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I can’t play, every time I try to clear the misconceptions the moderators don’t post my comments.
mw13, yeah, if it were true, but it isn’t! For one reason, if I attacked Rabbonim, the moderators would never have posted it! So again I say prove it!
As far as my own take on the situation, the Judge has the absolute right to investigate the situation and any call she places to bring clarity to the case is appropriate. When she places the call she introduces herself and explains the situation. She asks questions and asks for honest answers to assist in coming to a fair and just decision. There is no reason for the person she calls to lie. What did she ask, how could one identify one of Georgie’s wigs? That was quite an intuitive question. We all know that each sheitel manufacturer labels their wigs and a well known one such as Georgie would not allow a wig out of her salon without a label. All the wigs she sells have labels because she wouldn’t sell a no-name wig. When the judge realized that the couple were trying to pass off the receipt which was really for the wig she was wearing for the wig that was ruined all the credibility of the couple was destroyed. She was disgusted by them and that is what made it a chilul Hashem. What they could have done and should have done was just shown that receipt for the wig she was wearing as an example of how much these wigs actually cost. But she didn’t make any sense from the start. She said she only had two, the one she was wearing and a fall. But then the ruined one would make three. So even that didn’t make sense.
There was fault on both sides. Obviously the Laundromat should never have washed the wig. However, if the couple really wanted to be compensated for their loss they should have told the truth and not try to fault the laundromat above and beyond what they were responsible for. That is just plain greed and in this case wanting their 15 minutes of fame.
Why did they ask that their last name not be announced? Did they know that the truth would come out? Were they afraid of that from the start? Why were they not afraid that someone would recognize them? Why did she say that Georgie was out of the country? Georgie has a whole staff, the Judge would not have to talk to Georgie herself! And more than anything else, why didn’t they bring any estimates for replacing the wig or statements that the wig was beyond repair? Didn’t he ever learn gemarah? Does he not know how to be prepared for court?
In addition, to put these people down even further and say they don’t speak English when clearly they speak English quite legibly also made them look quite foolish, so much so that he said he had people in his office call to speak to them in Spanish. Very, very foolish.
I am not going to try to speculate why this couple did this or what their issue really was with the people they dragged into court. I am not going to try to analyze why people do what they do. But why do so many of you try to twist it and say the Judge is an actress, and how can a 20 minute show…blah..blah…blah. This couple was wrong!!! There is no ifs ands or buts about it. And if the laundromat was owned by Yiddin, you would never say these things. It is only because they tried to cheat goyim that you say that. I don’t believe that any RAV would deny that the Judge was absolutely correct in her ruling.
Helpful, you asked for me, here I am. You won’t give up will you. You are going to go one on one with me till one of us leaves this forum. So I am not even going to read all the posts I am only going to address you.
The court case can go on for hours YOU have no clue how long any case can take, the final editing and cuts shorten the case to the allotted time frame. The case itself is not squeezed into a time frame. Every case is given the appropriate time and attention. The Judge is NOT an actress, she is a qualified and honorable judge with all the degrees and appointments that any other judge has. She follows all the laws within the State and City jurisdiction. She makes her decisions based on the LAW and not a script. The only judgement I have an issue with right now is YOURS and maybe YOU should be taking a lesson from the judge who actually follows the law. As for you, you just go by your own opinion.
I would suggest that you start a swim club and find someone that has an indoor pool or look to rent one. Look to start a few in different communities so you can have swim meets.
Start a debating club in different neighborhoods or from different camps so you can hone your skills and then meet up for some real fun! Get the counselors involved as the judges.
Start a book club where you can read books and get together Motzei Shabbos to discuss them and make recommendation lists for your schools, book stores and/or libraries either by age or by topic.
Start an exercise, dance or talent group. Whether it is art, music, singing, drawing, sewing, knitting, creative writing, computers etc. You can ask one of the parents or different parents to teach the group and you can help each other get better and one thing or another.
