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WIY, it is totally inappropriate for 14 year old girls to plan a trip to Florida. 14 year old girls should only be going to Florida with parents or family members.
So WE speak spanish like THEY speak ENGLISH and that my friends is the language of communication!
I highly doubt that Rav Solovetchik labeled himself a Modern Orthodox Rav.
Rabbonim do not and never gave heterim for women to NOT cover their hair, nor to dress in any way that was not tznius. It is to encourage the love of mitzvos and to CHOOSE to do more mitzvos with the proper kavonos and understanding of them and to understand why they are doing them. In other words to understand who they are and why they do what they do. A RAV can’t force a kehilah to do anything. They can only teach them and hope they follow the rules. Otherwise people will only follow the rules in public while breaking the rules in private.
EDITED
Well that is going to be a tough decision for the 14 year old. Firstly, there is nothing wrong with telling her that if she wants to go with her friends she will have to earn the funds to do so. That of course is secondary to discussing the outing and agreeing that it is appropriate for her to do what the other girls are planning to do.
Parents need to come to terms with the concepts of what children are entitled to and what a parent is obligated to do for them, and what WE as parents want to do for them. We need to explain to children the difference between “needs” and “wants”. Especially in these difficult economic times. There are times that parents can give a child what they want and there are times that a parent can’t. There are times when a parent feels that the child doesn’t deserve the privilege. A parent cannot hold back on their obligations to a child and must cover their needs, but wants and privileges are a different ballgame altogether. So each family has to decide what works for them and set up their own set of rules.
In many homes kids get allowance and they buy their nosh with that, they buy their clothes with that, they use it for their entertainment, etc. How ever the family sets it up. In many homes there is no allowance and the kids ask for what they need and want and the parents decide case by case. In many homes kids work for the extras. What ever way works for the family, that is the right way for you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You might use a coupon system for your children to earn things, you might give allowance, you might be well off and generous and not have to worry too much about the extras. Only you know your own value system. Just make sure that what your kids are doing is age appropriate and safe. Know who your kids friends are and who their parents are, make sure that you are all on the same page hashkafa wise. If a group of 14 year olds are planning an outing find out which parent is going with them, how they are traveling, what time they are leaving, what time they are returning, who else will be there, etc. Having her raise her own money is not the only issue of importance.
Actually it is very easy to be assur on everything if you don’t know the halachas that distinguish the issue between mutar and assur. It is very easy to say assur on everything and that makes life simpler than to actually understand why something is mutar. That is the difference of just stam a RAV and a Posek who is on a higher madreigah and has studied more to be ABLE to KNOW and actually pasken sheilos for these very reasons. It is not a matter of looking for a heter or doing whatever you can to have your coffee.
Obviously a Hechsher organization who says its mutar has way more knowledge on this issue than anyone stam speculating on why it should not be. They would have discussed among THEIR POSKIM the ins and outs of ALL the various situations and questions regarding the issues and halachas involved.
So are we arguing stam to argue? Are we trying to say that the we know more than the hechsher organizations who say it is mutar? Are we saying that the Hechsher organizations are not valid? What exactly is the point of the conversation at this juncture? Where are we going with this?
voucher ticket
Yes, bed is cama and dormi is bedroom. Do you really need to know where I learned Spanish? Read the thread from the top down.
table for two
I’m proud you’re a Jew too!
There are a lot of translator sites on the web as well.
I don’t know how to spell in spanish but…
bed – dormi
here – aqui
where – donde
time – hora
black – negra
white- blanca
red – rosa
It doesn’t only depend on the psak, it also depends on “ve azoi mehalt zach”. Even though a RAV says its OK but your father didn’t do it or held it was not ok, you can still sit on the fence on certain things and choose to be machmir. Things are not always black and white and for many people there are lots of various shades of gray in the middle. There are many times when my kids came home and said “My Rebbe said” or even when they were older and married and said “I asked my Rav and he said…” but I would say that Zaidy didn’t hold from that, or neither Zaidy did it that way. So if my son chose to follow his Rav that was up to him. In many cases he did, in many cases he thought it over and continued in the way his grandparents and parents did it.
time machin
time to go
time clock
eclipse, that is because people don’t have the tendency to see themselves in the “wrong” and always believe they are “right”. Many people’s need to be right even supersedes their need to be happy. Those are the people that will argue with you to the nth degree and will never ever see another person’s perspective or point of view. They do not normally accept responsibility for their actions nor are they accountable for their actions. Therefore when they speak, make nasty comments, spread loshon horah, they don’t even realize they are doing it because they don’t put themselves in that category nor do they consider what they are doing as “wrong” or speaking loshan horah. They will excuse it 360 degrees until your head is spinning from the excuses and will never back down and just apologize for the comments.
