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mewho; Relax! If it’s still in the box it’s pareve.
We were actually way ahead of them. Before they ever invented the kosher lamp we were fixing up our home & installed fluorescent light fixtures in all our walk in closets. When you open the door there’s light, close it no more light. You get the point.
So when they came out with it we were like too late guys,
but it’s still cool for traveling.
acting paranoid, I say “what do you mean, how am I?”
How are YOU?
…I’m.. I’m…fine B”H
Well.. so am I! B”H
As an aspiring Shadchan I can tell you, you never give the specific reasons unless it is something that can be worked on or changed.
First of all, you ALWAYS start with “although they heard very nice thing about you”… then, for instance in OP case,
“after looking into it they felt it wasn’t a match. or
“after looking into it they feel your not her/his type.
Then when they ask what do you mean, you repeat
“They just felt it wasn’t a match.”
You might have to repeat this a few times till it sinks in,
Throwing in an “I guess it’s not Bashert, when it finally sinks in, then you say i’ll look into some other things.
Then you’re good to go.
Do not give any details cuz then they will make you nuts to elaborate which will always cause heartache for them & yourself.
Some people even make up stuff just to keep them quiet,
usually because they made the mistake of giving details.
The bottom line is they’re not interested. What difference
does it make of why, to the other side?
To go on a diet? That should be obvious to them.
To get a nose job? most people are well aware of their ultra jewish nose. To go back in time & get a counselor to save their
marriage? Common! Theres really no point and it’s usually a question of lashon hora, or embarrassing someone.
MBD is the best as of now, cuz he’s got a rich voice & he’s got bass.
I don’t really enjoy high pitched voices which tend to give me a headache after a while.
Mordechai Ben David, Avraham Fried(man)
Yaakov Shwekey, Gad Elbaz, theres more….
Sac; i’m really trying here but I can’t agree w/ you,
Chayecha Koidmin. you come first, however there is a problem
with an ayin horah from the person who harbors feelings towards
that great catch. So I suggest asking them, not for permission C”V just that they try to detach their imaginable hold
on that person and not to hold any ill feelings.
So If one find themselves the person harboring feelings know
this, it is absolutely Assur to not Fargin (yiddish) another yid
especially your friend, & it only backfires.
For HB”H will not send anything good your way if you don’t think your friend deserves something good too. Don’t forget that you can’t be w/ that person, for they aren’t into you.
HB”H judges Middah kneged Middah like the person judges others.
However, If you find it in your heart to Fargin your friend
knowing “It takes two to tango” anyhow, HB”H will surely send
you a much better person who you will learn to love more
(after marriage ;-)) (I couldn’t resist) bizchus you overcoming your feelings to do the right thing, which is letting go of someone that doesn’t even want to be with you.
Don’t you deserve someone who really likes & appreciates you for you & wants to be with you? I’m not talking to anyone in particular just in general.
Disposable plastic tablecloths?
1) Where is he during his friends weddings?
a)Does he mostly dance by his friends weddings,
b)or does he hang out by the sweet table,
c)or is he outside smoking,
d)or in hall on his cell phone.
2) Does he offer rides to random people when he can.
3) Does he respect his parents & elders.
4) Does he drive like a mentsch.
5) Does he wait till after Oleinu to take off his tefillin.
Of course everyone needs time to heal. Then they need to get upbeat positive & excited again about finding their true Basherte. whoever thinks otherwise isn’t thinking at all.
You can’t look at it as a necessary evil. Just because a bee bit you on a field trip doesn’t mean field trips arent fun.
I know… What a weird example.
ronrsr; WHAT RISK? Investing money, a few phone calls?
Those who do the job well make plenty of money.
aries2756; YOU TOO? Double vision?
I though I must’ve drank too much tonight, I guess we both have,
That’s is! No more booze after midnight.
It’s always better to meet them. Also do something memorable.
Not like knocking over the vase, more like saying a good joke or line.
P.S.(unless your very heavy or really not goodlooking)
I’m serious than it’s always better to not meet them in person.
Cause beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
i.e. your basherte, not the Shadchan.
