aries2756

compartment syndrome

smartcookie, there are so many “ifs” in this story.

#1, if he is indeed the sole proprietor and he is in fact a yid, he might be doing the minyan as a service to the neighborhood or because he promised his parent to say kadish for him/her and so needs a minyan whether he is frum or not. So don’t jump to conclusions or judge.

#2, As others said, he might have a goy as a partner or he might be just the manager and not at all the owner.

#3, Even if he is a frei yid, you can’t force a non-frum Jew to be shomer shabbos, and you can’t boycott him for not being Shomer Shabbos. There is no halacha that I know of to keep you from buying from him. Century 21 is owned by Jews and is open on Shabbos, how many Yiddin refuse to shop there? National wholesale liquidators was owned by Jews, did you not shop there? There are many stores that are owned by non religious Jews but there are no boycotts on those stores. It is a personal preference. If you wish to boycott that store, do so. But don’t make a public issue out of it. As he enjoys the support of the community he may then want to hear what the many “friends” he has made might have to say about him being open on Shabbos. Starting a negative campaign will only effect a negative response.

People are people with different issues and different problems. Do people have problems with this issue? Yes. Do people make mistakes and just forget themselves? Yes. Do they do it on purpose? Unfortunately the answer to that is also yes. Do people conform absolutely 100% and behave appropriately? B”H, we can absolutely say, yes there are mentchin in this world who behave 100% no matter where they are. They always do the right thing and always behave appropriately lifnei melech malchei hameluchos.

tikvuchka, the question that pops up first is when you signed up at the website, did you agree to a fee up front? If that is so, then that fee has to get paid. If there are issues you need to contact the administrator of the website for arbitration. Also look at the rules that you agreed to when you signed up. That is completely different that when just having someone redt you a shidduch. When you sign up you have no idea who the people are in cyberspace or what their qualifications are. So you are in essence taking a chance on them. But no matter who did the work, it was the shadchan who made the introduction and put the two of you together and that was the point of the website, she actually made the shidduch.

I think it is a loaded question and one you don’t have a right to ask. Yes you can say people have a right not to answer but I say you don’t have a right to ask. No, you don’t have the right to judge others or get a feel of “who you are talking to” by whether or not they have a tv. AC, I agree with you.

Do they have a an extra large family? Are they building a larger home because they plan to have room for the grandkids I”H, or because they host zedaka parties or host gedolim and therefor NEED more room? Are they making room for parents? Or for out-of-town family?

Are you going on the premise that they THINK they are better than the rest of you or are they smart in this economy that they can get more for their money right now, so why not think ahead? Just because it is large and spacious does that automatically mean that it is also fancy and ostentatious?

LBK, in that case you can just say Mr. Bob, Miss Lilly. That already differentiates you from the standard. If automatically makes you a little more formal.

blinky, when people talk about “Perfect” I tell them no one’s perfect only Hashem, and we know that a person isn’t whole until s/he finds their zivig so how can they be perfect? Only when when they find their zivig and we make the shidduch we get Hashem’s stamp of approval and then we can say “Oh what a perfect couple”.

To me it seems like a Jewish Readers Digest. Informative, interesting, stories long enough to feel satisfying, intuitive….

I think there are so many holes that the more people defend them the more people are going to want the holes in their stories answered appropriately. If you want people to stop attacking people should stop trying to defend them and let it die. Again, no one is questioning the fact that the laundry should not have washed the wig. No one is questioning the fact that the wig was ruined. But many of us are question the accusations that the Judge was wrong and the reasons the defenders of the couple are saying that. So the innocence you proclaim of this couple and the eidelkeit can be attributed to the Judge and to the laundry owners and employees as well. To keep demeaning the other players in this scenario is what is getting everyones ire.

Feif Un, that’s terrible, why did you bring that up?

Your boss might not hear what they are talking about and he might not know it is not business related but he sees that you are not conducting business

I was so sure that i failed but the inspector gave me two chances to park. When I came back to my husband I told him I failed for sure and told him about the parking. He said what? He asked you to try and park a second time? You passed for sure. Sure enough my husband was right. I passed the first time!

It is really up to the “man” in the middle to make sure there is peace and harmony in the relationship. He shouldn’t be caught up in the middle, however from the very beginning he should make sure that his mother knows how much his wife means to him and he will not tolerate any discord between them and the same goes for the wife. If he makes that clear from the beginning they should both be on their best behavior because he is not going to take sides. However, his obligation is to side with his wife.

That is his obligation, on the other hand IMHO, it is the MIL’s obligation to set the tone and make the DIL feel safe and secure in the relationship. That was not the case with my MIL and I cried each and every time I came home from a visit. Unfortunately she was very ill, which I did not know from the start and she died very early in my marriage. We did not have an opportunity to build our relationship. As bad as it was, I would have given anything to have her around.

