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Bar Shattya, in many cases they didn’t know who would show up!!! They didn’t have the luxury of phones in every home or even cars. Sometimes people traveled for days and just showed up by family.
Hudi, you can choose to do whatever you feel comfortable doing.
Health, It wasn’t I that said to calll the police.
YoYo, again don’t get paranoid. It is probably nothing, and way too foolish. Who has time before pesach to follow another person as a whim for the guys in the store. If you see her walk over to her and stop being so nervous. At best you can both have a good laugh. At worst she will be embarrassed.
You call your phone company and police department and tell them that these kids are harassing you. One visit from the cops and its over. Seriously, why do 12 year olds have cell phones? And parents give them unlimited texting? Can’t the parents take away their cell phones if they are harassing someone? You can go over to the house first if you like and let both the parents and the kids know that you are filing a complaint with the police department.
May you go from strength to strength and not worry so much about yenem. Tracht gut ….
They Kashered the pots, the silverware, the glasses, etc. They probably had separate dishes. Whatever one could not kasher for pesach they had different for Pesach, whatever could be kashered was kashered. They probably also didn’t have a five piece place serving for each person. They probably had a soup bowl and a plate. Or just a soup bowl.
Hey everyone, what is all this complaining about???? Honestly, yes teachers have off, it is part of their deal so stop complaining about the teachers. And yes kids need off from school too, and older kids have more time off than younger kids so they have more time to help and younger kids have less time off to be in the way. And ALL this is well known before the chag.
AND YES parents who do pay full tuition pay a fortune for this privilege and can have negative feelings to the yeshivas for the way they run the schools but please don’t take it out on the teachers. If you don’t like the way the system is run, get on the board and voice your opinions. Do something to make productive changes and stop complaining. Hold conferences and speak about how school building don’t need to be made of granite and brass, teachers and Rebbeim need to get paid before buildings need to be glorified. So when philanthropists want to rebuild the school or want to add a wing, the administrators should say “that’s wonderful” but we need to pay our staff first, we are behind in payroll.
When donations aren’t coming in, find out what the community is upset about like why there are so many kids roaming the streets with no school to go to. Yes the system has spiraled out of control and everyone has complaints, so do something to change it, but stop blaming the teachers because they have time off. That is ridiculous. Younger grades can have substitutes, so why not have the yeshivas get girls who have come back from seminary who want to make a few dollars come in to substitute? So if you want to blame anyone, blame the schools and not the teachers. And by the way, the women principals, office staff, etc. also want the days off, so why come down so hard on the teachers, did you forget about them?
Shrek, without taking side, the stress is not necessarily the same. YOU are dealing with adults which is a different kind of stress than with children and in the end the children lose out because the stress the teachers have will eventually end up on the shoulders of the kids. If the work does not get accomplished in class, whatever it is, it will manifest itself into extra work over yom tov vacation, in tests, in punishments, in anger and stress in the classroom, etc. Bad feelings all around.
And what would stop you from asking that? What makes you think a boy is having you followed? Why would a boy do that?
TBT, there is a time and a place for everything. No she should NOT tell her kids anything negative about their father, that will only backfire. But in the future when they can figure things out for themselves and they want to know the truth. She can say she wrote things down in a journal to help get it out of her system and move forward. It is up to them if they choose to read it and know her side of the story.
Yoyo, as I said, don’t ask her, just play the game. That would make her feel foolish. She expects you to ask her “are you following me?” She doesn’t expect you to play nice. That will make her feel awkward and not know how to behave.
He has tapes and you have memories. Maybe you should write a journal. Never when they are young, but one day when your kids are much, much older and married, they might want to know the truth, especially if their father ever plays the tapes for them, or if he ever tries to use the tapes against you. In addition, putting pen to paper and releasing the memories and pent up feelings, emotions and anger might just be a very therapeutic and productive exercise.
Eclipse, this is called gaslighting, making the other person act and feel crazy. Its a set up. Forget about it. Try this coaching method. Write it down next to the phone so you will remember it each time he calls. Take two deep breaths before responding to him. While breathing ask yourself “what does he expect me to say” Try answering “I’ll think about it and get back to you” Never give him a response you will regret later. Use non-committal responses such as “interesting, I’ll give that some thought, so that’s what you were thinking, I see what your saying.” Of course you see what he is saying because everything he is saying is for his benefit and that is obvious to you. You know what he is thinking but your response doesn’t give him a clue what you are thinking. Keep him guessing without giving him the response he expects. In other words you are answering him without an answer at all. In a sense that is called double talking. You are stroking his huge ego, he thinks you are agreeing, or at least understanding but you don’t agree to anything and you don’t lose your cool, you just play a game. You tell him you will think about what he said then you either email him or when he calls back let him know that you thought about it and you did not change your mind. In the end you are the winner. You are a clear thinker. You don’t lose your cool, you stay in control, you let him jabber, and you still make your own decisions. How does that sound?