Sac; stop knocking the unemployed jewish youth of america,:)
start off cheap I don’t mean being cheap, just don’t go spending much until you feel it really has potential than it’s just a good investment. Never show off, or go beyond your means, It’s just stupid & unnecessary.
qt101; If you are truly a good girl, than you will truly get a good shidduch! That’s that. I know girls that went to great seminaries and are still around. All you have do,
is do your best and not worry.
bygirl123; that goes for every girl.
1030; right before it gets noticeable, you dont want them getting
the news from the butcher, or Yenta Shprintza who posted her suspicions on her Yenta blog just in case shes right.
I hear many singles especially girls ending what seem to be a good run (or so they say) for the most ridiculous reasons.
Of course total lies or deception is a serious problem, however, I hear from friends such foolishness when it comes to excuses for ending it. Even the smallest details.
Back when I was dating if I had a nickle for everytime it said
on a resume “slim” when she wasn’t, “5’4” when it was more like “4’5”, “talkative” where I was pulling more teeth than a
free dental clinic in Africa, I would be safetly retired from dental work.
This happens especially with older singles. It seems like they are afraid of commitment and grasp for straws to find a way out especially if they feel there is real chance.
Older singles if you wish to explain or refute please do,
this is what i hear from my older single friends.
My great grandfather used to eat the fish with mustard.
I suggest Batampte extra strong horseradish or is it tuv tam?
It is also very good with wasabi. We usually eat gefilta during the daytime Seudah, at night we eat hot fish (not a species)
like baked tilapia, or baked salmon in tomato sauce.
Whatever you choose, have an Oneg Shabbos!
kgh5771; To answer your question, we are talking about Yaakov Avinu, B’chir Ha’avos, who’s likeness is ingrained in the Kiseh Hakavod. Surley you don’t think that The V’ayehav means simply falling in love as the term goes.
The Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh states “Vayehav” after mentioning her beauty to tell us that not because of her beauty was there a
Vayehav, only because he recognized her as his true Zivug.
It is utterly atrocious when people take the holy Avos and try to bring them down to their level comparing their own petty thoughs and intentions to the lofty Avos.
Before the Torah mentions any Ahavah for Rochel it says that
when he met Rochel Imeinu he cried, & Rashi Hakadosh brings FIRST the reason to explain his crying, was that he saw with Ruach Hakodesh that they would not be buried together in the Meoroh. The second being that he came empty handed.
Do any of us break down crying when we first lay eyes on our
Bashert for something we see with Ruach Hakodesh?
It is understandable that we have to learn lessons from the stories of the Torah & the Avos how to behave etc..
but How dare any of us bring proof from the very holy lofty
Tzaddikim by bringing them to our lowly levels.
mchemtob; Wow I really liked your post. You make a very valid
point about how stuck up some of us have become about what
Passes (yiddish) for us as a worthy Shidduch.
Trying my best; yeah they do have a chip on their shoulders
cuz they have very big shoes to fill.
Our Family has Yichus (as 95% of all jews do) but It was said
by our Holy Chassidishe Rebbes that if one comes from a choshuve yichus they should look for a family with similar lineage.
Of course this is only after research has been done to assure
the good middos and traits of the shidduch and family.
There is an Inyan of Invei Hagefen B’Invei Hagefen etc..
However the most important thing remains the actual shidduch
and family.
Ppl whos main focus is Yichus or similar social status etc..
will have only themselves to blame later when it will really cause them to worry about how it will sound to the neighbors.
Sac, CJP, We Are better spritually but that’s not the point.
The question is as follows, “are these feelings that one feels, that you all loosely call “Love” translating into Ahavah,
considered according to Chazal, i.e. The Torah,
to be Ahavah/True Love or not, and the answer is no
it is not Ahavah, True Love, the feelings one feels when dating before marriage. Very simply put you are using the wrong word.
The word Ahava describes something true.
psach libi bsorasecha; You should always say Hi!
Of course you shouldn’t shout “HELLO!” arms flailing,
jumping up & down.
It should be a quick Aidel greeting no stopping to schmooze.
Even if you don’t plan on continuing it.
