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The Biur Halachah to Siman 132, outlines the order of preference in saying Kaddish, and he adds explicitly that precedence for serving as Shaliach
Tzibbur has the same rules as that for Kaddish.
Avel during shiva or sheloshim.
Then, Yahrzeit for a parent takes priority over a regular avel.
The FIRST YAHRZEIT trumps an avel in sheloshim.
Kaddish for other relatives is no obligation whatsoever, and he therefore has no claim to be the shaliach tzibbur.
Some shuls reverse the order of priorities of sh’loshim vs. yahrzeit, because of the reasoning that the sh’loshim has thirty days, while the yahrzeit has only one.
As for the person who comes to shul just for yahrzeit vs. the avel who
is a regular, the regular even if a lesser chiyuv has precedence.
Asked the shaila myself.
There is a third group called “Elo-k-istim” who believe that not only the rebbe Moshiach, he is domeh to Hashem himself.
If the rabbi is a Meshichist most reliable Litvish poskim agree that though the Meshichist might be delusional or kookoo, there’s no problem.
Meshichist= No Problem Elo-K-ist=PROBLEM
Is it the same friend that is arranging the stalking ceremony? 🙂
rubberbands:
Your plan will BACKFIRE so badly.
Such behavior constitutes the height of geneivas daas. The end result will be both YOU and the THEIR FRIEND’s reputations will be mud. Stories like this tend to spread like wildfire. People will avoid the two of you like the plague. You and their friend will have shown that you have no concept of friendship or trust.
You are doing your own thing and aren’t listening to your rav. You stand to lose much more than you are already missing. Your kids will never forgive you for your selfishness.
rubberbands:
And…they called you back and said let’s be friends!!! Aww! So delusional!
Get it through your head—Giving unwanted gifts, letters, etc. is legally defined as STALKING. Besides for being downright creepy, it’s ILLEGAL!
An investigator will likely conclude that you are obsessed and fixated on the person you are throwing unrequested money at. This is NOT HOW YOU FIX A RELATIONSHIP!
It sounds like she is terrified of what she can potentially get into.
The girl has a point!
An entire serialized book was written recently by a magazine which certainly doesn’t make marriage very appealing. If more articles and stories are written portraying what a healthy marriage looks like (Doorways in Binah) perhaps some of her fears will be alleviated.
Rubberbands:
LISTEN TO YOUR RAV! The way you have presented your case in your multiple posts dribbling and drabbling bits and pieces, it sounds as though you are looking for a confrontation. If you are trying to patch a relationship, doing it with a confrontational approach is not going to allow you achieve your objectives. I reccomend, you let things drop and keep out of shark infested waters!
You asked how to present to your kids:
The more honest you are, the lest traumatized they will be. Don’t editorialize that they are dysfunctional. Stick to the facts:
“You know zaidy has a brother Yanky who for some reason they have been fighting for 20 years. I therefore had very little to do with my cousin Devorah. Devorah is the Mommy of your classmate Rochy. Even if Rochy is your best friend, her Mommy won’t feel comfortable inviting you over to her house. It is not against you, it’s just sometimes fights in families get really messy and can’t be fixed the way we would like”.
Your kid asks: Why can’t someone get everyone to make up?
“That’s what happens when people fight. Everyone wants to be right and no one wants to back down, even when they know deep down that they are wrong. This is why I always tell you kids to spend time and be nice to each other”.
rubberbands:
Life is very complicated and truthfully it’s not the place of a child to mix right into a heavyweight machlokes. The best you can do is daven that if there is NO BASIS for the machlokes, someone grows up and apologizes.
I don’t know your situation or any parties involved. Reading your comments, I caution you to be aware that your actions may in fact be strengthening the resolve of the machlokes:
-Nobody wants a niece (relative, etc.) stalking them. Sending letters or presents that are not wanted is considered stalking. This type of behavior besides for being downright creepy is also ILLEGAL.
