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Doesn’t the alcohol and other stuff numb the spot?
*Can you cry under water?
Yes, why not? It’ll just get wiped off your face very quickly.
*How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Good question. They probably have to be a political leader.
**Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
It makes it much easier to ship, as it doesn’t slip and slide that way.
*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
What?! The wheel was invented c3500 BCE, and they’ve been putting it on luggage ever since.
*Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
When babies *do* sleep, they’ve very quiet.
*If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes.
*Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Linguistic stupidity.
*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
It looks cooler from a high vantage point.
*Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you naked anyway.
They won’t see certain parts of you that they would see when you change.
*Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
For those of us with less powerful outlets. (Really.)
*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Mineral Oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Acetate, Fragrance.
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No.
*Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes.
*Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn’t. I figured that out on my own a long time ago.
*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Human breath is hot and gross, while fresh air is, well, refreshing.
*Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Psychologically, we feel like the extra power will make it work faster and compensate for the waning batteries.
*Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
Two words: MORE MONEY.
*Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Simple. You can prove that paint is wet, but not that there are 4,000,000,000 stars.
*Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
People don’t like pain, up to the very last minute. That’s why the difference between the different Harigos Beis Din.
*Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
The Old English.
*If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
I suggest you take a course in Basic Evolutionary Theory.
*Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Must be something scientific.
*Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
I’m sure there is.
*Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
They keep lowering their standards with every return.
*Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Laziness.
*Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Plastic bags have a 50% chance of opening on the right side on your first try.
*How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They’re not completely enclosed, or there’s a hole.
*When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’
It’s polite.
*Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
You’re clumsy.
*In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Something I always wondered myself!
*How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Fathers-in-law are not nearly as nasty and intruding as mothers-in-law.
I doubt it, but maybe Bungalow Colony Light by Legacy?
“My Belief” by London Girls Choir
I think this qualifies:
This week’s parsha, Devarim, 1:12, rashi “Umasaachem”
For those who want explanation –
(from a site but I can’t post links)
Her name also plays a part in an interesting Talmudic pun. The Gemara (Pesachim 9b) is discussing what happens if a person leaves bread in his house before Pesach, and then becomes aware that a rodent (Chuldah) has stolen it. May he assume that the Chuldah ate the bread? Perhaps the Chuldah stored it away, and now there is bread in the house!
One sage in the Gemara suggests that the Chuldah might realize there will be no bread in the house over Pesach, and might hoard the bread. An opposing sage responds, “veChi Chuldah Neviah He?” “Is the Chuldah a prophet?” Of course, this is a pun on the name “Chuldah haNeviah,” “Chuldah the Prophetess.” [Regrettably, too many people who learn that Gemara don’t know who Chuldah is, and thus don’t get the pun…]
It’s on Youtube.
It’s from “The Mighty Mitzvah Kids”, though I don’t know which one.
Haifagirl: I heard “popping” and “cracking” during treatment.
Just though to re-post here. My curve was reduced to around 50 degrees, so B”H I wear a back brace now.
If I can lein the megillah, but am a woman, can I read for other women?
That’s crazy….. I never would have imagined that. Why is it closing?
Turkey, and tomato salad.
It also works for “Chanukah”.
Tell him to re-create the petition on Change.org. More people sign petitions there, and you don’t need an account to sign.
Snapfish has some awesome sales, if you want to buy something
TAG?
TAG HS?
BBY?
TMM?
“A Separate Peace”, by John Knowles.
Chrome.
It is an AMAZING book that will completely change your outlook on emunah.
Sorry, I meant, “TouchCopy”. It is an awesome program that was created precisely for this. And there’s a 15 day free trial.
“How long will it take b4 the whole world has wifi?”
Read “Physics of the Future”, by Michio Kaku. Not very long, he says.
Download “Touchpad”. You can get a trial version but just make sure to do it right away.
Can you define “Video Editor” more specifically?
Who sings the song where the chorus is, “I climbed a thousand heights because you brought me there / and I touched a thousand hearts because you taught me how to care / but with all a thousand words I just don’t know how / to say goodbye ?
Does anyone know any other cds like Journeys and Destiny? Meaning, with English lyrics that are stories? Besides “Touched By a Niggun”.
I know three people who got it. They all said the recovery period was over a year, when the doctors had said it would be around 3-6 months. Two of them still cannot carry anything heavy and have severe back pain. If there’s a way to contact you outside of here, I can give you their numbers.
Dear Phoebe,
I don’t think you’re crazy for feeling scared.
Popa +1,000,000,000,000,000,000
Either “Memories” or “Dreams Come True”. Or “Neshamale”. Or “Conversation in the Womb”.
How much is the curve? I started with an 83-degree curve and three different doctors told me I *must* get surgery or basically the world would end… I went (am still going!) to a chiropractor who has B”H reduced the curve around 20 degrees so far.
You may not need surgery.
From The Real Meaning of LaG BaOmer by Rabbi Yair Hoffman
Ramah quite seriously.
A number of reasons are cited by Torah authorities for commemorating Lag BaOmer:
(Shla Psachim 525).
inner secrets of the Torah (Chayei Adam Moadim 131:11)
493)
Also,
students, the Minhag is to celebrate a little bit and not to make it
into a full-fledged holiday. The Chsam Sofer points out that our
Talmud does not mention it as a holiday at all.
So how do we commemorate this day? The Bnei Yissasschar states that
the custom is to light a number of candles in Shul on this day. We do
bad dream. We do not recite Tachanun on this day, nor the Mincha
before it. We get married and attend weddings. We join in with
singing and dancing, and we listen to music (See Pri Magadim Aishel
Avrohom 493:1).
Romney.
Far East +1
My father and sister have it. It’s a very good phone.
Not Dell. My family has gone through many laptops and Dell ones were the worst.
Some of my good friends are going and are very excited. It’s the first year though so I couldn’t say much.