So when it came to MY turn as a MIL, I made a decision to LOVE the spoused my children chose to LOVE and to respect them because they were now part of my family. I have very strong relationships with all of them. I am very careful NOT to step on their toes, to honor and respect them, and to treat their children according to their rules. I always ask “does mommy let, or go ask mommy”. I don’t do things behind mommy’s back. If the grandkids act out, I advise them to apologize to mommy. But my DIL’s caught on very quickly and ask “Did Bobby tell you to apologize?”. That is also part of chinuch.

As far as MIL with too much of an opinion. Try saying “Thank you, I will think about that” without really making a commitment, and then maybe try to give it some thought. She might not be wrong. Or “I might just try that some time” that will satisfy her and she will feel needed and respected and you will not have committed to anything. By doing that you still maintain control while giving her a sense of being helpful and useful.

When I try to impart words of wisdom, i try to be tactful and say “If you would like some help with that, or if you were to ask, I would advise that you….Its just an option you might want to try, no pressure its just a suggestion, it worked for me. Or I might say, “would you like me to show you what worked for your husband?” We have already established a good relationship so there is no sense of my taking control, and they do appreciate the help. In addition, I am not offering in a threatening way. And I don’t get insulted when they don’t apply my methods. But because I don’t push it, they have used many of my methods, along with methods their own mothers showed them. Their philosophy is do what works.

One of my DIL’s decided not to nurse her second. In addition the infant to long sleep stretches by day. I wasn’t thrilled with the schedule they worked out but my DIL had a “C” section, it was her second and I kept my mouth shut. I already imparted my words of wisdom the first time around. After one week, my son burst into my home one night at 11 pm carrying the baby who was crying. I asked where his wife was. He said at home, make her stop crying. She screams every night at this time and we can’t get her to stop crying, what is wrong with her. I told him to hold the baby for a minute and went into the kitchen to make her a bottle.

I took the baby and soothed her and gave her a bottle. I told him the baby was starving because she missed ONE whole feeding every day. Since she took such long naps during the day it knocked out one whole feeding from the schedule and by night time her tiny belly was complaining. He asked me why I didn’t tell her. I said I wasn’t going to mix in, she worked this out with her mom, and she had to figure out the baby’s schedule on her own. The very next day my DIL did not let her sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch during the day and things got better.

Eclipse, you deserve the best and your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you. Don’t worry, Hashem is watching over her AND you.

We never gave any thought to this in our own neighborhood. But then when we were in E”Y, someone pointed it out to us. At home we really didn’t have much traffic on Shabbos so we didn’t step off the curb if there was a car and just waited for it to pass so therefor we never even gave it any thought.

Yes, I would contact the school at the very least. I don’t think Yeshivas put much effort into investigating their drivers or their driving records. I would start off by asking if there is a monitor on the bus. I would also ask at what time all the children are off the bus. I would feel better knowing that no kids were on the bus when he acted so carelessly, although he could have caused an accident regardless if there were kids on the bus or not. I would be much more upset if there were kids on the bus. I highly doubt the school will do anything if there were no kids on the bus.

Its all in the spelling, or maybe the inflection, maybe the yiddish version….oh I know its a minhag.

So Eclipse, how did the note writing experience go?

You might not have noticed but many of us, including myself, have apologized when necessary and we didn’t have to do to it twice because we were sincere the first time.

So can we stop with the sarcasm and actually accomplish something here? Everything can be looked at from more than one perspective. It is like looking things from different angles, or looking in from different windows. You can see things differently from the front, side, back, etc. How do I view this, how will the OP view this comment, how will someone else view this comment, etc. Should I actually say this, maybe I should edit this out. After all YOU are the one that reminded everyone of the “edit” key. As a poster WE have the power of words, and those words in themselves have a power and once said that power is out of our control.

Why does this need to be another argument. I am just asking you to consider how others will feel about the comments you make. You made a point about people not being so sensitive about the comments. But you can’t change a person’s personality and people who are sensitive are sensitive. You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself and the style in which you post. YOU can be aware that people do get hurt and that YOU do have the power to control what YOU say. That is in your power while others might not have the power to “not be hurt”.

We do have to work on not being so sensitive but as you said about yourself, we don’t know your whole story and you don’t know ours, so no one knows which words are going to hit like bullets or knives to the heart. So the least WE can do, is be careful that are words are not harsh and judgmental. Am I asking to much for you to consider? Honestly, I am not trying to bait you or put you down here, really I am not. I would like this CR to be a nice, helpful place to be. And I do see that for the most part you try very hard to be helpful, bringing in very uplifting divrei Torah, etc. but that atmosphere is spoiled when things get out of hand and disrespectful.

So what I am asking you is, can you take what I said under advisement and give it some thought?

