

depends how old children are. my kids are still relatively young, and if they would see something not tznius – they would say in shocked voice, “ema, that’s not tznius.”

and in this case, i would just explain to them, “you’re right. so don’t look at it.”

if kids are older, and there own taavos are involved – can be little more tricky. can explain to older boys that they should use other bathroom like father does and explain why, or can explain to 30 year old girl, and ask her if she can put them somewhere else. expain: nothing wrong for her, just don’t want your boys seeing things that are not healthy for their eyes to see. if she refuses, then only choice is to work with your own kids or not go there again.

goody, true, but he had a very good reason for that – hadn’t slept for days, cuz afraid that seats on train were made from shatnez.

i completely agree with zeeskite.

once you’re on a date, whether male or female, you spend whatever the normal time for a date is and act like a mentch!

i wonder if guy was really disinterested if he wanted to go out again? but either which way, you definitely do NOT have to go out again, but when on a date – unless he is dangerous or truly crude, you do not leave the date. it’s also very rude, to say, oh, i would like to leave, or i forgot that i wanted to go to bed early tonight, etc.

am yisroel chai – thanks. don’t think it’s food related in my case. doctor didn’t seem so worried, but i got impression that could have side effects and i should see the specialist. i looked up on internet about what i have, but couldn’t find it anywhere. guess, i’m somewhat unique. 🙂 just joking.

i’ve read about lupus, and it’s not that. (that’s also autoimmune disorder).

pba – because she’s healthy enough to have had a number of children. she is very small, so it’s not like a size 2 in someone of more ave. height. and she still completely functions normally. and she’s been like this for more than 15 years. and, unfortunately, so many people i know are somewhat like this (even if they’re overweight, they’re just as obsessed on what they ate, how much they weigh, etc.)

eclipse, sorry to get off tangent a bit, but …

health, what is an autoimmune disorder? doctor said i may have one – have red splotches on my leg come out when i’m cold; started a few years ago. she said i should go to a dermatologist to get it checked out. haven’t had a chance yet.

but what is one? and what are its repercussions?

i second the motion, yoyo.

wow! kol hakavod to you. im yirtza Hashem, everything should work out and you should find someone who is as healthy and yashar as you are.

i agree with observanteen. tznius issues get very complicated, and she may think or have been told to handle it this way. actually, i think the gemara says that it’s actually good to marry one’s niece. the whole situation may be confusing for her.

sorry that it’s so hurtful to you. 🙁

wow! emuna that was beautiful – thanks for sharing that.

binahyeseira:

why does love and appreciation have to expressed through all these gifts? The only thing this shows is that he’s got money to spend, not that he cares about you in slightest.

And if you were a guy, you would understand what we’re saying on the “shidduchim and weight” topic. But I’m not a girl, and I don’t see how chocolate and flowers show you anything but the guy’s finances, and certainly not his deepest feelings. Sounds pretty shallow to me. (Which, as I was pointed out before, is exactly the type of thing that everybody was bashing on the “shidduchim and weight” topic.

Then shouldn’t she be getting him chocolate and flowers too?

mw – you’re right; girls do not understand how guys think, and that is why we have to consistently re-listen to such shiurim as Rabbi Orlowek on platonic relationships and Gila Manosohn on tznius.

and i’m not at all saying that it’s shallow to care about looks – most of us do. what i didn’t like was when people erroneously seemed to be saying that all guys are only attracted to slim girls. first of all, some guys (maybe less than average) really are more attracted to girls who are not anorexic looking. second of all, the way it was being discussed was offensive – we all have different tastes, and if i was a shadchan, i’d be very interested in knowing what exactly each person found attractive, but on a thread where a girl was discussing her problem, i didn’t feel it was nice for people to discuss the “looks” they found attractive. furthermore, when people discuss just the looks without the most important thing – middos, it is demeaning.

which goes back to your complaint against what i said. first of all, i was talking about chocolate and flowers in a marriage! it’s much cheaper than jewelry, which he should buy if he could afford to. second of all, girls (women, whatever?) are also not always purely spiritual human beings. but you’re right, chocolate and flowers without love and mentchlichkeit is nothing, but with good middos, etc. – it shows a woman that the guy cares about her. (though for different girls, it could be different things – point is girls in general like romance – IN MARRIAGE (i’m not talking about dating, engagement, etc. – there is whole other issue, depending on where you’re coming from and who you are).

and, of course, girl should give guy to – but, from my understanding, chocolate and flowers won’t do the trick. however, a good, yummy meal may be more appreciated. but i could be wrong, as i am not a guy.

pba: i noticed that you waited till you started talking about it, and normally i’m all for getting off the topic, just in this case, i was afraid it was too hurtful (and it wasn’t just you i was complaining against).

i don’t even mind discussing what you wrote, but just on a different thread. (i’m all for philosophy and psychology – didn’t have a chance to read the original article yet).

and it’s not so easy for a very skinny guy to put on weight either – only real way is to work out with weights. (i know – i’m married to an extremely skinny guy who actually gets insulted if someone tells him he’s thin – he’d love to put on weight healthily) it would require tremendous effort. but in this case, if you would re-read the OP, she wrote that she is trying to lose some weight, but she’s just not gonna be slim.

mw – i’ll answer you on a different thread where you addressed the same issue.