Yoyo, how foolish do you think she will feel when you confront her? That will be the end of it. What is she going to do? Break your arm?????
If you think you are fragile you will make yourself fragile. If you believe you have inner strength you will find it. Your mental illness does NOT define you. As long as you find the right meds to help you there is no reason you can’t function to normal capacity. Stop harping on it. If you had diabetes would that define you. You would take your meds and get on with your life.
Chaya pre-cuts sells a good pony wig that also looks great down and is less expensive. I am having a senior moment and can’t remember the name at this time. But as soon as I remember it I will come back to the thread.
It is always appropriate to act professionally and that means NOT to listen to bad language and riske discussions. You can say that you are a very religious individual and you find that kind of language offensive, childish and totally unprofessional and unbecoming for someone in the healing and nurturing field. Although you like them and you think they are all very nice people, If they can’t respect that you will have to excuse yourself from the conversations. Practicing professionalism while in school will only promote a more appropriate attitude while on the job.
adorable, in that case you know you can’t rely on him or count on him. You can only rely on yourself so forget about him. If you can’t give an answer on the spot just tell the client you will have to research it and get back to them. That’s all you can do. Then work on it and get back to them. That’s it, thats the best ANYONE can do. YOU are not superhuman and no one can expect you to be.
Obviously your boss knows that HE is NOT superman because he has to hire all this help to get the job done. Right? Learn from that.
Just tell her that you love her. That is all you can say. To the one who lost her pregnancy, if you are close to her and she knows you knew she was pregnant, tell her you are sorry for her loss. Ask her if there is anything she needs, if she wants company, if you can make a meal for her, if she wants to go out? And let her know that you care about her and you are there for her anytime she needs you. That is all you can do.
No one wants sympathy only compassion. No one wants to hear that you also have tzoris they don’t wish their tzoris on anyone else. And no one knows what they are going through because feelings are personal to each individual.
You say? What a coincidence that you have been everywhere that I have been the past couple of days? Where are you going next? Maybe we can just go together?
I find that the list of guests keep growing and growing and if you can’t afford a big wedding limit yourself to just inviting family for the meal and invite shul friends just for the chupah. Shul friends will NOT be insulted if everyone is treated the same way. Everyone is worried about insulting people and people who get invitations wonder why they were invited and feel obligated to go even though they are NOT close to these people. Everyone really needs to consider what they can afford to do and why they are doing it.
Sometimes I look at photos from a Rebbish wedding and I think about the chassan and kallah. How nervous they must be in front of thousands of people they don’t know. Firstly they are very young, secondly they must be nervous and thirdly they are surrounded not by their best friends and family but on display for thousands of people they don’t know and will never know. How daunting that must be.
My Mom’s: Knowledge is worth every penny, but common sense is priceless, it just can’t be bought.
The pizzas that are baked for at least the first hour are raw because everyone is in a rush. It is fool’s dough.
If you are afraid of this person, tell your parents or call the cops. If you are not afraid of this person then turn around and walk right up to her/him and confront them.
Hashem chooses the haves and have nots. You choose who you wish to help and those that others should help. Everyone helps someone.
Please stay out of the Pesach issue. People go to hotels for their own reasons, that doesn’t mean they DON”T give tezedaka or do chesed for people who can’t afford to make pesach. So that was totally unfair!!!
That’s not only beautiful but inspiring. Thanks for the story.
When you see a person with low self-esteem or low self-confidence the first thing you need to do is pay them a compliment that will help lift their face off the ground. It may be the only compliment they get all day and it can be very important to them. So it could be as simple as “you have a beautiful smile” or “what a great sweater your wearing”. Anything that would make them feel special or good about themselves. Then you can measure their mood and take it from there.
I wouldn’t necessarily speak about a person’s mood, just keep giving them positive encouragement and posiitve signals. If they speak about it, just keep giving positive reinforcement without judging.
Take two deep breaths before reaching for the phone. That will give you a chance to not react immediately but stop and think for a second. You can also ask yourself “what would the boss do, what would the boss say?” Try to stay one step ahead.
Eclipse, you have the power of ALL mothers behind you! 🙂
You eat pesachdig, what’s the problem.
I’m finished with the kitchen. For the first time in my life, I turned my kitchen over early.
Eclipse, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you telling your kids “In this house you may refer to her as .(her name). In daddy’s house call her mommy”. In your house YOU are the mommy whether you call yourself Ima, mommy, mom, mother or any other derivative. YOU do not have to hear your kids call her any form of the word. She can be referred to by her first name or by daddy’s wife. Whichever way the children prefer to call her. So you can tell the kids “I am the only mommy in this house, ok? In this house you may call her…….” (be nice now :)..)