-Airing your dirty laundry and feelings about your uncle’s ‘immaturity’ is a good way for him to strengthen his resolve. OR…maybe he’ll start revealing his ‘secrets’ he held in about your father for years. He might be acting anti-social and accepting the embarrassment, just to keep the family secrets hidden. He might literally be the family sacrificial lamb. This post of yours might give him the impetus to release the goods. It won’t be pretty.
As I tell my low level employees who criticize executive decisions, “Just do your job”. For YOU to hire a mediator, get rabbonim involved, write letters and follow up with calls to see if they arrived, etc. etc. are OUT OF BOUNDS. You are stepping into dangerous territory YOU have no business going into. Do your job of being a good daughter and keep out of other people’s personal secrets.
BTW:—Maybe find out whose brain cramp it was for two siblings who bring pre-existing feelings of animosity to move a couple of blocks away from each other. This is a no-brainer!
Popa:
The cover expresses that Orthodox Jews view the occupant of the White House as a swastika supporting loon with goose stepping soldiers ready to fulfill Der Fuhrer’s orders.
If AMI intended on highlighting Anti-Semitism or Neo-Nazism in America, they could have found other pictures to demonstrate their conclusions. Driving through “Middle America” or “Deep South” they could have found ample ‘proofs’. It was a silly PhotoShop job.
G_A_W: To see how far things are spreading, Google: Ami magazine swastika.
AMI is a very twisted magazine.
Now, AMI’s editor Frankfurter finally released a statement saying that his magazine MAY have crossed a line. When asked if he will write a retraction this week, he said he’s considering it because he hopes he didn’t offend the sensitivities of the readership.
Rabbi Frankfurter, save the ink!! No normal JEW would allow your trash into their house anymore. If Abe Foxman has to give you mussar, you know you’ve fallen off the wagon.
Rabbi Shafran has e-mailed that he is “SHOCKED” at the both the front cover and the picture associated with his column a few weeks back. To that end……Reb Avi, stop writing for media outlets unless you have complete control of what is being published alongside your columns.
G_A_W: The journalistic ethics and integrity at Mishpacha aren’t so hot either!!
Call a spade a spade! These are direct quotes from the book:
Encouraging fellow Jews to EMBRACE J—??? J— the patriot was a mamzer and apikorus but this “Rabbi” wants Jews to EMBRACE J— like he’s some saintly hero???
This doesn’t represent Orthodox Jewish beliefs.
Depending on your insurance, try Dr. Brad Penenberg. He is located at Cedar Sinai Medical Center. He is tops in the field for people suffering from bone deficiency.
Refuah Sheleimah
Been there, done that!! Guess I’m a screamer.
Drink anything besides caffeine or alcohol which both dehydrate you.
Keep your throat moist by sucking on candies, etc.
Use a humidifier, if you don’t know what that is go to Walgreens.
Don’t talk but whatever you do, don’t whisper.
Always Run:
Only in cheap Jewish novels do couples miraculously change and live happily ever after. He has no reason to change because you are showing him that you excuse his behaviors and will give him free reign to do as he pleases to your children. I’m starting to realize the dangers of Jewish magazine serials which distort reality. You can’t live in la-la land.
Always Runs: It’s time to live up to your name and RUN to protect yourself and children. The longer you sit there throwing your hands up in despair and crying helplessness, is the longer that you and your children will remain in harms way. You might have some fond memories and wishes for your dear pitbull (aka husband) but your children will HATE your husband for his actions and hate YOU even more for PERMITTING him to harm them without protecting them. Keeping children in such a situation is YOUR CHOICE. Your kids will NEVER forgive you. Plus, the scars of living in such a family will remain with them forever. This will be your legacy. File a police report, even if you choose to not press charges, (aka arrest).
Ender: Your words are not factual and in this case very irresponsible.
It’s an outstanding yeshiva.
*They have many rules and enforce them.
*The rebbeim are all talmidei chachomim.
