Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Why wouldn’t a school want a girl like I described is a very good question. However due to politics, not space, this girl has not been accepted. (They reopened registration in other schools again but still none of the schools could find room for this girl) I really can’t go into details about what the father does, since this will publicly single him out, but lets say he is an average yid, goes to daf yomi and minyan regularly but isn’t the typical black hatter. However, to go into detail of his merits or demerits is a moot point. It doesn’t matter what color shirt he wears, or car he drives, or whether or not he wears a hat in shul, he is not getting into school his daughter is. This is a girl that had no problems with her previous school, was far from being a bad influence and really was loved my her morohs and teachers. Why does she have to wait until one school finally (reluctantly) takes her in? Why does she have to feel like a burden for just wanting to be in a school with her friends? Remember 3 months ago she wasn’t a problem and the school she was in had no problem with her.
This is not a new problem, it’s something that all of her sisters had to go through (as well as a few other girls who were not part of the “in” crowd). Not every year did they have the policy that no school can open up until every girl is placed. This year there has not been a takanah and there are still girls without a place. There is no excuse why at this time of the year that a girl should have to be agonizing where she will be next year.
As far as perception that is a big factor for a lot of people. Many girls as well as their families don’t want to deal with choice #2. Its like that in the younger grades, but sometimes don’t have the options. More and more schools are opening up but I don’t know if it is fast enough and that many parents are weary that it won’t be the level that they want (which usually is perception as well) I think in this case everyone does find, just not where they ideally wanted to go.
I’m in agreement that I think it would not be such a good idea. (Granted this wouldn’t sway my vote I’m still not going to vote for Obama)Anytime when Jews get involved, it just opens the doors for anti-semites to open their mouths to reclaim the postition that we are secretly controlling the USA.
Mdlevine as well as others: I think that we have reached the point were we can safely say that Now are you happy is a person who is just looking to cause trouble. Whether he/she has too much time on his/her hands or a control issue that they can express in a public forum that will keep their true identity private. I think it’s time to just ignore their posts until they no longer receieve the attention or fun out of it.
To teenof13: I was not planning on coming into this thread about tznius but I’m trying to figure out why a certain individual was so negative and outright deragatory to you. I have read some interesting things here and as a father I see that I will have to work on my relationship with my daughter now when she is very young so that we will be on better footing later on in life. While I feel that advice in this area should be given over to you by a woman, I will make a few comments in general.
1- Tznius like all other mitzvohs were given to us to make us better people. Yes there are many positive side affects to keeping the Mitzvohs, but the bottom line is what type of relationship do you want to have with Hashem. We all have to figure out our place in this world and sitting back and being dictated how you should live is not a good start to building a solid foundation. Already you have mentioned that you don’t feel like conforming to what your father says. (While I don’t know you or your family I don’t think that this will get better if it goes unchanged) What could happen is that you build up enough resentment and you will not be keeping what really is something that is very important. I also think that this is a good chance for you to take advantage of your emotions and find someone to learn with you what exactly what Tznius is about. Maybe this is a conversation to start off with your mother, or aunt or maybe there is a teacher that you are close with who cam help you. (Now you are probably thinking that all through scholl they keep drilling it into you, so what is the point? Well there is a big difference learning about something on a basic level geared to a large group then having a one on one session with someone where you can ask questions and express what you are feeling.)
2nd back to the father on the cell phone thing. Well I think you have another window of opportunity here. Maybe and I say maybe because only you will know, but maybe you should go to your father and ask him to learn with you about Tznius, or at least have him sit and talk about why he feels the way that he does. You will probably not agree with everything that he says, but at least you are now getting a perspective on his view of the matter. It will be very hard at first becuase if it leads to a confontation then you will not have gained anything. But….if you ask honest questions, explain some of this difficulties and maybe ask him to help you brainstorm when dress and peer pressure are such big issues. So in short, Tznius is just the ice breaker, which can lead up to bigger and other diverse conversations. This is that chance that might get him off the phone long enough to see that you are not that little girl any more.
