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Yes I am a Life Coach. Whether you choose a male or female is a matter of hashkafah or preference. If you would go to a male psychologist or social worker rather than a female or vice a versa depending on who you are then you do the same. There is no physical contact, as a matter of fact it can be done by phone and email. In addition because it is goal oriented within a time frame, you can see within a short amount of time if you are comfortable with either. When the cycle is up and you wish to continue if you prefer male or female you can ask for a recommendation according to your needs.
You can’t base your love of learning and even interest to learn on your chavrusa. Obviously a person can change chavrusas many, many times. It is not a shidduch situation and sometimes you just have to move on. What he did was not right, but there is nothing you can do about another person’s choices or actions. The question is what do you want to do? Do you want to learn geshmak or do you want to use this as an excuse to walk away?
Find someone you can appreciate and will appreciate you, that is the only way to grow in any situation, whether it is in a friendship, marriage or ben adom l’chaveiro. For whatever reason he turned his back on you he owes you an apology or at the least an explanation, yet it is not your job to get it out of him. That is his responsibility. What is your responsibility in all this? Is it possible that he wanted to learn with the other boy all along and didn’t just want to drop you and go with him? If so he went about it the wrong way. So he is wrong but that doesn’t mean that you have to do anything wrong in retaliation. If your goal is to learn then walk around this obstacle and find someone else to learn with and stop pining for this relationship.
The difference between Life Coaching and other therapies is that we (coach)have a different approach and do not believe that a person is broken and needs to be fixed. We believe that a person may be stuck and needs guidance to get from point A to point B.
How does a coach get a person to do so? A coach will require that a client choose up to 3 short term goals for the duration of the term of the treatment. In coaching it is not an open-ended relationship as in other therapies. A client will sign up for a 3 – 6 month cycle with a coach depending on how the coach works. A coach will work towards reaching the goals set forth for that term. We believe that a client is resourceful, creative and whole and has it within to find their own answers. We expect responsibility and accountability and there is no ifs, ands or buts about it. If the client is not committed to the program, does not do their individual home work and work on reaching their goals, the coach will evaluate at the end of the cycle if they wish to continue with the client or not. If the client proves their commitment, then at the end of the cycle depending on whether they feel accomplished and reached their goals, they will choose whether or not to sign up for another cycle of therapy with a new set of short term goals to move forward.
The purpose of choosing short term goals and more so, measurable and attainable goals is that a client can look back and evaluate what they have accomplished in a scheduled time frame. Each small accomplishment encourages them to keep going and move forward. When a client looks back after a few weeks and sees what s/he has accomplished in a a few weeks it empowers them and encourages them to keep going. It is also a huge realization that they did it on their own and neither the coach nor anyone else did it for them. A coach will never “TELL” a client what to do, they will however help the client explore the paths of available options and their conclusions. In other words let’s see if you make this choice and go down that path, what will be the end result….what other options do you have? What will be the end result if you go down the other path? Which works better for you, which one better fits your concept of attaining your goals.
WE also don’t believe in delving into the past. By doing so you just keep repeating the pain of the past and that is not beneficial to anyone. The past is in the past, where do you want to go from here? WE might need to touch on the past to understand what is standing in the way of a client from reaching their goals but then again the onus is on them. OK that was then, what can you do differently to bring about a different outcome and that is what you learn from and use for the future.
OK, that’s a glimpse, I hope it was helpful.
Kastners has been improving on a regular basis. All last year (winter season) I shlepped to Kosher Kingdom for Shabbos Food because the food was better there than Kastners. This year I found that the food is much improved and they have a broader variety of things. Meat & Wine department still no comparison to KK.
Where is there a new grocery near Kastners?
I am not sure what you are asking. Are you looking for a Life Coach or are you looking for someone who gives the course?
Being a good listener does not mean giving advice. Being a good listener means giving feedback such as “I can hear that, that sounds rough….I respect you for that….I admire you for being so honest……I appreciate what you are saying”
If she feels she has truly vented and sorted out her issue with someone who was actually listening to her, then she will feel much better and will have unburdened some of her pain. You can try encouraging her also by saying “how do you feel about that, will you be able to follow through on that, did you give that enough thought?…..” By doing so you are guiding her to be in control of her own situation.
