Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Oomis, how would the housekeeper know it was a mistake? Only the owner of the item would know it is a mistake! That’s my point. The housekeeper’s job was to do the laundry as it was given to her and NOT to ask questions. The laundress’ job was to do the laundry as it was given to her and not to ask questions. It is the customer’s responsibility to check the bag before they drop it off. The onus is on the customer to make sure they drop off only items that can be washed, not hand wash items and not dry clean items, etc. It is not the responsibility of the laundress to check the labels of any item that is the responsibility of the customer. Unfortunately even our housekeepers are not smart enough to read labels and if our kids are stupid enough not to hang up their suits and it finds its way into the laundry room, their suits wind up getting washed and not getting sent to the cleaners! As much as we get angry at the housekeeper because she should have known better not to wash a suit or a good pair of pants, the kids should have known to hang it up and not drop it on the floor.
Philly, is that what I said, only the first? Right now I have one named for each, and I said the first one named for my mother will get her ring. There is only one diamond ring. What will be in the future I don’t know, so please don’t jump to conclusions or put words in my mouth.
I have 3 married children. My daughter is the only one who chose to give names for family members both for our side and for her husbands side. Every child knows who they are named after and they are very proud of it. They have seen pictures and have heard stories of the family member whose names they share. My son who chose not to name for my husband’s mother, recently gave a name for my husband’s father because he is very proud of the family name. He will learn about his grandfather and he will get his grandfather’s things. His father already has his Pesach kiarah.
As far as kids doing things they don’t want to do, don’t we as parents wind up doing things WE don’t want to do? Don’t we always jump in to do things for our kids that our parents didn’t do for us because our kids want it, not necessarily need it, and we don’t necessarily want to do it, but they expect us to? Just asking. Shouldn’t our children be at least as generous when it comes to honoring our parents?
TMB, you are back peddling, that’s not the same thing and you know it! You do not make a Halachic or Hashkafic decision in those cases at all. You are making an opinionated choice whether you prefer a one button jacket to a two button, or whether you choose oatmeal today versus an egg, or whether you choose salmon for lunch versus tuna. There is no hashkafa or halacha that covers that choice you are just trying to be “right” and you are not making any sense so much so that you are being ridiculous. Is your need to be right so strong that you will argue any point to death?
Should we then ask a Rav if your choice of breakfast or what you choose to wear is a hashkafik or halachic decision or is it a matter of pure preference, opinion and choice? I know, maybe we should ask a therapist and a Rav because this is really a mind game. I don’t care if you are right or wrong on any given topic. And if you are right kol hakovod you are entitled to be right. But why is it so important that you will go to any length even to the point of absurdity? Some issues are just plain a matter of opinion or choice because they are not that important. Important issues probably do have more of a footing and basis in hashkafa and halacha, I won’t argue that point with you because in most cases you are probably right, but not in ALL cases.
uh oh, we are in a loop here!
deal or no deal
just kidding.
deal a day
In all honesty the more people do what R’ Hoffman tried to do and try to make this couple look better the more questions will arise to the validity of those arguments. I think the couple have suffered enough embarrassment because of their mistake and since the Post has already picked this up, maybe the mods should not only consider closing this thread but deleting it altogether so the post and/other other papers can’t refer anyone to it.
As a mother who was in a “name the baby situation” and a grandmother who was in “you should have” named the baby situation, I have to reiterate that it is not so simple. For all we do and give to our children generously and for all our children expect of us all we ask is that you honor our parents by giving a name for them so they will be remembered. We will not love the baby any less, but we might choose to compensate the parents less for being less than generous in return.
In addition, those grandchildren who are named for their great-grandparents will inevitably wind up with heirlooms and other chashuv items that were once owned by those family members, it is just what will naturally happen. By choosing that the name is “weird” and discounting the importance of that family member you are choosing to cut your child out from future inheritance that may cause them to feel jealous and have bad feelings down the road. It is just human nature. My grandchild who is named for my father will get my father’s things. My grandchild who is named for my father-in-law will get his things. My granddaughter who is named for my mother-in-law will inherit her things, and in the future, my first granddaughter who is named for my mother will get her ring. That’s just the way it is.
The worker gave you the authorization when he asked you to take the call and answer the lady’s questions.
Wolf, had the worker been able to understand and explain to the woman on the phone he would have given her the same response so I don’t see how you could feel responsible. The woman of course has the option of calling that child’s mother and discussing how to handle the situation and if the mother buys the child a cone she can use, or tells the her that the child can have the ice cream without the cone, the mother can always call the store back and place the order. You have no control over that.
