AZOI.IS

“That will bring in a few dozen cumulatively, at best, “from far out in the USA”, not “thousands”.

I disagree. Each Mr Shtotty in BP has at least a hundred wannabes. There are B”H many Mr Shtottys in BP, as evidenced by the numbers of really Shtotty houses in BP. You obviously arent too familiar with BP Shtotty personality (and numbers thereof) and wannabe mentality (and numbers thereof).

Im really ROTFL.

But lets get serious!

Who would perhaps set a Boro Park Shabbos Project into motion, cuz SOME (heehee) “in town” people do E X A C T L Y what the people they perceive to be shtotty do. Its the in town copycat syndrome.

All we need is ONE “shtotty” person to involve themselves in a Shabbos Project and its D O N E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People will be clamoring to get involved with Mr Shtotty and company.

charliehall, “The main effect of these protests is to generate free advertising for an opera that would have played to half-empty houses. The Met isn’t going to cancel the opera as it has too many contractual obligations in the way.”

Never say never.

You say- Grin and bear it? Would you feel the same way if you were a blood relative of Klinghoffer? We are all blood relatives of Klinghoffer.

Im not sure which of our other papers have called attention to this, but The Jewish Press has condemned it loudly.

The first performance of this Opera called a “beautiful” work of art by critics, will take place on Monday October 20, and there’s a Rally planned against it at Lincoln Center at 6:30, at Broadway and West 65th street, with a caravan of 100 wheelchairs.

Posters are out publicizing this event, that say “Shame on the Met for Glorifying Terrorism” and “We are all Leon Klinghoffer”. How true. If it were up to those terrorists, it definitely would have been all of us.

apushatayid, you are asking random strangers what you may have done wrong, on the other hand when those same random strangers suggest what it is you may have done

Perhaps you have comprehension issues. I asked “How do I get to the bottom of this?”, translated simply as

How do I get THEM to tell me whats bothering them after a year of efforts on and off, leading to them finding their lifelong soulmates!

Anyhow, Hashem is good! I just became aware of another Shidduch materializing tonight iy”H!

Thank you Hashem!!!!!

Sheesh! Please folks, none of us are perfect, so please hold off on the negativity! Look in the mirror if youre in a Mussaring mood!

I will try to let it go… but after consulting a number of other Shadchanim, they all say its a unique situation. I just want to know if I did anything to upset them. I deserve that.

Am I the only one who feels that Jroute and Nissim were amazing?

apushatayid

“A Shadchan relative of mine”

You caught me. Youre right, Im wrong.

“the community loses out when talented/capable shadchanim leave the field.”

Syag Lchochma

Because Hashem will have all these awesome zivugim and no way to facilitate them?

I couldnt resist. Im gagging.

Perhaps in the interest of budgeting, we can rid our communities of expensive Shuls and Yeshivahs. Because Hashem will accept our prayers from anywhere, and we can educate our children in Torah ways anywhere. Lets get creative here.

apushatayid

There are takanos for everything else, rabbonim can institute a takana for this too.

Thats an amazing idea. Work on it!

DY and Avram, I apologize. Youre right!

If anyone is aware of any well known Rov who feels the community norm in any frum community in the tri-state area is below $500 per side, Id love to hear the Rovs name. He should have no qualms about going public with his Psak.

IMHO Shadchanim should yield to ANY well known Rov’s estimation of the “community norm” and respect it (Rov who is willing to state it proudly and publicly and for the record).

I know its coming…. What constitutes a “well known Rov”? 😉 To that I answer, I define a “well known Rov” as any Rov consulted by large groups of people and quoted regularly and positively in frum newspapers. I think thats a fair criteria.

Logician

You know, I’m here posting. So obviously I’m not too much in the camp of those who speak out strongly against such forums. But this thread is just about enough to convert me.

As long as we’re sticking to opinions, fine. But it has been made abundantly clear that this is an issue firmly rooted in Halacha. Yet we have “alternate feelings”, and “disgust”.

Why do we bother having threads bashing certain yeshivos and people who fall out of the pale of normative Judaism, when we have such posters among us to deal with ?

