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Again, please quote where it says that a husband’s priority is first his parents and then his wife! Don’t assume, it doesn’t say so in this posuk.
postsemgirl, them could possibly the Rebbe for the boys who are dating, or their Mothers. Either one is a good source of info to go by.
As for So Right, WHICH rest of us? And why would you say that OOMIS is MO especially in an insulting way? Furthermore what does that have to do with having manners?
Only in YOUR opinion, and obviously the MODS did not agree with you or your conclusion or maybe……….YOUR ignorance. I’m done here.
Is that a general statement or was a poll conducted? I say frum girls expect frum boys to have manners.
You are here aren’t you?
TMB, whoah!! Wasn’t that rude? Kindly post your halachic sources to back up your comment. Anyone who is as rude as you, cannot expect his comments to stand on its own merits.
FYI, I never said or as you misquoted “admitted” that I am a halachic neophyte, I, as most women are, am a halachic observer and you can quote me on that at any time!
rest
Therefore YOU should have neither!
TMB, not true, please bring halachic backup for your statement. A husband’s obligations are to his zivig! The missing part that completes him and makes him a whole person. If what you say is true, then EVERYONE’s obligations would first be to their own parents. But as OOMIS pointed out a husband is commanded to leave his parents home and cling to his wife.
There would be no Shalom Bayis in the world if a husband was obligated first to his parents and then to his wife!!!
Some people who snore have a bigger problem. It needs to be checked out because it could be serious. It is called sleep apnea. A person who snores could be doing so because they actually are not getting enough air in their lungs because they stop breathing and gasp for air. They need to do a sleep study. If a person who snores is always tired and finds themselves always reaching for coffee to stay awake or always seems to be dozing off in the middle of the day, they should get a sleep study done. Seriously it could lead to other medical conditions.
For those who live with snorers it could lead to terrible conditions for them as well such as constant fatigue for lack of sleep, irritability, frustration, etc.
It is important to remember how short life is when we speak to others and make an impression on others. How important is it to be right in the scheme of things. Isn’t it more important to “love your neighbor”?
I believe when someone says “I love you” and means it, it changes you in some way.
masks
loaded question
Thanks everyone for your good wishes, that makes the pain go away! Much better than medicine 🙂
fruit
high
AC, b”h, that wasn’t OUR story.
I know, just teasing.
YOU GUYS, so the romantic in me (I know I am going to be accused of being an apikores TV watcher for being a romantic), thought she meant “Dear Husband”!
My daughter went out with a distant relative. it didn’t work out but his mother thought she would be better suited for his best friend. SHE WAS RIGHT!!!
shabbos
BP, I value your opinion. I was trying to impart that philosophy to another poster last week, that he should filter a little because some threads were simply not his area and he didn’t need to post on every one. I didn’t mean to offend him, just to make him realize that he needed to filter a bit like most of us “older” folks do.
IMHO, many of us who join a blog, get so excited and into it, we just let our fingers take over without realizing that we are sharing too much or maybe even helping too much when it is not warranted and doing more harm than good. So I myself decided to go on the Eclipse diet and learned from her to filter and choose my battles. Say what is important and what might be helpful and useful to others, but that’s it. What’s the point of arguing your points to death? I don’t have to be right, my point is just to be helpful to anyone who might gain something from my perspective.
I hope to be able to live by this rule and not be dragged into battle again. It is just not worth the outcome.
Happens to be that watching on the internet, you can watch what you want, when you want it, with less commercial interruptions.
Why is it borderline, some things are just a matter of manners or etiquette. If I have you over for coffee do I pour or do you pour? Which fork do you use, which spoon? Do you stand up when your date leaves the table to go to the ladies room? Do you help her on with her coat or get it for her? Would you offer to open her snapple or soda bottle for her? Would you wait for her to order first?
There are some things that are just plain manners, etiquette, proper, call it what you will. Discuss it with your Rav or dating coach before you go out.