3- Thank you for speaking up and addressing the issue. While a forum like this is not a way to adress halacha, it does give us the chance to discuss issues and hear other perspectives. Bowzer spoke very well like you mentioned as well as many others. On the flip side there will be individuals who will go on the attack and find fault with every word that you might say (as well as read into your post things that are not accurate). Don’t take all comments to heart and just ignore those who are just plain angry at the world.
4- There is always going to be peer pressure regardless of your age and location. Now when you are young, it is hard to stand against the crowd, especially when you don’t feel up to it or don’t see what is wrong. I think more than ever you need to understand why tznius is important and then look for clothing that will be in style but yet up to our standards.
To some of the other posts:
I think there is a time and place for when men should comment. Usually it will not be the man’s place and when it needs to be brought up extreme caution should be used. Dealing with many children at risk, there where many well intentioned individuals who believed that they were doing the right thing standing on their soap box preaching tznius. However, instead of making a connection to holiness many of the kids saw this is a restriction that was used for control. I don’t think anyone likes to be told they are doing something wrong and when it’s done in a way that makes them feel like an object, second class, or worse will just backfire.
We have to pick our battles and everyone needs to ask themselves if they are on the level that they should be. Sometimes we have to pick our responses. There will always be people out there giving their 2 cents worth and most of the time it isn’t even worth that. Still sometimes it is, and we have to learn to listen, take what ever there is to be gained and then act appropriately. And Yes it is very important for men to be good role models and watch how they act and what they say.
“Now are you Happy” seems to be contrary to what you really are. And I’m telling you point blank that while you have no mercy for someone who is 13 and lacks proper k’vud av….I would like you to show us where she is lacking. This issue about parents ignoring their kids is not new and something that Gedolim have been talking about a lot. So yes the father may have all of those “responsibilities”, but his kids take spot #1. Plus to say that she should make an appointment….well I guess there is no better way to say to your child that “I love you” then to say “I will see if I can squeeze you in @3:00 next week”. Kids need acceptance and nurturing and when they see that times with children is prioritized lower on the list they feel less loved (and this is a justified reaction)
Next why on earth do you feel it is productive to attack a poster like this. Do you think that she is going to say…”Wow I never thought of it that way and I better change my attitude?” You obviously read a lot more into her post than most of us did and I’m glad you stated that you disagree. Thank you for you opinion and so far you are the exception since I would think that most of us here disagree with you.
Next the “K’vud Av” card….I love when that gets pulled out. On one hand it’s one of the factors that guarantees a person of long life. It also is a trump card for parents who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions or do the right thing, so they pull it out as if to remove all negativity from themselves and putting it squarely on the victim. I have dealt with so many kids at risk who got the “Kovod” card. If you or any one would like to teach their children Kovod, then do it by example. Instead of putting down those who disagree with you (and then going on to find possibilities that would make them unworthy I guess being dan l’kav rah) maybe show more respect for people in general and then you may get some back in return. Kids have to learn how to do mitzvohs not be dictated how to do it.
“Now are you happy”, I’m not sure what you are getting at. Are you complaining about the people in Lakewood or are you diminishing the severity of what this post is trying to accomplish?
Personally I don’t think that people from Lakewood complain all that much more than any other group but to elaborate on this would be Loshon Horah and serves no constructive purpose. Plus use caution when speaking ill about a large group of Yiddin. There have been many people who have fallen into and suffered al pi shomayim for making such a mistake.
As for the topic, ….. I don’t think you realize the extent of the problem. Imagine being told that your daughter who has been awarded best in Middos by her School at her 8th grade graduation does not have a place and will have to go out of town. That despite her strong academic standing and positive repoprts from all teachers that she was not worthy of acceptance? Somehow all the other girls with connections get placed and there is room for them. Yet for this particular girl they somehow could not come up with a placement for her in any school.
Why should any girl in their early teens be forced to leave home at a time when they need their mother’s guidence the most? Why should a girl have to leave her core friends and have to start from scratch in a mew place? Why is it that they had enough room for them in 8th grade but now they don’t? This is just one particular area. What about the new kids going into 1st grade who don’t have a sibbling already placed? What about a person moving to Lakewood from another community? There are somethings in life which we can put on hold or settle for second best. However education and the effects it will have on a child we can not.
