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in my community, the girl have tons of responsibilities, they’re doing all the chessed programs (which is amazing and admirable) dealing with loads of homework and examination in limudei kodesh and general studies, while being expected to be prefect babysitters, bnos leader and future wives (can cook shabbos dinner by batmitzvah, do laundry….) whereas the boys have no serious homework or commitments until mid high school, when they start learning in yeshiva. i am very proud of the boys who learn in yeshiva, i am impressed by them and i am happy with them, but they don’t know really how to relate to a wife, take care of a family, and they have no profession…..the lives of girls and boys are so different, and they have been for so many years, but these days when discussion is very much encouraged…..what are these future couple going to talk about?
same, i agree its best to write a nice card and a small but meaningful gift (depends to who) and wish them enjoyment of their holiday, therefore making a friendly connection with the card, but showing that it is their holiday and you don’t believe or celebrate it
i wonder what the halachic point of view is?
yatzmich – your right. the guys who arent bothered, and are dan l’kfa zchus, wont take the rumours seriously. its not like your now a white table cloth with an oil mark, no tablecloths are perfect thats why we’re human. and Hashem doesnt need reputations to make a shidduch