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OH my, our age not only our gender is beginning to show.
esther, everyone needs to feel validated and it always feels good when someone sides with you and agrees with you. Having said that though, I hope you can have an open mind and glean some good ideas from what the other posters’ comments. Vacations are not going away and you are going to have to work something out for your kids.
I for one would love to know if anything anyone said will be a solution for you.
Smokers forget that it is annoying to others and they don’t think it is their obligation to ask “permission” of others before smoking in their face. It is now the responsibility of others to ask the smoker to please not smoke in their face. That is a little “bummy” and egotistical.
Oh no, life’s most embarrassing moments revisited.
AND she will be soooooooooooooooooo very grateful!
If you feel it is uncomfortable it probably doesn’t fit quite right. Maybe you need to adjust it. You shouldn’t really feel it on your head once you get used to it.
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It is pretty customary these days that the boy gives the girl a bracelet when he proposes. It is a token gift. The ring is usually given beofore the “vort”.
People should do what is right for them to do, however young couples should first learn how to take care of themselves and each other before hiring outside help. They should not look at it as a tircha or as something unpleasant. They should be happy to do it for each other and for their own home. When the wife becomes pregnant and doesn’t feel well and it becomes an issue because she can’t do it and he does not have the time to take care of her and learn or work and take care of the home, then there is more of a need for help.
When you are young and have small children it is very hard to get away, unless of course you have very generous parents who watch your kids and allow you the luxury to go away without having to worry about them. As you get older and the kids get older your busy life becomes less busy. The circumstances allows you e to make some quality time for yourselves.
Do you realize how others think we come her to argue with ourselves under different personas? Is that called schizophrenic or playing devil’s advocate? Aries & TMB one in the same. Hmmmm Blueprint now we really spoiled all your fun.
Overeating is not a mental disorder, it is either a choice not to concentrate on the act of eating food and on the concept of feeling full, or it is a choice to keep eating even though you feel full but are too in love with the food to stop. It can also be a medical disorder where a person does not have the sensation of being full so they do not know when to stop or understand the concept of stopping even though they do not feel full.
BEING overweight can also BE a medical disorder and not necessarily connected to the amount of food a person eats.
This is in contrast to eating disorders which are an issue of being in control of that part of your life and your body. Eating disorders are very scary and dangerous because it can and does lead to death.
Esther, YOU are not the only parent who cannot afford to take your kids away or do something expensive in this economy. So YOUR kids will NOT be looked at as nebs. Stop worrying about what other people think and stop chasing everyone else’s pockets, patterns, or priorities. Figure out what is right for you and your own family, relax and enjoy your kids. Ask them to think of creative things they can do without breaking the bank. If they are old enough give them a budget. If they are not old enough they will just be happy to spend time with you. Use the resources your community has. Go to the library, take them to museums, visit relatives you haven’t seen in a while, bake their favorite recipes together. Make Tatty his favorite dinner together. Play dress up with your old clothing you should have given away moons ago. Do some bikur cholim if they are old enough. Take them to the Y and go swimming. Find an indoor play gym. Go mall shopping and give them each a couple of dollars that they can each spend wisely and let them make a small purchase. Go to Build- a bear and if you can’t let each of them make their own bear, choose to build one bigger one for Tatty, Bobby or Zeidy or one you can give to a sick child in the hospital.
There are many creative things you can do with the kids without having to keep up with the Klein’s, Schwartz’s or anyone else. Make your own adventures like having an indoor picnic or painting and decorating the basement so that your kids will be excited to tell their friends about when they get back to school and that they will look forward to doing the next time vacation rolls around again. Don’t be surprised if other parents call you for advice next year.
If they are readers let them take out a ton of books to read. if they like to socialize, set up play dates. Now is a good time to give them the piano lessons they always wanted, or guitar or tennis, or whatever they never had time for…..
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Here is a better question Esther Hamalka, what did you mother say when you asked her how she felt when she paid the tuition for you and YOU had off for vacation??? How did YOU feel when you had off? Did you feel you needed it? Did you feel it was too much? Did your teachers feel it was too much? Did your parents complain about paying so much tuition when you were home all the time?
Do our kids really have more time off than we did?
Even though there is no will, many people are vocal about what they want. You have to respect that, and you have to respect them as much when they are gone as when they are alive.
