aries2756

WOW, my point is this. If you are posting just for the accolades of feeling or being right, and you need to be right, and that will make you stop and consider however the negative effect your post is having rather than the positive one you intended, then I will tell you that you are right. Your original thought was well intended but maybe not thought out to the end of its path. Being right doesn’t necessarily make you happy nor solve the issue, it just gives you that gold star for being right.

So if this particular poster has a need to be right and she will continue the exchange until someone tells her that she is right, I will do it now and end the babble which will only lead to more pain.

I hope that you can recognize my intention here and not fault me for choosing sides which I did not. The only side here is to help you through this nisayon. Please read my post again.

Ana Mia is it really necessary to pick the scab off the wound? What is the point of this psych ping pong? The point of this post was to give chizuk to the op not to prove how smart or right we are or can be. I got the point of your post, it was sharp, unfortunately it was hurtful to the op so it wasn’t received in the manner that you had hoped. Instead of taking a step back and realizing that the op is not in a matzav to accept your style, you choose to be offended and fight for the right to be right. So be right. How does that help? Does it make you feel better that you are right? Does it help the op or her situation or how she handles her pain if you are right?

A shoemaker does not make the best pair of shoes for himself and a doctor should never try to heal himself. Throwing the situation back into the op’s face because she has a background in psychology is just plain counter productive. This whole exchange is counter productive . I don’t believe that it was your intention to take your conversation with the op down this path, so maybe it is time to step back and re-evaluate.

“Unfortunately, it only points to the painful fact that somehow, something is terribly wrong with how we are carrying over our yiddishkeit to the next generation.”

WOW, I so humbly agree with you.

The important thing to understand is to always show him love and NOT anger and aggravation. HE is going through what HE is going through which is separate from what YOU and YOUR husband are going through. HE has HIS pain and YOU and YOUR husband have YOUR pain. Each of you have to learn how to deal with your own individual pain in your own way without hurting each other more in the process. You can only be hurt if you allow yourselves to be hurt. You are in charge of your own happiness and if you pin your happiness on someone else, placing them in control of your happiness then you are setting yourself up for additional pain and sorrow. No one is in control of one’s happiness but themselves and anyone who allows someone else to control their happiness is either consciously or subconsciously handing over the control.

If one understands this then they can control how they react to another person’s “stimulus”. Things happen all around us, every single day, every minute of the day. How we “choose” to respond to any given action is in our own control. If we choose to react positively then we basically take positive control over our portion of the situation. If we choose to react negatively then we are taking a negative control over our portion of the situation. It is up to us which path we “choose” to take and where WE choose to take it.

For instance, if you see milk spilled all over the kitchen floor you can start yelling at the top of your lungs “WHO spilled the milk all over the kitchen floor?” but the milk will still be on the floor and you will only cause everyone to hide and take cover. However, if you choose to ask “who is going to do the mitzvah of helping me clean up all this milk that is spilled all over the kitchen floor?” the culprit might come out and help you and learn something from the experience.

By the same token if you react to your son in anger or pain when he comes home and starts yelling at you, you are “choosing” a negative response and it will only lead to another negative reaction from the both of you. Where will that lead you? Only more negative feelings will sprout from these actions. However, if you don’t allow the negative response to lead you……for instance…”Welcome home, there is some food in the kitchen if you are interested, please help yourself.” If he responds negatively you can just say “I see you are tired, not a problem” or “Whatever you choose” and leave it at that. If you get into an argument or respond with a smart remark, you will only have charatah and second guess yourself.

You can’t have charatah for showing love. There is never anything wrong with showing love. As for feeling that you didn’t show enough love, stop revisiting old stories and reliving the past. There is nothing you can do about what happened yesterday, why worry and keep concerning yourself about what happened five years ago. It is over and there is nothing to do about it. But there is something you can do about today and every minute from this point forward. Put a smile on your face and leave it there. Put your armor on and leave it there. Shield yourself from the remarks and the comments and remind yourself that it is NOT your son nor his neshoma that is saying these things. It is coming from his yetzer horah and his pain. The more you react to it, the more it will fuel the yetzer horah, the more you ignore and show the yetzer horah he can’t win with you, the faster it will stop!