I am so happy to hear that at least they are being held accountable to some degree.
hello99, it is not the same analogy at all. I would trust the Rabbi to give me a knowledgeable answer if he was the head of OU or not, because he would research the answer for me before answering. He would not give me an answer if he had no knowledge on the subject because that is the kind of Rabbi and man he is. Does that answer YOUR question.
coat of arms
chesedname what did you have for lunch? Did the decision have to do with halacha or Hashkafa? What about breakfast? Did you put on the shirt with the pockets or without? What about your jacket does it have one button, two or three? Did that decision have anything to do with Halacha or Hashkafa? Are your socks nylon or cotton? Should I go on? No not every decision is Halacha or hashkafa.
I don’t know I wonder if someone called David Greenfeld’s office they could tell us.
It is always odd to find that the thread has little to do with the title or that you thought it was going to be something totally different. For instance, you choose to click on a topic because you feel you can be helpful and then you find you really don’t want to get involved because it is just people bashing each other or it is a trick because someone thought it would be funny to see how many would go for the bait.
Just out of curiosity has anyone who commented been on the giving or receiving end of this situation?
TMB, lets try to make sense of what you are saying here. Why would Georgie’s be closed it was the middle of the day. Just because the Heidi said that Georgie herself was in France that does not mean that any of the other stylists nor the desk clerk wouldn’t be there to make appointments. Do you not know how a sheitel macher conducts business? She is not a one woman show. She is a big business with a big salon. So that in itself makes no sense at all. Next, why and how if the store was closed as you claim to buy, would she even look for another number? That makes no sense at all. There is no way her answering machine would refer anyone to her ex-husband’s number. And thirdly it absolutely would make a huge difference if the laundromat was Jewish. They would never try to pull this shtik with another Jew, they would never fall for it.
I still would like to know how someone gets more than one screen name!
That is something that I have taught my children from the time they were small. We have all been doing it for a very long time and I am very happy to see you have caught on. Kudos to you!! What you put out will be returned and a smile is very contagious. You have no clue how your good morning, good day or just a smile will will spread throughout the entire day. It has a ripple effect.
WIY, I disagree, Intelligence is something you acquire with age and experience as is knowledge. And I agree, you should use that gift to the best potential. Common Sense is something that you are born with and it is priceless, you just can’t buy it. You either have it or you don’t.
TMB, that was your assumption, not mine. I did not assume that Halacha is left out of the discussion. I said that he did not specifically ask for a halachich ruling and therefore it was open for opinion as well. Please do not put words nor assumptions in my mouth, hypothetically speaking. That’s what causes rumors and issues. So please be careful with your words and don’t credit me with things I didn’t say or I didn’t mean. I can speak for myself thank you very much.
Furthermore, I said not every thread involves Torah or halacha as some are just light and fun such as the one this comment came up on and the word game thread for instance. So please don’t start something uncalled for. That is just sour grapes. I could cut and paste it here if you like for proof. Acutally it was on the “if you were the Moderator thread, so it had nothing to do with halachic discussions”.
Moderators, I would ask that you shut this down or delete it before it becomes something it should not.
That’s right as rain
i’m just wondering, we were told early on that your Rosh allowed you to be here. Does he also allow you to be so chutzpadik to all these posters that you absolutely know for sure are much older than you? We know this to be a fact since the posters have divulge their marital status, their parental status and even their “grand”parental status.
You have been extremely chuzpadik and have not covered yourself by making your points in a respectful manner. I’m just asking because starting a thread specifically to bring the Wolf down, even though he is taking it in good stride is truly chutzpa. And because in another thread the issue of having respect for people who are older and sometimes wiser than you, even though you debate that, had no effect on you what-so-ever. The issue of anonymity for you seems to cover it all. Have you asked your Rosh if that in fact is true? Because you are so eager to teach the rest of us Torah and Halacha I am just interested in knowing what your Rosh thinks about all your posts.
TMB, read the list of topics such as this one!
teeth whitening
SS, you are so right, not everything applies to everyone and not everyone has experience and/or knowledge in every subject. Therefore there are threads that we just choose to skip over and leave it to others to comment on, while there are threads that we feel more comfortable addressing. None of us are experts in all areas and to assume that we should comment on everything is just plain assuming too much or thinking too highly of ourselves. Sometimes we just need to back off, edit, or apologize when we are taken to task.
WIY, what if they are not speaking about Torah or Halacha?
Isn’t this an opinion question and not a halacha question? It wasn’t prefaces with what is the halacha regarding….
Evreyone is entitled to their own opinion and that is going to be decided by watching the video and coming to your own conclusion not by name calling on this blog. If you go to the website you will see the Judge’s credentials. Just because you choose to put her down because she is not Jewish does not make it true. And just because you choose to believe the frum couple over the goyim that does not make it a valid argument. That will be your argument in any situation no matter what the circumstances are.