I think it is cute, upbeat and fun. There is nothing wrong with it. And for those who say it is a goyish tune. Think about MBD who’s song Yiddin everyone still sings and hums. That was a German march! So everyone from Country Yossi to MBD, has taken Goyish tunes and turned them into Yiddish hits!
It is a group of Yeshiva boys singing a Chanuka song. They are all dressed like OREOS, with their white shirts and black pants, there are no girls in the video, there is nothing non-kosher in the video, and it is even accapela so there is no musical instruments involved. Anyone can listen to it at any time. It is an informative song about Chanuka and it is fun to watch and fun to listen to. I don’t see any downside to it.
It is probably a good beat to walk to and exercise to. If you like this kind of music, go for it.
Eclipse, thank you I appreciate that. To Helpful, I say prove it or stop it I am tired of hearing this Loshon Horah. And to the moderators I say stop allowing these disgusting attacks to be posted. Please delete!
Eclipse, The remark that “myfriend” wrote should never have gotten through the mods and been posted. It was rude and unwarranted and that’s what I mean by talking to the walls. Why do the mods allow it? Why do they edit some and not others? Why do they delete some and not others and why do they NOT post some and do post others? Why are posters allowed to be rude and not stopped from doing so?
Charlie, you obviously were never on the unemployment rolls. Not only do people not seek work, you don’t even have to go down and get on line every week, you just have to phone in! They can’t handle the crowds.
Eclipse, you have such true insight and clarity.
Why bother, I feel like I’m talking to the wall.
It is twizzlers and I believe it is made by the Hershey company. You can usually get it in CVS.
Obama should get his head out of the Arab nations you know what and start concentrating on his own country!!! That’s for starters! Then he should realize that you have to back up the money you print and spend. YOU CAN’T KEEP SPENDING MONEY YOU DON’T HAVE!!! Even a kid knows that. Who gave him the keys to the bank! No you can’t keep extending unemployment! Who is going to pay for it? And yes, people can’t afford to go back to work if they are collecting a paycheck from Uncle Sam oops Uncle Barack. Just like the welfare mess. People on welfare even though many would like to feel good about themselves and be a better role model for their families just can’t afford to get off of welfare because there is no middle road in the system that allows anyone to ease back into reality. You either sponge off the taxpayers and government or you try to go back to work and realize you can’t make as much as you do sponging off the government. Can’t there be a sliding scale so people can go back to work and get some assistance until they are making enough to stand on their own? At least they will be taking less and less as they start making more and more! Every able bodied citizen on welfare should be allowed to work and get assistance from the government to provide for their families. As they do better they should get less assistance till they are completely weaned off.
The way it works now everyone who gets on the program is forced to stay on for life! And as long as Obama keeps extending unemployment people are willing to sit back and collect it without attempting to go back into the workforce. And who gets to pay for it in the end? Those who are working as the taxes go up and up when they try to bring down the deficit. So how is that fair?
mw13, it is also more common for men, yes even frum men, to make advances on women than the opposite, not that the opposite doesn’t happen, but it is more common for men.
That is another thing that Roshei Yeshivas did not consider when they sent our Bnos Yisroel out into the REAL world to make parnasha for their kolel yungerman! Seriously, maybe women who choose to go out to work because they want a career are also a little more savvy about what to expect in the real world and how to handle themselves. They are also aware of Equal Opportunity laws, and laws pertaining to sexual harrassment on the job. But are Kolel wives as informed? Are they trained in these issues? Do they know how to protect themselves and what to do even if they work in a frum environment and are challenged by these issues? YES these things do happen in frum environments and frum men do have problems with “loose hands” so to speak, and loose tongues as well.
Women who are not prepared to “fend” for themselves are ashamed to come home and tell their husbands because they are afraid of losing the parnasa their husbands are counting on, so they feel they are stuck between a rock and a hard place and don’t know where to turn. They don’t want to “masser” on their employer and they don’t want to dissappoint their husbands.
