Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Sac, it is very disheartening to hear that you are still hung up on the height issue. I would think that after dating so many guys you would understand what your real priorities should be.
If you lie about this, you will never be trusted with anything. This is just plain trickery and there is no way to deny it. It is much better to tell the truth up front and the shadchan should explain the financial situation from the start. You can’t just pull things like this on a young girl and her family and not expect a reaction. And you can’t lie about something like this to a wife or a daughter-in-law for years and not expect this to have huge repercussions.
Marriage is based on honesty and trust. Mother-in-law/dil relationships are based on honesty and trust. Doing such a thing absolutely turns the tables on the foundation of trust and honesty. How can you trust someone who lied to you from day one? What else have they lied to you about? What this says is “you are not important to me therefore I can lie to you, if you were important to me I would tell you the truth because I would be afraid to start off on the wrong foot or do anything to ruin our relationship.”.
Many illnesses can be controlled with medication. As long as you stay on your medication and can function at a normal level, what exactly is the problem. Many people take medication. There is nothing wrong with finding a zivig and being honest with him about your problem. Just because you need some help to function that doesn’t mean that you are not a productive member of society.
It is nice to be recognized and made to feel special on one’s birthday. There is no reason NOT to celebrate.
Sender, try remembering that when you were a child, he had to slow down to accompany you. When you first learned to walk, he had to pace himself to your speed so you could keep up with him. I am sure he was late many a time because you held him back. I am sure he had to readjust his schedule to meet your needs. I am sure there were many times he had to cancel his appointments to accommodate your needs.
Sender, B”H you have a father to accommodate. I don’t know how old you are or how old he is, but life does not go on forever. Cherish every moment you have together. Cherish every extra second he holds you back and you get to spend with him. Believe me it is time well spent and not wasted.
When you first start dating this is a real issue. As you continue to date and really look for your bashert, you come to realize that this is really NOT what is important. Hashem has no intention of always putting Barbie together with Ken.
Esther, you just proved you can have the qualities of a “malka”. Kudos!
Why SHOULD you be able to pick out a divorcee from a crowd? Their private business should remain private. Only those who really know them should be involved in their shidduchim. How and why should strangers be trusted with their most private stories or even be trusted to bring forth someone who won’t hurt them a second time?
Their Rabbonim, friends, & family are looking out for their best interests and will be happy to listen if someone has a shidduch for a divorcee. There are forums and shidduch groups you can bring your information to and the chain of information will be implemented. No one has to wear a tag, or be singled out in a crowd because they become available again.
Sometimes we have to choose to forgive even though we don’t forget. Sometimes the people we love the most are the most difficult people in the world to deal with but if it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t even be here. So we take a deep breath, put a smile on our face and do what we need to do. It is a challenge but one that we can overcome.
Maybe it is Hashem who is testing us and not our parents who are testing us. Do we dare fail at this test? Would our parents have turned their backs on us if we were difficult children? Can we honestly say that WE never hurt our parents, can we truly remember all the way back to when we were infants? We are not expected to do the impossible, just love them and respect them and do what we can.
I trusted my daughter at 15 but I would never have put the responsibility of “parenting” on her shoulders at that age. It would not have been fair to her. In case of an emergency, the mind of a 15 year old is just not mature enough to handle it. And furthermore it is not fair to lay the guilt of the outcome of an emergency on a 15 year old to live with for the rest of her life. Take that one step further if the 15 year old or 16 year old was the mother and did not have the know how or maturity to care for her own infants? Is it truly fair to do that to her? She is still a child, so can we please allow children at 15 the few more years they need to be children and grow up, mind, body and soul?
Lets be real here and not smart alecky ok? Yes you were all mature at 15 and at 16 FOR KIDS not for women. YOU were NOT WOMEN, you were kids and were trusted as KIDS not as WOMEN to handle the jobs of WOMEN! Tragedy can strike WOMEN at any time. Women miscarry all the time. Women give birth to stillborns all the time. Women give birth to chas v’sholom unhealthy and deformed babies r”l. Women have colicky babies, and babies who cry all the time. Are you honestly saying that a 15 or 16 year old child can handle that and a demanding 17 year old man/child husband as well? Maybe even interfering in-laws? And parnasah issues? And taking care of cleaning and cooking?
Come one now, lets be real here.
Is this the other side of the TV question?
A person has a right to be called as they so choose. And if you are lucky enough to have Great Grandchildren, you should have the zchus of choosing how they should address you.