The question came up many times and no one answered it. How would your opinions differ if the the laundromat was owned and operated by Jews. That is the real question here. I asked the same question and never got an answer. If I offered the services of my own housekeeper to someone else in an emergency situation, and that friend put something in the wash that shouldn’t be there, lets say a sheitel and my housekeeper washed it, same scenario, who would be responsible my housekeeper or my friend for putting it in with the laundry? And back to the original situation if the couple realized the sheitel was missing. Who was responsible for making the call the couple or the laundromat? So if the laundromat went so far as to make the call, why would they lie and say that they were told to wash it if in fact they were told not to. If they were that stupid or if they were that negligent as the couple claim they were, why would they bother to make the call to begin with?
So if this whole scenario was brought into a beis din, what would the beis din say? Who would be responsible the couple who sent everything to the laundry to be washed without checking the contents or the laundry who is supposed to wash everything they receive in the laundry bag?
By the same token had the child put the mother’s diamond ring in the bag and the spanish woman would have called to say that she found the ring, would she go public and sing her praises about her honesty for returning her ring? After all would she be responsible to call or just wait for them to call or wait for them to come in and pick up the laundry or maybe not say anything at all, after all who would know that she found it.
It is very sad to say but unfortunately there are many woman who take that as a compliment.
Is it still your child? Born a Jew always a Jew, born your child always your child. Why wouldn’t YOU do the right thing for your family whether they did the right thing or not. How does that absolve you of your obligations to your family members. As others always seem to throw in for lesser important issues, two wrongs don’t make a right. IMHO, if a family member goes off the derech that does not mean that they are no longer you family and you don’t have to carry out your obligations towards them.
smartcookie, like I said I am taking the advice from other posters such as yourself, eclipse and others as well as some other moderators and am just going to ignore, ignore, ignore and skip over the posters who have been baiting me. Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
Why should women cut off their beautiful hair and then look like a shmata? What exactly would happen to their self-esteem and self-confidence and how much confidence do we have in these young men who barely know how to talk to women? Do you think they can actually make them feel beautiful with a smatah on their heads?
Now who is bashing Rabbonim? I happen to know Rabbi Weinreb and know his reputation. I trust him and I trust what he says. He would not tell me that I could trust the hechsher if it weren’t so. He was the Rav of my daughter-in-law’s shul in Baltimore. And he was involved with an organization that I was involved in. He would not steer me wrong.
As far as being the head of the OU, are you telling me that the head of any organization has nothing to do with the rest of the entire organization? I don’t buy that one bit.
smartcookie, maybe this is why I am sensitive to the holier than thous, and the small minded people who jump to conclusions. A few years ago I frequented another frum blog. I was acquainted with the Rabbi who ran it and I joined because we were both working towards the same goals. At any rate it did not have a delayed posting with moderators, he believed in the honor system and had a “report this post” button.
At any rate, I was very, very involved because I was coaching and mentoring and as was the case there as is here, not everyone was in tune to helping the at-risk kids and many thought they were “bad” and “bums”, there were many who disagreed with me. On Friday afternoon, I had finished my preparations rather early and I was on the blog answering posts up until 10 minutes before lighting candles. Motzei shabbos when I turned on my computer and logged in I was shocked to find the holier than thous spouting all this loshon horah about me saying that you can’t listen to anything I say because I am not even frum or shomer shabbos. Look at the time I posted my last comments, it was way past the zman…yadah, yadah, yadah……
The attacks were so vicious the tears just started to flow. It took a good half hour before I gathered myself to answer. You see, I hibernate in Miami for the winter and the zman here is a good hour after that in New York. I was shocked that these people were so small minded that they assumed everyone on the blog lived in their “daled amos”. It was truly appalling. So I answered them and asked did they really think that the internet was only invented for New Yorkers? Did they really think that the website members only lived in New York? I happened to be in Miami and there happened to be members in Israel and all over the globe. What gave them the right to jump to such disgusting conclusions and say such loshon horah accusing me of not being frum and not being shomer shabbos. They started to back peddle and then say well if the blog is based in New York then you are not allowed to post when the blog is shut down…….
I was so terribly hurt that frum people would be so cruel and viscous it hit me to the core of my soul. That blog was not like this one, people just discussing, that was more of a help line. Other people started posting from Chicago and L.A. and then the Rabbi posted himself. On that blog I used my real name and not a screen name, so it was even more devastating. The Rabbi had a few choice words to say about what happened and of course vouched for my reputation.
