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Vitamin D is also vital for your bones.

The best way to accomplish this is to be role modeling this relationship 24/7. Then when the Yomim Tovim come around we infuse our children with that EXTRA level of excitement with the stories of the chag and the special simanim and treats that are associated with each chag. If we are lax in our joy and kesher with both Hashem and Yiddishkeit during the year or on chol, and then just get excited about a chag or just try to get the kids excited about it, it can fall flat on deaf ears. Then parents wonder what is wrong with their children but realize or deny the fact that it is not the children that are in the wrong it is they themselves who need to re-evaluate their lives, priorities and commitments.

No I don’t think this is appropriate. If someone just “looks up the halacha” and then feels he knows it, but is not well rounded in the knowledge of ALL halachas or all areas where the halacha is brought up and discussed then he plain pashut does not know the halacha well enough to paskin his own shailah.

In addition, where shidduchim are involved there are many inyanim that have to be considered before someone is allowed to give negative information. It isn’t so pashut.

My daughter-in-law was watching my daughter’s kids for a few days. The last night was Thursday and she really wanted to get them to sleep so she could concentrate on Shabbos preparations. She stuck her head into the bedroom and told my five year old granddaughter to stop talking and go to sleep at which point she responded “I’m going to tell my Mommy that you are not being very nice to me!”.

I would like to share something with all of you, something that might help steer you and and all your loved ones clear of the temptations that come along with cell phone applications and the internet dangers in general. There are two phrases that stick with me 24/7 and those are “da lifnei mi atah omed” and “shivisi eschem l’negdi tamid”. Maybe those phrases should be stuck on the top of your computers and put on the screen savers of both cell phones and computers.

Maybe if those two inyanim were something every Jew was taught to live by and believe there would be a lot less problems among us and a lot less issues as well.

the issues of at-risk kids and why kids go off the derech? It has nothing to do with technology and cell phones. It does have to do with other issues such as lack of self esteem and self confidence. It has to do with abuse and molestation. It has to do with humiliation by people in authority. It has to do with dysfunctional and abusive families. It has to do with getting lost in the crowd and having yiddishkeit shoved down their throats instead of shown in a manner of ahava and simcha. It has to do with not being taught the joy of yiddishkeit and why we do what we do. It has do with loss and not understanding or not being shown the compassion necessary to deal with it. It has do with being hurt and having internal pain grow out of proportion and not having anyone in their daled amos notice and care until that pain is overwhelming and all consuming so much so that it explodes and causes the child to run and try to rip their own identity away from themselves. It has to do with parents that throw them out instead of loving them unconditionally. It has to do with people loving their children more than they love the the opinions of their neighbors and friends. It has to do with adults in their lives who are hypocrites and not the proper role models they should be.

Kids are affected by all forms of physicality that parents choose to surround themselves with from the way they decorate their homes to the cars they drive and it has nothing to do with the cell phone in their pocket. That is a very small issue.

And as far as cheit hameraglim, you hit the nail on the head! Whenever you have spies, they are going to speak loshon horah! BINGO! And whenever you start a thread criticizing other people, you are going to lead people down a path of loshon horah. That is exactly my point, because whether they say who they are talking about or not, they are thinking it!

EDITED

mw13, please remember what happened because of “cheit hameraglim” so I don’t agree that the yeshiva should have other people monitor their internet usage or anything else. Setting up spies is never a good idea. And that goes true for all these well meaning posts. Read the original post again and you will see what I mean, it is extremely judgmental “how do parents expect to teach their children…….”. It is not a post saying “for anyone new to the parsha of kids and cell phones, please be aware that……”or as I mentioned before a post posing a question pertaining to that person’s need for assistance with this particular issue.

When one begins speaking about how others are not keeping torah and mitzvos properly or that they are not being mechanech their children properly that is a total put down and it is ripe for loshon horah. It is a judgment that others are wrong and I am right and they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing because “x,y &z” and don’t you all agree with me. To me it is just nasty and it does breed this holier than thou or your not on my madreigah attitude. And it brings out the worst in people, calling each other nasty names and being utterly disrespectful and rude to each other right here on this blog. Some of the posts that get through shrieks with chutzpah and attitude. For instance, the remark that cell phones have caused the yeridah, just look how kids are being mechalel shabbos with cell phones. Please, it is not cell phones or internet that has caused kids to go off the derech. It is other Jews who have pushed and shoved them off the derech. And just as they would never have dreamt to use any of these muktza objects on Shabbos when they were shomer Torah and mitzvos, it doesn’t mean anything to them when they are no longer keeping mitzvos. Blaming cell phones, internet, tv, or anything else is not only ludicrous but it shows how much people choose to be in denial rather than face the real issues right under their noses.