*The yeshiva emphasizes middos, NOT dressing yeshivish.
*Solid secular education allows students to excel in college.
A yeshiva that enables a father to fulfill his obligation to teach his son a trade.
Mod 42:
Same editor for both. There is no Vaad Horabbonim and many articles distort hashkafah. It’s sad because they had a good thing going for quite a while.
Moral of the story: A mashgiach has to constatntly check on ALL establishments they are responsible for. Each time they walk in, they have to assume that the owner flipped out and traifed up the place. Another two very important points that hashgachas should implement are: mashgichim can’t raid the kitchen of the place they give a hechsher to and take pounds of ‘samples’, and a mashgiach can’t be working in another job under the direct jurisdiction of an owner he gives hashgacha to. In these situations, objectivity flies out the window.
Moral of the story: A mashgiach has to constatntly check on ALL establishments they are responsible for. Each time they walk in, they have to assume that the owner flipped out and traifed up the place. Another two very important points that hashgachas should implement are: mashgichim can’t raid the kitchen of the place they give a hechsher to and take pounds of ‘samples’, and a mashgiach can’t be working in another job under the direct jurisdiction of an owner he gives hashgacha to. In these situations, objectivity flies out the window.
Crime is crime. The cover up is the Chillul Hashem.
Instead of encouraging shul and yeshiva rebbeim/principals to make the perpetrators run for their lives, they attack the frum blogs and publications for exposing the cover-ups. Wait until the NY Post/Forward etc. get a hold of the YouTube video of the Agudah convention Thursday night speech. The Chillul Hashem will be astounding.
Fighting a symptom (blogs) but ignoring the disease (abuse and the cover-ups) won’t get very far.
The most honest comment was made by Srully Lefkowitz about the harm caused by the frum blogs being read in Washington.
far vos:
AZ already answered your question:
Based on the feedback NASI has reduced the rates:
22/23-$4,000 (previously 5/6k)
24/25- $5,000 (previously 7/8k)
26/27- $7,000 (previously 9/10k)
28/29- $8,000 (previously 11/12k)
30/31- $9,000 (previously 13/14k)
32 AND OLDER-$10,000
COMING SOON……BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!!
Sick and getting sicker!!
NASI and AZ are what the mefarshim on Pirkei Avos warn that a machlokes leshem shomayim will never end. This is because the person feels they are mamash fighting for the sake of Hashem and will never concede defeat.
Even after NASI spokesman admitted that the original statistics were fabricated in order to shock people into action; even after they admitted that they defaulted and didn’t pay non-NASI afiliated shadchanim; even after they turned the current bnos yisroel into a commodity to be auctioned off by giving a price tag per age; even after NASI stated clearly if the girls don’t get in the program they will be blacklisted by shadchanim; ARE THERE STILL 50 GIRLS STUPID ENOUGH TO TRUST THESE PEOPLE??
Draw your own conclusions about NASI, but stay away from investing.
The Occupy Chicago chevra are complete loons. It reminds me of the medrashim on NOach describing the building of the Tower of Bavel. No two people share the same agenda. Some are for welfare not warfare, others are protesting to arrest the mayor for red light ticket greed, others are asking who the other 99% are, etc. It’s a riot watching these sophisticated individuals seeking to change the dynamics! Kookoo!
This is a ‘machla’ and has to be stopped.
Some people due to their own personality problems don’t realize that making up baloney stories and saying it with a straight face isn’t appropriate. Whoever sits idly by and listens to someone publicly embarassing a chassan, saying complete motzei shem rah just for the sake of getting a laugh has a part of the blame for egging him on.
I have been at simchas where the ‘entertainer/speaker’ was hocked up by someone in the audience who knew that the story being repeated was a bold faced lie and can cause untold harm. Minimally, walk out in disgust until the rashah stops speaking.
If you are at retirement age making the amount you are speaking of. Whatever your retirement benefit you are entitled to will be reduced by $1 for every $3 earned until you stop working. Plus you will pay almost 40% taxes on the benefit.