Others who choose to improve themselves when confronted will be shocked at their lapse, apologize and take note to be careful in the future.
Dinero – money;
cosina – kitchen;
banyo- bath;
leche – dairy;
carne- meat;
limpia – clean;
lave- wash;
luz- light;
planche- iron;
towala- towel;
papier- paper;
madre-mother;
bambino – baby;
linen – ropa
tablecloth – mapa
Sunday – domingo
Monday – Lunas
Saturday – Sabato
Weak at the knees
OK, lets get serious here for a moment. Wedding photos are a BIG DEAL because they last forever. On the other hand, if the best choice for halls is out of commission for a while, and by taking the wedding out of town most people are not able to attend anyway, can’t the “community” come to a consensus to be understanding if not everyone is invited to most weddings until the hall of choice is back in working order? Can’t the Shul Rabbonim discuss this with kehilah to be dan l’kaf zchus and be moichel each other if you didn’t make the cut, so that families don’t have to be metarech to shlep their simchas out to NY to be able to afford the “standard” wedding and then be matriach the olam to choose whether or not they are important enough to have to spend extra bucks on airfare and accommodations to attend and be part of the simcha? Better to be moichel the baalei simcha as a community and understand that they have to keep the simcha small and cut out many people they would normally invite if the Concord were in play.
Go through your lists and invite as many of the family that you actually have to and only the friends that are your absolute closest, that is those that would do whatever they could to make it to NY if you would take it there. And then invite only those guests to the wedding and a few extra to the shmorg, or do what we do in NY and invite extra to simchas choson v’kalah which is after dinner and the caterer moves away all the dinner tables, puts out a table of nosh and drinks and basically clears room for dancing.
If there is a will there is a way, and in tough times you make tough decisions. You do what you need to do, and overspending is not something you NEED to do. Taking the wedding out of town where the people you love and really want to share the experience with won’t be able to come is not something you NEED to do either.
My mom a”h always said “de klener de olam de greser de simcha”, the smaller the crowd the greater the simcha. When you have to cut, you just have to cut.
WIY, your point was also made and no on is arguing that either. It isn’t one OR the other both are equally important and both are good points, Both are important mitzvos. Both are important to remember. Sometimes one is on the giving end and sometimes one is on the receiving end. Sometimes the same person can be on either end. So each person should remember BOTH mitzvos. No one is trying to take credit away from you for making your point so relax and feel good that you gave a good vort and others have contributed to it.
There is a book you can buy on Amazon called “Maid in Spanish” very easy to use for housekeeping spanish translations.
mix it up
mxed seating
mix master
There are many pros and cons depending on what you use your phone for. So it all depends on what you need your phone for. If you don’t need it for internet, texting or fun apps then you are wasting your money and energy learning a new system that is super fast and can do practically anything you want it to by purchasing the android platform. It is very similar to the iphone but you are much more limited with the iphone because, I believe that you can only get AT&T service for the IPHONE. I know nothing about Windows 7 phone. So I can’t help you with that.
deiyezooger, thanks I do appreciate that!
frumladygit, that all might have been true at that time and place, but a lot of the stores today use only disposable products and if they sell only prepackaged they wouldn’t even have a dishwasher so that might not be an inyan for the stores thats is probably why Kosher organizations don’t have a problem with buying coffee there.
Usually the class mother collects money for the teachers and Rebbeim both at Chanuka and Purim. This is for a class/group gift. This eases the burden for those who can’t afford and the teacher/Rebbe gets a lump sum from everyone. Not everyone gives what is asked and some give more. Some give besides the group effort. Everyone tends to do what is comfortable for their own situation and what is nogeah between their child and his mechanchim. If one has a child who needs extra attention and that is noticed and responded to, then a parent might respond in a more generous manner to show appreciation at appropriate times. If a parent feels that no attention was paid to their child or a mechanech wasn’t especially caring toward their child their dissatisfaction might come out at this time as well. And if people are financially well off they may generously show their appreciation at times like Chanuka, Purim and Pesach knowing that the mechanchim are also on a strict budget necessitated by their salaries yet have the same expenses like everyone else.
