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Minyan Gal, Happy RE-Birthday!
I can’t seem to get used to the nasal pillow mask. It is still uncomfortable. It just feels too big and it presses on my nostrils. It doesn’t come with smaller pillows.
I don’t think your crazy but I think you need to do more research. How much would it cost if bought in bulk? What if it was bought 30 pieces at a time? Or even 100 or 200 pieces at a time? What if it was bought 1,000 pieces at a time? This is something to be researched and if there are other companies with this technology. If the price can be brought down it is possible that someone would fund it through Hatzolah or Bikur Cholim or another non-profit agency and the public can buy it from them at a better price.
I have 2 arms and 2 legs. I can walk on my own and can take care of myself. I see, I hear, I talk, I think, I write, I smell, I feel and I taste. That is just for starters and I don’t take it for granted B”H. I have a husband, children and grandchildren b”h. And I am blessed with having an amazing aunt until 120 b”eh. I have brother/brothers-in-law & sister/sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews. Who are all b”h healthy. I have good friends and neighbors. I have a home and a car and I b”h use both to help others. I am b”h capable of helping others. Hashem is very good to me and I have a lot B”H to be grateful for.
Not everyone holds from the Sheitel. That is optional depending on what your family normally does. It is usually FLOP or 50/50 or whatever the two mechutanim decide on. If you decide on 50/50 you talk about the expenses beforehand. You don’t say 50/50 the sky is the limit. The point of 50/50 is to stay within a budget. You make decisions together and so you both have a say in what is chosen and organized for the wedding. If one side likes a more fancy wedding then you are better off sticking to FLOP and letting each side do what they want or saying “I am willing to spend “$X” for the wedding. If you want to spend more that is up to you but this is all I can afford to do. I would prefer to do it together so we both know what the other is doing, but if you want to go FLOP we will handle our responsibilities and you can handle yours.”
The most important thing is NOT to get the kids involved int he financials. And if you are the kids you should know that it is NOT your business and YOU should stay out of it. Don’t be the messengers and don’t be in the middle. If they try to tell you what’s going on or complain say “that’s not my business, that’s between you and my parents or between you and my future in-laws”. Don’t get in the middle because that will cause machlokes between the chasson and Kallah.
I guess one of the true problems is that people ARE waiting to get something OUT of the marriage when they are really supposed to be PUTTING into the marriage!!!! If both partners are giving 100% then both partners are getting 100% and no one loses. It becomes a problem when one gives more than the other or either or both are expecting to get and stop concentrating on giving.
Don’t feel lonely, just say b”h that there aren’t too many suffering what you are suffering but believe me everyone has their own tzurus an their own pekel. I am sad that you are going through this at such a young age when you really should be enjoying life and having fun. It is so very sad that your life is so stressful that it affected you this way. Just know that you are a very important person and that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost and that you have to please yourself before you even consider pleasing others. And of course that no one is perfect, only Hashem is perfect so no matter how much a person strives for perfection they will never reach it. They will just never ever be happy and never be satisfied with themselves because they have set their goals too high, they have chosen an unreachable and an unattainable goal, anxiety and frustration is their only outcome.
I haven’t read the article but it is definitely something that needs to be discussed.
You definitely need someone to speak to. I would suggest that the first person you speak to is your Kallah teacher. She will be the least bias person since she doesn’t have a horse in the race so to speak. Please be absolutely honest with her. She will probably have some questions for you so try to answer them truthfully. She might advise you to call his Rav or she might offer to make the call for you. You will only build resentment if you don’t address the issue and find out what is going on and correct it.
I believe couples are more interested about getting married than being married. The emphasis is on the wedding and NOT on the marriage. And that is both for the girl and the boy. They are not looking for the right qualities in their future spouse. Basically they are not really looking for anything but surface concepts. Just because a boy is a good learner that does not mean he is a mentch or will make a good husband. Just because a girl is a size 2 or has wealthy parents that doesn’t mean she will be a good wife or a good mother. She will probably expect her husband to treat her the way her father did.