I am happy to hear you would rather trade the CR for an Active Life, but I am not happy to see you go. Hatzlocha Rabah!
It is so sad so many of us are in this predicament. I ordered Keren Aniyim for my husband to give out. I am still not sure what we are going to do about the seudah. It is usually a big, big family bash at my house. But unfortunately not this year. Last year we were B”H zoche to make a Birthday party for my Mom’s sister by bringing out a cake for desert.
Do your realize that kids do not want to go “shnurring” for the yeshiva and need some kind of incentive to do so? It is because of the opportunity of getting the “cool car” and the “fun costume” that they even bother. Kids don’t really get to “choose” which tzedaka they want to fundraise for, they are backed into a corner to do this for their Yeshiva and have a good time while doing so.
Do you feel comfortable calling the school and letting them know that she is really sick. You can also send a note to the teacher thanking her for her gesture but letting her know that your child is too sick to handle it at this time. Although you are certain that a get well card or a note from the teacher or other students would certainly cheer her up.
I can’t argue this point with you, TRS, because you are in pain and I don’t want to cause you more. I just want you to be aware, and others as well, that making excuses for “addicts” of any kind will keep them addicts. They need to be helped to be accountable and responsible. As for the rest of us WE have to be responsible and accountable as well. WE can’t change others only ourselves and we can’t control others only ourselves.
Bochur, you have a very good point. It is NOT an addiction, obviously they CAN live without it and will not go through withdrawal without it. It is a person who is not in control of his/her yetzer horah. And you can’t fault someone else for that.
1dayatatime, I know all about addictions, thank you very much for assuming too much. I have dealt with many kids with drug and alcohol addictions and those who enable them do more harm than good! Maybe YOU don’t know anything about that! Everyone knows they have an addiction they just don’t want to label it such. Everyone knows when they are doing something wrong or they would be doing it in public for all to see.
Are you saying that those with this sort of addiction are out in the open about it or are they careful to cover their tracks? Well if they know enough to hide it they know they have a problem and they know that THEY have to choose whether to feed their addiction or get help. This guy hid it from his wife for 5 years. Obviously he knew he had a problem because he was careful to hide it from her. Do YOU get that? Do not sympathize with the abuser! Do not enable them! Do not make excuses for them! The only way to help an addict is to make them responsible and accountable for their actions. That is something YOU should learn about addiction.
Those milk boxes used to get buried in the snow.
Again, why do you pick on frum women? ARe you saying that the women your husband was looking at on the internet was untzniusdik frum women? Obviously NOT! In addition, he came to you with a problem. He should have worked on his problem prior to getting married and NOT bring it in to marriage. Obviously you love your husband but why are you making excuses for him???? Why did it take him so long to ‘fess up to you? YOUR husband has a problem!! Part of that problem is admitting it and seeking help. Blaming what other people do or don’t do is foolish, your husband’s problem is his, HE owns it and HE needs to choose between feeding it and giving in to it or getting help. At this point when he was risking too much he chose to get help, but instead of holding your husband responsible and accountable you fault others. HOW is that going to help him?
If a woman is standing unclothed in a room a man has the option to stay or walk away. Many goyim will stay and gawk, it would take a special goy to walk away. Most frum men would walk away it would take a very weak frum man to stay. That would be a man who forgets who else is watching! Yes frum JEWS men and women have certain obligations but blaming someone else for anyone not being responsible for their own actions is ludicrous. YES we can ALL work on OUR middos and commitment but we are not the only ones on this earth as you proved with your husband’s internet addiction which had nothing to do with untznius frum women. AND we can’t shelter everyone from the world around us. WE each have to remember that we stand before the KING and everything we do is seen and noted.
Although it is NOT my alma-mater I can’t imagine the neighborhood/community allowing it to close. it is an institution not just a school. It is a huge part of BP history, it would be a true bizayon of the graduates of the school who number in the thousands and probably tens of thousands will stand by and allow it to close. That is truly a sad commentary on today’s society.
I refused to get anymore hooked and connected than I already am. I ignore twitter and any and all request to join other networks such as linkd and others.
Lets put this in perspective. I made $140 a week and my new hubby got a job after Sheva Brochos for $90 per week.