It is truely remarkable how his bitterness is really against how his father was treated moreso than how he was treated. He is an amazing individual accepting his burden until the time that Hashem sets him free. He does not count on the Justice system to do so. In his heart he awaits Hashem’s miracle to set him free until then he accepts what Hashem’s nisayon is for him.
He does not complain that these miserable Government agents and others took his money from him, ruined his reputation and so on. he does not go on and on about the wrong that was done him. He doesn’t plot against others to save himself as other Jews have done. He quietly and patiently accepts what is happening as if Hashem himself has decreed his fate and awaits for Hashem to decree his next order.
Personally I am in awe of this man and his family. I could never emulate his courage and his faith. I only wish that I could reach such a madreigah. There is a lot to learn from them. And unfortunately a lot to learn from this entire incident. The way the goyim behaved and unfortunately the way many of us yiddin behaved as well. If only…….if only we could all go back and start over. Maybe we could have done things differently and the end result would have been different as well.
That is an excellent question, and it has to do with who they are and their connection to Hashem. It also has to do with the people around them and whether they treat them as equals or they are condensending. Being single is a difficult nisayon but it doesn’t take away from an individual’s personality, intelligence, humor, ability to love, be a good friend, etc.
Friends, neighbors and family should include singles just as one would include others. It is up to the individual to accept or declne an invitation. Just because a person happens to be single that doesn’t mean that their life stops to exist. When they are still part and parcel of everyone’s everyday life they are less likely to lose their moral code. IMHO, it is when they are left alone and feel rejected in all areas of their lives that they feel alone and outcast that they feel that Hashem has abandoned them and that is when they let their guards down and give up or give in. That is also when they choose to move to a community of singles and that is the worst scenario possible. When that happens they become friends but forget to consider each other as possible prospects. The friend concept takes them out of the running for possible spouses for some reason although an outsider will point out that they can easily become mates. Amongst the single crowd they can only see each other as “friends”.
So where is all the change he promised this country???? His whole platform was about change. His whole platform was about getting out of Afghanistan and Iraq! His whole platform was how Bush was wrong for being in those wars and sending OUR poor American boys into war and how he was going to bring them home. HE had no experience and HE had no business being in the White House and those foolish Americans who voted him in because they wanted to see a change and they wanted to make history by voting a Black Man into the White house have a lot of accounting to do right now. What have they gotten this country into? We have been floundering for two years without a leader and with an idiotic proposal on healthcare that only confuses the public and only chases our good doctors out of the country or to close down their practices because they can no longer afford to stay open!
So for all the vacations this president has taken, for all the poor judgment he has shown in pandering to the Arab states, for all the billiions of dollars he has wasted on his trips while our economy fails, he is going to leave this country a lot worse off than when he made all his false promises.
Where did you find it?
Your post is very confusing and it does not reflect well on your own sense of confidence. You say you regret saying “NO” to better prospects and saying “yes” to this shidduch. Why did this prospect seem better at the time, and why did you turn those down at the time? Is it really this young man that you don’t like or are you suddenly in a panic about losing your daughter?
Is this your first child getting married? Is this your first experience with shidduchim? It sounds like it or at least your first experience with a daughter. Sosme of the posters assume you are the mother and some assume your are the father. I am not going to make an assumption other than you are getting cold feet and you really need to take a step back and take a deep breath. Is your daughter happy? That should be your main concern. This really isn’t about making you happy it is all about your daughter and her right to be happy and fullfilled. If she is happy you should be too. You should not feel a need or a right to control her or even the wedding plans, you had your chance when it was you who was getting married. Now it is your daughter’s turn to plan her own wedding along with her chosson. I am quite sure she has dreamt about this day for a long time. You probably have as well, but they are the King and Queen and what they want are the priority right now as long as it is within reason and within the budget both sets of parents set.