Ofcourse, it is hard in the beginning but once you start saying it, it becomes easier and easier.
No, one must show compassion to all, yet one must be reasonable and not loose their head. So there is a way that we are taught to deal with things. If someone is looking for money, you don’t have to throw money at them. You can say “I must think this through, please leave me your name and your phone number and I will get back to you” or “my Rav has instructed me to check out each story with him to understand how to help each person appropriately”.
I have offered to help people find jobs or take courses in order to find jobs and they never called me back.
Sac, I stand by it! A 15 year old is not mature enough emotionally to handle the “adult” side of being a wife. Nor should she be having children at 15 or 16, she is still a child herself and is not prepared emotionally nor physically for the job. She might be a good babysitter but is not ready to be a wife or mother. It is not “WRONG” on so many levels, it is “RIGHT” on so many levels. A child, is a child, is a child and till she finishes growing on so many levels she is still a CHILD.
Sac, you are not married yet, but think about it. When YOU were 15, did your parents leave you alone for days to watch your siblings? Did you parents trust you overnight with the baby? Or did your parents believe that you were a kid and needed your sleep? That’s because you WERE a kid and needed your sleep. That’s because your body and your brain did not finish developing. You were not the same at 16 as you were at 15, and for sure you were not the same at 18 as you were at 15. Get my point?
Saying tehilim
Thinking of my parents
Doing chesed
Giving Tzedaka
Thanks for explaining that you are both in High School which makes the situation even more difficult for both of you. Since you are both just kids, it is obvious if she has serious issues it is way too much of a responsibility for her to unload them on you. And it is way more obvious if she has serious issues that she needs professional help.
All the more reason to set boundaries for yourself and offer to support her in her choice to find the help she needs. You can offer to go with her if that helps as well, even if it is to hold her hand while she makes a phone call to a help line to gather information. At least that would be a first step.
If you want to stop it just tell the yentas “Stop right there I don’t listen to Loshan Horah”.
Seriously, lets stop promoting the concept of “kids having kids”. Isn’t it enough that the goyim do it? Don’t the yiddin have more seichel. Is the marriage contract enough to make a child a woman?
Someone who refuses to get help when it is warranted and is draining the resources that they currently have needs to be pushed in the right direction in a supportive manner. “I have done everything I know how to do for you, and I will continue to do what I can as long as you get the appropriate help that you need. I can only support you as long as you make the right choices for yourself. I can’t support you in destructive behaviors, nor can I support you if you refuse to help yourself. It is way too much of a responsibility for me. I love you, but I can’t take such a huge responsibility on my shoulders. Please think about what I am saying. I am not a therapist nor am I trained in a manner that is appropriate to assist you with all your issues. I can only be a friend to you and do the best I can for you and for myself as well. And as a true friend I am telling you I am I can only support you if you get the proper help that you need.”
How does that sound?
Anything can happen to anyone at any time. Sometimes certain people in families are more prone because of genetics and family history and sometimes it is environmental issues or medical issues that cause mental issues. Life’s stresses and challenges can cause emotional or mental issues, but B”H therapy and even medication can help many individuals function at normal levels and no one would be the wiser.
People look down at others who are labeled “mentally challenged” or “having mental disorders” because they or “informationally challenged” or “knowledgeably challenged”. Anyone who does not have any experience in with someone with this nisayon just does not know what to expect and are therefore fearful or just have no clue and no information on the subject. They should therefore “NOT” be afraid and “NOT” comment or judge. They should wait till they get to know the other person or ask questions of someone who can answer them.
Honestly, are 15 year old girls really ready to be “women”?????
Esther, you are a little over the top here. A 14 year old, never to have had a sleepover? That sounds a bit extreme.
Anyone that charges your credit card before an item is shipped is illegitimate. Call your credit card company and notify them immediately that you did not receive your order.
Make sure you check Dor Yeshorim before you start up again because there is no turning back now. You are both agreeing to go out again because you both realize that there was something there worth revisiting so don’t feel awkward at all and don’t try to ignore the past.