Eclipse, no its not! Hashem is the ultimate score keeper.
Sender, I see two options here. 1) Either go over to the RAV, since you have as much right to his time and attention as any other congregant and let him know how you feel. or 2) Decide whether or not you wish to Dan him l’kaf zchus or if you have real and true reasons to feel hurt or slighted. If you do have real and true reasons to feel hurt or slighted revert back to option number one.
I believe that anyone who is NOT in this situation should forgive their children for all the nonsense they did today and give them a huge hug and kiss good night. Count your blessings!
How much rent did you pay for your first apartment?
Mine was $225 for a 2 bedroom apartment in 1975.
Firstly when HE speaks he speaks to HIS kehilah not to me because I never heard him. You may not have heard of MY Rav and may not know of any of the amazing things that he does. So YES when YOUR RAV speaks to his Kehilah he might have been trying to make a point to them. What does that have to do with me. And if you would take the issue to another Rav without saying who YOUR Rav is and where you live, they might not agree that it is appropriate to spend so much money on a shul when a yeshiva just closed in the community and children are left out on the street.
RB, YOU are pushing me to argue with you while I said to you it is NOT my BUSINESS nor do I care if YOUR RAV chose to do this. MY POINT is that NO ONE has the right to question others or be upset on how others spend their money and point their fingers, because there are a lot of fingers that can be pointed in many directions.
And SJS has a good point as well. Just this past year there were two horrendous stories that came out of the Monsey community in regard to the misuse of in the title “Rabbi”. A Tzaddik is a tzaddik whether he has the title Rabbi or not. Not all Tzadikim are Rabbonim and not ALL Rabbonim are Tzaddikim, unfortunately. We all wish we could say otherwise. And I am not going to say more on the subject because I am not going to turn this into a Rabbi bashing, absolutely, positively not!!!!!
But don’t throw it out there that because a person is a Rabbi, that makes him a tzaddik and therefore no one can argue their logic or their attitude. If he is your RAV and you trust in him and believe in him then to you he is a tzaddik and that is fine with me. As for me I don’t know him so I can’t and won’t comment on him. It is not my place. I just used the concept of spending so much on “glamorizing” the shuls when so many children are being thrown out of yeshiva for lack of funding just as bbubbee said how could people spend so much money on Pesach hotels in exotic places when others need their money more. Everyone should just mind their own business and let Hashem take care of it.
1dayatatime, I will agree with you that in “some” cases that might be true, but please don’t be so naive. In addition, if a person has an addiction or an illness they have the CHOICE to fee the addiction or seek help. PLEASE THINK ABOUT THAT!!! That is called responsibility and accountability. Do not accept unacceptable behavior and make excuses for it.
The problem is that some people keep putting the ONUS on the women when the ONUS is on the men! Women have to follow their mitzvas and men have to follow theirs. Don’t blame a woman for what a man does, blame the man. Furthermore, if a husband TELLS his wife NOT to dress that way, she WON’T. So, where does that leave the men once again. Let’s lie the fault at the right feet, OK? Each person has to be accountable and responsible for themselves and not for others.
All this is true, however the remark was that when these men look at untzniesdik frum ladies, it ruins their shalom bayis. My point is if THEY are ehrliche men committed to their wives and shalom bayis they wouldn’t be looking. Anyone looking is lacking in commitment.
The problem is NOT who these men are out with, the problem is THAT THEY are out with women and they are NOT their wives. THEY don’t appreciate their tzniusdik wives they WANT to be menuvals, and they don’t care about what they might be bringing home with them.
SC, I hate to burst your bubble. If you ever find yourself in Manhattan please put on your darkest glasses. You might come upon some very frum (and chasidish) men out with shiksas. It is in his reality IF he is looking for it. IF he is not looking for it, he wouldn’t notice anyone.
I remember when the bus was a dime and went up to a quarter. I remember buying a slice a pizza and a coke for a quarter or a frank, coke and french fries for a quarter at Crown’s.
CS, 😉
Why don’t you ask him then. It is much worse to harbor feelings of resentment and in addition if he understands how you feel he might be more careful in the future to be more sensitive to others. Is he a young Rabbi?
Please who lives in Miami, I need a good doctor!