I don’t come to the CR for mussar. However, if someone is looking for advice or assistance then I believe everyone would be happy to offer their opinions or personal knowledge on any subject.

Sof davar, there is no shortage of top girls, there are many wonderful girls, the problem is that many parents of boys don’t see it or realize it because they are not necessarily looking for wonderful girls. THEY are looking for wonderful girls who are also a size 2 or less; not too tall but of course not short; beautiful without makeup but yet wears makeup well; is not high maintenance yet wears designer labels; comes from a wealthy home but doesn’t expect anything from their in-laws; has a magnificent home, well decorated and well appointed; went to the best schools and seminary; and is willing to put up with their son’s behaviors good or bad as well as manners or lack thereof; as well as accept their son for who he is, not what he looks like or who he can become.

And you were saying that boys are under more pressure because they have learn??????? Um, I don’t think so. Do you know how hard it is to maintain the qualifications that these mothers are looking for if one is willing to try? Do you know how difficult it is to be a size 2 if you are not naturally that thin?

Unfortunately some Yiddin think that Frumkeit is an exclusive not INCLUSIVE club and if you don’t follow the rules as THEY do you can’t belong! Funny thing though, it is Hashem who made up the rules and it is HIS club. It is humans who are interpreting his rules and deciding what they think, oh excuse me what they KNOW Hashem wants. As far as I know, born a Jew always a Jew. And the more you care about your fellow Jews the more they appreciate Yiddishkeit. The more you demonstrate the beauty of our religion the more people want to practice and grow through it. The more you shun people the more they shun the religion those people represent.

Sometimes it is an issue that parents keep C”Y but grandparents don’t. So when kids are little and grandparents offer a chocolate or want to give a cookie that is ou-d, or even a bottle, etc. Parents don’t necessarily want to make a fuss if the child is very young. That is why I say one should not judge or discuss what OTHERS should or shouldn’t be doing. One should only discuss what they choose to do for themselves or ask questions pertaining to what they want to know for themselves.

Obviously similac is not C”Y but a baby needs it, so parents will use it for the infant. When children are very young and do not understand the concept, parents may choose to make exceptions for whatever reasons they choose, as I have mentioned and there is no reason for others to speculate or judge. However, if one is asking for themselves if THEY should make exceptions that is something that a couple have to talk about and maybe discuss with their own RAV.

It seems that you have a bit of confusion about a couple of things and it might be helpful if you found someone to help sort things out. A Life Coach would be someone who could help you define your short term or long term goals or both and get you on a path to realizing them.

Obviously you are an intelligent and capable young man or you would not have done well on the Lstats. So the question that presents itself is what light bulb went off that made you realize that you did not wish to pursue law as a career? Or what happened while you had your break that made you change your mind? Is it the work involved, is it the long term commitment or was it something else that happened on the break that changed your mind?

Those are important questions. Because if practicing Law is not the issue, rather the commitment to the work involved and the years in Law school, then that is something that you need to figure out and understand before you misrepresent yourself to possible shiduch prospects. When a girl is looking for a “professional” someone who will have a degree and a basic foot forward in making a parnasah they have a reason for that choice. It is not frivolous but well thought out. These are girls who understand how difficult it is to run a household and they are not planning to either support their husbands or expect support from their parents. These are usually well educated girls themselves and would like to have husbands that are equal to them on an intellectual and educational level.

So if that is one of your issues, that is something you would need to come to terms with and be open about. However, you should be aware that at 25 years of age, most girls would expect you to have a “plan”. Flying by the seat of your pants at an age where others are already married with kids, or have finished college and are in the workforce, or have been learning seriously for a number of years does not emote a sense of confidence in a possible mate.

The other question is the “break” itself. What was that about? Were you learning during that time? Were you working? Are you working now? What exactly are you offering a potential mate? When you yourself are checking out a shidduch you will ask what the girl is doing? Is she in school? Is she working? What does she do? Would it be ok if she were on a break and not doing anything? Would you feel comfortable going out with a young lady who seemed like she was floundering?

