the way it felt to me in Lakewood when we lived there was that there were two choices for boys: be a talmid Chocham, or, a Bum. No middle ground. We got out before they chose. So glad we did. I have friends who stayed, and their children went OTD. We left, to a more relaxed community (Rhawnhurst) and are having nachas (bli ayin hara). You have to know your family, each child and their potential for making choices (good or bad). We left because of one child’s needs, but it was worth it!