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Funny, they are out working supporting their husbands, you knew that 🙂
I have said many times to the at-risk kids I have been privileged to work with “If a goy would hurt you like that would you say all goyim are bad and run away from them? Why do you judge all frum jews and yiddishkeit by those who give in to their yetzer horah and do bad things? Don’t keep score, Hashem will hold them accountable for every child they hurt and for every hurt they caused. Everything is written down and they will have to account for it after 120 when they meet their maker.”
I see a light bulb go off when I point this out. It gives them food for thought.
I think this is wonderful. Girls need a break, and this class is fun and enriching. Everything does not have to be brainiac or Limud Torah. Girls will be the mashgichim in their own kitchen and cooking and baking is all part of it.
I am sure this is NOT the only class they conduct but it is a good start. A school like this probably also teaches the girls something about nutrition (YAY!!!! Very important that most schools don’t touch), as well as sewing. Which in today’s economy would be a lifesaver for many families. Especially with the styles being sold and the alterations needed. Girls/women are creative. Knowing how to sew can be a great means to dress your kids inexpensively yet make them as cute and adorable as buying from the best store. I did take sewing in High School but my mom a”h was afraid I would break her machine so I didn’t really get in to it. I wish I did. I really wish I could sew today. My mom made linen for us either from fabric or from Flat sheets. Halevai I could do that today for myself and my kids. She made us beautiful clothes, if only I could sew for my grandkids.
As far as napkin folding is concerned Kudos on that as well. That is a lot of fun and we are all curious how its done, so good for them. Let the girls have fun while they also learn skills for later, along with limudei kodesh. They will work plenty hard once they get married.
To any parent that goes through this nisayon, the one most important thing to tell your children is this “I love you no matter what”. It is so very important to show them unconditional love.
Even though our yiddishkeit and our frumkeit is our whole life and it is who we are, we must show our children that THEY even come before that. “I love you no matter what”. They need to know that you love them and respect them for being your child. You don’t have to agree with them, you don’t have to respect their choices or even like them, but you have to separate them from what they are currently going through. If they feel that their family “hates them”, which they do quite often, it only pushes them further away. If they feel they are a disappointment to the family they feel there is no means of return.
Children are a gift from Hashem. They don’t come with warranties, guarantees, nor instructions. Hashem does not c”v tell you that if the child does not follow your way then you can return the gift or throw it away if you are not satisfied with it. That child is going through their own nisayon and you are going through yours. It is a huge challenge for both of you. What that child does and what happens with that child is between him and Hashem. How you treat that child, that gift from Hashem, how you love that child is between you and Hashem. That is your challenge.
When you realize that you should not care what others think. When you realize that you should not care what others say. When you realize that you should only care about what that child thinks about you and your relationship, then it will be easier for you to say “I love you no matter what.”
Bowwow, it seems that the caterer has a Rav of his own. You cannot stop someone from davening with a minyan, however you can stop someone from entering a Private room for “members of the program” exclusively.
How do you cheat?
adams, and the worst part is he is teaching this to his children.
Always, I hear you that you don’t want to accept what I have to say. That is fine. You don’t appreciate my advice, I hear that as well. I am not judging you or your situation, I am concerned and just pointing things out to make the point and encourage you to take action. I did not say you had SS, I said that it is beginning to sound like what victims of that disorder sound like when they defend their abusers and captors. That makes no sense, and victims of abuse taking blame for abuse makes no sense either, but it happens.
You needed support and I offered you my support, you don’t have to accept it. I am very happy for you that you are seeking help. Hatzlocha Rabba.
IMHO, In MY Humble Opinion.
Always, obviously you can see how concerned everyone here is about you. And how everyone here is basically of the same opinion. There is a reason for that. We all understand that no one is perfect and that you yourself have much room for improvement. But you are able to admit your faults and that will be very helpful when you start your therapy with the kids. It will allow for a platform of healing.
On the other hand, the fact that you are making excuses for him and looking for reasons why he is doing this, is another sign of abuse. You almost sound like a victim of Stockholm’s Syndrome. Do you realizes what your statement sounds like? “He never hit me just the children?” How skewered and backwards is that? It would be a much better and safer statement had you said “He never hit the children only me”. The children are so vulnerable and at least a spouse is an adult and can defend themselves to some degree. The children are helpless. He is smart in that he doesn’t hit you because YOU can show your bruises to a Rav or cops, or you can withhold from him what he wants the most. The children cannot.