So while you may feel that this is an issue that doesn’t have much merit there are girls now in Lakewood who still don’t have a school to go to next year. People need to speak up and something must be done to make a change.
Having family in Lakewood who have been going through this for years, (as each daughter went into high school) I still wonder what solution can be found to stop the pain that so many people must endure. A certain Rav ( I hold back his name since I don’t know if they would allow me to post it) said point blank that this is wrong and as a community everyone should withhold their tuition payment until every child has a place. What makes matters worse, is that they reopened regestration to “accomidate” the fact that too many girls who applied at only one school (which by implication shows that they have space) but yet there are several families who did apply to these schools but yet don’t have a place for their kids.
Many claim that there just isn’t the funds to keep up with the fast pace of how many chidren are being born. However, the fact is, these are yiddish neshomos that are being delt with, how could they not afford to povide them with a proper school.
The way I see it a person has to look at what there is to be gained and weigh the pros and cons. Like it has been mentioned, bungalow colonies were once a great necessity for those living in the city. Those who are living in Flatbush/Boro park the need for recreation still exists but not as easy for everyone now that we lead busier and more complex lifestyles.
For 5 years I lived in the Boro Park/Flatbush area. It was an interesting period of our lives and I loved having so much at our finger tips. 2 groceries, dry cleaner, milchig and fleshig take out, shoe store, liquor store and many other luxuries with in 2 blocks of my front door. Minyonim….even better Litvish, Chassidsh, Sefardic, you name it I could find it and pretty much any time that I wanted it. However, coming from an out of town environment, I wanted a place where my kids could play all year round (the postage stamp size back yard didn’t count as a suitable place) and not be raised in such an intense environment. So my wife and I made the choice to move to a more suburban setting, found a great mokom of Torah for our kids, and B’H we don’t have the need to get away to the country for the summer.
So it’s all about choices. If you feel that while your family goes up they are just schmoozing while your yiddishkeit weakens…then it’s time to rethink the arrangement. If you think it is unfair, that you work extra hard and loose out on certain “family” time, then maybe it’s time for a family meeting.
While I don’t go away, I can see the desire to go up where the air is cleaner and there is clear calmer environment. However, it is not for everyone. For some it works and for some it doesn’t. You just have to see where you stand on the issue and either speak up to make a change or just let it go and face the consequences (either positive or negative depending on the case.)
First off Teenof13 you bring up a very good topic and my heart goes out for you. This happens to be a pet peeve of my own and maybe I can offer you a few suggestions.
1- Talk to your parents. I don’t know what your Sunday routine is like, but if you happen to have off from school/yeshiva then this is a day when Parents and kids can take advantage of time spent together and to be able to do activities that can not be done on Shabbos or Yom Tov. Talk with respect and kovod and be clear what you would like to be doing with them. (IE: Spending quality time together by walking, eating breakfast, or some other social activity. Maybe even learn a little together, but in a loose heimish fashion)
2- Understand that they are looking for downtime as well and this is something that relaxes them. So instead of asking them to give up the phone all together, ask them to block out a part of the day to be free with family.
3- Speak with your mom and organize some family social time.
4- Take advantage of Shabbos (especially the 3 meals) as well. I don’t know how much time you spend at home, but if you are the type that goes out a lot, dedicate time for family and when they see your efforts they might do the same.
5- Keep on trying
6- Remember this feeling when you are a parent as well so that you don’t make the same mistake.
As for all of us grownups out here, take a note and give your family some time. Fathers should think that maybe this is their kid writing this and see if there is a way to get closer with your kids. If your kids are distant, well guess what it’s not going to fix itself and doubtfully they will be the ones who break the ice. Mothers who are waiting with their kids for busses and carpool, hang up and talk to your kids. When they come home from school, hang up and say hi, ask how their day was and make them feel interested that you care enough to see how they are doing. Plus remember a phone is a convenience device, which means you can shut it off!