The most important thing right now is to keep him safe and healthy. And for you both to remember that HE is your SON, your flesh and blood, no matter what. No matter if he is frum or not. No matter if he is Shomer Shabbos or not. He is still YOUR son, a gift from Hashem. That is what is important. YOU might not be his sheliach to bring him back to Yiddishkeit. It might NOT be your mitzva or not your zchus. Hashem might have picked someone else to have that mitzvah and have that zchus. We don’t know but what we DO know is that YOU ARE his parents. That is a given. That is a truth. That is the JOB Hashem did give you and that is the gift that he gave you, the gift of caring for and having the privilege of raising and loving this child. He did NOT come with warranties nor guarantees. Hashem blessed you with this neshoma and gave you the task to watch over him.

You had hopes and dreams for him. That is normal. In your dreams he follows a path, your path. HE chooses to go down a different path. He was given bechirah just like you and me. He has to make choices for himself. Of course it is our hopes and dreams that our children follow in our path. On the other hand, it is the choice of all the secular Jews that their children follow down their paths. They are just as heartbroken as WE are when their children do NOT follow in their paths and do not adhere to the very lessons that they themselves taught them. This is very normal. WE look upon them like they are poor souls, how dare they judge their children for making this choice? Well look at us, how dare we judge our children for making this choice???? Are we suffering their pain? Are we carrying their burden? Where is our true bitachon and emunah? Do we NOT understand this nisayon? Their nisayon? OUR nisayon?

Their job is to walk down their own path and to live through their own nisyonos so that they learn who they are, where they belong and why they belong there. Our job is to live through OUR nisyonos, learn who we are, where we belong and why we belong there. Hopefully we will all wind up in the same place. Hopefully, with our emunah and bitachon in Hashem, with our own avodah, tefillah, tzedaka, and hishtadlus we will succeed in our own nisayon and OUR prayers will be answered. Hopefully WE will understand this gift that Hashem gave us and appreciate it no matter what so that we love it so fiercely and with so much power that the love we have will become a shield that will guard them from harm and help them through their cold dark journey to the other side so they able to come out in the warmth and light of Hashem’s Torah and Mitzvos.

WOW, I understand the Kesher now has a program for Israeli kids as well as American kids. He might just find himself a place for himself there because he can choose which group he fits better in. As far as not having the bus, how are they finding their way to the yeshiva on their own? That is a responsibility they have to work on. Just because they don’t have the convenience of provided transportation should NOT stop them from finding a way to get there on their own. That is the challenge and that is what they have to figure out to show their commitment to the administration. If he does it own his own or he does it together with anyone else or everyone else, he needs to be encouraged to get up and stand up to the challenge. Maybe this is where you husband can take an active role and be the “man to man” example. This might be where he can discuss the challenges in life and how to overcome them. He might be able to “work” with him here instead as seem to be “against” him. This might be an opportunity for them to bond on this issue. However it has to be with positive energy and never in a negative light.

“I’ve been staying mostly quiet because anything I could say is already being said here better than I could say it, but reading this last page I thought of something that I might be able to offer.”

DH, nope I think what you said was much better than anything I wrote over these past few months!!

WOW, it is as if you are acting out a scenario that so many have already done. He will keep doing as he does and play out his role to the enth degree as so many others have before him and you can only do your part as a mother. Keep telling him you love him!!! Keep sending him encouraging and loving notes!!!! NEVER throw them out!!!! Keep all of those that he returns. If he read them, he filed it away in his mind and his heart. When the time is right you can take them all out and return them to him. You will be able to show him that you were there with him through his journey and that he was never alone. But, you can’t stop a racing train. You can stand aside and watch it pass or you can stand in front and be run down. When you put your heart out there for him to trample on that is exactly what you are doing.

It is HIS journey!! You can’t pull on the reigns and guide him back onto your own path for him. HE has to walk the path in his own shoes. He has to learn his own lessons. He doesn’t want to hear them from your voice, but he will feel them in your written words. He will take from them what he wants in his own private space and pocket them for when he needs them. Your words are NOT falling on deaf ears or on a stone cold heart, he only wants you to believe that it is. But they are penetrating and will continue to penetrate as long as they are words of love and support.

“i know that you feel you must try on this new lifestyle for size, but don’t be afraid to discard it if it doesn’t fit! I know that you are on your own journey right now, one that I might not understand, one that frightens me a lot, I fear for your heath, I fear for your safety, I fear for your well being and I fear for your future. I realize that you are only thinking about the moment and living for the moment, I guess that is your job, you are still a kid. But I am the grown up here, the Parent, and I have to be mature and use the common sense that Hashem gave me. You are NOT the first to go down this path and I understand the dangers out there. I understand that you can’t see them. I understand that you don’t believe they exist. I understand that you don’t understand why I am so on edge and afraid for you. It has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with the fact that you are my son, my child, born to me, precious and special to me, a gift from Hashem to me and to Tatty, and I can’t stop loving you nor worrying about you.”