The issue at hand is not really putting off dating, but figuring out what is going on with you and where you are heading. It is best to have a plan and not just wait for things to fall into place.

mw13, thank you but it is NOT written in the TORAH, it is an interpretation as explained by Avram!

If you are asking about yourself, then I would suggest that until the kids realize what is chalav yisroel and what is not, you can make exceptions when you are outside the home, but definitely don’t bring it inside the home. NEVER, ever say it is not KOSHER because that is not true, and if they see someone else eat it, they will think they are eating treif and will have the wrong impression about them.

As far as others are concerned, it is not fair to discuss or judge what others do, it is only fair to ask a question pertaining to your own situation. So if that is a choice someone made for their own family there is a reason why they made it and it is not up to us to question their rationality. Sometimes there is an item that the child does better with that is not available in chalav yisroel format. Sometimes it is very difficult to get a child to eat and if they eat something they like a parent is thrilled, so if they can get them to eat a yougurt with the chocolate crunch on top and that is OU-D and not chalav yisroel, that is really not an issue for others to yenta about.

IMHO, the question really needs to be answered between the siblings. An older sibling needs to give her/his blessing and permission to a younger sibling to date and marry before them. We all know that each shidduch happens “b’zmano”. Everyone at the right time, with the right person. We know this because so many shidduchim are do overs with the same people but it just wasn’t the right time the first or even the second (some times) around when they dated. So the opinions of others really doesn’t count. Siblings need to love each other enough and care about each other enough to be sensitive to each other’s feelings and needs, give each other enough of a chance and then wish each other best and allow Hashem to do what he does best.

“The spiritual welfare of a Jew always takes precedence over his physical well-being. This is an uncompromising point.”

Sorry I don’t agree. If you don’t show kids that you care about their health and welfare you automatically put a huge boulder up between them and their spirituality. Love has to be unconditional and not based on whether they are a good jew or not. So first and foremost we must keep our children safe and secure. Then we must worry about their spirituality. Do not allow kids to be neglected, or fall between the cracks and you will save them mind, body AND soul!

SJS, this is true, they are too overburdened to just take kids away from parents, and work too hard to reunite families than rip them apart. So if you got to the point that you had to call them in, don’t think too hard about it, do what is best for the children. Some parents need monitoring.

In addition, I wouldn’t go to the Rav, I would call the grandparents and let them know before the Rav. In this day and time, most Rabbonim do not get “involved”.

If you are looking to cause problems for couples in their marriage, please go ahead and start talking about issurim such as men not permitted to speak to their wives. There are so many Shalom Bayis symposiums, Rebbeim, therapists trying to help couples to get along and have happy and fulfilling marriages that prove that these type of discussion can be very harmful to the k’lal. Seriously, this is one of the reasons the other thread was started about chumras!

I have a better idea for all who feel they can’t find tzniusdik clothes in stores. Teach your kids to sew and be creative!!!! There is nothing wrong with a fifteen year old, designing her own clothes or fixing her own purchases to make them tzniusdik by using her own imagination and adding some trim to the bottom and sleeves for length, or adding a pretty piece of fabric for a dickie, etc.

In addition, they can buy something they like in a larger size and then take it in so it fights properly without being too tight, yet still maintaining the style and elegance it was designed to have.

We really should stop blaming the designers. We do not encourage our own girls to go into this field, so when clothing designers do not recognize our needs and produce for us, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Yes we have frum people in the clothing business, but at best they have their manufacturers tweak the designs they already produce and not necessarily design for the modest crowd.

olamhatorah, agreed but it is always better to err on the side of caution. So I would rather parents are a little overprotective than under protective.

Here is a lesson to be learned: Tell friends and family to call you in the evenings after play time, after dinner, and after the kids are asleep, that is when your time belongs to you. If they don’t understand this, then you should look for new friends and if family doesn’t understand this, try calling them when THEY are busy with their kids, see if they stop what they are doing to speak to YOU!

Here is another one: How about the way women, especially girls, just push you out of their way? There is no “heter” to speak down to a waiter at a wedding or anywhere else. Adarabah, you have to make a kidush hashem at every opportunity and show that we as yiddin are respectful, courteous, gracious, considerate and appreciative of others.

I was just at 2 wedding in E”Y and was absolutely shocked that there was no consideration or derech eretz and these young girls just pushed and shoved with even an excuse me or “slicha”. It was ridiculous bordering on obnoxious.