I think that all parents need to sit down with thier children and have a chat about the dangers of smoking. They need to know that there will be peer preasure at some point in their lives, and how difficult it truly is to quit. We are living in a day and age that there shouldn’t ever be any new smokers. Yet saddly there are more and more kids getting addicted and are thus foeced in a situation that is extremely difficult to fix.
The responsibility lies on the parents to make sure their children don’t start. Period. Yes there will be peer presure, but as a parent we need to know who are kids friends are, who they will be associating with and what temptations they will be faced with. When looking into a Yeshiva, one of the early questions should be about what the yeshiva’s policy is about smoking. Plus, never let your kids smoke on purim. I never understood why this has been an acceptable minhag in some places which has nothing to do with the spirit of Yom Tov.
Being the child of parents who “use” to smoke and now working with a brother who we are getting to stop smoking I see first hand of the importance to stop the tmeptation even before it begins.
lgbg, well put and stated beautifully! While most of the schools that we are sending our children to have “secular studies”, wouldn’t it be wonderful if they could teach our children the skills that they will need in life? (I’m not labeling all Yeshivos since I have seen many right wing yeshovos that manage to impart a decent secular studies program as well, but it seems that there are some that don’t even bother to try) How many times have we gone to a simcha where the person giving the d’var torah didn’t have the proper skills to give over his intended message (paragraph structure, oratory skills, main idea and supporting statements)? How many kids are lacking the math skills to understand how much 15% off of something will be? How many are not able to balance their checkbook, understand what is being said on legal documents, or even basic science skills? (like when you make have a grill and want to heat up baked beans you have to open the can first to prevent an explosion?) There are so many important “life skills” that be can taught and it would not be considered b’til torah.
Einodmilvado and feivel, I wonder why you have to resort to putting down others who don’t agree with your perspective on things. To call B’nei torah in America, “goyim who wear white shirt, black pants and tzitzis out” is really uncalled for. I think you have to look closer again. Each and everyone is a member of Klal Yisroel and the children of the Rabonah Shel Olam. Be careful of your words since I’m no so sure the Aibeshter is so happy at the way you talk about his kids, (seemingly good intentions and all). You would be surprised of the relationships that his “American” children have with him.
One last thing, Einodmilvado, you have said a lot of wonderful mussar and I’m glad that you are actively working on internalizing it in your life. However, your approach is as effective as tape recording. You have missed the point of this post. This wasn’t about validating the yeshiva bochur’s desire to leave the “learning world”, this was about, when he is ready to take on a parnasa, that he should have the skills necessary to provide the most for his family. How good of a role model will a father be, when he is working full time and stressed out because he is still worried that the electricity is about to be shut off. How many families have shalom bias issues because of the stress of the lack of means to improve the situation. How many mothers would like to be home with their children and be able to raise them with the values that they feel are important (instead of the local playgroup, daycare or chas v’shalom non Jewish maids)? Plus to say that all these cases are of which they lack b’tochim would be false. How do we expect to be able to receive all or any of the bracha and good that the Aibeshter does for us if we don’t make the motions to get it.
Quote: “what about learning torah and increasing you rewards in the next world that’s what people should be worried about people get to preoccupied with their jobs hear and lose focus on the main goal in life”
If only it were so simple. There is getting preoccupied with their jobs to the point where they loose focus and then there is the reality that there is a generation of young adults who are really struggling to make ends meet (and many who can’t without the help of others). Wouldn’t it be nice for a Jewish mother to be able to stay home and raise her own children? Wouldn’t it be nice that when a man enters the work force that he will have sufficient skills to hold down a job that he wants and feels good about? This isn’t about leaving Kollel to make money, it’s about those who are ready to leave but don’t have too many options for themselves. (This isn’t even addressing the poor English skills that many bochurim have)
If college is so bad, why don’t they have a kollel by day college by night program which only entails Jewish people (even designed for men only classes). What about creating trade schools that can focus on specific skills (also to be taken at night. There are really so many things that can be done, but unfortunately not considered until to late.