WOW, I don’t believe in “tough love” I believe in “loving tough”. That means loving hard and strong even though it hurts.

We can’t control other people only ourselves and we can’t change other people only ourselves, even our own children! The more WE try to control and change them, the more we tug on the rope that binds them to us, the more they pull away. It is only when we give them the slack they think they desperately need or want do they see that it is neither what they truly want nor what they need at all. But this is a learning process both for the child and the parent. This can’t be told to either, it has to be learned from experience.

It is the strong and loving parent who learns to ease up and let go a little at a time, just enough to allow them to take those independent steps they think they want. It is those parents who allow them to make their own mistakes, no matter how difficult it is to watch and how much it hurts to bear, that will eventually have nachas from the mature adults who learn life lessons from their experiences and dark journeys. Neither parent nor child may end up with what they want at the beginning of the journey, but both will learn to respect, appreciate and love one and other as the unique and special individuals that are, most dear and most important in each other’s daled Amos.

Did I miss something is he no longer in this new school?

WOW, about the rest of the jewelry, does he have the money to buy it?

Brainfreeze is doing what so many therapists are forced to do by the school system, which is to diagnose teens with a disease they can medicate in order to control them! They would prefer to turn them into zombies and keep them under their control, perfect little angels instead of defiant and rebellious individuals making choices WE don’t approve of and we don’t understand.

WOW, I don’t see any signs here of bipolar disorder. I see signs of alcohol and or drug abuse. I dont’ see signs of mood swings or going from one extreme to the other.

Aside from that, I also see a child who has been hurt and that hurt became all consuming. He did not know how to deal with that pain and chose to do what others do thinking that it was the way out out. But he is realizing that it is not and he is confused. Basically he is trying to punch is way out of a paper bag and is still in pain and is still looking for a way out.

WOW, someone just asked me this Yom Tov, how do you respond to chutzpadik kids and I told him to ignore them. He said “ignore them” in the times past we used to show them the strap or the stick…..I told him you don’t ignore them in the sense that you let chutzpah slide, you tune them out, look the other way, hum a tune…. show them that you don’t hear them when they are being chutzpadik like you and them are not in the same room or even on the same planet. That you can’t hear their words, that they can’t reach you or penetrate you. Eventually they will learn that they can’t speak that way to you because you have elevated yourself to a higher madreigah and you can only hear them when they speak b’kovod and with derech eretz. What I told this “divorced” parent is this. If you lower yourself to that level and respond in kind, your children will remember every painful or sarcastic remark and it will repeat itself in the tape recorder of their minds and hearts. They will conveniently forget what brought on the remark and their accountability in it. But they will never forget the hurtful response to them. By tuning out to them when they are being chutzpadik you engulf yourself in the protection of your own sense of security whether you sing a song to yourself to tune out the hurtful words, you say tehilim, you daven, whatever. But they are basically talking to an unmovable force and they will eventually stop.

WOW, you are a safe and easy target. When he starts in on you he is probably drunk and for sure over tired. If you choose not to stop and listen but continue doing what you were doing before he came in and started his tiraid, or become a moving target instead of a sitting duck it would not be so easy for him to attack. If he starts in, say tehillim in your mind, sing a song to yourself and realize that it is NOT your son yelling at you it is his yetzer horah.

If he tells you that you are “not listening to him” you can choose to respond with “when you speak to me with respect I will show you respect in kind and will listen to you with respect. If you choose to yell at me disrespectfully I don’t have to accept such unacceptable behavior”.

When one asks a question the person you ask it of has to consider who you are and why you are asking it. An answer can’t just be given like a slap on the face. I has to be given as for example one gives change for a dollar. Does the person need quarters, nickels and dimes or does she need 100 pennies. There are different ways to make change and there are different ways to go about answering a question. There are also different ways to go about changing one’s behavior for that matter.

Everything must be considered when speaking to another individual especially a vulnerable person, especially one who is searching for answers. As an adult, when another adult asks a question and is on a similar level, one can answer on the same level. If a child asks a question of an adult , an adult must remember that they are NOT on the same level and must answer with compassion and generosity. A yes or no answer may not be sufficient and may not draw that child closer to Hashem nor closer to yiddishkeit. An explanation of the answer or the rule is more appropriate and a mashal might also be more palpable.

