Avram in MD

mik5,

instruct congregants not to bang by Haman, or even to tap their feet on the ground AT ALL … That is the right way to hear the megillah raboisai.

Not if you or your shul has a different minhag. I was very impressed with the children in my shul on Purim who banged when Haman’s name was read (and only then), and then stopped banging very quickly so that the leining could go on. Fun and good behavior can coexist.

ubiquitin,

on more than two occasions I have seen Gedolim not resort to fire hazards

How is it a fire hazard if the doors are locked on the outside (to prevent latecomers from disrupting the leining) but are still easily accessible for exit? Do you lock your front door at home before going to bed?

Syag Lchochma,

[Quoting nishtdayngesheft]

You’ve never pleased to a lesser charge in traffic court?

no nisht, I have never pleaded guilty to something i didn’t do, nor not guilty to something i did, and i am confused (sincerely, not being argumentative) how that could be okay l’halacha.

I don’t think nishtdayngesheft’s question implied pleading innocent when actually guilty, or pleading guilty when actually innocent. He seems to be referring to a case where a violation did occur, but it could be charged at varying degrees of severity. In that case, he is talking about requesting (or accepting when offered) a more favorable/merciful charge.

but when my kid ran a stop sign, i instructed them to plead guilty, as they were indeed guilty and stating otherwise would have been sheker.

From what he has written, I don’t think nishtdayngesheft would act any differently than this. What he seems to be asking is, if your kid had been charged with [attn CR lawyers, I’m making this up] 1st degree stop sign runnyness, which carries a fine of $1000, would you request that the court consider reducing the charge to 3rd degree stop sign runnyness ($250 fine), or if the court offered a plea bargain that if your kid admits guilt right away to the 3rd degree stop sign runnyness, they’d go with that and not pursue the 1st degree charge in order to save the court’s time? I don’t see how doing that would be sheker.

im still not sure about how you would know the tickets are trumped up or whether or not they are giving multiple tickets

The tickets/charges to give are largely at the discretion of the officer witnessing the violation. I once made a left turn at an intersection where left turns were not permitted during rush hour (I didn’t notice the sign on the power line), and the police officer gave me a written warning. In other circumstances, I could have gotten a ticket. Would you consider it sheker to politely request that the officer give a warning instead of a ticket?

The Queen,

Sorry you are have it wrong.

I hope I do, and I apologize for overreacting. What I was responding to was:

1. Using Little Froggie’s (who works and opened this thread to praise his wife) thread to criticize the kollel lifestyle as objectively wrong.

2. A perceived implication in your responses that men do not pitch in with housework and childcare, particularly kollel men.

3. A perceived implication that women are duped into servitude via the shidduch process, and that their husbands don’t care about their suffering later on.

Am I off base?

Just for the record, I am going on vacation iy”H and my husband is staying home with the family.

That’s great! For the record as well, I work and my wife stays home full time, I am very involved in parenting and housework, and I enthusiastically agree with Little Froggie’s sentiments in this thread. And neither my wife nor I want to take a 2-week vacation solo, and it has nothing to do with lack of trust.

The Queen,

I know a woman of a large family who juggles two jobs, and has no option to discontinue, because at her shidduch she agreed to support her husband.

This does not contradict what I said in the slightest. If she’s happy to make that sacrifice, then who are we to judge, even if we’d hate to be in her shoes. If she’s unhappy, then they have problems, not because of kollel, but because of her sense of “no option to discontinue.”

Joseph,

Why aren’t you judging the guy who requested mechila l’kaf zechus that he requested it properly. Especially since no one claimed otherwise.

It’s possible I’m not; I’ll have to think about it.

The minyan was, as Sam indicated, per S”A. I don’t think Sam would have invited the minyan into his home if he didn’t want to grant mechila, as he indicated.

So why not the yard, or the hall? Bringing it to the workplace is reminiscent of the tactics of shady collection agencies.

Joseph,

Sam, if he followed Shulchan Aruch k’peshuto after you declined mechila, how can you have an additional taaina on him for doing the only thing pashut halacha states he should?

Who says he requested mechila properly? As Syag pointed out above, if the wrong is not even righted as best as possible, the request for mechila is worthless.

Baseball and football, since they are the easiest to follow by radio.

>:)

Meno,

He basically said he’s surprised that there are people in Miami Beach who would get up for an early minyan.

If I were to say, “I’m surprised there are people in MD who actually get up early to daven with a minyan”, you wouldn’t find that cynical?

Ah, ok, I understand how you interpreted golfer’s comment.

I didn’t see what golfer wrote as a knock on the Miami Beach frum community at all, but rather a comment on the conduct of frum Jews even when they are on vacation. To expand on golfer’s statement as I understood it:

M,

If my post pushes even one person to think a bit more deeply about their own emunah, bitachon, and the decisions they make, and pushes them to take even one step towards ensuring a responsible path for themselves or their friends, I will be consider the post as having served an important to’eles.

When you mock what people hold dear, your message, if any, will be unlikely to go through. Your “examples” shed no light, but mocked through caricature and insult; suggesting that those engaged in full time learning were poor parents and stupid.

then they are stuck in a terribly stressful position, and “the system” has failed them

Your post is long in complaints, but short in solutions. If you truly want to convince people to move in a different direction, provide some suggestions or ideas.

Sam2,

So every Ger is a Safek Mamzer and Assur to marry?