Always, please please understand that the fact that you are willing to accept responsibility for your own part in this does not remove one ounce of responsibility for what your husband has been doing. You are responsible and accountable for your actions. HE is responsible and accountable for his actions. His actions are totally and unequivocally unacceptable. If you truly care about him, and if you want to make an attempt at “fixing”s the marriage and family, you have to consider truly opening up the windows and letting the fresh air in. That means removing him from the home, and making the home a peaceful place. If the Rav is the one that can help, tell the Rav to find a therapist for both of you, but in the mean time he has to move out so the kids are safe. Many couples go through a separation in order to cure the ills of their marriage. If both partners are serious about healing their marriage they will do whatever they possibly can to work on themselves and get back together.
It is very important that the children feel a sense of safety and security. They are NOT dispensable and they are not punching bags. You feel like you are all alone. You know what you felt like as a child with an abusive parent. Please don’t put your children through that as well. You didn’t bring them into this world to feel worthless. You don’t want your children to blame you or walk away from you because you allowed this to happen to them. They deserved to be healthy, happy and safe and so do you. The memories of your childhood are horrid. Why should the memories you are building raising your children be the same. Please think about what I am telling you and do what is necessary to make beautiful and happy memories with your children.
Bowwow, lets get this straight. YOU are planning to go somewhere on vacation that does NOT have a minyan. You are only planning to go there because there is a caterer who happens to be making a program there for the benefit of people like you who want to take their kids on vacation during school break. Obviously a caterer has a right to make a parnasah, so he works out all the details so that people like you can enjoy a nice vacation with their children and not have to worry about kosher food, minyan and “Shabbos Locks”. He does all the research and planning, having found this particular hotel with Shabbos locks, etc.
Now YOU want to go on his back, avoid his program so you don’t have to pay him and allow him to make his parnasah, cut him out of his own deal, try an get a room in the same hotel, and use HIS minyan. Hearing that the rooms will be available only to the people who register and pay for the program, since many people think like you and try to cheat the caterer of such programs, you are now thinking of calling the RAV Hamachshir because you feel he is NOT KOSHER enough if he blocks you from a minyan. You justify this by the fact that you are a chiyuv.
So here is MY take on it. Since you are a chiyuv and you need a minyan for Shabbos, YOU should find someplace to go with your family where there is a local minyan so you don’t have a problem. On the other hand, you can pay a little more, join a program at a place the kids will have a good time, your wife will not have to worry about food, and you will not have worry about a minyan. It would seem to me that YOU are going about this backwards.
apushatayid, no but he is booking exclusive rights to the room the minyan is being held in.
You can get ketchup or almost any substitute product for Pesach these days but not Heinz.
Always, everyone knows that the FATHER sets the tone of the house and it says so in the Torah. It is very well understood that a mother can get truly overwhelmed by all the children fighting and crying and pushing and pulling at her, but it is the father who walks in from work who has NOT been subjected to this all day, who walks in with the rachmonus and love for his children and family, as Hashem the father has rachomonus and love for HIS children and family.
Always, I hear you loud and clear, we all do. What YOU don’t hear is that you are spouting typical and standard words and phrases that any and all victims of abuse would and do say. Unfortunately, your mind has been trained to blame yourself and NOT the abuser. YOU are not at fault here, YOU and your children are the victims!!! YOU are NOT responsible for what is going on. That is HIS illness and HIS sickness which is NOT depression, it is control and abuse, having its affect on you. It is his words which have been seriously and convincingly planted in YOUR brain to believe and accept blame for everything that goes wrong. It is his brainwashing that YOU deserve what is happening because YOU brought in upon yourself. As a friend of mine says this is “STINKING THINKING” and it has not only locked you in a rotten marriage of abuse, it allowed you to keep bringing babies into it, and convinced you that no one cares enough about you to help you. HE IS LYING TO YOU!!! People DO care and Hashem will send you shelichim to help you out of this mess.