Today’s shidduch scene focuses on superficial nonsense. And yes we live in a disposable world and maybe it is too easy to get a divorce and go back to Mommy. Especially because Mommy and Daddy are paying for everything anyway. And when they do pay, they also in many cases have an opinion and interfere between the couple. Many divorces happen because of parental interference. Many divorces happen because the shidduch wasn’t a shidduch to begin with. Many divorces happen because the couple aren’t mature enough to say sorry and try to work out their differences or try to compromise. Many divorces happen because friends and neighbors interfere and instead of saying “yes I hear your point of view but you also have to try to listen and understand your spouse’s point of view. You may both be right in this situation and neither of you are wrong. So where do you go from here? Could you compromise or take turns on having your way?” Instead of egging a person on and telling them they are right and their spouse should respect that.
Many times Rabbonim who are not really involved in Shalom Bayis also give the wrong advise and just quote Halacha without applying it to the situation and also lead a couple to fight more or down the path to divorce.
blabla, firstly refuah sheleimah. Secondly lets be very clear of the dangerous consequences of this terrible disease. The worst thing that can happen is “death”. If a person gets so caught up in this disease and does not get help it could lead to death by starvation.
Having said that the next question is why and how does anyone get this disease? This disease is associated with Type A personality. Young people who are basically aiming for perfection. People pleasers, those who are always trying to please everyone and doing the right things, ignoring their own needs and their own inner voice. Always striving and always looking for everyone’s pat on the head and approval. This is a control issue. This is a means of having control over something in their life that no one else knows about and no one else can control but the individual. It winds up being a secret for a long time and that is part of the disease how you fool everyone and hide it. But eventually people start to notice that the patient is “scary” skinny. That they look like a concentration camp survivor. But they themselves don’t see it at all. They are all caught up in how great they are at “not eating” or using laxatives or even purging everything they eat. That is super control. They stop paying attention to the warning signs like the heart palpitations, the dizziness, the nausea, etc. And then they get a high that they can conquer it and keep going, or sneak it past another friend of family member.
They don’t notice their bones sticking out when they look in the mirror. They have a distorted body image. They don’t understand why their parents are crying and forcing them into the hospital.
I pray that you are very committed to healing and that you seriously work with your support team and any other support system that they recommend. You are too important to lose.
Anorexia itself is really not so much related to weight loss as much as it is about “control”. It is getting high on being in control of their bodies and of the food intake especially on how little they can eat.
Whatever punishment he will receive in this world will never compare to the punishment he will received in the next world. Gehenem has a reservation in his name.
It is most likely that there will be professionals offering their services free of charge to help this family, at least I hope they do. There certainly are enough Frum therapists to assist here. And I am also sure that any money donated to help this family will be appreciated and put to good use. Obviously it won’t be easy for Mr. Keltzky to get back to work in full swing after such a terrible loss especially if he finds out the details of his loss. It is not easy to get behind the wheel of a vehicle when you are in such emotional pain. In addition it might be necessary for them to move depending on how they handle living in their apartment without Leiby. There are a lot of things that are up in the air and will have to be addressed, so having some financial support from the community will certainly be helpful and will relieve some of the stress that will be normal in this situation.
Droid, I would suggest that when you choose to make such a powerful statement you preface it with “in my opinion”, as everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However making such a powerful statement as if you are speaking from personal knowledge when you do NOT have experience or personal knowledge in this situation can be very offensive to those who do. It is impossible to even comprehend what it is like to be in a truly abusive or hateful marriage. Do you even know what its like to be hurt or ignored? Humiliated or degraded in private or in front of your kids? What about treated like a child and have money withheld or so controlled that you have to ask for funds like a child? Or never have anyone to go anywhere with or have a silent home and never have anyone to talk to? What if your friends and/or relatives are not welcome in your home or if you are cut off from them?
No one knows what goes on behind someone else’s closed doors. So no one should make such a strong statement without considering all the issues involved. I am a big believer in realizing your obligations to your children before taking care of your own needs so I do recommend making your marriage “work” for the sake of your kids and if you truly can’t then make your divorce work for the sake of your kids. But I would never tell anyone to stay in a horrible marriage because thats best for the kids. It usually is NOT best for the kids.
Some of the things I tell others:
Put your cell phone numbers in your child’s shoes, so they always have it. Also their coats/jackets and knapsacks. If they are lost or someone tries to get to them, they can always ask to borrow someone’s phone and call a parent. Its not enough that they know their home number by heart.
