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mw13, seriously? Frum women will not be tempted outside the marriage when their marriage is happy, fulfilling and satisfying! Obviously you are NOT a woman, and if you know of anyone who ran off with another man, there was something wrong with their relationship whether he admits to it or not.
As far as mitzvos b’shtika vs b’farhesia ask your Rav, what and why?
“women have no mitzvos aseih she’hazman grama at all” I disagree, women’s most private mitzvas are also time sensitive. You can not compare so don’t even try.
“while women have more of a tayvah to be looked at.” So YOU know women so well, that you can make this statement? How do you qualify this statement, did you take a poll? Did you do some survey on this topic? Let me just tell you FYI, you are wrong!
If you want to discuss tzniyus that is a whole other thread and topic but we can touch on it. Tzniyus is not only about dress it is also about attitude and behavior. So yes there are many Frum men who do not act appropriately. They are loud and vulgar. They do NOT dress appropriately and are way too showy for a Frum person. They smoke in people’s faces and they don’t care if it bothers you or not. That is not considered tznius behavior. Any behavior that draws attention to yourself is also not tznius whether you are male or female. In addition, MEN should take more of a responsibility in how their wives’ dress. Although YOU MEN might find their outfits desirable you must gather your courage to tell your wives that it is not appropriate nor tznius to go out in public or in front of the children in clothing that are either too tight or too short.
Women do not necessarily have more of a tayvah to be looked at than men do. Women have a need to feel pretty or as pretty and fashionable as everyone else. Some women more and some women less than others as I am sure is the case with men. Some men control their tayvahs better than others as I am sure is the case with women.
At any rate whatever works for the Shalom Bayis and the Marriage that is what should be implemented in the home.
A woman will only fall prey to another man if and only if there is trouble in her own home. That will happen with or without internet. Women are very loyal beings first to Hashem and then to their Husbands and that is why women are trusted with mitzvos that are b’shtika while men’s mitzvos are b’farhesya. There are many frum men that don’t think twice about going for a massage in a hotel or in the city and low and behold, the masseuse was a woman. How many frum women will allow themselves to get a massage from a male? Very, very few. That is out of respect to their husbands and most importantly out of respect to Hashem. That is the difference.
Just as ANYONE can choose when and how to use the INTERNET even though the INTERNET is only MATERED by the Gedolim for business use and yet we see many VERY FRUM people on blogs and other areas on the INTERNET because they use their common sense and “bechirah”. So too do others use their common sense and bechirah when they make use of TV even though there are many various programs on TV as there are many various areas on the INTERNET.
So after many days of discussion we come to the conclusion here that it doesn’t really matter whether you have a TV or not, what does matter is your connection to Hashem, your devotion to the Torah, your emunah and bitachon, your conviction to halacha, mitzvos and maasim tovim!
One cannot and should not judge their fellow Jews especially not by questions such as the original posted.
When one listens to only one side you still can’t take a chance. Of course you can’t push for divorce, etc. and you wouldn’t want to have the achrius, the best advice you can give someone is to hand them the phone number of an organization such as Shalom Task Force who can help them out. If they are truly in trouble it is up to them to make the call. If they don’t make the effort to help themselves, there is truly nothing you can do to help them.
jelly
TMB, you just proved my point again. What does being on this blog have to do with making a livelihood?
EDITED
fable, first things first and that is to get away from the abuse. The Shalom Task force knows exactly what to do and how. They know what to ask and know how to handle any given situations. Please leave it to the professionals to know and understand what they need to do. And give credit to the victim to have the courage to ask for help.
zero
Refuah shelaimah. I only wish you would have had “say tehilim” in your title so I would have opened it sooner.
Illogicgal, DO NOT think too much about it. PLEASE make the call immediately and allow yourself to be helped by people who really care.
We are all entitled to our opinions however it is VERY DIFFICULT to come to such a decision as postponing a wedding. It is not done lightly and I am sure a lot of sweat and tears are shed before coming to such a conclusion. To judge the families in such situation is not only unfair but unkind. It is so easy for someone who is NOT in their shoes to give advice and to say why not do such and such. However when in fact it is YOU in the situation, knowing all the variables, then YOU understand WHY the decision that is made is the best one for everyone involved.