Are you kidding me? I am looking forward to my grandkids vacation and them all coming out to Miami to visit me here, as well as my own kids and giving them a little respite in the warm sunshine. As far as the teachers are concerned, it is part of the agreement due to their small pay scale and the fact that they are always “late” in getting paid, so please fargin them their vacation, they need the break from their stress as well. And by the way, they don’t have “OFF” for the summer, they just don’t work in school, they work in camp, they work one on one, and in any other job they can do to make some money to catch up while the schools still owe them the money they haven’t caught up paying them.
As for the kids, they barely have time to breathe with all the “knowledge” that is being shoved down their throats as well as all the homework and tests. So a little time off to bond with their families, especially if the brothers and sisters can get away at the same time is well worth it. That is a rare opportunity so enjoy it if and when you can.
It is planned in your kids’ school schedule so you have plenty time to plan for it in advance. If it is not in your budget to get away why not get together with other parents in the same situation as you and take each others kids for one of the days and do something special one day per parent. That way the kids are entertained for the whole vacation and the entire slew of parents do not have to take off for the entire time. Some times kids are enterprising and older kids plan a day camp or activities for younger kids during break time. Although you don’t have time to plan ahead during snow days, you do have time to plan ahead for vacation days so take advantage of that.
Please put the story together for us so we can continue
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Simcha by the sea
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Eclipse, I have no idea. Maybe he thought I was nervous and he wanted to lighten things up.
home for the holidays
Derech Hamelech, please don’t joke about this. It is a very serious problem and it doesn’t matter what percentage it takes hold of. Whether it is 50% or 2% it is still too much and way too dangerous.
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Emergency
nfgo3, I don’t think you are being fair to Willi. Since the date was Motzei Shabbat and they went by train she did not have to assume that they would be returning by train. And since he was not a young bochur, she had every right to expect the man to take her home by car service of cab. And since he wasn’t a young bochur she also had the right to expect more than a lounge date and a bottle of water. This man showed very poor judgement and very poor manners. It has nothing to do with wealth or not. And it says nothing about her taking him seriously or not. But is shows a lot about HIS character and his lack of taking this date seriously. Nothing in his manner shows one iota that he is either interested or ready to care for a wife.
Venice is beautiful and quaint. You can’t recreate it anywhere. Because it is an island and it is an array of small alleys and streets with canals and small bridges there are no cars just motorbikes and mopeds and of course boats and gondolas. There are steps everywhere so there is a lot of walking. You can cross the entire area in about 45 minutes if you choose to.
The only one kosher restaurant is Gam Gam, the man’s name is Rami. Very, very nice people. All the people in Venice are nice and helpful, it is a very warm community and charming, very charming. There is basically no “New” construction it is all old world charm.
If you take the boat over to Murano, don’t be fooled into buying anything even if they say it is on sale. Just go to look at the gorgeous pieces and watch how they make the glass it is fascinating. You can get everything cheaper on the main land.
I haven’t been to Aroza, but I have been to Lugano and it was beautiful. Check the weather conditions in both areas as well as what there is to do so you can decide for yourself where to spend most of your time.
The point that you are missing is that these kids don’t know about these things in their sheltered lives. Then they live with other girls who introduce them to these new ways of dieting and getting skinny for the dating scene. Girls tell each other how to be thin and how important it is for when they get home! This is how it starts. Once girls start and feel the power of “control” over their own bodies that power takes control of their mind, body and spirit. They lose control over their power of choice and the illness begins because they are no longer capable of choosing health over bad habits and illness. They hide their habits so no one can see what they are doing. They will eat normally and then heave it up when no one is looking or they will push food around the plate and pretend to eat. Or they might binge when no one is looking and then heave it up. They might obsess about the scale or about their exercise routine. They will look in the mirror and no matter how much weight they lose or how skinny they look they won’t see it. They will only see what they perceive themselves to be in their mind which is “fat”, so they will continue with their sick routine until someone intervenes and stops them.
Boruch Dayan Emes. May you be filled with all the good memories that you shared and comfort in the knowledge that he loved you and had nachas from you. May you continue to bring him nachas and share simchas with your family and your friends on the CR.