Thank you for the letter and I guess a good way to start off my post is with a big thank you to all the memebers of Hatzalah who not give up of their free time, but of also all the special times (IE: shabbos seudah, any given tefillah, pesech seder, kol nedrei etc… I think we get the idea) that we take for granted. They do an encridible job and B”H who can say how many lives were saved due to their quick responses and dedicated service.
However, with the good you will find some bad. There is a Yetzer horah and part of it might be to abuse the privelages that come with the service. If they are on a call I don’t care where they park, it all about saving a life. But, when they need a parking spot for any other reason, then they should do the Hakafa like everyone else. The siren, again when they are on call. However, I have seen situations when a hatzalah member (was later removed) was late for an apointment and on went the lights and siren. So put in perspective, we have this fabulous system that saves lives and is a true kiddush Hashem that is tainted by yechidim (individuals) who want to take advantage of the system. It is wrong and each person when doing it (even to just double park) is at risk at dimnishing the value of Hatzalah and obvous chillul Hashem.
The problem is going to be the fact that these people like to drink and they have zero interest in stopping any time soon. It has nothing to do with oneg shabbos or even stress. These are men who choose to act like kids and want to do what they want to do, no matter what embarrassment it may cause. The Rav who gets drunk with them is no better and is doing a diservice to his kahilah for showing poor judgment and being an negative example of how one should act. So I don’t know what more you can do besides start a major rift within and most likly have to find a new bungalow colony. (being that the owner of the colony is a big drinker, you may have little choice)
In the meantime if it really bothers you, skip the kiddush. Maybe get a few other families who share the same feelings and get together and make a mini kidush by your bungalow. Tell your children that life is about choices and that sometimes adults can make poor choices. You can use this as an educational tool as well to your children about the effects of alcohol and how destructive is can be. (I would and have even told my children why people like to drink & while it may feel good at the moment, it takes away from the pleasure of everyone else.)
Being that the Rav actively gets drunk as well, I don’t know how much Rabbonim can do. Speak to your Rav ans ask him what he feels. However, the more we speak openly about this and create positive peer pressure, more and more kehilas will start adapting to a non alcohol style. When looking into bungalows, see if there is a drinking problem. I bet you never even thought about that before, and are stuck being that it’s already mid summer.
On a side note: when one wishes to deal with stress, there are more effective and practacle approaches. When one needs alcohol on a regular basis, that is a clear marker that there is a dependancy problem. The fact that so much is consumed and the need to get drunk is a crisis in itself and needs to be addressed. To say that people are making too big of a deal is A FORM OF DENIAL and rhe problem will only continue to get worse.
Thanks to the author and yeshivah world for taking the time to get this message spoken.
After reading some of the posts I feel the need to add more to what I said before.
I think that we have to look at the big picture here and put it in perspective. Most camps provide a well structured, frum environment, that puts an emphasis on Torah, Midos and social/fun activities. With all the negative influences to be found in the city (movies, television, tzinus on the streets, etc) the camp environment still creates a safe haven for our children to attend. There are many people from whom our children will learn from (and not just the counselor) and I personally don’t think that we are near any sort of crisis situation.
So lets take one post who almost threw up when he found out that his brother’s counselor slept through shacharis. (plus was that really necessary to phrase it like that? ) We all can agree that is was a wrong thing to do, and yes now these 8-10 boys have been exposed to the concept that there are people out there who don’t daven with a minyan. Plus one can question where were the camp’s administration when all of this went on. But, does this mean that all counselors are bad now? Are we now worried that because of this, we now have 8-10 new boys who are now at risk? Not at all. This is now an opportunity for a parent (or older brother) to sit down with their children about the real world. (Things that can be said to your child, “Yes davening in a minyan is a must, but now you can see that it is hard for some people and they have a srtuggle to fight thier Yetzer Horah.” Now it is easier, but might get harder for you in the future, what are some of the things that we can do now, to make sure that this doesn’t happen to us.” ….or even, “I’m glad that this bothers you. You now see that not everyone can make the right choice. I’m sure we will all have our challenges in life, but if you come to me when they come up we can find good ways of making good choices. And so on….)