I myself have gotten involved in a case like yours, without the physical abuse but with sexual abuse, on the wife, emotional and verbal abuse on the kids, and we are just about heading into court next week if we don’t have an out of court settlement. I didn’t know this client. Somehow Hashem put us together. Hashem will send shelichim to you as well, just as he did to her. She also thought there was no out for her. She thought that death was her only answer. Hers not even his. So please, please don’t let his illness cause you all this “Stinkin thinkin”. Stop worrying about where you will go and what will happen to him. He is an adult and he has the option of getting help. Get him out of the house. That is the first step. Let HIM worry about where he is going to go if he is not going to seek help. BTW, if he violates the Order of Protection, you call the cops and have him arrested. This is a very good thing because then it is moved out of family court and into Criminal Court. A man faced with family court might NOT feel the need to comply and go get the therapy he needs. However, once the case is in criminal court, he is dealing with a whole different ball game and the reality of the situation hits him in the face.
I can’t predict whether or not he can be cured and life with him can be better. I can’t tell you if the marriage can survive or not. You both need to go into therapy and counseling to figure it all out and make the best decisions for yourself and your children. But I CAN point out to you that YOU and YOUR children do NOT deserve this HELL and it has nothing to do with anything YOU or your children are doing.
Bowwow, obviously the purpose of the Caterer is to book this program to make money. If people go to the hotel without booking through him and try to use his “accommodations” anyway, that would be infringing and imposing on him to cheat him out of his profit.
He would have a right to block you from the minyan since he has to pay for the rental of the room for each minyan, as well as the seforim, siddurim and sefer Torah. You are not talking about a local shul that is there whether this group and you come or not. The hotel does NOT give it to him for free. Every person in the program is paying for the use of the room for the minyanim within the fee for the program. Why do you think you have the right to infringe on their program and daven in their minyan for free?
So if this is your intention, the right thing to do is to call the caterer and ask him if that would be ok with him.
Always running, I understand that it is hard for you to take this step and you have convinced yourself or he has convinced you that there is no help for you out there. Whether there is or not, is the second step that you have to deal with. The first step is keeping your kids safe and that is how do you remove them from harm. The easiest way is to remove your husband from the home. Speak to Sholom Task Force or go directly to the cops or court. Whatever you choose to do, come here for the support you need and we will give it to you. No matter how much you believe you are alone you aren’t. WE are here for you to listen and to support. You also have your doctors so don’t discount them.
Always, you brought these children into this world, let me reword that, you BOTH brought these children into this world and you are BOTH responsible and obligated to keep them safe even if that means keeping them safe from yourselves or each other. Your needs or your spouse’s needs are NOT more important nor even as important as keeping your children safe and healthy. THEY come first. Absolutely and without a doubt their safety and security comes first, not your spouse’s happiness nor his needs. I want to make that perfectly clear. YOUR children’s health and safety and yours comes before making life comfortable for your spouse.
It does not matter that his illness is now causing him to be nice to them and there is a calmness. You are all waiting for the axe to fall and the next explosion to happen. What if it happens when you are NOT at home and he starts swinging the baby around like a rag doll like that unfortunate chassidishe man in E”Y who killed his baby? You cannot predict what his angry outbursts or his depression will cause him to do to the children because he has no boundaries. He does not treat them with love and compassion and he cannot be trusted. HE is the cancer in the home and HE must be removed because he is causing too much harm and he can “kill”. You should have had your daughter seen by a medical professional if her head was slammed. She could have a concussion and that could be serious for a child. He could have cracked her skull open or caused brain damage, blindness or deafness. This was a warning for you. Next time you and your children might not be so lucky. Can you afford to wait? You are trying to protect him from himself, if he c”v causes a death in the family, or a hospitalization he will go to jail, you might also but one thing is for sure you will lose your children and they will lose both their parents.
Always, think about this, think about what I am saying. You are married to an abusive spouse who is not following Torah guidelines for a frum marriage. No, this is NOT what a frum marriage is supposed to be like. AND you are a mother of young frum children. Where are your obligations? Who needs your protection most? Your husband has choices here and your children don’t. HE can choose to go for therapy. Your children cannot do anything for themselves except to expect their mother to protect them. Either make the appropriate call to protect your children from a man who refuses to do what is right according to the Torah or I pray that one of the children have the s’yata d’shmaya to call the police themselves.
