aries2756

When my daughter was dating 13 years ago I thought the questions were ridiculous and out of control then. When was the girl toilet trained? Do they use china and crystal on their shabbos table? I was personally asked where my mother went to school. I answered “Auschwitz” any more questions? there were none!

The point is what do these ridiculous questions have to do with the quality of the shidduch? What you should be asking is “will s/he make a good spouse for my child? Will s/he make a good parent for my grandchildren? Are his/her parents good role models? Are they baalei chessed and tzedaka? Are they oskei tzibur? How does s/he conduct themselves with children and older people? Is the prospective shidduch involved in chessed? How do they apply the torah they learned to everyday application?

Those are questions whose answers will tell you what you truly need to know about the potential shidduch and their family. If you want a young lady to set a nice table buy her whatever she will need and she will graciously and most appreciatively use the gifts and follow your lead. If you want her to wear designer clothes take her shopping and indulge her. If a boy needs a little attention in that area that can be done as well. You can’t change a person from the inside out but you can certainly make adjustments from the outside in. What you need to look for is a “lev tov!” That you can’t create, you can’t change and you can’t manufacture. It is either there or not. Anything else you can learn to live with or look away from.