Next we have to think what does go on in camp…….good question. For the harsh reality, it’s a mokom teeming with teenagers who have been given a little more independence then in Yeshiva. Being that they are teens, they will act silly, be unrefined and not always make the best choices. There will be some who on their off day, do things that we frown about. However, there will be a mojority of teens who will rise up to the challenge. While maybe one or two will miss a tefilah, they will see the rest of the counselors who did not. They will see the structure that the camp provides and the emphasis they put on good midos, bentching by meals, daily set time for learning, sportsmanship and any other area that the camp takes on. Yes we should ask for the best possible individual for our children, but we don’t have to be frantic if all our expectations are not met all the time.
This post really struck me the wrong way. Before I go on the attack, I will state that as a formal camp counselor for many year (who worked his way up theough the ranks) I do not know the state of camps right now. It has been over 15 years since I have worked in a camp nor do I personally know any boy who is a counselor. So while I assume not much had changed in the past 15 years, maybe I will be told otherwise.
First off, what bothered me the most was the labeling on “better” Yeshivos. Or the Yeshivos who do get a full summer off as a “2nd rate” mosid. Why is there this need to label in such a way that will create a system of hierarchy that will influence thier choice of mokomos not based on what is best for their child, but will give them a better chance of finding a good shidduch? What about the boys who go to this 2nd rate, and are lamdanim, but nebech….must be second rate if that is the Yeshiva that they go to? While I get the point that you are trying to make, why must you diminish the qualities that these places possess by classifing them in a Negative way.
Next, I think that we have to either trust the camp system, who are running a buisness and therefore will aim for the best staff possible. Think about it, who would you like leading your kids a counselor who is a baal midos, yiraeh shamayim (yes they have this type in 2nd rate Yeshovos too) who will be busy with the welfare of your child or the Lamdan, who also is a yiraeh shomayim, but too busy with his face in a sefer all day to interact with your children? Silverlake, and all the Yeshiva camps serve a valid purpose for the style of bochorim who have that particular style of learning. For some, the location of the Yeshiva (Ie: near the beach) does not all the Yeshiva to stay put. For others it allows a change of sceanary in a relaxed location. Plus many of them use thier month off to work in camp as well.
If there is a problem with the counselors, then it’s time to combine the sleepaway camps with the learning camps as well. They might not be able to be the counselors but there presence will be noticed and will be a role model (for those who are) for your children.
There really is two sides of the coin here. On one hand there are some administrations that do not act in the way of proper derech eretz and mistreat the teachers and parents alike. Yet there are many who don’t fall into that catagory. Where I live there have been 3 yeshivos where I have been involved with (in many capacities) and yet I have witnessed great examples of derech eretz that the adminstration bestows on their staff. Yet I see in other places first hand where they don’t.
Then there is the other side of the coin “the parent body” where you will find many parents for what ever reason not want to pay their dues in tutuion but expect (or better yet demand) the 5 start level of attention for their kids. Imagine the scene where a set of parents where begging for tuition breaks for thier kids, but then found in a 5 start hotel in Aruba. (with the entire family) Or the mother that has the 3,000 dollar sheitel, 2,000 dollar purse, all the kids in designer clothsm 2-3 cleaning ladies (one live in) and yet not have the funds to pay tuition. So I see where Yid613 is coming from (but still was rude and uncalled for the way he posted).
The bottom line the parent body is what makes up a school. If we tolerate a staff that is insensitive or refuse to pay what we can (apose to paying only what we want) then we will get the type of school where such terrible things happen. If we are to speak up and be involved, then the level will increase and all will benifit.
While this is going a little of topic (at least the driving aspect) I think that we should point out how much of a yetzer horah the cell phone has become. Yes driving is very problamatic area but it just seems the we can’t go anywhere anymore without being connected. Instead of spending the time with their kids while waiting for the bus, parents are often on the phone yapping away. Short drives in the car yep, they are on the phone again. Why must be we so connected that we can’t go down the block without schmoozing with someone?
