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good stuff, Shticky Guy! that was great 🙂
RIDDLE ME THIS:
1) Which is the next letter in this sequence? E N T J Q K ?
2) Which burns longer?
a) a birthday candle
b) a Chanuka candle
c) a Yartzeit candle
3) What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, Hey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she’s ugly!
You meshugana. That’s my daughter you’re talking about! the person responds.
Oops! I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know you we’re the father.
I’m not, you stupid idiot. I’m the mother!
ayshoshee:
These types of things happen around this time of year…I think it’s calles purimittis, it’s when Purim inches closer…closer…when Adar rolls around this place is on a high! This is just the beginning…
WOW!!!!!!
oh, why can’t this be mainstream and not the exception? this breslover man is a holy beautiful yid in every sense, and made not only a HUGE kiddush hashem, but took the bull by the horns by seizing the opportunity of the situation and introduced to these lost souls an incredible display of a true Holiness and Kedusha. I wish/hope every yid, including myself, would do exactly that.
this thread reminds me of those bizarre places in cyberspace which you sometime end up in but have no idea how on earth you ever got there…
A Jewish man buys a fabulous home in Beverly Hills, California. He brings in a local workman to decorate the place. When the job is finished, the homeowner is delighted but realizes that he’s forgotten to put mezuzahs on the doors.
He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs (mezuzot!) and asks the decorator to place them on the right hand side of each door except bathrooms.
He’s really worried that the decorator will chip the paint work or won’t put them up correctly. However, when he comes back a
few hours later, he sees that the job has been carried out to his entire satisfaction. He’s so pleased that he gives the decorator a bonus.
As the decorator is walking out of the door he says, “Glad you’re happy with the job.” “By the way, I took out all the warranties from the little boxes and left them on your table.
Zees: is their any other barrel here you were reffering to besides the wine barrel?
Syag: oh, im not knocking it! I just finished drinking, that’s all. Anyhoo, I guess i should begin to do some work before my boss comes by, huh? what do you think guys?
Chochom: the tafkid and tachlis of this mokom is to drink in the olam’s yedios and shittos and then to come out feeling geshmak and well caffinated enough to give us a boost in our avodas Hashem.
Rasha: the purpose is to make fun of these crazy posters and mock them merciles…mmfffmmm.. (take him away boys!)
Tohm: to be inspired.
She’ino yodeh lishoel: –
real-brisker: lol, I like ’em both, your sub and the idea!
Shticky Guy: Super! but i agree with rb, let’s start a new thread dedicated for this purpose. It is long overdue, but then again it’s never too late.
I was gonna leave a comment but as a serious person, I have to stay out of this thread.
🙁
I used to read a book as a kid called “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” I think that’s what tzaddiq was referring to. Anyhow, kudos to him for trying to spike up the excitement level on this so desperate weather thread. Folks, we have reached the bottom of the barrel!
Zees: I will send him your zees regards.
i don’t know, deep down, in my heart of hearts, i don’t want to fix this addiction ?CR?
real-brisker: Now THAT’S Brisk, baby!
i like it. i really like it.
Being in AYC’s shoes, I would be hesitant to return -ever, but hey it would be worth a try! He was one of the most loved posters here, and i am very lucky to communicate with him, as he is really one special yid, with a warm and caring heart as big as America. let’s…
just dropped in (literally) *Ow, my back* to say hi *ouch* (where did that staircase come from??)
Shticky Guy, you geek!! LOL!! I hope you can repeat my divrei torah in the Sticky Threads as good as your bekios is for all my mishigassin!LOL!
😛
BOO!
hey guys,
what day is it?
lol, sorry for not popping in as often as i would like, but my wine tasting job took its toll on me lately and caught a bad ‘illness’ that required alot of rest, symptons such as dizziness, light-headedness, dancing on the kitchen table with my annoyed father-in-law, and other weird ones not fit to print. (I never knew till recently that my job might have odd side effects…oh, well, live and learn, i guess, lol)
but all seriousness aside, i feel myself simply imploding by resisting my rehab from my addiction, and decided, for just ONE day to indulge back in the CR with all my other fellow addictees, hehe!! so hello there:
goq, shticky guy, tzaddiq, real-brisker, zeeskite, BTguy, always here, smartcookie, HaLeivi oomis, and bpt.
l’chaim yidden, l’chaim!!
chofetzchaim: i am in touch with amyisroelchai by e-mail, but i am hesitant to bring up the topic of returning. He is doing b”h fine and if he wants he will return, but i know that he was feeling terribly hurt and understandably so the experience here left him with hardly any motivation to return to this site, unfortunatly for us.
it says Aharon married BatSheva the brother of Nachshon(ben Aminodov. So the question is, why mention her brother? Answer is because one should check out what kind of person his Kallah’s brother is before he marries her.
i can’t remember the source, my brain is still sleeping….
On the flip side, if they were Nazis, if they just hated us and wanted to be rid of us: Why try to stop us from leaving? Why enslave us at all; why not just kill us?
Other nations can receive blessing also; it will be through Abraham and his nation. Israel is the central source of blessing in the world.
What could Egypt do about it? The right thing or the wrong thing. At first, Egypt tried to draw close to Israel, to do as much kindness for them as possible. Eventually, however, they decided to try to take what they wanted without earning it; to get the blessing by controlling its source.
(from R’ Michoel Reach, jewishanswers.org)
“it’s good advice to give good advice”
Uncle Moishe
never mind, just googled them. pretty neat, eh?