I hate to tell you this, but it is because people find ways to get off of jury duty that the likes of Lemerick Nelson got off for killing Yankel Rosenberg, and OJ got off for killing his wife. If every smart and decent person in our society stays off the jury, every killer and every ganuf will go free. Think about that while you are sitting there bored. Read a book or a sefer. Do something you don’t normally have time for while you run around your busy day. Knit a sweater, but if you have to serve you might do something worthwhile.
Start in one corner and keep going. When you work from the middle it just seems endless. When in doubt throw it out.
It either collects money or distributes money or both!
I would make it a very positive spin. NO criticism, NO negativity, just a totally positive outlook that everyone can enjoy.
Light some candles, put on some nice soothing music, and take a long hot soak. It sounds like a night for “ME” time.
Did you ever sign a lease with them? Is there any record of payments anywhere? Then you could possibly go to the cops and say “I have these guests that refuse to leave my home. They have overstayed their welcome and refuse to leave. Can you help me out?”
If it is NOT a legal apartment it might very well be easier for you to get rid of them. Because you are allowed to use such space for yourself and your guests but you are NOT allowed to rent it out. So if you are tired of your guests and they refuse to leave, the cops might help you get rid of them.
C-A-D, who is going to pay for the magazine and allow Eclipse to make a profit if there are NO ads????? Do you know how and why magazines operate?
I am grateful for my children and grandchildren b”h. I went for shabbos, since my hubby is out of town. The first thing my granddaughter does is give me a sticker with a smiley face on it. What could be better than that? While I’m bentching lecht my 4 year old granddaughter looks at me and says “Bobby, I luuuuuuuuuuuv you!”. What more do I need? I’m asking you.
I was staying at my son’s house and walked to my daughter two blocks away for Shabbos lunch. When my granddauhters, 6 &4, came home from shul they were so surprised and said “You walked all the way from your house just to have lunch with us?’ and they were jumping up and down. I live 2 miles away. They were so cute, you can eat them up! And then of course after lunch I had to play dolls with them and Lego with my 8 year old grandson.
My Parents never fasted, my in-laws never fasted. So WE don’t fast.
APY, yes thats exactly what I meant. Must have had a senior moment there.
Its a matter of driving record and confidence. Age only comes into play if someone is very young or very old because of their reflects and reactions.
One needs to be alert and responsible at any age. If they meet the requirements and are comfortable doing long distances, have the common sense to stop when tired and know what to do in case of emergency or accident without panicking, then that is what should be taken into consideration. Only the parent and the child what “age” that is.
Simply say, “in what way can I offer my support”. In that way they can say “oh listening is enough” or they can ask for what they need, whether it is advice or assistance.
Dunno, Rabbi Blumenkrantz’s book continues to be printed each year in his zchus by his sons the current Rabbis Blumenkrantz.
Yes Hashem has a very interesting sense of humor. Just goes to show that he doesn’t necessary plan for you what you have on your lists!
It is very difficult for me to watch and yet I do with an understanding of knowledge. My mom a”h and her sisters were in Auschwitz. I grew up on stories of their experience. These films are visuals of their stories and it reminds me of the horrors they went through. How can anyone deny it happened????? That is what goes through my mind.
Sometimes Hashem makes you a sheliach and gives you a tafkid to do. Once that job is over its over. You are no longer a necessary part of that person’s life and they need to move on. Please don’t be hurt by it. You did your part and fulfilled your mitzvah. Even though you would like to still be a part of her life and continue to help her, she needs to spread her wings and fly. If she fails, she fails. She will have to learn how to pick herself up, dust herself off and try again. It is up to HER to learn what her friends have taught her from being the best support anyone can have.
I am quite sure that she will never forget what all of you did for her. She may not be capable of turning around right now and showing Hakaros Hatov. Maybe in the future she will be, or maybe she will only be able to in her heart and never have the seichel or the nerve to do it face to face. Who knows? But know that all of you performed the mitzvos that you were supposed to perform. If you had it all to do all over again, would you do it any differently?
I just checked out the snap ‘n go strollers with a friend of mine. Graco is different than some of the others because the car seat snaps in and the handlebar can be adjusted for a shorter or taller person. It also has a big basket. FYI, Babies “R” US also takes Bed Bath and Beyond coupons but not if they are expired.
lightitup, you are missing the whole point. When you find the right one you don’t “see” you “feel”. You feel right! You find yourself thinking and picturing the young man in your head. You find yourself looking forward to the next phone call or meeting. You find yourself smiling when you think of him. You find yourself talking about him even though you hadn’t intended on it. Such as you pass a watch store and look in the window and comment “Moshe likes this type of watch” or “Moshe puts two sugars in his coffee”, etc. That means Moshe is on the brain. He is integrated in your brain and in your life. That is clarity. That is your sign. It is the feelings you have, what your heart and brain tell you. Someone that is “NOT” important to you is not on your mind and does not slip off your tongue.
Do you get it? Do you understand? It is a natural process. It just happens that way, not because you want it to, it just does and you just know. But what you said about NOT knowing someone till you live with them is absolutely true.