If you are earlier than maximum retirement age, then whatever your benefits are supposed to be will be reduced by $1 for every $2 eraned. Plus you will pay a whopping 85% tax on the benefits.
Enjoy retirement if you can afford it!
The response is sillier than the idea itself.
1] Even the greatest Ponzi schemers had the guts to put their names and reputations on the line. With NASI, only e-mails speak! Then they are delusional to compare themselves to Eliyahu Hanavi?
2] The original statistics were later admitted were a fabrication to draw attention to their cause. Do you have more faith in the fictitious numbers posted here?
3] If the girls can afford to put such cash upfront, it almost guarantees that the boys will start their bidding sessions for support with higher numbers in mind. Another surefire way to ensure that the divorce rate continues to rise.
4] No mention was made which law firm, auditors, etc. will secure the escrow accounts to ensure that when a person wants to pull out of this scam, the money will be there. Madoff also said, “Trust Me”.
GIRLS: Have self respect and DON’T allow anonymous e-mails and their supposed rabbinic enablers place a bounty on your heads. DON’T go for this scam.
* Some because one spouse is abusive.
** Some because one spouse was abused growing up and can’t establish a relationship.
*** Some because one spouse’s family is abusive and the spouse can’t put their foot down to stop it.
**** Some because one spouse rushed right into marriage because they were scared to be a Shidduch Crisis statistic, and instead became a divorce statistic.
***** Some because of a breakdown in communication and the refusal to learn how to communicate effectively.
Sounds like a “This Little Piggie” rhyme!!
showerzinger:
Obviously you have to do chessed, but a person has to choose wisely which chessed to get involved with. For a very rigid person who sees only black and white, to try and be mekarev at-risk-teens would NOT be a chessed. For a person who can’t relate to people with poor grooming and hygiene, having them at your Shabbos table would NOT be a chessed.
Talking about the people you are trying to help is NOT a chessed.
oomis:
Sorry! No one HAS to do a chessed.
If a person CHOOSES to do a chessed the least they can do is shut their mouths and maintain the dignity of the person they did the chessed for. Unless the person acted as a criminal at your home a host has no right ‘yenting’ about the person they CHOSE to help. It all boils down to CHOICES, to do or to ignore. Once you made the choice, you have to live with the outcomes.
Oomis:
What kind of people would have put such nonsense into her head?
She is finally engaged to be married, she should be dancing the hora! Instead she is kvetching about idiocies she was told her whole life, come on now!
Unless Liora is trying to create the ZIVUG DOESN’T LOOK LIKE ME CRISIS!!
bjjKID:
KID sounds like you are a younger BJJ graduate. Obviously you likely won’t consider an already divorced man as a spouse.
However if you are 27-31 year old KID, it might be worth your while to check into. This won’t be called settling because after a certain age that’s pretty much all that’s left.
Rematch of 1985:
Bears vs. Patriots
Bears will WIN!!
FRUMLADYGIT:
Bullies bully for a few reasons:
* They are angry that they were abused at an earlier stage and by putting on a show of bravado people will avoid abusing him again.
* They have psychological problems which they get a thrill from watching the victim suffer.
* They are connected and know that the society they are part of will give them a free pass.
How do they correct themselves?
Type 1: They mature and come to a realization that there is a difference between assertiveness and abusiveness. This causes them to tone down their behaviors naturally.
Type 2: They will be abusive and violent until they receive special intervention.
Type 3: They will NEVER correct themselves because they know that the community leaders adore them and won’t dare say a peep about their behaviors. They will eventually cross the line and end up in the court system.
Practical steps:
Type 1: Hook him/her up with positive role models (it doesn’t have to be a relative) who can show how to act assertive and get things done just as effectively with a smile on the face.
Type 2: Get PSYCH Consultation.
Type 3: Put pressure on the local rabbonim and community members to stand up to the bully and stop adoring a bully like this, or his/her future actions will be squarely on their hands.