Don’t you think kids have a hard enough life as it is with the burdens parents place on them these days? When you are one in fifteen kids coming from a chareidi family, you have a lot of responsibility. You barely get to be a kid! Pushing a fifteen year old into marriage is cruel. Let her be a kid for as long as she can. Having a husband and the responsibilities of being a wife and mother is too much for an immature brain and body to handle. Lets give a child an opportunity to develop to the ripe old age of at least 18 – 20 years old.
company president
esthermalka, a grandparent IS a parent and there is nothing wrong for a grandparent stepping in so the parents can get a break. If the mother has a baby and is in the hospital for anywhere from two to 4 days depending on the delivery, the grandmother will step in. It is not up to you to decide when the Grandmother’s services are appropriate or not. The point is that the grandmother is perfectly capable of caring for the children and the children are perfectly happy and adjusted to the arrangement. It is a win/win situation all the way around. IF you choose NOT to do it, it certainly is your choice but it does not make you a better mother than others who choose to avail themselves.
Maybe because each partner is waiting for the other to do the work and be the bigger “man”.
So, L613, what happened?
thought process
Prof, I abide by my kids rules and always teach my grandkids to listen to Mommy & Daddy also to apologize to Mommy & Daddy when they don’t listen. So if you DON’T have that kind of relationship with your parents or in-laws, I guess you should stay home.
Correction – the citi-mini tips over only when the child is not in it.
Whether we respect Reverend King or not it won’t matter to the principal of the school. Prepare your lesson but make sure it is OK with the school that you teach the kids about him. You don’t want to have a rash of phone calls and dressing down from the principal.
It is very IMPORTANT for parents to have alone time to be a couple and get to know each other in a private setting where they have real time to reconnect. I have babysat for my kids on various occasions.
NEVER, EVER leave your children without telling them. THEY don’t like surprises. It terrifies them.
What we do is tell the kids, “your so lucky you are going to have a sleep-over with Bubby and Zaidy. You are so lucky, how much fun is that going to be? Just you and them?” and then after they get excited about that, tell them Mommy and Daddy are going to go away for a few days while you and Bubby are going to have your sleep-over.
Usually what happens is that when the parents come to pick them up they don’t want to go home.
Baby Jogger folds the same way as the citi-mini and is a bigger stroller. It is a great stroller but is much heavier and takes up much more room. It also costs more, obviously. One daughter-in-law has it and it has lasted for years.
Don’t mix up the citi-mini and the micro-mini which is a smaller version and has smaller wheels.
The micro mini only tips over when it is overloaded at the handle and there is no child in it.
the Mountain buggy is a great stroller but it is very heavy and cumbersome. It is also much harder to open and close, certainly not a one handed stroller.
Its “whatevaaaaaaaaaaaaaah”
I wouldn’t call the City Mini cheap by any means, but it is a good value, easy to open and close even one handed, not too heavy so you can still shlep it up and down the stairs, it almost fully reclines, it has a good hood that comes down almost all the way in front so it gives good coverage in the sun. and it is very, very easy to push even with one hand. This all being said from the Bubby!
What’s wrong with you?
sung in harmony
back her up
BJJkid, all I can say is B”H and I am going to say it again B”H that you are so normal and that you don’t get all the things that are so common amongst kids in your situation. YOU have amazing parents, parents who obviously understood their obligations to their kids and who obviously love their kids way more than they love themselves.
Believe it or not, other parents are not so considerate of their children and are more interested in doing what’s good for them. Really, it makes no sense and it sounds really selfish but kids really get hurt and really carry a lot of baggage because their homes, families and basically lives are ripped apart because of parents who don’t act in the best interests of the children. If you ever have the opportunity please than your parents from me and others who advocate for kids.
The point is to take a good hard look in the mirror and remember who you represent when you walk out your door. Understand that WE ARE expected to hold ourselves to a higher standard and when we fall below that standard or behave like the lowest form of humans do, it is noticed, really, really noticed.
I always have an opportunity to say every day “Hashem is very good to me!”.
Why are you assuming that the children are not involved?
Many thoughts, but I would only be repeating what I have said before.
Ooomis, at the time these shows were made, there was a rule about “twin beds” and always keeping one foot on the floor.
Every child needs an outlet, yet he still needs structure and rules at home as well as in school. So what is different in school than in the home that he feels he can be disruptive and wild at home. Are the parents not consistent? Do they not follow through with consequences and rewards? Is there something in the home environment ticking or setting him off that does not exist in school?
There are a lot of variables that have to be investigated to actually know for sure what is going on.
A “bully” would need to learn how to deal with his/her issues in a verbal and non-combative way. They would need to learn how to “ask” and not demand. They would need to learn how to listen as well as speak, and listen to understand in order to be able to communicate with other people.
I think that therapy will help such a person leave their baggage behind and not drag it around with them for the rest of their lives.
police