So if a child asks “is this permitted, or what is the rule in this regard?” one must understand where the question is coming from and why it is being asked. The answer must be delivered in such a way that the child can swallow and digest it. Not in a way that the child will shudder from the response as if he /she were burnt by it.

Hocked, it is so sad that you even the need to ask the question. Yes I truly believe in the Torah and I am very proud to be a Jew. I find that Yiddishkeit and serving Hashem, doing his bidding is beautiful and is the ultimate truth and I have Yiras Shamayim. But I grew up in a different generation.

I am second generation Holocaust survivor. I was taught in a different manner. I was a valued child, when children were a commodity and not taken for granted, especially a “Frum” child in the hot new world of assimilation. Yes we had respect for our teachers, but they in turn as well as the school administration had respect for OUR parents. They were begging parents to send children to Frum schools and NOT to public school. Every child that went to Yeshiva was a “prize”! Every single talmid or talmidah was a win and a hot commodity. No child was thrown away like it is done today without a care. No child or parent is treated as shabbily as they are today. The school functioned with the success of the children in mind, and not with the success of the Administration. Yes every school wanted to be the best and have top notch students, but they also accommodated other levels as long as they worked to meet their own individual potentials and followed the rules. They hired teachers to work within the framework at the level of each class.

If you broke the rules or failed for lack of effort then you were assisted in transferring to another school. No one was thrown out on the street. It was quite different from what kids experience today. We had good reason to trust our teachers at least in the schools that I went to. Our principals were honest upstanding individuals and our board of directors were made of prominent individuals as well as members of the parent body.

It was also not so common for members of the community to be such poor role models in general. It was a big BUSHA to be a called a ganuv, or to be caught cheating on your spouse, or to be called unethical in any way. People were not forgiving at that time and held a person responsible and accountable for their actions. If a person went to jail, no one wanted to mingle with him or be mishadech with his family. Today it is looked upon as if someone went on vacation, or a rite of passage. Look at the world today. When someone is ousted as a molester, the community rallies behind him instead of the victim.

It is no wonder you would ask such a question when it seems like the world has turned upside down. But do you know why this has happened? Because people are NOT close to the Torah. They have devised chumrahs upon chumrahs upon chumrahs till they forgot what the original inyan in the Torah was. They want to out-Torah the Torah! They are no longer connected to the Torah only to the chumrahs they created to protect the Torah and therefor are NOT close to Hashem nor are they involved in the mitzvos they are supposed to be doing. They have forgotten the simplicity of just plain doing the mistzva b’simcha because they made it so complicated and confusing. And then they look for loopholes to outsmart and outfox the Torah because they have to be smarter than the Torah. This is where they get into the worst trouble.

If I cheat in the name of Tzaddaka then it is really a mitzva that I am doing because it is for Tzedaka not for myself, oh but if I am working for the organization and I am supposed to get paid a commission and I cheat to make more money for the organization, as a perk I make more money too. But the intent is not to cheat for myself to make more money, it is to make more tzadaka money so then it must be allowed because it is a mitzvah to collect Tzadakah. So you see how you get into trouble when you look for loopholes to twist the Torah around to make it work for you instead of you working to serve Hashem through Torah and Mitzvos?

When you learn Torah, and practice it even at its simplest form, and follow the guidelines simply, honestly, with joy and simcha, without the complications you enjoy the purist forms of satisfaction and happiness. Your life is less complicated because you trust in Hashem and give your problems over to him as you do his bidding and serve him. What can be more truthful and honest tan that?

WOW, It is not up to you to judge how he feels. The truth is you just don’t know, you are just assuming by the way he acts. In truth, you have no way of knowing what he truly feels or what he is truly thinking. He is giving off an aura of “I don’t care, you don’t care, the world doesn’t care, etc.” Therefore the best thing to do is take two deep breathes and thing before speaking. You might just answer “I hear you” which is non judgmental and non-committal. That might not tick him off while giving you the opportunity to acknowledge that you heard him.

It is a good sign that he has “told” you that he is NOT happy with his chevra life. That is NOT a normal thing for a child to do if he doesn’t trust his parents’ love for him. He is tenderly reaching out but still wants to make his own choices. Right now it would seem that he just wants to be heard and not guided. So please just “listen” to understand. Maybe there will be an opportunity down the road in the not too distant future when you will be able to say “In what way can I offer you support with that?” or “how can I support you with that?” Right now he doesn’t seem ready to hear that.