So unless there is something wrong with this chosson that will pose a physical or emotional threat to your daughter, you should really take a step back and take a good hard look at what is going on with you and why you feel this way. You might even need a Rav or a therapist to talk to in order to work out your feelings and have someone to vent to so you don’t cause any damage to your relationship with your daughter and future son-in-law. This is a very emotional time for all of you and there are going to be lots of different feelings and emotions that are going to come to the surface. There will be happy feelings as well as sadness. There will be nervousness, and doubts as well as eagerness and excitement. Weddings bring about all kinds of emotions as well as anxiety and some craziness. So find someone that will help you through this sea of emotions so that you can participate and enjoy your daughter’s happiness.
Tasteful clothing is always in style and so are zippers these days. So why can’t you design clever clothing with zippers and other closures that can be worn open or closed that way the consumer and not you are making the choice.
I would also say that just being there and letting the parents talk of the child is most important and if they show you pictures speak of how extraordinary the child seems. Follow their lead and you can’t go wrong. You can also ask if there is something the parents would like you to do in honor of the child.
I had a dilemma. I got email from Costco and saw all the really well priced holiday packages and I wanted to gift the front desk in my Miami condo. Buying treif goods was so inexpensive but I just couldn’t bring myself to purchasing treifus. I really had a fight with my yetzer hara. I finally decided to spend more and give a frum store the business. I went it to a local chocolate store on Collins Avenue and spent more money but I feel much better about it. I made sure to deliver it on MY HOLIDAY and wrote out the card to read Happy Chanuka!!!! Even though they are all goyim.
When I was very young and newly married, my husband’s friend who married after we did but had a baby before we did, lost that baby right after his pidyon haben so that had to sit shiva for that child. It was heart wrenching. I didn’t really know this woman. I had gone to the bris and so I had met her twice. Once by another bochur’s wedding and once by her son’s bris. Now because he mom lived in Baltimore and her m-i-l had a house full of her own children to take care of, my new husband asked me to go over there and stay with them during their shiva so they shouldn’t be alone.
It was heart wrenching. This young woman kept saying, my son was a tzadekel and the world was just not ready to receive him so Hashem took him back. There must be some mekor that says that because that is what she clung. And I believed it because there is no other reason for a pure innocent baby to die. So it is either for that reason or to be a kaporah for OUR sins. So if you can tell the parents that their child was a tzadik born before its time because this world is not pure enough and good enough to receive him/her that might give the parents some chizuk.
Why not design stylish clothing that are not pritzus? For instance it can be fitted but not necessarily cut out? It can have 3/4 sleeves or up to the elbow. The skirt length can be to the knee or just below.
Why can’t you design classy clothes that everyone can wear and not necessarily clothes that are really pritzus where too much skin is showing? Keep it tasteful like Jackie O but more current. What is wrong with that?
eclipse, as I get older my laptops have gotten larger. At this point I am up to 17″ and if it gets bigger I’m going for it!!!! My husband wanted a smaller one, so when he is on his “notebook” I laugh because I am ready to call it a “nosebook” his nose is right up to the screen!
metrodriver, Thank you, I appreciate that AND I appreciate the correction. However, I don’t appreciate being put down. I have taken many unwarranted hits here lately and so it is not funny to me it is quite hurtful. I apologize to you as well. I didn’t mean to come down on you like a ton of bricks, I am just asking that everyone realize that we should maintain a certain level of decorum and understand the age differences as well as the gender differences. And when it is appropriate to poke fun and when to pull back.
dunno, exactly what havesomeseichel said. He has a character flaw because he is not committed to the person he is with. What if something better comes along when he is with choice #1. Is choice #1 the end all be all of women? What if while he is dating #1, someone presents him with someone more beautiful, more wealthy, much smarter, etc. Will he stay committed to choice #1 or will he want to check out the great shidduch that was presented to him. After all if the shadchan guarantees him that this new prospects is going to knock his socks off…….
And what happens even when he is married and choice #1 has flaws? What then, if he is working and meets someone on the job? Or the couple gets to know another couple and that wife is on a higher madreigah than his current “wife” who was once his dream girl? What then? Now he is older, wiser and more informed. He can’t stay loyal to the person he is with, so what if he falls for a new #1?