Unless you notice that she/he noticed you and are trying to avoid you. Then don’t chase them to say your hello,
that’s not being polite.
My policy is L’olam Yehey Adom, Always be a mentch, don’t be afraid if ppl see you that’s not your problem & their job is to be Dan L’kaf Zchus, and not to turn it into the latest neighborhoods gossip.
It is not a jewish concept. At least the physical part.
As every learned man knows love comes after marriage (or not). 🙂
It definitely doesn’t come beforehand.
What you think is love is actually called lust. You can like the person, be excited, about them, click with them and have mutual likes dislikes, similar personalities, that just means you are compatible, but true love comes from giving & sharing life experience, working together & overcoming hardships, etc..
Ruff! Ruff! NOO! Only if he wants to keep other Yidden away.
J/K I wouldn’t & I would stay away from anyone that did,
even a cute poodle. I’m just a clean guy who loathes filthy
things. Seriously having to scoop up poop? I don’t thing we came
down here to fulfill that duty, but lot’s of luck to those who’d rather choose his mans best friend to be a four legged, tail wagging, barking, pooper.
(feels good to be back and I didn’t even start)
Pre paying shadchanim?! Preposterous! Ridiculous! Absurd!
I guess the only reason this practice can exist is through desperation, or great wealth. Give the money to reliable tzeddaka
cases & you will have much more Hatzlacha.
The point of dating is to find the basherte, not to get a lot of dates, or even a few. If you aren’t getting any dates find a better shaddchan, the answer isn’t by throwing money at them. For after all this is no guarantee whatsoever that he or she will redt you your Basherte. Probably after you pay them your neighbor will redt you your basherte for free. Please Yidden! your basherte, as well as your everything comes from HB”H,
not the Shadchan!
Chosson; besides for it being a shtickle metro, (I’m being careful here)
could be included included in the issur of “V’loy Yilbash Gever Simlas Isho”… look in rashi in the parsha (ki Teitzei) that states thr reason sheloy yelech,etc..
see Nazir daf Nun Tes Amud Alef, Toisfos etc..
…..Then ask your local posek.
mix your duck sauce with hot sauce & chopped scallions.
add garlic powder. pour over chicken & bake.
For best results, marinade in zip-lock in fridge
for 6 hours or overnight.
Marination is the key to delicious meats, poultry, & fish.
just prep 1 nite b4. make any crazy combo of sauces.
B’te’avon!
If when you pinch them they respond by slapping you,
they’re real enough.
Disclaimer:
When trying this method, if you’re a guy, i suggest you pinch someone from the same gender which will only get you beaten up as opposed to arrested. If you are bruise free, don’t worry, there’s medication for that sort of thing.
I’m just too nice!
I’m also VERY punctual. To the point where I get to the hall and nobody’s there. Then they complain I never came to their Simcha.
I try to tell them I actually showed up, but nobody was there.
How was I supposed to know you’d start (finish) your simcha so late?(early)
myfriend; Do you know me?
it’s not all areas, just one area……..EVERYTHING.
I’m surprised i managed to log in and type this,
I guess it’s not that bad. Thanks! To answer your question,
get them motivated with positive reinforcement.
Reverse psychology might work if you’re crafty, but I guess not if the person you’re dealing with is yourself. Then at least take pride in the fact that half the job is done. You managed to find and acknowledged the problem, now fixing it, is the easy part.
On a serious note, break tasks into smaller tasks, and just make a big effort to start, not finish, even something very small,
once you start there is a certain momentum that will help roll you (hopefully) to the finish line.
Sacrilege; It’s nice to see you look up to your father like that,
that is what a true ben torah’s effect should be,
that people know he’s honest, sincere and good.
BP Totty;
A Mentch, that learns Torah when he has the chance,
asks das Torah when he has a Sheilah, avoids sin like the plague,
and treats everyone with respects, not seeking it himself.
Are you kidding me? from YWN, also CR.
I guess from friends too, I live in a bubble you see.
jl; I was thinking the same thing.
SRPsych; i know from a professional point of view that muffins are not to be mixed well, IMO it doesn’t have anything to do with the white or dark ccs, unless you put more chips in one bunch.