So basically I would say to each their own.
deiyezooger, people read into things in order to get tzihitzt and make nasty comments. They choose to believe what they want to believe rather than actually take a minute to understand the truth and read and reread the post to understand the intent and the actual meaning. Better to dan l’kaf zchus than to assume the worst. No one ever said that people shouldn’t discuss halacha.
yourself included
SR, prove it. Show me where I told ANYONE to “shut up”! I said they can’t pasken for anyone else and that everyone should ask their own RAV, which others have said as well. So prove that I said otherwise.
What happens to the parents when they marry off the next child and the next and the resources start to run low. Which child should they cut off from kollel? The ones who they had supported for years or the newlyweds who are at the bottom of the pole?
I’m more interested in “Sam’s” source that proves I am not interested in Halacha.
Actually, Starabucks is a coffee brand! And Dunkin Donuts started out as a Donut Shop but is better known now for its coffee than for its donuts, so both might be considered on the same madreigah. The fact that they also serve other products besides coffee does not take away the “ikar” that they are coffee houses.
Most fruit stores also sell nosh and some refrigerated products but we don’t rename them grocery stores, they are still fruit stores because their “ikar” is still fruit.
Just like you talk about “marus Ayin” on the other thread, when yeshivas collect money for their kollel and people who don’t go on vacations themselves or their kids don’t go on vacations and work hard but give tzedaka to kollels, see kollel yungerleit going on vacations it makes them wonder whether they should donate that money to the kollels or they should maybe use that money for vacation themselves or send their own kids who work very hard. Even if their own parents pay for their vacation, it still makes people think that maybe THEY should send their OWN children on vacation because THEY are just as deserving rather than send their hard earned money to support kollel.
Now before you start knocking me for what I just said, I am just pointing out why some people have a hard time with it, that’s all. Because it is the same marus ayin, no one wears a sign that says my parents paid for our vacation and it didn’t come out of kollel money. And no, people don’t assume that and why should they. If the parents can afford to support them, why should the kollel? This is usually the argument. Then others might say “how serious are they about their learning if they make time for vacations”? Personally I think it is very important for young couples to take time for themselves as a couple, but that is my own personal opinion, whether they go away on vacation or stay home and just do day trips or whatever because it is important for Shalom Bayis to bond as a couple.
Maybe because everyone knows that coffee is coffee and that even though they sell other products the main purpose of the store is selling “coffee”. So one should dan l’kaf zchus and assume that anyone that stops in is buying just that “coffee” or a similar kosher beverage. AND in this day and age if you see a YID coming out of McDonalds it is also normal to assume that he stopped to use the “clean” bathroom and buy a soda and not that he stopped to eat treif.
It is very interesting how no one will stop you at a McDonald’s, 7 eleven, or Dunkin Donuts from using the bathroom but in many other stores including kosher stores they will tell you that the bathrooms are for “patrons only”. We can all understand that, but when you are on the road or in a dire emergency you really don’t want to hear that you just really need patience and understanding.
So by the same token, we must teach ourselves and others to Dan L’kaf Zchus and assume that if you see a Yid come out of one of these establishments or one similar s/he needed to use the facilities or stopped to buy a coffee or soda.
It might be very helpful not only to have a real sit down with your pediatrician but to get the name of a good nutritionist from him/her as well. A nutritionist can advise you not only of a variety of different milk substitutes for the growing stages of your child but also the different food groups that would be appropriate for her, and the various fruits and vegetables, etc. that would help her get the proper nutrition.
The nutritionist can help make a meal plan with you as well as advise you on recipes and where to find them.
Times up
over the top
work ethic
I have received this in an email from many friends of mine who know my work with at-risk kids. B”H it is a beautiful story and it holds a lot of truths for many, many people in it. Hashem is in charge and a mother’s tears are not in vain. In addition, we cannot forget the pintele yid in anyone. A Jew, is a Jew, is a Jew. And when we show each other the zeeskeit and emeskeit of yiddishkeit it just ignites the spark in the hearts of a Jew no matter how lost they seem to be. You just never know how far reaching your Good morning, gut shabbos or zei gebentched can go. You just never know when the varemkeit of the emesdik ehrlich and eidel yid draws the pintele yid back in. That is why the likes of Reb Moshe Feinstein z”tl, Rav Avraham Pam z”tl and their peers were so respected and revered. They were the epitome of such Yiddin that could envelope you with emesdik yiddishe tam.