That is his character flaw. He is not committed to the person he is with, and choice #1 has no guarantee that he will be committed to her up through the chupah nor afterward through marriage.
MOD 80, well then if every case is different, that is your answer in a nutshell. What is the discussion about? Every case is different and each case has to be looked at and decided on its own merits. Neither a doctor nor a Rav can make a blanket judgment. Everything depends on which organs are involved and what the chances are for each twin.
When there are no other partners involved, spouses can sometimes work together as well as parents and children. When there are other partners involved it is a disaster waiting to happen! Turn and run as fast as you can.
If you get involved with family know this, you will be blamed for every misstep because they expect more from you. You will never get the credit you deserve because it is expected of you. If you are looking for a raise you should know that they can’t afford it because after all, you are family. If they need anyone to pitch in or do more, get ready to role up your sleeves because they can’t really ask anyone else, they are NOT family. Are you beginning to see how it goes?
They might need you, but they really don’t want you there.
The gedolim of the past generation who we miss so very much, and who were our best teachers taught that above all else!! Be a mentch and that is what they role modeled for everyone. In all your dealings, in all your relationships be a mentch! What is so hard about that? If you are conscientious about being a mentch at all times then you will also be conscientious about yiras shamayim and vice a versa. In every mitzvah we learn in the Torah ben adom l’chaveiroh and even in Kashrus such as why we don’t eat meat and milk together, sheluach hakan, etc. It all teaches us compassion and how to be a mentch. Why can’t we just apply what the Torah teaches us to our daily lives and learn to be a mentch?
Yes I do!!!! Give yourself the day off to enjoy the party with everyone else and order in!!
It is so easy these days to “gift” someone. If you can’t think of a gift buy a gift card, you can even get a gift card in a CVS drug store and that can be used for anything from perfume to electronics to everyday items. So if you can’t think of anything or are time limited, buy a card and put a gift card in it. If you put some extra thought into it you can probably buy gift cards at your local Judaic Store and then everyone can buy what they want.
OK, slow down everyone it works both ways and courtesy and etiquette is required on both sides. And it doesn’t only apply to Yeshivas it applies to any and all situations. Firstly callers can be upset and frustrated when calling about and urgent situation so please try to remain calm and understand that
1. You are not the only one calling in with an urgent matter and the person answering the phone is not responsible for your issue.
2. You are not their only client and the person answering the phone might not know who you are.
3. Just because YOU think and feel that your issue deserves immediate attention, the person you wish to speak to might not feel the same way and the person answering the phone does not have control of that situation. The more courteous you are the more that person will be willing to move you along the chain.
4. When answering a call, you have no idea who is on the other end. That client may be extremely important to the organization.
5. That client’s situation may be urgent or costly.
6. It might even be your boss calling in.
So whether your making the call or answering the call, it is of the utmost importance to be as courteous as possible. State your name clearly. Ask who you are speaking to and write down that information!! If the person you are requesting to speak to is not available ask if they have voice mail. Leave a message with the person that answered the phone and then asked to be transferred to voicemail.
When you call back ask for the same person you spoke to earlier. Remind them that you called earlier and what time it was. Aske if the person you tried to reach picked up their messages. If not ask if there is someone else that could help you. If you wish to wait for the original person that is your choice. You can ask to be transferred to voicemail again. And again please remember that the person who answers the phone has absolutely no control over whether the person you wish to speak to will return your call or not. It is also your choice to ask for an appointment to meet in person.
Isn’t it hysterical? Yad Hashem is everywhere.
What is the situation with Siamese twins, do they each have their own organs or do they share organs?
So I am going to try again because I responded twice already and it was posted. According to what cofeefan said, it has no other purpose but speaking loshon horah and venting. This does the child no good at all and will only harm the child because the other teacher number one might repeat it to someone else and number two, will not form his or her own opinion on that child when the child gets into that teacher’s class. This is how a kid develops a reputation. If a mechanech needs to vent out of frustration s/he can do so without naming names!