Good luck & keep experimenting, my best work has come from experimentation. (also my worst) 😉
mischiefmaker asks
“One question-how do I know what to daven for the other person. Example: if by other I wrote a new car am I davening for someone who wants a car?”
Answer, NO!
As I understand it there are categories,
i.e.
Refuah
shidduch
children
etc..
they give you someone in same category.
Hatzlacha!
Why? I’ll tell you why, First of all they DON’T need it.
We live in the age of technology, so parents instead of giving their children the time of day, playing board games and taking them out to the park, or arcades, they put them online, so
they can have some peace and quiet so the parents themselves
can poke at their own blackberries & blueberries, palms, & laptops & i-pods, j-pods (in the near future!) (with a hechsher!!)
(and i’m $ure double the price!!!)
Knowing how time consuming the internet can be, thus guaranteeing them some real time for themselves. Not all Parents of course.
Chosson; ur right! i’m actually very into music, & after the first two I wasn’t really putting em in order as i was cutting and pasting. I’m love israeli/sefardi music so I put in some of them and the not so well known IL singers.
Yes WIY; Ein Hochi Nami, Lipa’s an entertainer a good one at that but does not come before Shwekey at all.
I just want to say though i’m not a big fan of Ohad, I think he had much potential just doesn’t know hot to sing well.
If he could only learn to control his powerful voice,
not use such high notes so often, & put some feeling into
his singing, ppl wud enjoy him more.
Thanks Charles!
1) Mordechai Ben David
2) Avraham Fried
3) Lipa Schmeltzer
4) Yaacov Shwekey
5) Chaim Yisroel
6) Gad Elbaz
7) Shlomie Daskal
8) Dovid Gabay
9) Itzik Eshel
10)Ohad Moskowitz (when he doesn’t shout @ the top of his lungs.)
BP Totty; You mean
“Should I play ball WITH bein hasdorim, or take a nap?”
Chosson; it’s your biz to be with it, not creepy,
Sac; perhaps your “friend” has a some issue and turns to you for guidance, and you in turn, turn to the collective body of wisdom, knowledge, and life experiences that is the CR.
WIY; I couldn’t agree more, people today are just looking for trouble, however some teenagers that are in college going for degrees need the net for research & assignments.
Sac; Wow must’ve costs the guy a fortune, take it from me,
dating too long doesn’t help, guys & girls can keep up the baloney for ages, so dont waste your time & money.
Do the necessary research, be thorough, daven to HB”H,
and trust him.
I agree since I participate I know, but thats just it,
parents should make it their business to know. You dont trust a restaurants kashrus just because a lot of Chassidim frequent the place. but I get your point. My point however is that parents
shouldn’t be such Temimim, especially when it comes to internet.
and technology. It’s your biz to protect your kids so now it’s your biz to be with it.
This is off topic but do you know how many foolish parents there are who’s young bocherim are in, lets say Mesivtah and their kids
started smoking and the parents are clueless! They come home stinking from cigarette smoke their clothes reeking of it and
get off by telling their parent it’s other bochurim.
How Foolish can you be, and when they catch them w/ a cig in hand they say they were holding it for a friend. I mean some people
really need to get w/ the program.
oh spontaneous! why didn’t you say so. What about the guy?
Even though guys generally need MUCH less time to prepare
than the girl, still it depends on the sitch some guys might be annoyed at it, though as you said, suggesting is just that.
I’d say when your sure its going somewhere from both sides.
guy likes you, you like him, so will be happy to work w/ you.
but two hours notice? common! might be too little.
How would you feel getting 2 hrs notice?
Remember guy needs a shave, shower, has to find a place, maybe needs a reservation, driving in from work traffic etc. So be reasonable. Hatzlacha!
At least most mainstream yeshivisha guys need a shave.
i’m not totally sure what you mean “spontaneous date” but
after the 3rd for sure, even the 3rd date. If you mean doing something fun, not just sitting in a lounge.
If you mean working it out between yourselves, some ppl after
3-4 dates, some never, as they feel for some reason it’s
VERY necessary to have a middle man to relay day & time & dress code.