AC, I agree with you on that point about the use of the word “clever” after all who was it that sent the wig to the laundromat in the first place. Weren’t they “clever”? And wasn’t it clever of them not to run to the laundromat who’s employees didn’t speak English and retrieve it immediately?

“You dont know what I have been through as you dont know me. You have no idea what experience I have in what areas and one doesnt have to be married to give advice on marriage if ones advice is coming from books and lectures and not their own “ideas.”

Sorry to say that books and lectures are meant to help those who are married because they can apply what they are hearing or reading to what might be going on in their lives. People who are not married and are reading those books or hearing those lectures cannot really know if that advice holds true or not because they are not in a marriage relationship where they can honestly judge the value of the book or the lecture.

No one would go to a marriage therapist who is not married or one who is not married way longer than they are, because they do not have the experience needed to be trusted with the special care that person or that couple need. Even if they were at the top of their class. It is the experience and the knowledge along with the compassion that experience and that knowledge brings that counts.

So I disagree with you that because you read books and you go to lectures, you as a young single man can give advice on marriage. And by the same token, you are not in a position to give advice on parenting. You can give advice from a child’s perspective because you have experience there but you are not in a position to give advice from a parent’s perspective.

About your other comment. What may seem like “nothing” to you may not seem like “nothing” to someone else and that is the point I was trying to get across to you. It is called “POV” point of view or looking at things from a different perspective. Just because it doesn’t bother you, or it is a nothing to you, that doesn’t mean that others feel the same way. So if YOU would take a minute and take a step back or a step to the right or left of your opinion and read it a few times before you post it, to try to see how someone else might “read” your comment and feel about it, maybe you would tone it down or edit it so that no one would feel insulted or that it is a personal attack on them.

Every coin has two sides!

I was 17 and I worked for the Director of HUD in Manhattan. I was hired for the legal department and worked there for 3 weeks when the Director pulled me into his office. It was a Federal Government job with over 300 employees.

APY, then why do we name after tzadikim and rabbonim? Who made that rule? And who had the gold? Where did that custom come from?

OC, I really hate going through this again, but if you insist…If you want to start off with who is qualified to say who is lying let’s start with Heidi who started of by saying that the laundress was lying.

Then lets talk about the fact that R’ Hoffman never verified that Heidi’s child put the wig in the bag, nor did he verify the age of the child who would do such a thing. Which is the root of the entire fiasco. So was that a lie? Isn’t it possible that Mendi himself threw it in by accident just grabbing the laundry to take with him on his way to work?

Then there is the question of her saying there are only 2 wigs, the one she is wearing and the fall, when clearly there are 3. Why didn’t she immediately say, that she had to replace the ruined wig with the one on her head. The Judge did ask her about the wig on her head and she had ample opportunity to say that she had to replace the mangled wig so Georgie made up this wig for her in record time. That was the perfect opportunity to speak about it. Doesn’t it seem odd to you that she didn’t mention it at that time?

Then Heidi said she took it to 3 sheitel Machers who all said the wig is ruined but did not produce one slip of paper for proof. If she bought the wig from Georgie and she showed it to Georgie, and Georgie had such rachmonus on her that she made up a wig for her in 24 hours, why on earth would she go to 2 other sheitel machers for other opinions. So who was lying here?

Why would Heidi have the receipt from the ruined wig in May but not have the receipt from the replacement wig which she just got to show the judge. Did she purposely choose to hide it from the judge because it didn’t cost as much as the one in May? That is called “purposeful omission” which is also a lie.

I really don’t want to go on. They didn’t come prepared to court because they didn’t have the proof to back up the lies they were telling in court. And people have the nerve to say the Judge is lying which is such outright chutzpah it is beyond ridiculous. Why should the judge lie.

H&M had a valid claim even if it was their fault and they should never have put the wig in the laundry bag. Without the drama and without the lies, they had a valid claim that the laundry ruined their wig. “Your honor, the wig accidentally got in with the laundry and it is ruined”. End of the claim. Answer the judge’s questions. Don’t lie about the laundress, don’t try to make them out to be liars. Say you didn’t understand them on the phone, or you were so upset that your wig was missing you didn’t hear them properly or you were crying and maybe she didn’t hear you clearly say don’t wash. But don’t make up stories about them.

Had they been truthful and not lied to the judge, the judge would not have done investigation on her own and would not have found them to be liars, and would probably have judged in their favor. That’s it. Lies will bring you down. And the more that everyone especially R’ Hoffman try to cover it up, the more it will bring them down.

I would again suggest to R’ Hoffman to leave it alone and think of the kids who will probably going through a bit of gehenom because of their parents and just let it die down.

I would still ask the moderators to delete the whole thread because of the kids. Enough is enough. But then good ole R’ H had to write about it in the 5T paper.