OK, here goes my two cents!!!
I heard many horror stories of people who were deathly ill from the Atkins diet. Furthermore, just because you are losing weight on any diet does not mean you are losing “fat” you could be losing water and “muscle” which is not a good weight to be losing. The point of losing weight is to be losing “fat” pounds and not “muscle”. You should be building muscle because muscle helps burn calories and helps your metabolism. So all these fad diets just fool your body and that is why when you go off them you gain the weight back. Many of my friends tried the Atkins diet and it worked for a while when they were on it but they gained back all the weight they lost plus more!!!
The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to do it with the guidance of your doctor and a real nutritionist who helps you understand what you are eating, why you are eating it and how to make a lifestyle change to healthy eating. Know what your body needs and how to fuel it to the maximum benefit. Your nutritionist will also teach you how to read labels and what they mean.
About the original topic cholesterol, sometimes it has nothing to do with your food. It could be a genetic disposition and it could also elevate because of stress. My doctor put me on a medication called Lovaza which is a prescription fish oil product in addition to the lipitor and that helped bring my cholesterol down. In my case it is genetic and has nothing to do with my diet, however it has a lot to do with my stress levels. Doctors are very careful with the standard cholesterol meds because they can have an adverse effect on your liver. So anyone on cholesterol medication must be monitored by a doctor.
PY, the clerk only represents the big chain and has to follow the rules. Maybe the right thing to do would have been to take the item home and then write a letter to the regional office or the Public Relations department to see how it could be resolved. Just like your son is just a child on the bottom of the chain so is the employees in a local store. When there really is an issue you have to take the problem to the top where rules can be broken and such decisions can be made. The people at the bottom of the totem pole are obligated to follow the rules. The decision would have cost the store money and therefore they would be responsible for the loss so they are not willing or able to make that call.
Aishes, still illogical BECAUSE he has no gurantees with choice #1 but he knows that choice #2 is going well. And as far as any shadchan is concerned, since who ever that is knows that he is dating since he had been ready when choice #1 wasn’t the first question that shadchan should have asked was “are you currently busy, or in middle of a shidduch?” If he answered “no” then the news about choice #1 should have been relayed however if the response was yes, I am almost holding by proposing then the shadchan should have said “zai matzliach” and wait to see what happens”.
The fact that the shadchan relayed the availability of choice #1 caused tremendous trouble and issues for all three families. Choice #1 is innocent and not liable in anyway nor is her family however when the truth comes out that this young man backed out of a shidduch to date her, they will feel awful and they will never trust him. They will be very wary of his character. As far as choice #1 she might be flattered at first but she too will see fault with his character.
How about Dan L’kaf zchus and stop judging other people.
The point is again to deal with every shidduch as if it is the only one. Whoever told this guy that his dream shidduch was available was very cruel playing with his emotions and breaking up his current shidduch. There is no guarantee that choice number one will work out for him and he could be throwing away his bashert. That person who is messing with his life, his future and possibly his success has a huge achrius on his/her hands. S/he is messing with three families here and that is a lot of achrius to take on.
BP Totty, Nope she is really gorgeous, either she got more beautiful as she aged or I was really blind.
I wonder how would could find the statistics on who gets into more accidents men or women? The last few posted here and on VIN were men!
so right, now your really crazy! Women have been driving since the fifties and they have been doing a great job. I don’t know about you but all my friends and neighbors drive as well as my relatives. All the women in my neighborhood do the most of the carpooling and no one would get to school without them. So if I don’t what you are talking about. Once again you are just trying to start up with me and once again you are so wrong.
Aishes Chayil, I think you should know that many couples are lukewarm until they actually get engaged and once they make the commitment that is when things get really heated up. That is because of nerves and fear of commitment. Once you make the commitment and the excitement moves to the next level everything moves to the next level.