So yes, I am sensitive to personal attacks probably because of that, and I am disgusted when people jump to conclusions and judge others for no reason. And this is probably one of the reasons. Everyone with an opinion thinks that they are right. But most people know when to back down and apologize, at least when to back off and stop.
It is truly a sad commentary when yidden just have to keep going at each other without reason, just because they want to be right. How important is being right when you are being hurtful to other people anonymously or not? Does it make a person feel good about themselves that they one-upped another person? Does it make them feel good that they got another shot it, or threw another dagger? Is that what Yiddishkeit is about? Not at my age. I know better.
Eclipse, you are both going through your own nisyonos, your child is going through his/hers and you are being tested as well. Children do not come with guarantees and they are not perfect. No matter what they do, what they say, or how they behave they are still our children. No matter what they wear, how they embarrass us they are still our children.
When I work with at-risk teens and their families the first thing I try to teach the family especially the parents is that they have to separate their pain from their child’s pain. It isn’t easy. Whatever they are doing it isn’t really aimed at you. So don’t take it personally, they are going through their own pain. And don’t ever worry about what other people think. Believe me other people don’t care what you think about them. Worry about what you child thinks of you.
Keep telling your child that you love them no matter what. Write them notes, and give them cards believe me they hold on to that and keep them in their drawer, in their secret box. They take that out and read it over and over again at the worst of times. They hear your words of love like a recording over and over in their mind when they need it the most. They take out your hugs from the pocket closest to their heart and envelope themselves with it at their worst points. So be their mother no matter what.
You have it right, keep learning to be the best mother you can be through the best of times and the worst of times because that is your nisayon to see your child through all their journeys the happy ones and the dark ones.
Oomis, I said Hypothetically, but I would do it for you!
That still doesn’t answer my question. If in fact either you or I had graciously offered to have our “housekeeper” do the other’s laundry in an emergency and something that shouldn’t have been in the wash was, who would be at fault the housekeeper or the one who put it in the laundry? That’s the $3,000 question.
state of affairs
Women are always tempted to try the latest styles because they are beautiful. It is up to their husbands to draw the line. When women are young girls living in their parents home, it is the parents who draw the line. For instance “I know it is pretty and I don’t care if your friends parents allow it, we don’t”. Men do have Rebbeim, do go to shiurim, have learned Gemarah, should have enough seichel to say “yes that is really pretty, but I would prefer if you didn’t buy it or wear it, in my eyes, it is not very tznius. We don’t have to follow everything the goyim do.”
If your asking permission to NOT name after your grandmother and that’s why your here you’ve come to the wrong place. Go to your parents and ask permission there. Work it out with the family because those are the people who you are going to hurt no matter what people are saying here. The hurt is going to be huge and it is going to last a long time.
There is a reason why we name after other people. It is not only about a name it is about the person who bore that name. When we give a name our hope is that the child will carry the good middos and character of the person we name after. When we give a name we honor the niftar and the family involved, it is so much more than JUST a name. It is a kovod to the child to be named for that person. There are so many fights and bad feelings in families because of the name issue. Is it worth it? Why do you look at it as just a name? Did you know the nifteres? Were you close to her? Was she nothing more to you than just a name?
Who are you hurting by not giving the name? Is it worth it? What type of person was the nifteres that you are supposed to name after. Are you being selfish not giving the name in the scheme of things? Think about it? What is in a name? If goyim can give names like spring and summer, and they make up names by combining two or using the first letter of 5 names to come up with words that they turn into names to be unique, then why can’t a child have a name like “Henchy”? What is wrong with that? You don’t have to call her Henchy if it grates on you, give her a nickname like Henny, but you will still cover all the bases and you will still be able to tell her about the wonderful person she was named after.
cute, but i shut heard some really bad news about Madof’s son and I think it is very sad that he took his own life because of his father’s misdeeds. He leaves a wife and two children who will have to deal with his death and the reason’s why he chose to end his life. What a sad legacy his greed has caused his own family.
The choices we make do not only effect us but they will effect our children and future generations so always choose try to choose wisely.
Yes, girls are takers, they take your kids to the doctor, to school, even to work with them. They take your shirts to the cleaners as well as your suits, your shoes to the shoemaker, etc. All while taking your laundry to the washer, your wet clothes to the dryer and your dry clothes to the ironing board or closet.
They take your food orders to the grocer, your groceries to the kitchen, your raw food to the stove and your cooked food to the table. Then they take your dirty dishes off the table, to the sink and your clean dishes after they wash them back to the cupboard. They even take challah as they make the dough!