I don’t know where you live. If you are here in the states, you should go to the court and get an Order of Protection against your Husband to protect yourself and your children from harm. That is the first step. When your hubby sees that you are serious he will have to take it seriously as well and either give up on having a family or do whatever is necessary to keep you. That means he will either agree to go for therapy on his own or be court ordered into therapy. In the mean time he will be removed from the home and you can establish some peace there. You told us that you recently had a baby and had post-partum depression. It is really important that you protect your children especially the infant who is helpless and that YOU yourself get therapy and support that you desperately need at this very difficult time.
Unfortunately, due this terrible abuse you are really not capable of making appropriate decisions for yourself and your kids and because you want things to be normal you wish them to be so and believe them to be at quiet times. Otherwise you would not have brought another innocent neshoma into thies horrific environment. Each day that you don’t do something positive to protect your children you are subjecting them to YOUR life in the future. You are almost promising them this same marriage for them in the future because they won’t know that they deserve better.
Please understand that you DON’T deserve this, no one does. YOU are not RESPONSIBLE for your husband’s illness nor actions. He and he alone is responsible and accountable and it is HE who must step up to the plate and do whatever is necessary to make it better. If he chooses not to, then you must make the very difficult decision to remove yourself and your children from harm. The easiest way to do that is to remove him from the home.
This is a beautiful story. I know people will be skeptical whether it is true or not. It really doesn’t matter if it is. We just need to know that it could be because these things do happen. Stories like this happen every day.
I was involved in a few suicide cases. On girl I had met only that day when I was called to help her that evening. I literally didn’t know her from Adam. I went running to her aid and missed a family function to help her. She finally agreed to go to the ER with me and I promised to stay with her all night till she had an admission to the Psych ward for care. She was of age and refused to call any family member. I went to visit her a few times a week and she still hadn’t gotten in touch with her family. I brought her kosher food and clothing and tried to do whatever she needed to feel loved and wanted. She finally reached out to some members of her family who helped her get into a treatment facility after discharge. Months later she came out to Florida and I was supposed to meet her at the airport. We missed each other and she asked me to come over to her Brother’s house. She said her father wanted to meet me.
I went to pay them a visit. Her father thanked me for saving his daughter’s life. I told him he was of course welcome and that she was worth saving. He asked if I knew who he was. I said NO. He then told me that his father a”h and my fahter-in-law a”h were best friends. I almost fell through the floor. My whole spine turned to jelly. I left the house, got into my car and just cried till I had no strength left. I realized that my father-in-law sent me to help her.
We have all learnt that the world is a dangerous place, and that does not exclude the frum world towards our own children. We have all discussed the many why’s kids go OTD and the many issues that trouble kids today. Most of us if not all of us understand the depths of the dark paths that OTD kids plunge into and sadly even the very youngest of ages that unfortunately are also effected.
The miracles are and continue to be just how many B”H, come back and get their life back on track. Each one of you who found your yeshuas, and found someone you could trust and believe in to show you the truth, and help you reconnect with your faith and emunah in the one and only truth, Hashem, are amazing and strong young people because it took tremendous courage and hard work to overcome what you have gone through and do your best to put it behind you. No one goes OTD overnight, and no ones comes back overnight. It is a process and a work in progress and comes with its own baggage both ways. Those who have no experience will never fully understand or appreciate the strength and courage involved in the process. Nor would they understand the fear in losing one’s emunah and bitachon to begin with, one who does not understand believes that for the OTD community it is as simple to throw away one’s faith as it is to throw out the trash. They believe it is as simple as making a choice to either stay or leave. They don’t understand that it is a step by step process, with each blow, with each hurt and pain another layer is peeled away and shed. And it is the same when one comes back. One takes on another mitzvah, and one takes another step up the ladder towards true faith, Torah and mitzvos.
No one knows why each of us go through the nisyonos that we do. We are each sent along on our own journeys and we are each tested with our on trials and tribulations. Only Hashem knows why he does what he does. How we handle the test, how we manage the challenge is what makes us each who we are, the very unique person that we turn out to be.