So for saftey sake, for the sake of our children, put away the phone a little bit and join the world we live in.
Its a touchy subject and I agree that when a group of people get together in such situations they would like to prserve a certain lifelstyle that is hard (or harder) to find elsewhere. I get so upset when I see someone walking in the streets on Me’ah Shorim not properly dressed, or driving a car on shabbos. However, we need to be more open minded and tolerant with those who are different than what we are use to. Once my mother was at a frum wedding near her home, when a lady showed up in a very revealing dress. My mother went over to her in the sweetest of voices and told her that she felt bad that no one explained to her how people dress at such functions and offered her a shawl to help her fit in. The lady gladdly accepted and at the end of the wedding thanked her for sharing. (Later on they met up and the lady told my mother that she started to dress more modestly as a result of that evening) So what happened was that instead of being kicked out, ostracized and having negative feelings towards yiddishkeit she was embraced, had a positive expierence and is now living a better life as a result.
I personally happen to be a blcak hat type, very idealistic and love the Yeshivish world. However, as mazel had it, we live in a very mixed community and I’m glad for that expierence as well. It has given me the chance to see how many men who wear jeans wake up for Daf Yomi (5-6am). The chessed that goes on for all yidden regardless of dress. Plus the fact that regardless of the color of shirt, hat (or no hat), suit or shietel/snood that they are all our brothers and sisters whom we have a responsibility for as well.
Kismich, I think it goes without saying that all people have a din cheshbon regardless of where you work. If a person were to choose a field outside of chinuch world, that should not be put down or looked at in any deragotory way. However, when onr chooses to go into the field of Chinuch there is a higher standard that must follow. I can’t see anyway around it. This is the foundation of education and the representation of what Yiddishkeit means to our children. When children (of all ages) see someone in chinuch doing something wrong, it is associated with how they see the torah. In a kids eyes, if a principal can yell at a morah then it must be that Derech eretz not important. While we can’t expect them to be malachim, they still need to be accountable for their actions or at least have remorse and do their best that the negative are not repeated.
In this light there are terrible things happening and the end result is that the image of chinuch is devalued in the process. Right now in Lakewood there are girls going into 9th grade that don’t have a school to go to. As the story goes there were too many applicants in one particular school and many girls didn’t put down a second choice. So while this is going on several girls did apply to the other schools and were rejected due to lack of space. However, they just re-opened up the regestration to accoomidate those girls but yet still don’t have a place for those girls who did apply? These girls were highly respected in their classes but since their families are not the typical black hat types they are rejected. What kind of message is that? These girls are willing to live up to the standards that are set by the school system but are not given the chance to even try.
I’m fortuanate to be able to send my kids to a school that does have moral standings. They make sure that they are honest when dealing with the government (they give an exact count of which kids get lunch from the government and when a kid is apsent they don’t mark him down). They treat they rebbiem and morahs with the highest level of respect and it filters down to the students.
It is up to us, the parent body to make sure the right image is given. Are we more woried about how many pusikim are covered that year or that derech eratez kodmo l’torah? Instead of worrying about which types of students get in we should be worried of what types of students will come out of our schools.
I think the solution is simple, if it your shul that this tool place, then you should speak with the Rav ans ask point blank why this is allowed to happen. Then get together with others in your shul to help enforce policy. (Most will have a board and this is a good place to start) There are probably many others who feel the same way. However keep your comments constructive and think of how to make your issue one that people will want to take to heart.
If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to look for a shul that does represent your value system.
Note….I’m wondering why so many are worried about the sake of Klal Yisroel. Between the 3 places where I Daven, (My shul at home at home, my parents and in-laws) there has never been a problem. Nost of the shul’s in my area have strict guidlines where most people are happy to follow. (One of which is a more modern shul with no machitzah by the kiddush and for the most part husbands stick with wives and men on one side and women on the other) Maybe it’s time to look at the good in Klal Yisroel and stop putting a blanket on all Yiddishkeit.