hanib

always here: well, there goes that theory.

though, maybe you’re the exception to the rule – i need more data. 🙂

i also always ask for window seat and keep myself covered. i was once holding my newborn in baby sling, and someone started shouting at me – turns out they thought i was nursing my baby. people cannot see when i am and when i’m not nursing; they’re offended cuz they think they know what the baby is doing – but they do not see a thing!

and quite honestly, for many babies, there is no other choice.

i didn’t have a problem with him not learning, my problem was what about davening shacharis on time. i agree that obviously he wasn’t enjoying learning, as he was highly productive in his work.

on the other hand, shouldn’t a guy learn something? how should a wife encourage a guy to learn the something that he needs to learn? or should she do as you suggest and simply accept him for who he is? i read the answers, and i still don’t know which is proper thing.

blankets can cover up everything – if hold baby in arm whole time, he needn’t know when baby is nursing or not, and he definitely doesn’t see a thing.

truthbetold: it definitely makes sense to work on oneself in first marriage. worst that can happen – can change whole marriage and turn it to a great marriage (oh? did i say worst? i mean best!)

and fact that 2 people may bring out each other’s worst doesn’t mean a thing – if both work on themselves, they may change to bring out each other’s best.

is that really true – that the biggest cause of shalom bayis problems is lack of money?

if i would guess, i would say bad middos.

feif on – i’m so glad. how do you feel now?

have a good shabbos!

lol!!!! nice thread to end my day of posting. thanks mod.

by the way, i understand the numbers differently than what miriam adahan wrote. my understanding from the book on enneagram that i own is that you’re basically one number with a wing of one of the numbers next to you. so a 4 can have a 3 or a 5 wing; a 9 – an 8 or 1 wing.

also, if want to work on yourself different numbers have to go in different directions. i can’t remember it all off hand, but 4 has to go to 1, 7 to 5, 2 to 4,…

best answer i’ve always heard was: would you rather be them with all their problems also or you? also, i find that those times where i am most being me – using my strengths, talents, spiritual abilities – i’m not jealous. but when i’mm not happy with myself and not fulfilling my tachlis, i can be filled with jealousy.

jealousy can also be useful – the things you are jealous of reveal what you want to be: use that info. to develop yourself

I – introvert (gets energy from one on one conversations) vs. E – extrovert (gets energy from being surrounded by tons of people) ex. extrovert will go to library to study, hoping that there are people there who can talk to and study with. introvert can have a lot of friends, but will enjoy more intimate, one-on-one talks.

N – deeper type of personality/ can be more in clouds/ in one’s mind and/or emotions. if they are NF – deeply emotional type. if NT – absentminded professor type and/or more lomdeish type – likes to go deeply into intellectual topic

vs. S – sensory: very aware and in touch with their senses. they’re down to earth; notice what people are wearing, what they look like, 75% of population are S’s. they’re aware of world around them and interact with world through their senses (sorry, it’s hard for me to explain S cuz i have almost no S in me).

T – make decisions based on logic vs. F – make decisions based on emotions (most males are T and most females are F, but doesn’t always have to be so)

P – spontaneous/ easy-going/ hard time making decisions/ go with the flow/ will do things at last minute

vs. J – organized/ make decisions easily/ structured/ will be on time to places

this is just brief summary. most people are not 100% one thing. can be 50%/50% or both T and F, but little stronger T. basically can be more balanced between both or more extreme in one vs. the other.

as with all things – there is no right or wrong. you can use this info. to understand yourself and if, you want, to balance yourself out – can learn how to do more of other thing, if you want to. or can help you find job you would like by doing things within your personality or by challenging yourself, and doing things that stretch your nature.

observateen: be careful of loshan hora or motzei shem ra – that’s the danger with these numbers and letters.

moderators! – i think you should delete the last thing observe wrote and then you can delete this message. thanks.

Health – yes. i understand your point, but my point was: how would you know what they look like without make-up – most girls try to look their best when going on a date.

by the way, i have a friend who only wears make-up at home for her husband, but she comes from a very chashuve family, and is not your typical girl.

and mytake – it is basic, but very hard to do in practice.

spoiled: no set rule. but from that info. can ask yourself questions.

how N are you? and are you extreme F or do you also have a lot of T?

do you need someone to understand you? or do you davka want someone who is more grounded and not so complex (just a sweet, nice guy)?

are you very, very J and would like someone more spontaneous and easy-going to balance you out? or are you borderline J/P and would go crazy with extreme P?

what kind of people are you more attracted to – someone who is more similar to you, who gets energy from one on one conversations or would you like to be around someone who enjoys tons of people and having tons of guests for shabbos, etc.?

There are no right or wrong answers. Different people have different needs. i just find it really helps by asking these crucial questions – can think about who really are and what truly need.

For me, the biggest question would be the N issue: i’ve seen some people who truly need another N to understand them, and others who will fulfill that emotional need with their friends and want an S to keep them grounded.

The F for a girl usually will marry a T boy, but depending on you how much F you need the guy to have. since most girls are F and most boys are T, this is generally where you get men are from mars, women are from venus issues. which is also where the opposites (male and females) attract.

sorry. just couldn’t help myself.

i find the myers-briggs very helpful for shidduchim – both for person to help understand themself and what they need and for the terminology to explain to others what the person is looking for.

the enneagram is really good for when i want to understand someone who is so different than me – i can better understand their needs and what drives them.

and who is ed?

you each have different distinct personalities. it was just weird when zeeskite started opening up tons of threads right after eclipse left, but i did believe eclipse when she said she was leaving – it was just funny.

mytake and observeteen: let’s have this conversation over in interesting random q – instead of hijacking this question, where everyone is in basic agreement anyways.

(yes! need to be attracted to who you marry.

and yes, boruch Hashem, guys find much more girls attractive than girls find girls attractive.

and luckily (since it seems like the girls around here are more picky in their idea of what’s good looking) more things attract a girl to a guy than just his looks.

just fyi: the non-good looking girls in my class were none of the older singles, they all got married before 21. whereas, the prettiest girl in my class is still not married.

slim girls may have a greater yetzer hora to dress not tzniously. but so what? others may have greater yetzer hora to speak loshon harah. others have more yetzer harah to be stingy, get angry, look at girls who don’t dress tzniously ;)…

INFP

health – right, i think what should be on your list are those very things. and, if that’s the case, i’ve found very few people “settling”.

observeteen: the point of the book is to show how we all have different strengths and weaknesses – i didn’t read awareness, but rather the secular (shh) book that it came from. i could be wrong, but i don’t think that the point is that 3’s are shallow or that all guys or girls who care what their spouse looks like, are 3’s.

though, i have to admit, that i never could understand the 3’s. others i understand much better. 🙂