hanib

i can’t say how old i was when i got married, as i was the only person in the world to get married at that age, so i don’t want to give away who i am, but i too was an older single and boruch Hashem am happily married with a number of kids (can’t say how many – for again, i’m the only one in the world with this number of kids).

a month before i met my husband, a woman asked me what i was looking for and just looked at me like i was crazy for expecting all those things at my age. my husband had every single thing i was looking for. (and no, he isn’t perfect – i wasn’t looking for perfection). 😉

kapusta – it’s nice to have nice posters like you posting.

okay. thanks for clarifying. 🙂

s2021 and smartcookie:

you’re like the couple who went to a rabbi with their disagreement. first wife speaks – rabbi says, “you’re right”. then husband speaks – rabbi says, “you’re right”. then someone says, how can they both be right? rabbi says, “you’re right”.

smartcookie – you’re right, it’s wrong to bash anyone, especially ex’s when can’t hear other side. (people who work with marriage counseling, always say that if just hear one side, always think the other side must be horrible as this side is so great.

But …. s2021 is also right. She and others have been very hurt – we don’t have to know the ins and outs of the situation – we’re not the judge. what she’s asking now is for support. if someone was abused by someone, and they see close relatives and friends who should be supporting them, supporting the ex. – it can be extremely painful. maybe, she could have taken it better from you, if you first would have acknowledged how painful that is and then (several days later? 🙂 help her realize that her friends and relatives may not know what she went through, and as she herself knows, her ex. can be quite “charming”.

but s2021, even though you’re feeling intense pain, please don’t attack others (except for grandma – attack away ;)) – smartcookie meant well and did not mean to hurt you, though was obviously hurt by your statement.

bas yisroel – i agree with bygirl93 – after understand it, practice it again and again, until can read it thoroughly, as if will be tested on it. then go to next one. eventually, you’ll get the flow of it and you’ll be more used to the vocabulary. nice idea is to hook up with someone who knows less than you, like a ba’alas teshuva and/or younger girl – prepare first and then do it with other person. it takes time, but if really want to, not as much time as you would think to become proficient.

and i think it’s wonderful that you’re working on reading meforshim!

🙂

popa – is that really true?!? that doesn’t make sense at all. i can’t imagine the parents, girl, or chassan of the girl would go along with that. if your point is, then why ask permission to get engaged even after getting permission to go out, it’s just nice – it’s just another way of showing care and respect to older sibling.

feif on – i don’t believe that is only reason guy isn’t going out – though he may use it as his excuse.

the whole issue should be handled in a mentchleichtic (spelling?) way. meaning: younger sibling (and/or) parents should get permission from older sibling before going out. (older sibling should grant permission unless younger really is so young and no necessary reason for sibling to go out then, but wouldn’t harm anyone if waited a year). then when getting close to getting engaged, younger sibling should again ask older sibling permission. (obviously, older sibling will say yes – it’s just to show that i’m giving you respect and is that all right with you). by doing these 2 things, will prevent much heartache between siblings. both know that acted with other one with respect, and whatever else happens is from Hashem. when not done properly, it breeds resentment and estrangement, and neither party is happy for the younger sibling’s simcha.

artscroll – the saperstein edition is very nice: if read footnotes, can really learn to understand what rashi’s question is and why he asks that. if really work at it and keep practicing, can get pretty good at it quite quickly.

yoyo – this may sound weird – but do you think that when you are around guys, you can keep your energy levels close to you? do you think you can be very careful not to smile or look at them, and to keep yourself more “closed” and not as “open” when around guys?

other chicago: chicawgo, instead of chicogo

also, way they say roof, orange, pajamas, and gas

first of all, you can all give tzedakah to causes that you think are important.

but, it is possible for someone to have bitchon and not expect to take money from parents and in-laws. i know people where wife works a little (not to make herself ragged; husband learns and tutors or other little jobs and they have bitachon for rest. and Hashem does give them money without them going begging. (ex. $150,000 yerusha – the couple nevern knew person was rich or expected that money). and Hashem has many means to help, and nobody should help if not important to them. i too would give first to starving, sick, etc. families.

amt. of hishtadlus is dependent on many factors – no clear cut answer for all.

🙂 very cute.

you may not be able to 100% prove Torah, but can definitely show that it makes much more logical sense to believe in Torah than to not. Meaning, given the evidence we have now, much more logical that Torah is true than not.

read Just One Jew – the author went off the derech, and then later came back on; he says most important thing is that family was always loving and accepting him.

bpt: if i recall correctly, the guy was working and productive in the afternoon and evenings – the plan (whose plan?) was that the morning was set aside for davening (obviously) and learning. seems like the guy would sleep through the morning and just wake up for afternoon job. wife had no complaints that he was working – just that he wasted the whole morning sleeping, and wasn’t davening on time or learning at all. (this is what i remember – could be wrong)

seems like the point that is bothering popa bar aba is not so much the nursing in public, but that some of us have chosen “chumros” that he doesn’t agree with. Whether you agree or not, my ultimate “chumrah” is giving my child the best that i can (and in this case it means the healthiest food available) – if i were to see that my not wearing slits or other things is damaging to my child’s well-being, i will re-evaluate the situation.

’tis obvious that popa doesn’t belong to the “chumrah of the week” club, as the first “chumrah” taught there is not to criticize others “chumros” – you have no idea who we are, where we’re coming from, and why we choose those “chumros”

lol. i thought you meant the advil for mbachur. 🙂

i’m sorry – i’ve just skimmed your posts and haven’t read all of them thoroughly, so maybe i’m missing something. but is it just me or do others find this makes them nauseous? only way to get guys to date someone is by paying them? and if guy got paid to date a girl, he’ll then see her as a person and not an object? what does that do for chance of marriage?

p.s. i and my husband got married when over 25 – nobody paid him or shadchan extra money for making this shidduch.

if you’re in lakewood as name suggests, there is someone starting exactly that – though i think they’re starting with 8th graders and planning on building up year by year.

observateen: wow! you’re lucky to have a mother who can do that. many are unequipped to do so.

lkwdgirl: when i was in highschool, i read tons of books on subject. if you’re into reading, i’m sure many of us in cr can give you list.

i’m curious, what do you and others can answer as well feel would help you in your emuna? what are your questions and needs? how do you think schools or others can better equip you for life?

why are you guys criticizing feif on – this is the minhag for this city. if the woman wants to collect in that city, this is what she has to do and then she won’t have any problems. if people don’t follow the rules, the whole system of that city can break down. obviously, the system is there to help people give tzedakah to only legitimate causes.

a nice cd

okay. then i’m fine with what you wrote – though i still would suggest that their inability to discuss the problem rationally would also be a source of the problem.

read a book, listen to a tape, go on the cr, eat chocolate…

actually, i’m trying to stop eating sugar, especially chocolate for now (so far – 2 weeks, not counting little one on shabbos – l’chavod shabbos 🙂

please be selective in dating – unless you haven’t had a good name for awhile and just want to stay in the parsha.

don’t get discouraged – Hashem has already chosen your bashert many years ago.

(i’m talking to all you singles out there.)