WOW, I don’t think you should comment, just do as he asks. You can smile of course, wish him a good day, or just say “of course, my pleasure”. If you make a big deal it will back fire. If it is his decision it might last. If you make seem like he is doing it to please you, or he is back on YOUR track, it might back fire. As I said before it might be an influence of one of his Rebbeim or someone at the school. It might be something the entire group is trying together, so just watch and see without letting your heart catch in your throat. Step back and just be a bystander while he finds his footing.

As far as the simcha is concerned don’t discuss it with him until and day or two before. You will be surprised what he might decide on his own. A few days before the simcha you might ask him if he needs his suit pressed or altered for the simcha or if he needs a new shirt. Are you planning on having the men wear matching ties, or coordinating ties? If so, why not ask him for help choosing the ties for the men.

If the men are not matching in any way and he doesn’t want to wear a white shirt try to compromise, see if he will agree to a light blue or light grey shirt with a nice tie. It is NOT worth fighting over. The fact that he is there and participating in the simcha is the important thing. What he wears in NOT that important do don’t focus on that. You can tell him that it is a “formal” affair so dressing down would not be appropriate.

WOW, I would like to suggest something to you or rather ask you something? How do you think you could have handled that situation differently? Why was it necessary to ask him WHY he was wearing the tzisis? You might not have realized it at the time, but by making that comment he might have felt that you were challenging him. It might have been better to just smile or ignore it and wait to see what develops. Obviously he might have heard something in Yeshiva that might have touched him.

When he said that he would try not to be mechalel Shabbos, you could have then responded “I respect you for trying to make that commitment and wish you true Hatzlocha with that.” He might have been angry all Shabbos for various reasons. Maybe you didn’t react the way he wanted you too, maybe he was angry with himself for telling you. At any rate, you need to chill out, take two deep breathes before responding and always respond with respect. That is the ultimate key, showing love and respect. That is the only way to reach him.

It is very telling that he even said he would try and even let you know. In his own way he was trying to reach out to you. This is a baby step but still a step. Don’t take it lightly and don’t miss the opportunity to show appreciate and admire him for it. Don’t overdo it but still pay attention and try to give him the reaction and response that he needs.

SI, firstly, talking to boys if you are a girl is normal, it is just not what WE do because of obvious reasons. But it is still a normal thing. It is a hormonal thing and we have to acknowledge that. Hashem made us this way in preparation for marriage and having a normal relationship in marriage. So the first thing we need to realize and acknowledge is that young women having an interest in young men, and young men having an interest in young women is normal and healthy. It would be more unnatural and frightening if the opposite were true and obviously more to worry about. So first lets acknowledge that you are a healthy female and your body is not betraying you.

Secondly, lets understand why we “choose” NOT to get involved with the opposite sex before marriage. Marriage is very sacred and very, very special to us. It is not something that we take lightly and not something as disposable as many seem to think it is. A frum marriage is really a lifelong commitment. What we believe is a bashert is truly a soulmate, truly the missing part of our own soul and our own body. WE are NOT fully complete until we find that missing piece. When we find our bashert we become ONE with him/her and we are then complete as a whole human being. That is the secret and the beauty of the Frum Jewish marriage.

In this coming together as one unit, we don’t want to bring any ghosts or doubts into that relationship. We bring our own pure souls and beings to the other. We don’t want neither the man nor the woman to wonder or worry who was there before, who touched this neshoma who belongs to me, who is a part of me, who was my missing piece and made me whole. Who does s/he think of when we are not together, who does s/he remember, who does s/he compare me to? These are the ghosts that put space and obstacles between you. Without these ghosts you become as close as two people could possibly be, so close that only breathe itself can come between you. Can you imagine that? Can you understand that?

What does one mean when they refer to purity as “the driven snow”? How beautiful is the fallen snow when there is no footprints in it? What happens when people start to walk through it, is it still so beautiful or does the landscape change? Does it hold the same magic?

When we understand that we are normal having an interest in the opposite sex and yet we also understand that we are being loyal to our future spouse by not allowing ourselves to give in to that interest and that desire, we hold ourselves up to a higher standard. Yes, I like boys, I am supposed to like boys, Hashem made be that way B”H. But talking to boys is not my ultimate goal. Marrying a fine exceptional Man who respects me and will not bring unimportant past relationships into OUR MARRIAGE is more important, and I respect MY future husband and will not bring unimportant past relationships to haunt him into our future marriage either.