Let your kids know not to go anywhere without telling you, even if it is with someone they know. Mommy always need to know where they are.
Never, ever, ever keep secrets from Mommy. Especially when someone tells you to. That is when you especially need to tell Mommy. Mommy will never be angry at you that you tell her someone’s secret.
Mommy has lots of candy and mommy’s candy is always good and never dangerous. Don’t ever take candy from anyone even if they are Jewish. Some people are very mean even if they look nice and they can put dangerous things in the candy or they might want you to do something in exchange for the candy. So if anyone offers you candy run home and tell mommy.
If anyone asks you for help run home and tell Mommy. Adults don’t need help from children they can get help from other adults.
If anyone tells you that Mommy sent them to pick you up, If you don’t know them scream and yell and run away. If you do know them tell them to give you their cell phone so you can call mommy or tatty and double check.
Teach your children not to sit on people’s laps including Rebbeim. After preschool when there are no longer 3 morahs in the class there is no need for such close contact and no one to supervise that there is nothing inappropriate going on. Tell the children that they are now big boys and they are to say “My Mommy doesn’t let”. No hugging either just hand shakes.
Adorable, Life does not end with that decision nor with that day. If you choose this type of coffee today, you can make another choice tomorrow. If you decide to have tuna for lunch today you can decide on egg salad tomorrow. You will always have an opportunity to make another choice another time. Is it possible to look at your choices in that sense? When these choices are not life threatening or life changing is it possible that you can tell yourself that life is full of choices and I can try something else the next time this decision comes up?
I don’t think he is crazy I think he is sick and evil.
Firstly, he has yet to tell the truth. His whole story is full of holes.
Watch the video with the former police detective. That is exactly what he is saying, Droid.
CNN is reporting that the family knew Levi Aron and that this was NOT a random encounter.
Happiest, firstly you need to figure out why you are gaining or retaining the weight. That would mean you need a full physical work-up with labs. Go to a good endocrinologist and not just an internist. A good doctor will check everything out to make sure all systems are working ok. Then he will discuss with your other doctors if any medication can be changed to those that are not weight gainers.
This is NOT something someone else can recommend for you. What works for one may not work for someone else. Everyone has to deal with their own metabolism and genes. My doc figured out that my metabolism was basically not working and that there was something else off. I needed a certain medication to balance things out for me and I lost weight by not only taking the meds he gave me but also by following the rules he gave me. I get regular blood work so he makes sure everything is ok and I am doing the right thing.
B”H he is home. We may never know the details of the situation but we do know he is home. So lets be grateful for that miracle.
WE are all going to believe what we choose to believe. The truth will eventually come out.
Good points are made on both sides. There are some parents that really need help and coaching where shiduchim are concerned because they are either not realistic or not being fair to their kids. On the other hand their are shadchanim who are pushy and not sensitive to the needs of their clients and only have the bottom line in mind.
Why?
The bottom line is that you can’t trust strangers and you don’t keep secrets from Mommy because strangers are not the only “evil” people out there, they can also be people you know. And I am going to say loud and clear and it is up to the mods if they let it through or not and I hope they do. If the message is that is told over and over again that you are not to go to the police we will never be able to protect little kids like “Leiby” even though we know who the perps are!
It is NOT logical that little Leiby is the first victim he went after. He would NOT have been so brave to take a child back to his own home where his neighbors and parents could have seen if this was his first offense. Furthermore the police said they are not sure if “they exchanged words” in the video. That would mean that Leiby knew him and just followed him to his car. What does that tell you? That would tell you that Leiby knew him, and that wasn’t the first time they met. It would also suggest that it was Levi that pushed Leiby to ask his parents to allow him to walk home alone. AND that he was NOT lost but he purposely walked directly to 18th Ave to meet him.
Droid, he also said that they are not sure whether they exchanged words or not. What does that tell you? Why would Leiby follow him to the car if they didn’t even exchange words???
Kudos to you for putting it out there so clearly. I agree completely. Regrets are worthless, Take your heads out of the sand and be pro-active. Start protecting the children, think only about the children and how to keep them safe and stop worrying so much about the adults who should know better.
Before you tell them anything sit down and think about what you think happened to Leiby and what might have happened to him. Think about everything you really need to teach your children about protecting themselves. Seriously. Personally, I don’t believe this was a stranger to Leiby. So I believe you need to teach your kids how not to speak to strangers AND how to protect themselves from people that they know as well.