Mazal Tov to both mishpachas and hatzlocha to all.
I would like to see some form of heter that any godol agreed to “allow” internet with a filter! Whether or not “some” yeshivas have internet in their offices for business purposes or not, does not prove that Gedolim or Daas Torah have changed their minds on the subject! Adarabah, you are using such an excuse to justify your OWN use of being on blogs.
From all that was quoted from Rav Moshe z”tl he specifically said that men can make a parnasah….emphasizing the importance of men making a “parnasah” without the need for going to college. We see from this that he understood, appreciated and respected the obligation of MEN making a parnasah for their families. TMB quoted Reb Moshe himself. We should all learn from this Gadol that the responsibility and obligation of the Husband is to make a parnasah for the family!
“The Gedolim — across the board — have been disparaging TV ownership (the principle not the people in violation necessarily) and viewing for many decades now”
Well TMB, here is some news for you! Gedolim across the board have assured the INTERNET filtered or not, so what gives the holier than thous the right to judge others and pick and choose when they are going to listen to the Gedolim and Daas Torah and when THEY choose not to and turn around and judge others for what they deem as not being on THEIR madreigah. That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Hypocrisy with a capital “H”!
Cedarhurst, IMHO, it pays to get MORE education while you are in limbo. Get updated in your field and don’t compartmentalize. The computer field changes day by day, out with the old and in with the new, if you are staying in this field try to make sure you know everything there is to know about it or you might be left behind in the dust. Take whatever courses you need to be kept up to date even if it means that you will veer off what has been tried and true for you. You have and always will have the basics but you might have to tweak your knowledge and skills to be current in todays market.
But don’t give up hope because Hashem is in charge, we as humans can only do our histadlus. My son is in the Real Estate field and when things hit rock bottom and he was out of work, he was on the verge of losing his home. He asked his younger brother to help him out and together they started a local magazine just to keep afloat. It didn’t pay his mortgage but for one year it certainly put food on his table and kept him from feeling worthless and hopeless. At this point in time he is back on his feet B”H and back where he belongs. As I said, we have to do OUR histadlus and Hashem takes care of the rest.
So I know that you are trying very hard, but what is it that you can still do, which path have you not tried that maybe Hashem is waiting for you to take. It is very difficult to make changes and it is very difficult to learn something new, but at times that is what we have to do to keep up with changing tides.
I never open the door if my husband isn’t at home, especially in the evening. And as Oomis said, in our neighborhood they are supposed to go to the vaad Tzedaka for a teudah. Of course I feel bad for meshulachim and I have raised funds for kids and people in dire straits in the past and believe me it is not easy asking for money, not even for other people. However, it is not easy to give if you feel you are being scammed. I have a problem with the car services who bring these people around, sometimes 3 or 4 at a time to our neighborhood and they each wait their turn and then ring your bell at 10 minute intervals. Of course the car service driver takes off his cheleck (%) from the top. That bothers me to no end. So we decided to tell them, leave an envelope and we will mail something to you. They don’t come here that often anymore, it doesn’t pay for the driver.
If you feel you are giving into your Yetzer Harah and it bothers you then don’t ask anyone’s opinion on it, you need to figure that one out for yourself. Maybe you need chizuk to work a little harder on fighting the yetzer horah. If you are asking what a Yid is allowed to do or not, why is that different than building a huge home, or wearing a cartier watch or whatever floats your boat? If it is something you feel you would enjoy and you worked for that privilege why not treat yourself and enjoy it?
Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle!
Never put the baby down flat, always elevate the head.
Hold the baby stomach down on your arm, head resting in your hand, legs straddling your arm. The pressure of the belly against the arm helps.
My niece was told to get an exercise ball, or a hoppy ball and sit on it and bounce up and down, that helped as well.
Try the gas drops. Trying changing your diet if you nurse, or the formula if you are bottle feeding.
Check the babie’s ears for fluid.