I hope this makes some sense to you and will help you with your struggle.

The other issue about talking to a Rav or perhaps a Rebbetzin. Why would your family have a problem with that? Any time a person speaks to a Rav or Rebbetzin they are mechazek. Why would your family have a problem with you being mechazek?

SI, personally I don’t find anything that you are doing bad. As I said, they are normal, just not for our circles. So maybe you need to redefine what you are torturing yourself with in order to make better decisions for yourself. Maybe you need to leave the guilt behind and just work on yourself one step at a time. I am here for you in any capacity if you feel I can help you.

WOW, you are caught up in expectation that are not rational. Your son is on a long dark journey, and you are trying to drag him onto a time line. It isn’t going to work. You just ave to hang on to your hat because you are infor a long rough road. You are going to have to buckle down the hatches as they say as you ride the ways through it. You can neither predict nor determine what he is feeling nor thinking. The son you knew is buried within this new creature. You really don’t know this new reincarnation. It is sad but it is the truth. Even more sad is that those who have experience with this can better predict the steps and what he needs than you can and we don’t even know him.

So whether you think he will throw out your notes, keep writing I can almost guarantee that he won’t and even if he does he still needs them. If he pulls away when you hug him, keep hugging because he needs it and wants it, he just doesn’t want you to know it. When he is feeling low and lonely and his friends are not around, he will need reassurance and that is when he will take out your notes and reread theme or replay them in his mind becausethatiswhen he needs toenvelophimself with your love. You still remain his security blanket whether he wants to admit it or not.

WOW, always, always acknowledge your son and his friends. Wish them a good Shabbos, a gut Yom Tov, a good Day whatever the case may be with a warm and sincere smile. They deserve no less! It is only by acting with the utmost kovod and yiras shamayim toward these children that help them turn around. Others with seichel will also greet them kal vachomer their own parents!

As far as the other children are concerned I would suggest a family meeting. Tell the children that something happened to their brother that caused him to lose his emunah and he is considered a choleh now because he is in a lot of inner pain and turmoil. His neshomas feels lost, nah v’nad almost. His neshomah is very confused and that is why the yetzer horah has more power over him. But he is the same son and brother they always had, he is just in a bad personal place right now and he needs all the love and support the family can give him as well as understanding and rachmanus. And yes everyone should daven for him to keep him safe while he goes through this dark journey.

WOW, now that he is in school, did you try speaking to the RY? Is this common in his school? I know this is painful for you and so does he. Is he just testing you or is this something he feels strongly about. Why not ask him. Why not tell him that you appreciate him coming to speak to you about this before going ahead with it. Then ask him why he really wants to do it? Is he being pressured to? Does he really like the way it looks? It isn’t even as “cool” as it once was, it is just an act of defiance and in years to come, it is something that he might truly regret. Ask him to really think about what he feels he will gain by doing it, and what he might possibly lose and why this would be a “good choice” on his part. Since he wants to make his own choices he should really take the time to determine if he is making choices because it is truly what HE wants to do or he is making choices because it is what others want him to do, or maybe because he wants to “fit in” to a mold that others have created for him. Because when you break free of one mold you should not allow yourself to fit into another.

Chloqueen, i can tell you from my own personal experience, it is not difficult to love and care for someone else’s child. I have done it numerous times while mentoring at risk teens. They all became part of my family and I still keep in touch with many of them as they have grown and started families of their own. I called it co-parenting. Hatzlocha to you and your friends, give people the opportunity to love you and you might be surprised to see the results.

AZOI.IS, I ask all my clients to read “Choice Theory” by Dr. William Glaser, before anything else so that they understand the basics. It is a very important book and most people have to read it twice to really understand it.

Syag, it is a real puzzlement why people refuse to believe the truth. We have a saying in yiddish “ah zoy vi goyishtuzch yiddishtzuch” what happens in the goyish world also happens in the Yiddish world and that is because we are all human beings. We all have yetzer hara and yetzer tov and we all have bechira. We have the same illness and can contract the same diseases. It is the way we choose to live our lives and how honest and faithful we truly are to the Torah that makes the diference.

For many people it is just too hard to believe that Frum Jews would behave so horrifically and it will still take time for them to get it. For others, they believe what their Rebbeim tell them to believe. Some are just jerks who like to stir up conflict and add fuel to the fire, and some are molesters themselves trying to keep things undercover.