HennyK, here’s another question:

How come you wouldn’t dream of interrupting your phone conversation if someone wants to chat with you, but you don’t mind interrupting your “bakashas” and tefilos, your personal and supposedly meaningful conversation with Hashem to speak to your friend and/or answer your phone? What is so very important that can’t wait for 30 minutes?

My husband doesn’t bother to turn off his phone in shul, he doesn’t have to! He doesn’t even bother taking it with him to shul. That is the time he chooses to put it on the charger at home!

I want to make this VERY, very clear. Children are a matanah from Hashem, again CHILDREN are a gift from Hashem and are not to be taken for granted. There are many couples who have the nisayon of having to wait many years and having to go through many trials and tribulations in order to have children, if at all. So lets understand the seriousness of this discussion and how painful it is to anyone chalishing to have children when those who B”H are blessed with children do not “get it” and are negligent at the job of caring for them.

Children can not raise themselves and can not watch themselves. Small children should only be allowed to play outside with other children when older children are outside, or other adults are outside, if a parents specifically goes over to that adult or older child and requests that they watch that child and informs them when they can no longer do so. What would happen to the child if the older kids or parent goes inside and that younger child is left outside on its own? Can that child be trusted to go home alone? Would the child follow some other child home? Would the child cross the street and wander off? Anything can happen and a parent who does not take precaution is a NEGLIGENT parent.

Let’s get something else straight. A four year old is a baby!!!! A four year old is not old enough, alert enough or smart enough to watch a 2 year old. Maybe a four year old can watch a 2 year old while a parent goes to the bathroom, or is in another room. But certainly a four year old is not old enough to watch another sibling outside of the home when the parent is sleeping. Yes even in a bungalow colony. Even a 6 year old is too young for that job! If a mother cannot handle the responsibility of so many young children, then maybe they should consider hiring a mother’s helper or speaking to their Rav about family planning.

There is no excuse in the world for a parent to be on the phone, be too busy or too tired to watch their own children. Your children should be your top priority, and if they aren’t you really need to sit down and think about it.

And grandparents should know their limitations. If you are too tired to babysit or take your grandchildren on outings be upfront and say so. Putting your grandchildren in dangerous situations because you want to be the “good guys” is a foolish mistake. Better to say “NO” and keep them safe.

Tag frowns on taking girls from out of the area as do many other local schools. Shevach is a great school and has many teachers from the FR area. The Krohns (as in Rabbi Pesach Khron and his wife) are very involved in the school. Ask in your own shul where the girls go and then hang around the schools and see for yourself what type of girls and families belong to those schools.

Another greaat High School for girls is Manhattan High School. It has a very well rounded program including Music (literally musical instruments), choir, etc. if your daughter doesn’t mind the ride into the city. Really a top notch high school.

popa_bar_abba, sorry to say, I disagree with you. I brought my children to shul and when they started to wiggle around I took them home so my hubby and all the other mispallelim could continue to daven. That is how I was mechanech them. Shul is for davening and not for playing!!!! Children need to be taught to have “respect” for a makom kadosh. They need to be taught that we DON’T talk in shul, it IS NOT appropriate.

On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur I stayed home until my kids could control themselves in shul or I could trust them to be outside without my supervision. It was not a mitzvah for them to come to shul and disturb others from their kavanah in davening and I must say that I was very disturbed and upset by the children who ran around under the windows and in and out of the doors, up and down the aisles and basically disturbed everyone. If parents can’t afford a babysitter then mothers should stay home and daven whatever they can from home. They are obviously not davening appropriately in shul either, so why disturb everyone else’s davening too?

Of course, if the shul arranges a children’s group, or there is a room for the children with toys and supervision, that is a whole other ball game. Parents can bring children into the shul area for as long as they can sit still, then walk them into the play area. This is a good way to train children to have respect for shul and then when their time is up, they can go play. Many shuls have a no children rule which I don’t feel is right either.

The way to accomplish this is to sit down with the mechanechet of the class and work with her or whomever is head of the 12th grade and mix and match girls for the upcoming projects. Don’t put girls from cliques together for the various yearbook staffs. Don’t put them together for the various trips, chagigas, etc. that the 12th grade works on. Keep mixing and matching the girls throughout the year so everyone gets to spend some time and work together with other girls. By the end of the year, you should all at least be friends with each other, if not best friends with each other. There will be a ruach going through you that belongs to Seniors and has nothing to do with cliques or anything else. YOU all belong to the club called SENIORS.