Try using a swing and a white noise machine for soothing sounds.
wealth
anony
No one tries to look like an American Girl Doll as I said earlier, the idea is to find one that looks like YOU! There is Rebecca the Jewish one, there are Indian dolls, black dolls, dolls with different color hair, eyes, skin, freckles, etc. There are babies, twins (the next step) and the regular dolls. The accessories and books are also age-wise and they tell you what is appropriate for different ages. The girl dolls don’t have boyfriends, they have girlfriends so they are a wholesome and quite “kosher” atmosphere. They are quality products and the company stands behind them. The kids really value them and take very good care of them.
The products they sell are returnable if they break so they will fix it or replace it, which has happened with the stroller. The accessories are not that more expensive than buying other similar products.
If you feel like your giving in and the both of you are not compromising and working together then thats a sure sign that you don’t feel that you or your needs are being respect. Stop for a minute and re-evaluate what is going on. How do YOU need to be respected? Are your needs being met and respected in this relationship? Are you sharing the same values?
If your answers to this question are not in the affirmative you need to ask yourself “what am I doing in this relationship and where is it going?”.
I believe it is up to the adult to correct the child and say please call me…. I have heard some young adults address their in-laws by their first names and I find that appalling. But they told me that is what their in-laws told them to call them. I find that quite odd, but what can you do if a MIL or FIL does not want their in-law children calling them Mommy or Tatty or any derivative thereof, then it is what it is.
We NEED labels on clothing, food, machinery, electronics, etc. But if Hashem wanted labels on HIS creations he would have put them on himself!
I believe that Pollard was punished in excess of what others in similar situations got and therefore his case has been argued over the years. However, he was an adult who knew very well what he was doing.
On the other hand, these kids were foolishly tricked into doing something for a payoff. Obviously they did not know it was drugs they were smuggling but must have known something was not quite on the up and up. Yes they should have known better, but they were foolish kids who made a huge mistake.
Eclipse, don’t tempt me. I am thisclose to inviting you to join me in Miami!
If your father, who is already married to your mother, does not open the car door for her, it has nothing to do with tznius. He just doesn’t open the car door for her. There are ways to open a car door even from the inside by leaning over the seat and pushing it open. He could have figured out like others have said to open it and keep walking, etc. So your father just doesn’t bother or never gave it a thought and it has nothing to do with hashkafa.
Be honest, did you actually have this discussion with your father?
I believe it is up to the adult to correct the child one way or another. My friends with whom we practically raised our children together are addressed by their first names and so are we to their kids which feels natural to all of us. But to others not. With the kids I work with, they all refer to my husband as “Tatty” and to me as Mrs……. or just “Mrs. B.”
My nieces and nephews refer to us by our first names because thats the way we wanted it, but their children call us Uncle and aunt or tanta.
Back to the topic….when OUR kids got their license at 18, we told them they are not allowed to have “passengers” till their 6 month probation is up. That also gave us an opportunity to make sure they were good drivers and confident behind the wheel.
If parents do not allow their kids to get in a car with “teen” drivers they have a very good reason for it. The reason being is that they want to keep their children safe and they don’t want to get into machlokes with other Jews. If c”v there is an accident, the driver and their parents will be sued!
As a parent WE have the right to keep our children safe. WE do not have control over whether your chld will go behind your back and do what you told them now to do. However it is very good chinuch to teach them what is safe and what isn’t. So if you make it very clear why you are making that rule as well as the fact that if anything c”v happened you will sue his friend and their parents and they choose to take that chance, you can’t be faulted if and when that happens.
Believe me, before a kid hops into a car with another friend knowing that their parents may sue the pants off of him and his parents, he does think twice.
Did bjjkid ever post before or is this another screename for TMB and so right. I find it a little odd that just for this discussion we get a “BJJ” kid.
bjjkid, who told you that? Would you be surprised to know that Rebbeim tell bochurim that it was the polite thing to do?
PBA, yes my grandchildren share their dolls, especially the “twins”. In addition the American Girl Doll is not a new phenomenon, it has been around for at least two generations. I was surprised to find that out because my daughter didn’t know about it when she was a kid and neither did I, but I have recently found out that today’s young mothers have brought their dolls out of storage and have given them to their daughters!