When one looks for their zivug one should always keep in mind that Hashem is the one who chose our zivug for us. We should never look for someone that we think the community would want us to marry, or someone that fits in with the norm of where we live or what is expected of us. We should always thing of “Who am I? Who have I become and where am I heading? What kind of a spouse would support me in my values, in my goals and in my hopes and dreams?” What kind of spouse would support who you are. What kind of spouse would appreciate your strengths and help strengthen your weaknesses. What kind of spouse will complete you and make you whole.
Are you really looking for the cookie cutter mold? Are you really looking for the type that was just spit off the conveyor belt? Do you really need the size 2 anorexic who has been starving herself for dating, straightened her hair at the beauty parlor with chemicals and went to get her colors analyzed? Or are you really looking for a great mother for your children and a supportive wife for yourself even if you can see her sideways and she doesn’t have the face of a model? Does it really matter if she was a typical Bais Yaakov girl or she once carried the same baggage as you did? Or for that matter if she understands and appreciates you the most, does it even matter if she grew up in Malibu and she is an amazing Baalas Teshuva who will be the best mashgiach in your kitchen and the best mommy morah for your kids? Which one do you think Hashem has chosen for you?
You can open yourself up to all the possibilities and make the shidduch process less compelling, or you can bottleneck yourself into one close minded choice and join the many in the dating game. The choice is totally up to you.
moredDow, you have opened your eyes due to the advice that others have shared with you here. Now it is up to others to be as intelligent and open minded as you are. Hatzlocha rabbah and may you find the right one at the right time!
They don’t? What do they use in Israel? They bring in robots immediately?
That all depends on the Vaad you work for.
soliek, that is the best idea for all of them.
oomis, I guess that will teach him/her to be more careful and less careless next time.
Juvie is lock up for kids. Basically that is “jail” for kids. It is not fun. Also known as “JD” for Juvenile Detention. That is a lock-up at a county facility like the court house or jail house. JD is the first step before ACS is called in. ACS is NOT called in until the child goes before the Judge. Once the child goes before the Judge, the Judge will order an investigation or that an ACS worker be assigned to the case. If the parents complain to the ACS worker that they can’t take care of the child and the child won’t listen to them, and the child says that he hates his parents and doesn’t want to live with them, the ACS worker will recommend to the court that the child needs temporary housing outside of the home. This is where things will get complicated and the red tape begins and where kids can get lost in the system.
I am NOT a big fan of Ohel, but I would suggest that you call Ohel and ask someone there what to do in case the child gets picked up. Is there an emergency Ohel number the child could call or someone advocating for the child could call. You need a plan of action and the child needs to know what to do. Of course the best thing would be that he doesn’t get picked up by the cops. Is he old enough to stay at Home Sweet Home? Is it possible that something can be worked out with the parents and Ohel for foster care before he gets picked up on a PINS warrant? Is it possible that he can get a Law Guardian to protect him from getting into the system?
Do you know why this child does not get along with his parents? Is Sonny working on the case? Why is the child so angry? Does he know the consequences if the court gets involved? Does he want to go to family court and speak to them to ask for help? Does he want help with his parents? He doesn’t necessarily have to get in trouble in order to get help. Does he know that?
ZK, not a discussion for humor.
The lesson is, always notify the driver. He is supposed to follow protocol and get everyone off the bus. Nothing is supposed to be considered “innocent” and it is not up to anyone on the bus to determine that. It is possible that a cop would bring a dog to sniff it. If the dog opens it and eats it, no harm done.
It is just a matter of the parents signing the papers and filing them with the arbitration officer. What happens to him depends on what he does. If he gets picked up by the cops his fate is in their hands, seriously. If he is looking to go to Juvie, he will. If he is looking to go to Foster Care and not necessarily a Jewish Home he will. Give him your number and give him the number for Mishkan or Ohel so he can call you or them immediately if he gets picked up. Try to line him up with a volunteer attorney that can go into court with him or can at least find out where he is. Make sure if you are the one to help him that you have his SS# so you can give it to an attorney to track him down. It might be easier than just his name.