Eclipse, that is so true, is that why so many people when they have tzoris say in yiddish..Got vus vilst du fun meir? just kidding.
The MOST important thing in any marriage is the marriage itself and no one should allow ANYONE to interfere with it. So no man nor woman should allow either mother or father to interfere between husband and wife. That is rule number one!
A husband’s first priority is his wife not his mother. A wife’s first priority is her husband.
Having said that both the husband and the wife have the obligation of kibud av v’em to both sets of parents. And that should be done as a couple and not as a disjointed group. It is up to the husband to make his parents understand that his wife is his top priority and it is up to the wife to make her parents understand that her husband is her top priority. It is up to each spouse to make the other understand that their families are very important to them and that they want everyone to get along harmoniously.
IMHO, it is up to the mothers-in-law to lay the foundation of a secure and safe relationship. It may not always work, but they have the upper hand and therefore it is easier for them to lay the groundwork for a warm, loving and caring relationship with their in-law children. It does not happen overnight, it does take time to build up, but if you start off on the right footing it should give you the opportunity to head down the right path.
It also shows that you never know who your sheliach is going to be and that there was a reason that these parents had to say “yes” to this shidduch! It wasn’t because he was right for their daughter, it was so they could be the sheliach for their friend’s daughter.
So after two days of discussion what has this question proven? Was it really just a count of how many have versus how many don’t? Was it a need to explain why one does versus why one doesn’t? Poster, did you take notes, do you know more about anyone now that you have your answers?
I always feel that my husband or any man is being thoughtful when he opens the door for me, especially when he comes around to open the car door for me. It shows that he thought about it, and as they say “it is the thought that counts” especially in this instance. I wouldn’t necessarily be upset if he didn’t, but the fact that he remembered to do it, or thought to do it, makes me feel good about him or anyone who is being thoughtful.
kindness
Thanks, no I’m not, leaving and I am wiggling my pinky but not my left foot! I am trying to learn how to use crutches! I sprained my ankle and spent a good couple of hours in the emergency room last night.
I am also filtering. I am learning to post my thoughts and then not go back too often to argue.
Its called good “role modeling”!
Most Rebbeim and dating coaches will ask you if you did that.
coffee house
You have to understand something. Everyone marries THEIR prince charming. It might not seem like Prince Charming to someone else but to the one he marries, he is IT and then some!
Take a walk outside and see who Hashem puts together. You will have to agree with me that Hashem has a very interesting sense of humor. In many, many cases you would never have thought of putting most of those couples together just on appearances alone. So that just goes to prove that appearances is not the number one priority!
So what is really important? You have to do a real din v’chesbon here and check your own needs and values, and that is what you don’t compromise on. If you are just starting out and you really want to be a Kollel wife/man, you will not be happy if that need isn’t met. On the flip side, if you really want your husband to support you, you will resent having to work and support a learning boy. If you are older in shiduchim, your needs change and you can compromise your earlier wants. But the basic values stay the same.
Are those bread machines or mixers?
Should I count how many?
Prize
Facebook is fine for adults with seichel. But “NO” children young enough to be under your care should not be on Facebook! They meet friends of friends they would never meet on their own. They read things they shouldn’t and they write things they shouldn’t. ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT NO!
If your child is already there, you truly have to monitor them very, very carefully and you had better become one of their facebook friends so you can log on at any time and see what is going on with them. That is akin to be in the living room with them when their friends are over!
If he doesn’t look Frum, then how is he trying to fool the “olam”? I am not trying to bait you or argue with you I am just trying to understand you and your frustration. How is he trying to trick you if he doesn’t look Frum?
Hashkafa is the number one thing you should not compromise on. Moral values is number 2. If you truly in your heart want a “learning boy” then that should be another or if you really want your husband to support you, then don’t let anyone talk you into going out with a learning boy. Other than that their has to be a physical attraction and no personality clash. You can’t change a person from the inside out, but there are a lot of things you can do from the outside in.