BDE, our dear Leiby, we can’t even imagine what you have suffered in your young life. We have no idea what was done to you, or for how long. There are good people in this world and there are terrible people in this world. We all have bechira and unfortunately not everyone chooses appropriately. You are with angels and tzadikim now because you yourself are a tzadik and too pure and innocent to live in this shmutzik world. Please daven for your family and look out for them. I promise you that you will be remembered and you will be missed and your petirah will not be in vane.
Is anyone else getting the creepy feeling that this monster set this up? Why did Leiby beg his parents to let him walk home? Why did he walk to 18th Avenue and NOT down 13th Ave? Any BP kid knows all about 13th Ave. and if his parents didn’t think he can maneuver his way to the meeting point they wouldn’t have let. Why would he head to 18th Ave when all he had to do was turn the corner at 44th and 13th but instead crossed the avenue and kept going crossing one avenue after the other. Then it looks like he is waiting on the corner almost pacing waiting to meet up with this guy. Then talks to him for a minute and then follows him to the car.
The whole thing looks suspicious and like it was set up. I have this really creepy feeling that Leiby was molested by this creep and that he was forced to walk to meet up with him nebech.
Please, please take this issue seriously. Talk to your kids about protecting themselves and telling you everything and not keeping secrets from you. Speak to the police if your kids tell you anything that is suspicious to you.
time frame and completion date with penalty clause.
Probably caffeine pills.
So as you got older and wiser you probably learned not to judge others. The things that make them happy are the things that make them happy. If you don’t need those things or have moved on from there kola hakovod to you. Maybe you should give them the opportunity to catch up to where you are. That doesn’t mean that you have to go along with everything they do, but that also doesn’t mean that you have to drop them as friends. If you CHOOSE not to do the things they do by saying, “Sorry I just don’t find that fun anymore” or ” I would rather not waste my time doing that” they will eventually stop calling on you for those dates. They will either call you for other activities that you do enjoy or just call you less and less until you part as friends.
I took some of my granddaughters to Mary Poppins. It was awesome.
deiyezooger, in your opinion. From the politicians I’ve spoken to, if he runs, he has a very good chance.
always here, bed, I am so sorry for your loss. It will take time to accept and get used to.
Juliani 2012
I do a lot of online shopping. The sales are great and when I see something I want I put it in my shopping cart and then move on to something else. I usually forget about it and never wind up purchasing it. I find that way that I don’t buy a lot of the things that I wanted versus a lot of the things that I really needed.
Not
Start by making a list of “Have to’s” vs “Want to’s”
RB, just because you are on a budget does not mean you can’t go out and make more money. That is your option and that is your choice. And if you don’t like the amount you are making Hashem is NOT stopping you from looking for a better job. Adaraba, Hashem offers you many opportunities it is YOUR job and obligation to go out and look for them, HE is not going to deliver them to your door. It is up to you you to do the histadlus to find all the good that Hashem has waiting for you and all the opportunities. It is you who can choose to accept being in a box and saying “this is all that Hashem wants me to have” OR “Is this all that Hashem wants me to have?”
But either way, whether you are making $50,000 or $100,000, it is always good to live with a budget and stay within your means.
I think that if you can’t be moser someone who is dangerous and can destroy a person’s life, you should mind your own business in such a simple case.
So if I am understanding M in Israel, I would say that you should go along with the principle that “this is what Hashem is giving me, therefore I must budget myself according to this amount”.
Thank you menachem. But it all comes from the same “shoresh” doesn’t it? And all connected?
Now maybe I should say, if you want the “security” of living appropriately and not making a chilul Hashem, and not adding extra stress to your lives, then live with a budget and within your means and don’t count on Hashem raining money down on yours heads.
Who knows one. That is a great song for little kids.
That is foolish and looking for an excuse to be irresponsible.
Do you know the hebrew word for “insurance”? That is also “bitachon”. Think about that for a second. If you want to insure that you are responsible and doing the right thing, and not have to depend on others, or making a chilul Hahsem. Make a budget and live within your means. Don’t expect Hashem to rain money down on your head.
Lone Ranger, I even have a hat!
Obomded