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
“Since I am now 300 miles away, how do I get home?”
uneeq
Can you please explain those? I’d love to understand them
In a little basket a baby floated away
Yet though he grew up in royalty
Moshe expressed his loyalty
To his brethren who suffered all day
One day he found a bush on fire
G-d said, you I want to hire
So go spread the good news
It is time to lead out the jews
– Bad decisions make good stories
– There is a great need for sarcasm font
– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died
– I think the freezer deserves a light as well
i heard if you always run around with scissors fast you lose a lot of weight, your sanity, and eventually will crave taking up something like MMA or boxing 😉
that wasn’t so nice….lol..arwsf, you are hilarious, and I’m a big fan of your posts!
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying “Ehh… 23”.
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot three!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “Barbara”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!” replies the blonde, “I was just running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…'”
Iced Coffee hands down, with a squirt or 2 of coffee liqueur in it, that is just yummmmm.
As for myself, I put the iced coffee in my liqueur 🙂
-ketchup and/or bbq sauce
-chili sauce
-honey
-3-4 cloves of fresh garlic
Chulunt must be eaten with some type of booze for optimal satisfaction. i don’t beleive in putting your booze in the chulunt. That’s baal tashchis- d’rabbonon at least. Booze is supposed to be drunk, and tastes best when cold, in a mug/glass.
Thank you, BTGuy.
skiaddict: LOL
i just tried that at supper tonight – picklepicklepicklepicklepicklepicklepickle, ha ha ha ha, I got so many words that I have to try it with!! words like chimney, platypus, or even hiccup!
Popa, you are soooo 2011!
I got myself a second generation jetpack this past summer that allows me to go ANYWHERE in the quickest, cheapest, and funnest way. Why deal with traffic, gas stations, or even bridges when you can tango with the Canadian geese or drop raw eggs on churches from 1000 ft up as you leisurely glide to you destination? People who deal with cars these days, tsk tsk, I mean are you for real?! Powered skydiving is the way to go, friends.
oh, and did I mention the view?
1) ??????? = to betroth
2) ??????? = a concubine
3) ?????? = phylacteries
some of these are, literally, one for the ages! hilarious!
I have heard of the powerful segula to be oleh for this Haftora on Rosh Hashana, being an incredibly auspicious time when Hashem hears the tefillos of childless couples. I have also heard of davening when lighting Shabbos candles. But I have never heard of the segula of reciting the Rosh Hashana Haftora when lighting Shabbos candles. Interesting. Can you provide us with a source please. Thanks BTGuy for sharing.
my late grandma used to say in her broken english,” you vant to lose veight, trow de scale out de vindow”! lol, i miss her 🙁
LOL!! I reeeally laughed out loud, thanks crazybrit and apushatayid.
Shticky – LOL! good one.
hltnsgtsyhacbmo= hi long time no see, good to see you here again, come by more often
B”H= boruch hashem or BaalHabooze (depending on the context) 🙂
Two elderly couples had supper together. Afterwards the women went to the kitchen and the two men stayed in the dining room. One said to the other: “Yesterday, my wife and I went to that new restaurant in town. The food was very good. You should give it a try”
“Oh yeh?” asked the other, “what’s the name of that restaurant?”
“The name of the restaurant …, the name of the restaurant …, eh, let me think, the name …, aha, tell me, what is the name again of that flower with a red bulb, and thorns on its stem?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yeh, that’s it. Hold on a minute” said the first man, and turning towards the kitchen he shouts out:
“Hey Rose, what’s the name of that new restaurant where we ate yesterday?”
our neighbors dressed up like skunks with their theme “Mishenichnas ‘Oder’ marbim B’Simchah”
I have no idea what was in their Mishloach Monos. do I want to?? LOL
VAYEEGASH
And our father said, ‘Go back – buy for us a little food'” (Bereshis 44:25). Apart from the obvious meaning, there is a deeper one. When it says, ‘our father said go back’, we can understand that our Father in Heaven said to us, ‘Repent – come back to me’. ‘Buy us some’ (Shivru Lanu in Hebrew), can be broken down as follows:
‘Lanu’ (for us) in Gematria equals G-d’s Name of judgement, ‘Elo-kim’. ‘Shivru’ (buy) can also be read as ‘break’. We can thus read this as: ‘through repentance you can break all the decrees of harsh judgements’.
Part of repentance is depriving oneself. When a person holds himself back from eating something he desires, it is considered like a Korban (offering). In the Tana Debei Eliyahu it says that bad occurrences come on account of eating and drinking. If so, a person should not be obsessed with eating and drinking, but should be satisfied with ‘a little food’ (Me’at Ochel).
My sister is a teacher. She told me ANYTHING that she gets, even a card with a nice thank you, is a gesture that she very much appreciates. Give something. it could be small but it is the thought that ultimately is appreciated. Of course a nice gift would be even more appreciated.
i got leftover latkehs if that will make u feel better- you can have ’em all!! LOL
Seriously though, I am with you on this one. i hate the day after any Yom Tov, its always sad, and….I don’t know he word for my feelings…really feeling down. time for a glayzel schnapps to help my cheer
lemaysa- lol
Toi – oh so true! Those donuts are the evilest of all!!
thanks Shticky, like I said, “a gantz yor purim”! BTW, nice divrei torah above!!
and now Kernel Shticky – you asked for it, you get it!
***WARNING: CORNY JOKE AHEAD
hey, last night I made sure to eat so many greasy latkehs because i wanted to wake up nice and oily, LOL!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Wow, onegoal, please don’t be a stranger to the coffee room, you know you’re always welcome back here with open arms as you became such a familiar poster here every day, and I hope you have much hatzlocho in E”Y. We’ll miss you, and wish you all the best!
L’chaim onegoal, L’chaim!!