It would be very wise to have him speak to an attorney or go with him to family court and speak to an arbitrator so they can tell him straight out what happens if a PINS is signed on him. This way he won’t take it as a joke. If you have contact with the parents you might want to tell them also that once they sign it, it is very difficult to get parental control of their child back. They should also not take it lightly. They are not dealing with schools and principals. Judges and the court system don’t take a request for assistance with their children lightly. Once you put in the request, they take over. You don’t get to change your mind, it is basically “no backsies”, the kid is in the system if he gets picked up by the cops.
Why would he get picked up by the cops. Obviously he is a minor. If he is not home by 10:00pm or whenever his parents tell him to be home, a reasonable hour for his age, the parents can call the cops and tell them that their child is NOT listening to them and refuses to come home and they have a PINS on him. The cops can then pick him up. Thats all it takes to get the ball rolling.
Please make it clear to this kid that it is NOT a joke. Juvie is NOT fun and neither is getting lost in the system. It is NOT camp! The guards take their jobs very seriously trying to teach kids respect. Believe me he doesn’t want to go there. I had a client there and I went to court with him. The judge wanted to put him back for 6 months but I was lucky that I got him a bed in a rehab center and the Judge agreed to send him there. He was very grateful and B”H we were able to get him to Pittsburgh and he turned his life around. He was 15 at the time, he is 21 now and doing well.
I talked a parent out of signing a PINS petition years ago. It was the wrong thing to do. Unfortunately, that kid did not make it anyway and he died at 17. The PINS would not have helped it would have just sent him down a different path. He was a child of divorce and carried a great deal of pain.
moredDow, I have worked diligently with at-risk kids in the past and I believe there is no such thing as “bad” kids just kids with bad problems that cause them to go down very destructive paths. I have seen most of the kids I have worked with turn their lives around, both boys and girls.
Having said that I am very upset that you would consider marrying a girl who turned her world around “settling” and yet you are upset if candidates turn you down because they don’t consider YOU on their level. That is quite hypocritical on your part, wouldn’t you say? I agree that girls who have gone through what you did would understand you and appreciate your strength and emunah the best, but that is not what is bothering me about your question. Why do you consider girls who have gone down your path and had the same courage to turn their lives around on a lower madreigah than you are.
I agree with BPT since it is boys such as yourself that helped to drag the girls down to that madreigah. Honestly take a good look at yourself and ask yourself this question “what do you and boys like you owe these amazing young ladies who pulled themselves out of the same black hole you did?” Had you NOT been so “accommodating or encouraging” to them when you were at your low point, you might not be looking down on them as you are right now. So what right do you really have to judge them now or consider them “less desirable” today than they were then?
Although I commend you and respect you for where you are today, please don’t put the girls down and don’t overlook them. Just like any other B’aal Teshuva searches for their Bashert in the Baalas Teshuva pool, don’t think that you should not be fishing in those waters.
P.I.N.S. is NOT the way you want to go and not something that should be taken lightly. Once a PINS is issued, parents no longer have a say what happens to the child. If the cops pick up the child and there is a PINS on him, he will get hauled in front of the judge and the judge will determine whether or not he goes to Juvenile Detection and from there whether or not he goes through the system, meaning foster care or back to this parents.
P.I.N.S. stand for “People In Need of Supervision” and it also means that Parents can’t supervise their own children. Therefore they are asking the court to HELP them supervise. They can’t come to court afterwards and beg the court NOT to do what the court chooses to do with their kids.
That all depends on the circumstances. Obviously if the appreciative employer was truly sincere, and you could afford to hold out, you can both work together and grow together and he can show his appreciation in the future monetarily as it becomes possible. If his game is to be appreciative so he does NOT have to pay out, you won’t feel appreciated for long.
On the other hand, if you need the money, you most likely will use that job as a stepping stone to keep moving forward so you will be using your boss in the same way as he is using you. You won’t appreciate him and he won’t appreciate you and you are only there to make the money until you can move on.
Goq, once you “join” the system it is extremely difficult to break away from it. Is there any way you can find a different job that will appreciate your talents and pay you accordingly? Honestly, that is my first suggestion, mishaneh makom mishaneh mazal. Maybe it is time to break free of this type of job and try to move up into a better paying environment where there is more opportunity for growth and advancement.
Poppa, in the scenario presented, does it sound to you like this man cares about Halacha????????
Mishpacha is very important, it is the foundation for all Jews, without Mishpacha what would happen to our children? I refuse to ban families!!!! I don’t care who says so.