So a doll that lasts for decades is worth the money you pay for it. In addition, the hair does NOT go bad, it can be redone and brought back to life so that the doll looks brand new over and over again. These dolls become a friend for life, that is the life of the children in your home and can then be handed down to the grandchildren. And YOU don’t have to buy more than one if you don’t choose to, but you can buy the accessories, story books, etc which keeps the kids interested in this doll for a very long time.
The store is a magnificent place to visit and it is a trip onto itself. My “girls”, daughter and daughters-in-law and their friends stopped buying junk for the kids birthday gifts at birthday parties and instead they collect money amongst themselves so that the “girls” choose something from the store if they wish to add to their collection. The kids learn the value of money, they learn that they can’t just get whatever they want or whine to their parents that they want something, they look in the magazine and think about what they would love to have in the future and when they “earn” money through gifts, chanukah, purim, etc. they spend their money on what they are “wanting”. My granddaughter (5) needed glasses but didn’t like wearing them, so one of their doctor friends picked up a pair of glasses for her doll too!
My husband and I took our “girls” daughter, 2 daughters-in-law, 7 granddaughters, one grandson and one son (who was enthralled) for our Chanuka trip. My husband was the sport, one doll each (except for the baby), and the “girls” bought one outfit for one other family to share as a chanuka present, and they bought one thing for their own kids. We also watched them at the “salon” as they redid old doll’s hair and made them look new again. First they washed the faces and the hands to make them clean and then they made the hair look like new again. They also have a “hospital” for broken dolls to do repairs.
As for our grandchildren, two of them chose the Jewish doll Rebecca, and the others chose dolls that looked like “them”. With American Girl, you don’t try to look like the doll, you choose one that looks like you! These dolls are much better than Barbie because THESE dolls are KIDS, babies, toddlers and little girls, who dress like babies, toddlers and little kids, so our children play like children and not like little adults.
dog
Most shadchanim don’t charge unless there is a good outcome. However, it is up to the shadchan to tell you what s/he charges and what kind of agreement or contract they normally work out with their clients.
Because handing her a fork is not considered appropriate behavior, and it would be considered bad manners.
You still have freedom of choice on both media sources.
seek
When you are no longer a productive asset to your company/employer. Or when you are financially secure enough to do whatever it is you would rather do than work. For some it is travel, for some men it is go back to learn and for some it is just to spend time with their family.
But for everyone reading this, you should all be healthy and be zoche to work and be matzliach for as long as you choose to.
Any Rav who is well versed in inyanei Shalom Bayis will never say that one has to honor parents before a spouse. However, having said that, as I have mentioned before, it is best that couples as a team honor both sets of parents together.
It is customary to serve parents (as they are also older) first at the table. However, my father and mother a”h always complained and told me to serve my husband first, while my husband insisted that I serve them first. When his parents were at my table or when I helped serve at their table I always served his parents first. Obviously I am not speaking about serving food. I am speaking about when there is an issue, the spouse comes first before the parents. However, if you work together as a couple to honor and respect both sets of parents you probably won’t have too many issues where this problem will arise.
IF you lie it will always come back to bite you in the derriere. The truth eventually comes out and when you are found out to be a liar, the consequences won’t be worth it.
Usually the weather girls are dressed in suits as are the weather men!
run
Wolf, maybe your question should be “happily married”, from the posts you are referring to, that would be the more appropriate question. Whether or not the poster AND more importantly the spouse of the poster considers themselves happily married.
moon
Those who use the Bosch love the Bosch. Those who use the Magic Mill, love the Magic Mill. Both allow for 5 lbs of flour without a problem so you can make a brocha. Most who refuse to buy the Bosch do not want to buy German products.
surf
so right, again, have you taken a poll? Do BJJ girls and Brisker boys come with a rule book?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm SOMEONE knows too much about TV, or he just thinks he knows too much about tV, which is it?
Because THEY don’t feel pretty and completely well dressed going out in a teichel. They want to go out with hair on their heads.
joy