Can there be a mamzer situation in the absence of any halachic marriage whatsoever?

Shopping613,

our teachers are always telling us that we have to be refined in the street, look refined, no screaming, running, and so on….how talking on the phone makes people look in your direction so it shouldn’t be done.

I have to wonder if boys ever get speeches like this?

With the exception of the phones (which were not allowed on school time), I got those speeches every time there was a school activity, and I was in a public school. To me, it has more to do with being non-disruptive and mature rather than modest. Perhaps your teachers are making it an issue of modesty because they think that’s what’s important to their students.

so I started wondering if our teachers really mean that ALL girls should not be taling loudly, how are boys, men, children allowed to do so too?

I don’t really see adult men or women screaming, running, etc. in public. Did your teacher specifically say that boys and men are allowed to?

It’s seems so outlandish to say girls can’t run in the street and boys can

Who has said that it is ok for boys (or man) to be disruptive? Even if you see boys doing so, didn’t you say that the majority of girls in your class don’t take their teachers’ advice either?

I just don’t see why it’s considered to “moshech eneyim” of guys when we run, or talk loudly, but if boys do it, kids are doing it….then why would we stick out anyway

Once, very late on Shabbos night, there was a loud commotion outside my house that woke me up. I felt very upset because I was concerned that it would wake the baby, and my first assumption was that our (non-Jewish) neighbors were having a wild party, as they had done once or twice in the past. The voices didn’t sound like them, however, so I peeked outside and saw a group of Yeshiva boys cavorting down the middle of the street. I don’t think that behavior was ok. Nor do I appreciate when I am forced to overhear someone, man or woman, having a fight with someone else on their cell phone in the store or subway or wherever. Nor do I feel comfortable when packs of adult-sized “children”, boys or girls, engage in horseplay in shopping center parking lots. I don’t think you should interpret your teacher’s advice as an over-emphasis on modesty, but rather advice on how to conduct oneself as a mature adult. And that applies equally to men and women.

If one connects to Torah not entirely due to pure love of Hashem, but instead uses it like a spade for something else, like misogyny, there is a risk that the person will come to disrespect mitzvos.

This thread is a good example of that.

Is waking up at 8:00am to fulfill the will of the Creator really so hard that it’s worth complaining about, even in jest?

Yeee haw! Good Shabbos, you’uns!

zahavasdad,

People are not concerned about such minor matters. They are refering to such practices are “Paying off the books” or not charging sales tax for example

1. Who are the “people” that you refer to?

2. I consider your examples to be basic halacha. The OP was asking about chumros.

Joseph,

Cookies and milk.

Darkei Emori. And how do you know the milk left out for you when you come down the chimney is cholov Yisroel?

Health,

If you hold wearing a tie is Chukas Akum – so don’t wear one!

But do we then get to look down on everyone else in shul who wears one?

WolfishMusings,

The more I think about it, the more I realize that there isn’t a single positive commandment that I can say that I *know* for sure, 100%, that I’ve fulfilled it in the proper way at any point in my life.

And that’s just sad.

No, that’s called being human. If Hashem desired 100% accuracy 100% of the time, He would have populated the Earth with robots, or angels.

WolfishMusings,

A. Other people don’t seem to have these doubts. They’re confident that they have fulfilled the mitzvos, and perhaps they have.

That doesn’t make sense. If I have confidence that I’m the president of the United States, I might actually be the president?

And besides that, just because you don’t see people having doubts doesn’t mean they don’t have them.

B. Even if the previous point is false and I am like every other Jew, so what? Does the fact that everyone else fails at a task magically make it okay for me to do so too?

The gemara says that even the least of the Jews are as full of mitzvos as a pomegranate is full of seeds.

zahavasdad,

One should see alternatives to allow one to recharge and take a break with things that are kosher or pareve (Fully kosher activities might not be available so Pareve ones are good too)

Kosher or pareve? Huh?

newbee,

I dont generally see this and it is usually a subtle thing known but not discussed. But its very possible others do discuss it.

For me personally, I discuss how I feel Hashem’s presence extensively with my wife, rarely with my Rav, and pretty much never with anyone else (except my post above, and even there I described things vaguely and briefly).

newbee,

So not one person can actually describe what it feels like to come into contact with God and what a personal relationship feels like?

Perhaps it’s not an issue of ability, but rather willingness, since you are asking a rather personal question.

Instead lets have another 5 thousand conversations about cholov yisroel, talking in shule and shidduchim.

Note that the CR is not full of threads discussing people’s feelings and experiences regarding their relationships with their spouses either. It’s too personal.

RebYidd23,

Animals don’t lock up animals in cramped space and deny them proper food and companionship. People do.

Cats torment mice and birds. Feivel can tell you about a wasp that takes over the brain of a spider and drives it around before eating it alive. Dogs sometimes shun other dogs at the dog park.

By acting like a plant, a human being confines his neshama, keeping it from rising, deprives it of companionship with Hashem, and fails to keep it fed via spiritual growth. That doesn’t make plants evil or make it an insult to call a person a plant.

To willfully act like a plant would be evil; however, we tend to be more repulsed by active evil, e.g., harming others. And the vast majority of plants are not active.

The sins for which people are called “animals” are not of the types of actions that animals do. They are of the exclusively human evil variety.

The exclusive human evil variety is a toxic gumbo of animal impulses and human intellect.