Yep, girls are takers alright. We take everything we can get!!! That’s why we take your ring and then your credit card so get used to it!
bh18, people change, and if what you say is true, I can’t imagine a quiet timid girl agreeing to go on national TV just to satisfy her husband’s need for shtik. And I can’t imagine a husband who has a need for shtik forcing a shy, timid and quiet wife to do so. That is an even greater chilul Hashem.
Here is another suggestion, if it costs too much stop fooling around and commit already! Stop playing the game and choose a wife!!! That should help!
Mw13, Once again you misquoted me and twisted my words so I am taking the advice of the other posters and the other mods and I am going to ignore, ignore, ignore! As of this post I am done with all the nasties. I am going to leave it up to the others to deal with all the twisted comments and rude and unwarranted remarks. The Shaitel story proved my point, how everyone twisted the story, turning the laundromat into cleaners, turning Spanish people into Chinese, turning a qualified Judge into just an arbitrator and twisting and turning tesmitony into words that was never said.
I am going to choose to ignore your attacks and unkind words and move on. I am going to use my freedom of choice and just skip over your posts and if you don’t like me or what I say I suggest you do the same. We can’t please everyone so I am not going to try. I am just going to get on with it and move past it. If you have a problem with me its your problem I am going to choose not to engage with you and the other few who have chosen to attack me whether they are you with other screen names or they are truly other people. So that’s it, it comes to an end for me. I’m done with it.
This is ridiculous, for all the girls go through with the absolute ridicule in the investigations and such! Now you are going too far. I suggest the young men NOT only ACT like gentlemen but actually learn how to be gentlemen!
A23, if idiots are trying to make a fool out of someone then they are the fools who just threw away their money. Just keep walking and ignore them.
We were in Paris a year and a half ago. Personally I didn’t want to go but my husband insisted. We went with another couple. One of our granddaughters were just born and I just wanted to stay and bond, it was the middle of the summer and the worst time to go. But we went with our friends. I never had the desire to go to Paris because of the anti-semitism, I didn’t feel the need to give them my money. At any right, we were walking on one of the main streets when this imbecile does the Hile Hitler as he walks past us. I immediate turn and stare at him. My immediate instincts is to follow him as he is looking back at me and keeps walking. My husband and friends grab me as I start walking after him and he keeps walking away. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t afraid of him but disgusted by him and they were pulling me back. He kept walking. He thought he was funny but he wasn’t as funny as he thought because he didn’t want a confrontation and he wasn’t standing around waiting for one. People started staring at him as well but he didn’t stop because he was a coward!!!!
My friend thought I lost it. I am second generation survivor and my mother a”h and her sisters were prisoners at Auschwitz so I guess I had a knee jerk reaction. But you can’t let these people get to you or cower from them. Their hatred will come back to haunt them. YOU must hold your head high when you pass these cowards.
In the news section, the report on the kids that beat up the Rebbe in Williamsburg said they picked on him because Jews don’t fight back!
Oomis, I don’t believe that, not that I want to disagree with you, I am sure as a laundromat, they have many questions when it comes to things people send in, and since the wig, in particular was in a separate plastic bag, I believe that she called before washing it. People who don’t do their own laundry and drop all their laundry off for others to handle sometimes don’t read labels and don’t think before throwing things in the bag. So I tend to think that the laundromat looks at the items and separates them to determine which gets washed in cold, hot or warm. Which need delicate cycle or pretreatment, etc. I am sure many a dry clean only item has found its way to the laundromat as well.
So here is a question I would ask you in general, even though I believe that they called. What if they didn’t call. Who’s responsibility was it to make the call? Who’s responsibility is it to make sure that everything in the bag that you drop off at the laundromat is actually intended to be washed at the laundromat? How does it become their fault?
Hypothetically speaking, if my washing machine broke and you so graciously offered to have your shiksa wash my clothes for me and I dropped everything off at your house in a bag with no instructions and she ruined something that I should not have put in the bag who’s fault would it be? Mine or hers?
Eclipse, I did it! gut voch!
I don’t believe it is productive to dwell on what you could do over, however it is productive to know how to do things differently the next time a similar situation arises. So if you didn’t spend enough time with a parent in the past do so in the present, if that is not possible, do so with an in-law parent or an elderly aunt or uncle. Teach someone else that too late is just too late.
This doesn’t just apply to parents. If you distanced yourself from your children for whatever reason, even if you were right and they were wrong, don’t stand on ceremony and kovod, remember life’s too short and find a different way to bring about a different outcome. Value the opportunity to put it in the past and build a better future. Find new ways to handle old situations to make life better and happier. After all would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Many times you just can’t have both.
We all have our fair share of regrets, but rather than dwell on regrets turn them into opportunities to do better.