Wow, wow, and wow again! Brilliantly put! Pick and choose Judaism…. Some observe vus se gefelt !

…what ever happened to us?

If the Sforim Hakdoshim tell us this is how its done, then this is how its done.

Do you really think that the Average Joe and Jennifer will start redding Shidduchim if those who were getting paid for it, stop getting paid and stop doing it? Me no think so.

Theres a reason Rabbonim tell us to pay.

You know the people walking on the main streets of your town doing and saying funny things…. r”l. Sometimes it feels like Shadchanim are a mm of an inch away from that, after dealing with difficult situations and difficult people. Thats how frustrating redding Shidduchim is.

Theres a reason Rabbonim tell us to pay.

FYI:

Link removed. This is from an archive on the Aish.com website.-100

Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a shadchan requesting payment for services rendered just as an attorney or accountant has every right to demand payment for services.

BROKERAGE FEES

Although it sometimes sounds strange, shadchanus fees are halachically categorized as brokerage fees. Just as one pays a real estate agent for arranging a transaction, so too one pays a shadchan for making the arrangements necessary for the engagement and marriage to transpire. Therefore, we must first explain the halachic sources for brokerage fees.

BUT WHAT IF I DIDN’T ASK HIM?

People easily understand that if you approach a broker or agent, you thereby obligate yourself to pay him for his services. However, some people assume that if you did not solicit the service, are not obligated to pay. Does this distinction have any basis?

HOW MUCH DO YOU OWE THE YORED?

You are required to pay the yored as much as you have benefited. If he performed work for you that would normally require you to hire someone, you must pay him the market rate for hiring someone for this work (Gemara Bava Metzia 76a; Sma, Choshen Mishpat 375:1).

WHY MUST ONE PAY THE SHADCHAN?

When a single person or the parent of a single person asks someone if they know of any marriageable prospects, they are asking them to perform a valuable service on their behalf. This service has a market value, just as any other brokerage or recruiting fee has a market value (Rama Choshen Mishpat 264:7).

Also also, I would really be wary of making assumptions as to what the family does or doesn’t intend to do based on a vague comment made at the vort.

Possibly, but in the past this Shadchan has gotten $50 and $100 checks, in one case from comfortable people where the wedding was held in a fancy establishment… yes, I know… I know…. you never know who paid for the wedding…and you cant judge.

Interestingly though, from experience throughout the years, most of those who have paid the typical average to generous amount, have been the poorer simpler people, and it was paid at the Vort, and we’ve heard the same from other Shadchanim.

Oomis, you must be a big tzadekes (I assume youre a woman), and very out of town…. even on Shidduch websites like SYAS, which is not farfrumt or heimish or New Yorky by any standards, the site generates an email to recently engaged couples, recommending that each side give $1,000. This doesnt make anyone a millionaire, being that most SYAS and other Shadchanim dont make more than one Shidduch a year after a years worth of days and nights of unsuccessful attempts.

….THEN PEOPLE COMPLAIN WHY NO ONE WANTS TO BE SHADCHANIM AND AS A RESULT LOTS OF SINGLES ARE GETTING OLDER AND OLDER!

After a years worth of days and nights of unsuccessful attempts, most are human and want more than a candy dish.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Imho, the road to hell is more likely the road of passivity, the road not taken at all, when people are clearly crushed and in tears.

As much as I was always uncomfortable with NASI ideas, I still think theyre innocents who are trying and havent hurt anyone. Moneys will be returned.

Has anyone come up with better suggestions?

What are others’ suggestions, now that people have to be fully aware of the scary growing numbers of older single girls, nebach?

Sorry, DY, Ive been on Sabbatical from the CR for almost a year and forgot who is kidding who about what…I came out of my deep slumber when I heard about the NASI news.

AZ, I constantly read how Shadchanus money paid in advance and held in escrow is the MAIN fuel and key to the success of Nasi, and therefore so crucial to be paid, if the money advantage to the Shadchanim, is no more, what will be the attraction to the Shadchanim now?