On a serious note. I have not as yet heard that R’ Eliyashav is feeling better or is at a point where people are telling him what is going on around him. How can any of us believe that he is saying any of what is being in written in his name?
OK, here it is from a mother/grandmother and NOT a medical official. You are never supposed to wear fake earrings while your ears are still heeling from being pierced or until the piercing is at a point where they will NOT close up. You have to use either gold or surgical steel and you have to clean them with alcohol or peroxide before you put them in.
In addition, if these fake earrings are really cheap and made in China, you never know they may have lead in them, and then for sure you are causing yourself serious problems. Don’t look for trouble. If you are new at this go see your doctor, and don’t take chances until you know you are at a point where you can play around with earrings.
No, I’m afraid nothing will change since everyone thinks they are right.
adocs, Men can get a “get” whenever they want to. They get what is called “heter meah rabbonim” and they are done. (I hope I got that right), so men are never stuck like women in an agunah situation. However, I am glad you brought up this scenario because it does point out how men abuse their wives quite often unfortunately and how beis din just listens to them and does nothing to protect the woman involved.
I am for banning all bans and promoting bands instead!
DY, I don’t know which Rabbonim you are talking about, but “leverage” means blackmail, and I don’t know any Rabbonim who believe that blackmail is permitted according to the Torah. It isn’t. So no matter which way you twist and turn it, it is still blackmail. Of course if you are trying to get me to say there are Rabbonim that will of course advise you otherwise, it is you who said it not me.
Its never a good idea, if the marriage is over, give a get.
Yoya, why would you wear any earrings at all if you have an irritation. Common sense would say to clean it and let it alone till it clears up. If it doesn’t clear up seek medical attention, but for sure don’t put anything else in, and don’t do anything that will irritate it further.
brainy, actually that is a very good question and there were many good answers in the previous posts.
1. precedents
2. we learn from the past
3. The past predicts the future
4. The present is built on what we accomplished in the past
5. The truth is hidden in the past
6. The question might be in the present but the answer is in the past
Life is full of embarrassing moments. May we learn to laugh them away and wake up to face a brand new day!
Usually the voice of reason closes the thread 🙂
If you want to play connect the dots you have to have at least two!
I don’t understand what you are saying. The “child” was diagnosed and then nothing…..left to her own devices???? No therapies, no follow-ups, no efforts made on her behalf????
And you are saying this is the fault of the doctor who diagnosed her? Where are the parents in all this? Did the parents allow proper testing? Did the parents take her to the right doctors? Did the parents go for a second opinion? Did the parents take her to the appropriate specialists, find her the right schooling or programs?
If the parents would have followed through like they should have, they would have found out that their child did not have the disease she was diagnosed with.
The point here is, if you want to help you can’t walk over to a child and say “what’s your story?”. If you want to help, you go over to a child and say “I’m here, how can I help you?”. That is the attitude YOU have to bring to the table. If s/he connects with you their story will eventually come out piece by piece and you will have the opportunity to help them with making sense of it, or dealing with it, whatever the case may be. It is not important to know why they went OTD before approaching them. That is not necessary in order to help them.
Yes you should go and take along a bunch of friends. It is a mitzvah to help an agunah.
“The OP was talking about school acceptance policies.”
DY, yes they were, they were not talking about reasons schools kick kids out, which is what you assumed I was talking about.
DY, the reasons they go off the derech doesn’t matter when you are working with the kids themselves unless they want to discuss it with you. The reasons they go off the derech is important for the General Olam so that WE can work on ways to correct it.
The reason you broke your leg is not as important to your physical therapist as is the effort you make or the connection you make with that person in order to heal. The reason you broke your leg is important for the accident prevention group so that they can help others not to do what you did.
Soleik, if the OTD individual wants to talk about the why’s that is up to them. It is the job of the caring individual to just reach out to them, show them that the Frum people do care about them, can and are truly frum, honest, follow the Torah, are not hypocritical, can be relied on and counted on, etc. When you make contact with them, you have to be a good role model and be the best Jew you can be. That shows that individual that we all have bechira and many of us make mistakes but one should not label ALL of us in the same manner, and that one should look at the ones that do it right rather than the ones that do it wrong.