Teshuva:
If the bully’s actions caused a LOSS of any kind, or a LIFE ALTERING EVENT to occur teshuva can be a lifelong endeavor.
Pischei Choshen, Dinei Halva’ah, 2nd Perek says clearly that dina d’malchusa dina does not apply to bankruptcy law. Based upon the inability to identify the purposes of bankruptcy law and to explain why these polices are, or are not, for the benefit of the people of the land. There is also a difference between Chapter 7 and Chapter 11 protection as far as to how badly a person is trampling on the Shulchan Aruch.
In any event, a Jew would still halachically owe the money and Jewish debtors are still owed their money regardless of what protection a person might file.
WiseWoman:
Tell the boy to check out Yeshiva World Coffee Room to figure it out!
If you are trying to be sensitive and not hurt his feelings, why put it out on the web???
In Jewish law there is no concept of Bankruptcy or Statute of Limitations. Yesh din v’yesh dayan.
It’s possul anyways because the Korbon pesach must be a MALE!
apashutayid:
Agreed, DON’T Google AMI! You can find lots of junk. Another reason why a Jewish company should choose a name wisely!!!
The boys have always paid and finances are their resposnibility in life. Don’t try and switch things around.
Obviously if the couple is dating for 8 months and going out 3-4 a week, then I hear your point. But, for traditional yeshivish dating, no.
apashutayid:
The vast majority of readers are of the opinion that there are quite a few shadchanim who should be SUED for malpractice. There should be a “lemon law” applied to marriages that fail within the first six months. It is working in the used car industry!
The few advocates for the shadchanim are members of the “International Brotherhood of Shadchanim Local 613”. They use statistics and crisis to hype people up and convince them that they pay new fees never associated with shadchanim.
Be happy for your sister that she now has an anchor of stability. You found happiness with your husband, let her find happiness with hers. The two of you are at different stage in life and you have to repect that. There is nothing to be insulted about.
When was the last time you went to her not so far-away community and visited her? Or do you feel she owes it to visit your town in order to visit you?
1. Chilled out enough to spand HOURS not minutes with the family.
2. Yiddishkeit is REAL as opposed to going through the motions
3. Industrious: Work or learn HARD
4. Patience
5. Strong clear opinions: This way people undertsand where he stands regardless if you agree or disagree!
If she sounds happy LEAVE HER ALONE. It sounds like she wants to grow her own wings and not be under your advice. Respect her wishes. This is how people from ‘interesting” families do things.
Poster:
I have a terrific example of one such story:
One shadchan said the boy expects 100K per year for life in kollel. The first year’s money be deposited into the girl’s account before the first date.
Poster:
If/when the shadchan bamboozels the family with the “Best Boy” nonsense and then demands 100K yearly for the honor of being mishadech.
Turn the table on the chazer and see if the investment is worth it. Would you pay for a lifelong kollel guy if the bochur can’t pass a farher????
Der Dokter:
By mir ess men ein Frankfurter. Ah Frankfurter is ah Frankfurter nisht an Editor!!
Only important things:
Which daf are you on?
What did your rebbi say at the last shiur?
Do you write down your own chiddushim?
If any of the above answers are unsatisfactory:
And you want how much from me for support?????
Of course it’s possible.
Ingredients:
1 Good scheduler (sets deadlines for article submission, layout, printing)
1 Editor to check submissions for errors
1 Editor to determine whether the articles meet the corporate quality standards
7 Professional authors who understand the corporate quality standards.
The Mishpacha editors have done loads of research and understand their clientele. This enables them to consistently improve and offer quality to their loyal readers. Mishpacha readers expect in-depth and balanced reporting, articles that enable the readers to draw their own lesson instead of being missionized, and articles written in straightforward ENGLISH as opposed to legalese or Yeshivishese!!
While your at it ask him whether they like Decaf or Espresso!!
Department of Public Works problems are a local issue.