Gabboim, were you quoting me or did you read into what I said? Because I didn’t “STATE” that. So would you like to rephrase your comment? This is how rumors get started.
Poster, unfortunately “having fun” in recent weeks turned in to hurting people. That is why what you said about “getting a feel of who we are talking to in other discussions” it didn’t sit right. Why do you need to know who has a TV to have a feel who they are in other discussions? Will that influence your opinion on how frum they are? What exactly WAS your point, if I am misunderstanding you.
Firstly, even non-frum jews hang up mezuzas!
Secondly, how do you know so much about this guy?
Even goyim advertise in Jewish media. That is just smart marketing.
And as I said, having a minyan in his store is a service to his neighbors. So in what way is he pretending to be frum? He wears a yarmulka and tzizis? How old is he?
thefinalhorcrux, you cannot get into a hospital in New York today without at least a bachelor’s. They are not hiring. The only reason to go to Nursing School today in NY is if you want a job in a doctor’s office or you want to do home visits. If you have any hope to get into a hospital you had better get all the schooling you can and go as far as you can before you even apply for a hospital position.
Why does everything have to be twisted into a goyish versus yiddish concept. Good manners is just plain good middos. Courtesy, is just plain good middos. What is acceptable behavior is proper and acceptable behavior whether it is happening in the goyish world or the yiddish world. If YOU choose to call in Romantic or Chivalrous that is YOUR label for it. The rest of us are labeling it Good Manners and Good middos! It is polite for a man to open a door, it is polite for a man to pull out a chair, it is polite for a man to carry the bags, it is polite for a man, to lift the heavy objects, it is polite for a man to ask the woman what she would like and it is the man’s obligation to protect the woman.
I remember that Reb Moshe and Rav Pam, treated their wive’s with the utmost respect and to use your words, chivalry. To me they were the best role models of how to be a good husband.
I don’t think it is as big a problem as Welfare. People on welfare might actually take the jobs these illegals take, but if welfare found out about it they would lose all their benefits. You can’t work if you are on welfare, and welfare doesn’t work a sliding scale into the system so you can get back on your feet. Once on welfare you are stuck on it. So who are going to do these low level jobs? Most people think it is beneath them. Only people who truly understand the value of work, any work to help their families will take any job to do so, and then move up the chain as they become valuable employees.
Our government is nuts, it punishes honest hardworking people, and rewards lazy bums. Moreso, it makes lazy bums out of hardworking people.
I feel badly for these illegals. They are not coming here to steal and hurt us. They are coming here to support their families back home. So if the government can’t stop them from coming in, maybe they should think of a way to make the process of making them temporarily legal an easier process.
Where would you put it? Would it be in plain site where anyone and everyone could walk in on him where he was playing? Are all the games for both consoles rated? Discuss with him what kind of games he is interested in. For instance, what is the real purpose of the purchase? Is he interested in the sports games, the exercise games, the board and puzzle type games. Or is he interested in the gun/shooting/ darker side of the coin games? Once you get a picture of what it is all about make a contract with him.
In the agreement decide how much time per night, per week he can use the console. For instance, if he has a test, should he be able to use it the night before the test. Should he do all his homework before he sits down to the console. Does all his chores have to be done before, etc. Also include the consequences if the agreement is broken and write that into the contract. When everything that you both agree to is written in to the contract then you both sign it and go out to purchase the item. Also in the agreement put in a stipulation that the agreement will be re-evaluated and renegotiated in six months. So if you feel it is not working, or your child feels he has proven himself and wants more time or wants more privileges like buying additional games, etc. then at the six month mark, you sit down and listen to each other and adjust the agreement according to the points you are both making and sign it again with the same stipulation that you will re-evaluate and re-negotiate in six months.
In this way you are working together and working towards mutual goals, which is your son gaining the privileges he wants without going behind your back, and without you judging him or putting him down.
Yes, I say the same things to my friends, family and anyone willing to listen.