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lesschumras, there is a way to have an inexpensive date without being cheap and mannerless. Firstly, if you don’t own a car and can’t borrow one and you don’t want to spend money on parking…. and you choose to take public transportation like the train …..and your date agrees….be a gentleman and make it a Sunday afternoon date. That would be the logical thing to do. And then as you said, pick her up and then walk her to the door. In addition, since you are already saving the money on transportation and parking, be a sport and offer her a little something to eat after all how much does a pizza or falafel cost already and you can splurge on a cup of coffee or a soda.
I guess the story with the train and the water will sound funnier in a couple of days.
You should learn to be your OWN person and not feel pressured to do what others do. That is a good lesson for all of us whether we are talking about designer clothes, cars or anything else.
My father a”h refused to stop smoking cigars no matter what we tried. My mother stopped smoking cigarettes (when i was 10, a habit from Auschwitz) when we kept breaking them and it cost her too much money and effort to replace them. She lived till past her 90th birthday and just passed away Succos time. But my father was more stubborn than we were and he didn’t stop till he had a massive coronary when he was 65 Erev Rosh Hashana. It scared us all to death. He stopped smoking immediately and he needed bypass surgery. His bypass lasted only 6 years and he died of another massive coronary in 1992. He cheated us out of the best years of his life, the time he could spend with his grandchildren, the opportunity to walk down at their chupas, to meet his great-grandchildren and share our nachas.
Was it worth it? NO! Can we say it was his time to go, maybe or maybe he cheated himself out of a longer life because he chose to smoke and didn’t heed Hashem’s warning to take care of the body Hahsem lent him. We will never know. What we do know is that we needed him, that he was my best friend in the whole world and I missed and still miss not having him here.
So before you go ahead and defend smokers and their right to smoke remember that their families have rights to. WE have the right to have them around!!! We have the right to not have second hand smoke effect us, our lungs, our clothes, our homes, our belongings, our clothes, our rugs, our sheitels, our hair, etc. and we have the right to have the people we invest our love and affection for be around for a long, long time to share our joy and sorrow with, and to be around for our ups and downs. WE are in it for the long haul and WE have a right to expect them to be committed to US and not to their tobacco!
So NO a thousand times NO, I would NEVER, EVER marry nor allow my children, grandchildren, great-granchildren to marry a smoker. EVER!
I know you’ll understand when I say….or I know you won’t mind if I …..Well actually I do!
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me, myself & I
When I told my father a”h, “what would you say if I told you that I was dating …” he said “I would say you could do better”. My father was a baker and he worked at night so he missed a little bit of what was going on. So then I said “what would you say if I told you that I was engaged to ….” he took me in his arms and said “Mazel tov! We should have much nachas from the both of you!”
But he was still a character. On the way to chupah he whispered in my ear. “the car is right out front, just say the word and we turn around and go the other way. I can have you out of here in 10 minutes.”
When I told my sister, she said he told her the same exact thing.
cutting off a car means jumping into his/her lane without signaling or without having enough space to do so, causing them to brake and scaring them half to death. Which usually starts road rage and has them ready to switch lanes and start the cat and mouse chase.
OK, what do you think “Having the Last Word” or “Common Sense”?
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Cedarhurst, do ya think maybe I should just write a book?
I wouldn’t hitchhike it is a dangerous thing to do, you never know what kind of crazy is behind the wheel. On the other hand, I do give rides to people (and kids) who need it. My father a”h used to pick up people and drive them all the time. Especially at 49th street, people who were going to be m’vaker cholim at Maimonides. He would say the car knows the way and goes by itself, I am only sitting in the driver’s seat. He didn’t want anyone to feel they were be matriach him. He wasn’t going to the hospital he just wanted the mitzvah of helping them.
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I don’t think it is so much about compromise as it is about realizing what is important and what isn’t. When you find the right person you realize that the things on your list really doesn’t matter. When you find the right zivig height is not really an issue and neither is weight or looks for that matter. To you he is tall enough even though he didn’t match your initial criteria. To you she is thin enough even though she didn’t match your initial criteria. To you s/he is very attractive even though your friends might not think so. YOU can always change from the outside in, but it is so much more difficult to change from the inside out.
So a person can lose or gain a few pounds, change the heel height on their shoes or wear a hat or not, get contacts or change glasses, learn how to put on makeup or buy clothes that suit them better, etc. But you can’t change a person’s personality or midos and that is much more important.