RB, I have no problem driving on highways, i have been doing it for many, many years. I am speaking about new drivers. However, I must say that there are still women my age who are still afraid to drive on the highway and I fault their husbands for it. They should take them out or insist that they go with a driving instructor to get over their fear. It is usually husbands who panic when their wives try to drive on the highway and yell at them that they are going too fast or too slow, to close to the right, too close to the left, didn’t you see that car coming into your lane, you almost hit that car and so on. It is the husbands that stop their wives from getting comfortable on the highway. Personally I try my hardest not to drive when my hubby is int he car.
WIY, I disagree with you totally. You see in a person what you choose to see in them. And the more you get to know someone the more you value them and therefore the more handsome or beautiful they become to you. Because beauty is not only on the surface and it is a smile, a twinkle in the eye a certain look that also makes a person attractive. So at first glance a person may not seem beautiful but the more you study them and get to know them, your first impressions change, and as you said as they build confidence in themselves and learn how to put on makeup the right way, or change their hairstyle, glasses or the way they dress or carry themselves, that will make a huge difference too.
When my son introduced me to my future daughter-in-law, i didn’t get it. I didn’t see what he saw. Now when she walks through the door she takes my breath away, she is so beautiful. Did she really change so much over the years or was it me?
Aishes Chayil, No I did not forget, I would hope that HE did his histadlus when he agreed to go out with Choice #2. I would hope that he understood when he agreed to go out with choice #2, that we don’t always get what we want not because we don’t deserve it but because it is not want we NEED or what we are supposed to have. Hashem is in charge and HE runs the world. If he is so shallow that he doesn’t get that, or that he doesn’t see the amazing qualities in choice # 2 then he certainly doesn’t deserve her and she is better off without him although she will be terribly hurt at first. He will only see the error of his ways when choice #1 proves to him that he is not her choice #1. You see AC, there is no guarantee that what he wants will work out for him.
Everyone seems perfect on paper until you meet them in person. And everyone seems perfect from afar till you meet them up close. And just because YOU are pining for someone that doesn’t mean they are pining for you. So when YOUR bubble is burst what are you left with? The same hurt feelings and emotions that you caused the other party. And what to do you think happens when you get that date with the perfect shidduch? Her laugh can be really annoying, her parents can be very interfering, she might be very demanding or her parents might be. Things might not fall into place like in the fantasy, etc. So what is the point in chasing after choice #1. It is not a given that it works out. What exactly is the histadlus you are referring to. The Histadlus I am referring to and other posters here are referring to is that you put 100% commitment into the shidduch you are involved in at the moment and you don’t allow “ifs” and “if only’s” to enter the picture!
Forget loyalty where is your bitachon???????
We forget that Hashem has a plan for us and it is not necessarily the plan that we had in mind! If things are going well with the shidduch you are in why risk it? What makes you so sure that if you dump it and go for the other one it will work out? You don’t have any guarantee that it will. It might be your dream date or dream shidduch but what makes you think you are the other person’s dream date or dream shidduch? For them you can be just another name on the list. But for the person you are currently dating you are the real deal.
People in shidduchim need to realize that when you are in middle of a shidduch you need to have blinders on. You can’t be looking at anyone else and you can’t be considering or thinking about anyone else. The rest of the world needs to become a blur. The only one you have to concentrate on is the other person in the shidduch. You need to decide if that person is going to be a good spouse and a good parent for your children. Is this person someone you can wake up every morning with? Does this person have the qualities you are looking for? Does this person share the same values with you? Are you attracted to this person? Can you live this person? Can you build a true home with him/her?
Forget about other prospects they are only a “possibility” the one you are with is a true probability and that is what counts. And please don’t forget if you hurt this person you are involved with that too has many consequences. Don’t propose to this girl if you don’t feel you can love her and make a true marriage with her. But don’t break off with her because you think there is something better out there for you. YOU are a fool if you do. You might be giving up the best thing in your life and throwing away your bashert that Hashem has sent you on a foolish whim that you fantasized about.
EDITED