No one is talking in stereotypes so lets not get heated again here, let’s just talk about a general halachic question. So where are all the Rabbis and why aren’t they chiming in on this one? In these hard economic times it is a very good question. When times are good we collect things when times are bad should we sell “everything” before accepting tzedaka? What is the obligation on the part of the person in need?
I was in a difficult position when I was collecting money for one particular child that I had sent to rehab. I made the suggestion to the mother on ways that she herself could raise money for her child while I was busy making phone calls and sending out letters. She was very good at a particular activity and I suggested that other women would love to do what she did, and that she could charge for her services and start a group. Then she could send this money to the rehab place. She looked at me like I was nuts and said “You expect ME to pay for this?”. I almost lost it. Here I was losing sleep over her child, worrying that they were going to throw the kid out of rehab if we didn’t come up with the funds and she wasn’t willing to do her part, she not only wanted me to do all the work, but she really expected others to foot the bill.
So yes, I would really be interested in hearing the answer to this question.
So how is that for a bag of tools?
Turn to Hashem, reach for your emunah and bitachon and evaluate what type of control you have on the situation and what you can do with it. That is a pretty heavy arsenal to combat stress with, don’t you think?
SJS, that has to do with bad choices and not “who they are” and it falls into the category that Wolf was discussing which is guidance and I would add to that “coaching”.
WIY, chesed l’shma and hakaros hatov are equally as important and I didn’t say otherwise. If one chooses to read it or understand it differently then there is nothing I can do about it. I was simply pointing out that WE as yiddin have that obligation from the Torah, which is the other side of Chessed. Those that do Chessed, which is most probably ALL of us, do not do it for the thanks. Those who receive a chesed are obligated by the Torah to show appreciation. That’s it, don’t read more into what I said than that.
behavior modification
Not that I approve of Starbucks because I don’t they are anti Israel, but that would apply to any Dunkin Donuts as well.
SJS, good point but I would take out the sometimes and say “RESPECT” children for who they are and you will be surprised to find them turn out to be who you want them to be. Either because of the respect you show them or because YOU yourself realize that what YOU want does not always coincide with Hashem’s plan so your concept of who you want them to be evolves as well.
SJS, I get that so GAW, what is the Halacha in such a case?
Nice vort, but whether WE pretend to care or not appreciation is always appreciated. Furthermore, it is OUR obligation under the Torah to show appreciation and Hakaros Hatov, therefore being thanked and feeling appreciated is always expected among Jews.
But then that goes back to the original OP, if that were the case and we had that heirloom piece is it OK to accept tzedaka (not meaning you c”v) if one possessed something of true value? Or would it be necessary for that item to be used as collateral for the monies received?
Helpful, prove it, right now. Show me where and whom. Prove it or back down!
Helpful, once again you ASSUME too much that which you don’t know. AND once again you have overstepped your bounds, which you seem to have a hard time maintaining. What the moderators choose to edit is up to them and THEY can explain it to you if THEY so wish. Unfortunately they allow YOUR nasty comments to poke through for which there is no rhyme or reason. It is just plain nastiness and rishus on your part.
Helpful, thank you so much for the backhanded compliment. I’m surprised the moderators let that one through. OH well, I guess you just can’t stop yourself, that would require some self control and maturity.
tanta bubby, in all fairness that happens to the children of two income families as well. But I do agree with you that we have moved away from the Mother being the center of the home, and that being the most important job for a frum woman. Not one school promotes that for girls today and that’s a big shame. Chinuch bonim and raising your own children is irreplaceable.
metrodriver, I disagree, when someone is properly parked they should count on being able to move their car at any time! Anyone who needs to double park needs to do so in a way that the cars they park next to can get out and there is no excuse for doing otherwise. If you can’t do so keep looking on another block. In the event that you have to double park a car during work hours or you are blocking a car of someone you know, in that case I would call them or then put a note in the window Identifying who you are and where you can be reached.